


Synth

by ScorpioDarkMoon



Series: Blood Alloy [1]
Category: Fallout (Video Games), Fallout 4
Genre: Action, Canon Divergence, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Minor Character Death, Romance, Suspense, Swearing, Talking, Torture
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-26
Updated: 2017-08-16
Packaged: 2018-10-11 06:04:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 31
Words: 153,167
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10457094
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ScorpioDarkMoon/pseuds/ScorpioDarkMoon
Summary: Those gray eyes stared into my identical ones. It was like the earth had fallen out from beneath me. My head churned, my stomach flipped upside down. there was a real danger I might throw up. What I saw just couldn’t be real. There was no way. But as the woman rose, the woman wearing my face, it all became even more surreal. Her short brown hair, her silenced pistol at her side, the rifle on her back, the leather knee length coat. It was all mine. It felt like looking in a mirror, a mirror that moved of its own accord.She looked exactly as shocked as I felt, her mouth slightly agape like mine, her eyes wide like mine. Her right hand drifted to her pistol while she maintained eye contact with me. Or maybe I was reaching for my pistol. Fear etched her face, my face, and our shoulders shook. In a flash, at exactly the same time, we drew out pistols and pointed them at each other.“who are you?!”





	1. I celebrate an anniversary

A snap and a pop woke me from my utterly uncomfortable sleep. With a jerk I sat bolt upright, my wrists burned in protest and my shoulder ached. It took a moment for my eyes to adjust to the dark around me even though I had been in it for god knows how long. Slowly the dim light leaking in from under the doorframe helped illuminate my surroundings and I let a curse slip through my lips. Closet, that’s right. those damn slavers. They couldn’t have put me somewhere a little less cramped? Clean maybe? 

I adjusted myself as best I could, made infinitely difficult by the ropes around my wrists and ankles and the blood oozing down my arm. A puff of dust rose from beneath me and I coughed violently against it. I half expected someone to bang on the door to yell at me, tell me to keep it down but no one did. I cocked a brow in curiosity and scooted toward the door on my ass. Another ping and snap echoed through the door and I immediately recoiled. 

“perfect.” I muttered aloud to no one in particular. Or at least I hoped no one else was in here with me. In the dark a Radroach could be skittering next to me and I wouldn’t be the wiser. That comforting thought followed me to the far wall where I ran into a half-eroded metal shelf. “who’s stupid enough to invade this place?”

The obvious answer of course was me. That’s how I got into this mess, a bleeding heart mixed with liquid courage. Some small part of my brain chastised me for my stupidity, in a voice that sounded eerily similar to an old synth friend of mine. Barring that there was a second version of myself currently invading the slavers’ den there were only a handful of other options none of them promising. More likely that the people attacking this place weren’t even people. Supermutants.

The thought of spending the last few minutes of my damned life between a Supermutant’s molars didn’t appeal to me. I’d thought a lot about how I’d go out and eaten alive was low on my list of desired methods. Trust up like a pig waiting for the slaughter made it even worse. As a side note my choice was going out in a blaze of glory facing off against a horde of Deathclaws. 

No, I wasn’t about to take this lying down, at least if I could help it. Odds were they’d cut my arms off first and stick me on a pike which wouldn’t be so bad. At least my body would be a warning to anyone idiotic enough to attack a gang of slavers alone. Parents would tell their children the cautionary tale of Vel O’Malley who died trying to do the right thing. Perfect architype for the wasteland. 

Ah hell no. I wasn’t about to die, not like this. My hands scraped around in the dirt and dust behind me while the shooting grew louder and closer. The Supermutants were making good progress. They’d clean out the den in no time, then either strip the camp or set up residents. Odds were it wouldn’t be a Supermutant that found me but one of their hounds. So instead of a death warning I’d be dogfood. This death was getting more and more depressing by the minute.

Then my fingers scraped against something sharp and pointy. A grin stretched over my face in spite of the impending death shooting its way toward me. Awkwardly I grabbed the safe end of the broken bottle and sawed through the ropes. At such an awkward angle, it was impossible not to cut myself a few times but eventually the ropes came loose. The bottle made quick work of the rope around my ankles and I rose. It felt good to stand for the first time in days. I couldn’t help relishing the moment a little, stretching my stiff muscles. 

A bullet pinged off the metal door giving me a start. I glanced down at the broken bottle. Wasn’t much but hey maybe I could take a few with me before I bit the dust. No blaze, no Deathclaws, but it wasn’t a half bad way to go out. Too bad no one would know what happened. “hopefully Hancock will spin a tale.” I murmured out loud to the invisible Radroach beside me. 

I took up a position just to the side of the door. With any luck the first one inside would have a gun I could take. The firefight outside slowed. The last few bullets left their barrels and a few thuds signaled the bodies that landed on the ground. My body tensed. My knuckles went white on the broken bottle my breathing slowed. The pain in my shoulder faded to a dull throb as the doorknob turned with a deafening creak. 

As the door swung open I lunged. 

A cold metal hand caught my wrist and held my back while a voice cried into my face. “whoa! Gray put that down before you take someone’s eye out!”

“Nick?!” I leapt back, gaping. A flood of relief surged through my system followed instantly by a sea of emotions that were too quick to give a name to. At the same time my body collapsed in on itself and I leaned heavily against the wall. “my god am I glad to see you. How’d you find me?”

“Hancock sent me.” The old synth stood in front of me. His ratty old coat, the tired looking tie, that worn fedora. I always liked to tease him about his choice of attire but in that moment it might as well have been the Silver Shroud’s black trench coat. He looked older though since the last time I saw him. The skin on his face seemed to have receded just a bit more and lost more of its color. I could now see more of his electronic insides than before and his yellow eyes seemed just slightly duller. Most people might say that detective Valentine could display a limited range of emotions but those people didn’t understand subtlety. Right now he looked at me condescendingly. “what did you get yourself into?”

“look who’s talking.” With a roll of my eyes I straightened and walked out the door. Nick certainly had done his work well. Scorch marks, bullet casings and blood littered the walls and floor between bodies. Every last raider lay dead or dying. Some no longer had kneecaps. As usual Nick’s reluctance to kill showed through. They’d die either way. 

“what were you thinking?” he grumbled behind me as I walked along the dilapidated subway station. Not an easy task when the raiders brains spilled on the platform. “going in alone. You could have been killed.”

“well my usual choice of partner was nowhere to be found.” The venom in my voice surprised even me but I didn’t care. 

“I was on a case.” He answered in a dry humorless voice.

I didn’t reply but made a mental note to discuss this later. We had more important things to do. For instance the whole reason I got mixed up in this goddamn situation. On the other side of the station the subway tunnel suddenly collapsed. A depression sunk into the earth forming a natural hole. The raiders had placed a grate over it with a padlock. Several sets of black eyes stared up toward me, inhuman but pleading. “don’t worry.” I said to them. “you’re safe now.”

A small gravelly voice drifted up from the darkness to me, fearful but excited. “we thought they killed you.”

“oh come on.” I grinned broadly down at them. “it’ll take more than that to kill me. Now stand back and we’ll get you out of there.”

Nick appeared beside me, a silenced 10mm pistol held in his skeleton hand. “found it on their boss.”

“thank you.” I didn’t meet his eye though. Now wasn’t the time. I stood and wracked the slide. The familiar weight of my weapon felt so good. I was no longer defenseless. “alright stand back, have to shoot the lock off.”

In the cage there was a mass shifting as every set of eyes flattened themselves against the far wall. Once they stood back I pointed my gun at the lock and fired. In a shower of sparks the padlock broke apart. I barely had the chance to pull it off and open the trap door before the ghouls inside surged toward the surface. They practically clambered over each other trying to get out. I stood back, hoping not to get trampled. 

Over the din they caused Nick called, “we’ll take you to Goodneighbor if that’s where you’re headed otherwise feel free to strip the camp and go on your way.”

More than half of the captive ghouls took the second option. In no time at all the bodies of the raiders had been stripped of weapons and armor. Every bit of scrap not nailed down disappeared in a flash, someone even grabbed a car door that lay abandoned. Nearly all of the ghouls the slavers had captured left with what they could carry, only three remained. One of them a little girl.

I knelt down and offered them my hand out of the pit. “come on, let’s get you home.”

The little girl clung to my hand and scrambled up the pit wall. For a ghoul her skin was surprisingly soft, granted not as soft as human but soft. Nick helped the other two ghouls out and together we left the subway tunnel behind. As we went I noticed more and more signs of Nick’s battle to find me. He had risked life and limb to get here a fact that I found fairly difficult to stomach in that moment. I inadvertently glanced back at him. He walked at the rear of the group, his glowing eyes scanned the area carefully. The mere sight of him allowed me to relax only a fraction. 

We left the underground tunnels and stepped out into the Commonwealth. Twilight rays of light leaked through the ruined buildings. It reminded me of the forest of my childhood. The dappled sunlight filtering through broken walls and iron frames could have been mistaken for the leafless forests of the wasteland. I took a long sweet breath in then immediately coughed as a puff of dust invaded my throat. Poor decision making.

With the ghoul girl clutched protectively in my good arm I led the way through the dark deserted city. Well deserted wasn’t quite the right word. Oh it was bustling just not quite with the traditional human life. A pack of Mole rats fought under a building for scraps of meat left behind by a band of Supermutants. Some Radroaches skittered down a dark alley. A Radstag of all things lumbered around the broken streets, lost from its heard. Some small part of me wanted to kill it for food. Probably would have if I didn’t have someone clinging to my neck at that moment. 

After only a few short minutes of walking we came to a neon red sign reading Goodneighbor. We hadn’t been far from home which is good because my arm was starting to go numb. No one waited for us at the gate, not that I expected anyone would. Rumor said Goodneighbor had been built in and around the old red light district though it didn’t look any different than the rest of the city. The familiar scents washed over me and I couldn’t help but smile to myself. If anywhere was home this was it.

The girl in my arms leapt down and raced into the city, looking for her fellow drifters probably. The other ghouls drifted out ahead of me, seemingly enamored by the dingy back alley of a town. I bet they were impressed a city even let in ghouls. They shouldn’t have been and the reason came waltzing out of the old state house at that moment. He wore a ragged old colonial era red coat, a tri corner hat, and lacked a nose. 

“new blood, you sure are full of surprises girl.” He said in that rough gravelly voice so iconic to ghouls. 

I folded my arms and grinned, ignoring the ache in my shoulder the movement caused. “ah you know me Hancock, like expanding the neighborhood and all that.”

“make sure you keep that to a minimum.” He gave me a pointed look with those impossible black eyes, and I simply grinned at him. 

I left him to give the traditional orientation to the new arrivals, I had better things to do. Like dig a bullet out of my shoulder. 

Goodneighbor didn’t have a doctor, the people here didn’t see much use for one. We had the gun shop, the general store, a hotel, of all things, and of course the bar. Nah the closest thing we had to a doctor was the Memory den, and I wasn’t sure that technically qualified. Down an alley past the gun shop and the bar, Third rail, stood perhaps the most ridiculous building in Goodneighbor. At a guess it had probably once been some kind of theater, maybe a strip club impossible to tell now. On a large arch was a sign that read Scollay SQ, and under that an assortment of letters. Something about Mondays and ladies night I think.

Not that it was important what it had been. What it was now was the Memory den. A red neon sign hung over a set of red double doors. I ignored the guards standing around on the street and stepped inside. A wall of cigarettes smoke, stale alcohol and misplaced nostalgia hit me the moment I stepped through the door. I scrunched my nose against the smell as I walked through the hall to the main room.

Here someone had taken the time to decorate the place in reds and dark woods in a misguided attempt to upscale the place. Past mechanical pods, on a platform lounged the source of all the décor. “Irma.” I said with a small nod.

The blond woman, wearing enough red to blend in with the room, smiled up at me. She made my skin crawl and my stomach churn. “why O’Malley, I wasn’t sure we’d be seeing you again. I was just about to tell Dr. Amari to put your memories in the archive.”

“no such luck.” I grumbled dryly. 

“is it the usual then?” she gave me a once over, her nose scrunching in the same way mine had a second ago. “or are you finally going to become interesting?”

“here for the doctor.” Eyes firmly ahead I skirted around her platform and made my way to the back room. I had absolutely no desire to talk to that tarantula. 

Even while I walked though I heard her sultry voice follow me. “it’s a shame you’re running with her again sweetie, I liked the other one much better.”

I didn’t glance back, though in hindsight I should have. the backroom of the Memory den hadn’t been decked out like the front. A refreshing change all around. A set of stairs led down into the basement and here I found doctor Amari. A skinny woman, with combed black hair and a lab coat stood beside one of the memory pods with a clipboard. She didn’t look up when I came in but she spoke at me all the same. “so you are alive, we were beginning to wonder.”

“yes, yes, I’m alive.” 

Amari’s accent was strange and thick. As a child I remembered having difficulty deciphering it. She dropped her clipboard to her side and looked up. Her eyes went to a point over my shoulder and my heart sank. “ah Mr. Valentine, back so soon?”

With a glance over my shoulder I found the skulking detective leaning in the doorway. He gave me a half grin as if he knew what I was thinking and enjoyed the outrage. “you know me doc, can’t stay away from Irma.”

“so what can I do for you two?”

“bullet in the shoulder, was hoping you could dig it out.” I answered as I turned. Best just to ignore Nick, he’d only jab me. “it’s small but a real pain in the ass.”

Amari let out an exasperated sigh and rolled her eyes. “for the last time Ms. O’Malley I’m not a medical doctor.”

“come on doc.” Laughing lightly I extended my hands outward in a gesture of piece. “you’re the only one I’ve got! Besides with all the times you stitched me up you practically qualify as a medical professional.”

She rolled her eyes at me. “just sit down I’ll do what I can.”

Still grinning, mostly ironically at this point, I sat and went to work stripping off my armor and coat. Beneath the leather the bullet wound didn’t look nearly as bad as the blood would have me believe. The entry wound was small and in a place with mostly flesh. If it had hit bone this would have been a much more serious problem. 

Amari came to my side and put a trey of medical instruments in my lap to hold. “so did you find the slavers? Or did Mr. Valentine stop you in time?” she leaned over my shoulder and jabbed a pair of clamps deep into the wound.

“oh I found them alright.” I grinned in spite of the pain her digging caused. She was usually gentler about this but maybe she was more irritated by me than usual. “they were hold up in some subway station. We weren’t the only settlement they hit. There were others.”

“then you rescued Cynthia?” 

“she’s back, yeah.”

“it all worked out in the end then, I suppose.” Amari braced a hand on my shoulder to dig just a little deeper. She forced me into silence for a few seconds while she worked, the pain just slightly more than I could bear. While she worked she continued speaking. “you still should never have gone alone. What were you thinking?”

“yes, what were you thinking?”

Nick’s comment earned him the most scathing look I could muster while someone dug around in my shoulder. Beneath my brown hair, I glowered at him. The pain and exhaustion loosened my filters and I grumbled at him. “where the hell were you? You’ve been missing for days.”

“I was on a case.” He answered in an unsatisfactorily calm tone. 

“what fucking case?” I spat, gaping at him. “no one knew where you were, not even Ellie!”

Only a robotic face could be as slack and unrevealing as his right then. He met my gaze with his yellow eyes. “you’re not the only one that needs my help O’Malley.”

“that’s not the goddamn point, owe!” 

With a wrench Dr. Amari pulled the bullet free of its fleshy prison, i.e. my shoulder. Satisfied she dropped the lead slug into my lap while I leaned over suppressing a cry of pain. “do try to act like an adult Ms. O’Malley, you are twenty-six.”

Breathing through clenched teeth I sat up and looked at Nick. He’d taken a single step forward but remained at the door. “I didn’t know what happened to you, I thought… something might have happened to you.” 

He averted his gaze to the far corner. I couldn’t see his eyes from beneath the brim of that ridiculous fedora. His voice issued out from under it low and apologetic. “I didn’t know, I’m sorry.”

Maybe I should have apologized too, maybe I should have at least been forgiving but my pride refused to say it. jaw set I occupied myself with the bloody piece of metal sitting in my lap. Maybe I’d make something out of it, little souvenir from my misadventure. Amari’s hand on my shoulder forced me to sit up and she stitched my bullet wound back together. 

“is there anything I can help you with Mr. Valentine?” she asked.

“no.”

“really? No side effects? Unexpected developments?”

“none.”

I gave her a sidelong look. “what are you talking about?”

“don’t worry about it gray, nothing serious.” He gave a half grin which only fueled my suspicion. 

“don’t play soldier Mr. Valentine.” Amari cut the thread and set aside her needle. She taped up the wound with a bit of cloth then stepped back. Had to admit I appreciated she thought I was worth the tape. “you undertook a very dangerous procedure. I’d like to observe-”

Nick gave her a warning look. “I’m no soldier doc, ya know that.”

From behind me I heard Amari sigh heavily. “fine, Mr. Valentine, if you insist.”

I stood, still holding her tools, and flexed my shoulder as much as I dared. “thank you doctor, how much do I owe you?” 

“nothing Ms. O’Malley just stop asking me to stitch you back together.”

“no promises.” I replaced my armor and coat, fastening my belt back around my middle. As I did I thought about cleaning the blood out of my clothes but it was probably futile. It wasn’t the only blood stain it had and it wouldn’t be the last. Thankfully only a little of it was actually my blood to begin with. Patched up I made for the door when Dr. Amari stabbed me in the back with a needle. I staggered a step and ran into Nick who grabbed me by the elbows to hold me steady. “little warning?”

“Now go get some rest and let the Stimpak do its work. See me if infection sets in.” 

I span around to shoot Dr. Amari a well-deserved glare. Though even I couldn’t deny how much better I felt with the Stimpak coursing through my system. It took the edge off the bullet wound at least. Then I realized I was still leaning into Nick and I straightened myself subconsciously. “thank you, Dr. Amari.”

“you’re welcome.” Could practically hear the smugness in her expression. Didn’t need to look at her to know she was lazily waving us out.

Nick took the lead this time back up the stairs through the main floor of the memory den. I glanced at Irma as I went and she gave me a quizzical look. Another shiver ran down my spine. It just couldn’t be healthy for a single person to know so many people’s most closely held memories. 

Outside the sun had finally gone down. The bare bulbs and neon signs in Goodneighbor cast a harsh glow on the harsh surroundings. Fitting I supposed. Guards continued to patrol but the residents settled in for sleep, some on bare mattresses along the street. I stretched my good arm, subsequently popping my wrist. “well, you headed back to Diamond city tonight?”

Nick cast a glance toward the sky, as if he might see something there to answer my question for him. “a little late to start that walk, although I’m partial to midnight strolls.”

Shaking my head I smirked at the ground. “I’d offer you a mattress but I know you don’t sleep.”

“to be honest I haven’t really tried.” He shrugged dramatically, brows raised at me. “maybe tonight’s the night?” 

I laughed and led the way toward the old state house. Some of the guards nodded to me and Nick as we passed. They knew us both on sight. A testament to how many times Nick visited and how many years I’d lived here. Together we walked up to the attic portion of the house and into a room at the back. It looked like a storage room and I guess it was really. In the corner lay a mattress next to a couple of lanterns and a half broken chest of drawers. 

While I walked forward Nick came to a stop. Even before he said anything I sensed his disappointment. “you’ve lived here for eighteen years and you still haven’t got a proper room?”

“I like it.” to accentuate my point I sat with a huff on the mattress. The old springs creaked beneath my weight, practically begging for sweet release. Most of my stuff, like everything in Goodneighbor, was on its last legs. It had been since I was eight. “besides Hancock is doing me a favor letting me live up here.”

“too bad you’re so attached to this place.” He remarked and sat on the floor beside me. “Diamond city has room for you.”

I scoffed with a disgusted look. Like I’d want to move there. The mayor was a bigot disgusting asshole and everyone there just wouldn’t stop giving me looks. I hated the few trips I took there to begin with, could never imagine living there. “so what case were you working on?”

He took off his hat and hung it on the edge of my dresser. Somehow, he looked even more synthetic when he wasn’t wearing it. It acted like a wig, averting people’s attention from his distinct lack of hair. I didn’t mind it. “can’t violate my client’s confidentiality, you know that.”

Exaggeratingly I rolled my eyes, shrugging my shoulders. “since when do you care about professionalism? I’ve lost track how many times I’ve given you a hand on your cases. Unless this one’s different?”

He didn’t look at me directly, he kept his glowing eyes on a spot in the middle of my forehead but even robots had ticks. Easy enough to see the tightness in his jaw and the stiffness in his shoulders. “yeah, it’s different.”

Irma’s words came back to me from the memory den. The other one she had spoken of must have been Nick’s client and they went there for some memory digging. I somehow doubted Amari would do a dig on someone unwilling so maybe they’d come here to get some details the client couldn’t easily provide. A weird choice of tactic for Nick though. He usually preferred old fashioned detective work over something so subjective. Didn’t fit right. 

But he wanted to protect his client which meant this case meant more to him than the rest. Maybe it hit a nerve with him. If he even had a nerve. With a sigh I laid back on the dirty lumpy mattress. The ceiling over my head was dark and familiar, years of staring up at it had engrained it into my memory. Engrained, was that a pun?

“it was the anniversary yesterday wasn’t it?”

“Hadn’t thought about it.” my voice became clipped and quiet, an involuntary reaction to being reminded. 

I heard Nick shift uncomfortably beside me, the boards beneath him creaked in protest. “you’re a bad liar O’Malley.”

I closed my eyes, I didn’t want to watch the world. The darkness behind my eyelids provided little solace however. With it came the memories. Memories of a time I had long tried to forget. No matter how many times I begged Amari to wipe them from me she wouldn’t. no matter how many lives I saved it wouldn’t change a thing. No matter how many years I survived I’d never recover. All I could do was take it one day at a time and yesterday was the hardest day of them all. 

“that’s why you went out alone.” He voiced the same thought I had about twenty-four hours ago. 

In spite of the tightness in my chest I grinned. “yeah, guess so.”

He moved again, boards still creaking. Judging by the sound I guessed he laid down next to me but I didn’t care to open my eyes and confirm that. His voice wasn’t directed at me as he spoke. “do me a favor next year O’Malley.”

“what’s that?” not that I had any intention of keeping the promise. 

The rustling of cloth again and I imagined he was looking at me now. Still wouldn’t open my eyes though. “promise me you won’t be alone next year.”

I swallowed hard and tried to maintain that same careless grin from before. I needed a drink for this conversation but I wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of knowing his words got under my skin. Instead I turned over, turning my back to the synthetic detective. “yeah whatever, next year don’t go missing.”

“I’ll try.” He issued a dry humorless chuckle that sounded more robotic than his usual hoarse tenor. 

Ignoring him proved difficult. It’s incredibly awkward to sleep with a synth next to you, knowing full well he couldn’t, or wouldn’t, fall asleep too. Still if I got up and left, if I told him to leave, that would prove this conversation had gotten to me. And I wouldn’t admit that to anyone but the voices in my head. So I tried to relax, tried to summon sleep up to me. Maybe the reason synths didn’t sleep was cause it was so damn difficult.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well there's a lot of firsts here.
> 
> First time I've written a fallout fanfiction.
> 
> First time I've posted anything online.
> 
> First time I've played a fallout game.
> 
> I've got a lot more where this came from, for all kinds of fandom. If reception here is good then I'll start posting everything else I've got gathering dust in my folders. I'll try to make Sunday or Monday my update days for this one. If you're reading this then you probably read the whole chapter, I really hope you enjoyed it! Thanks for your time!


	2. Diamond of the Waste

Not sure when I fell asleep but I did. I only knew this because I woke up with a small pool of drool gathered beneath my cheek. Sitting up I wiped it away indignantly and glanced over my shoulder. A patch of wood was suspiciously void of dust beside me. Nick left. Maybe that’s why I managed to fall asleep. 

The next question, what woke me up? The answer came in a small twinge from my shoulder. Letting out an irritated groan I stood and approached a faded mirror at the back of the room. In the dim light of the attic I stood in front of an all too familiar figure. She wore a dark brown coat, an ammo belt strapped across her middle. Her brown hair hung an inch or two bellow her jaw line, somewhat longer than she liked it. A few small scars littered her face and hands, more scars were sure to be under her clothes. 

The most striking part of her were the eyes. They were a stormy gray, heavy and wild. As if someone had bottled a thunder storm and put it behind her gaze. Untamed, wild, dangerous. Eyes of a wastelander. The source of Nick’s nickname for her.

A shudder ran down my spine and the woman broke my gaze. I pulled the collar of my tank top down. Gingerly I pulled the edge of my bandage up to reveal the ugly red mark beneath it. The Stimpak had done most of the work over night. No swelling but my flesh puckered out beneath the stitches like a grotesque growth. It would definitely scar, but with another stim it shouldn’t bother me for much longer. 

As it turned out I didn’t have one of those on me, I’d used the last one I had on the way to the slavers’ den. I replaced my shirt, grabbed a red bandana from the top of the dresser then headed out the door. Apparently I slept more than I thought. Usually I crept past the other drifters Hancock let live in the state house but not today. No one snored quietly on the mattresses, yet old habits die hard. My feet were nearly silent on the way down the stairs to the second floor. 

The guards in the state house eyed me quizzically, mostly curious I supposed. I’d known most of them since I was a kid. They pretty much left me to my own devices, well aware I was under Hancock’s protection. 

Speaking of the old ghoul. I glanced in on his office. To my surprise I caught sight of Nick leaning up against the desk, talking to our mayor. The pair of them seemed to be in deep conversation, their tones grave as they spoke. Fahrenheit, Hancock’s right hand, stood in the doorway smoking a cigarette. She glanced at me as I passed and gave me a nod. I returned it with a grin to which she rolled her eyes. 

Best not to disturb Hancock while he was with someone, even if I wanted to. Those two were old friends, probably older than anyone guessed. In the wasteland history meant a whole hell of a lot more to people than the present. Nick glanced up at me but I slipped down the stairs before he could call to me. 

I left the state house and stepped out into the main square. A soft white fog rolled in overnight and it draped the city in a chill. I drew my red bandana tighter around my neck and walked briskly toward Daisy’s Discounts. The ghoul behind the counter looked up at me as I approached, relief flashed through her eyes which I wasn’t entirely pleased about. That usually meant people wanted something from me.

Sure enough as I stepped into her little shop she waved me around the counter. “heard what you did yesterday, didn’t have my doubts you’d make it back alive.”

I rolled my eyes. “sure you didn’t. what’s up?”

For a moment she tried to play coy, averting her eyes from me as if ashamed. I knew better. She’d used this tactic on me every day since I took my first job. I’m ashamed to admit, it had worked the first three times. “well ya see,” she went on in that gravelly voice which quivered ever so slightly to continue the ploy. “I’ve got this here shipment that’s got to go to Diamond city by tonight but I don’t have anyone on hand to take it.”

“that so?” you never have anyone on hand I wanted to say. And it would be true. I’d never seen a single soul working for her other than me. Couldn’t decide if it was because she liked me, or liked how cheap I was. And I was cheap. “trade you the work for four Stimpaks.” 

She blinked her black eyes, too obviously surprised by my quick response. But then, as the saying goes, don’t look a gift horse in the mouth. To be perfectly honest I had no idea what a horse was, let alone what that actually meant. Seemed to work for situations like this though. “deal!”

While she gathered her shipment into a bag I double checked my ammo reserves. A lot between here and Diamond City. No telling what might happen. I knew the city like I knew Goodneighbor and I still slept with my gun at my side in town. No point getting caught unprepared, like the days before. Sitting on one of the benches outside her shop I leaned back to stare toward the sky. It was surprisingly clear blue. I wondered if people during the war saw the same sky, or if they had seen nothing but smoke and clouds for months. What did vault dwellers think of the sky? Were they afraid of it? Without their metal roofs maybe they worried about falling up into the endless blue.

The thought drew a chuckle from me.

“something funny?”

I sat up to find Nick walking toward me. Something about the way he moved drew a frown from me. He seemed off. “something wrong?”

He gave a shrug, as usual being deliberately vague. “I’m heading back to the diamond, been away from my city for too long.”

“if you hold up I’ll come with, Daisy’s got something for me to do.” 

With inhuman speed he glanced at the shop then back at me. Sometimes it was easy to forget there was a machine under that ratty old coat. All be it an older one. He was probably capable of so much more than any human, speed, strength, cognitive function. Something in me doubted he even realized his own potential. He certainly wasn’t a killing machine in combat and he was fully capable of being wrong. There were times though where the machine outstripped the man. “you’re still healing aren’t you? Shouldn’t go out when you’ve got a bullet hole in you.”

“I’ll be fine, should be a quick run.” 

“that’s what you always say.”

“well unless you want a favor then it should be.” 

“how about doing me the favor staying here?”

At that moment Daisy reappeared with a large sack of clanking metal and handed it over to me. “no can do.” I winked at Nick who gave me an exasperated look. 

Daisy helped sling the bag over my shoulder then pointed to an outside pocket. “Stimpaks are in there, included a little purified water as tip. Make sure you get that to Arturo Rodriguez over at Commonwealth Weaponry before he closes shop today.”

“sure thing Daisy.” Projecting what I hoped seemed like determined confidence I marched toward the gate out of Goodneighbor. In all reality I couldn’t wait to get out of sight to put a Stimpak in me and the bag on the other shoulder. 

Once safely around the corner I stopped for a moment to rummage in the bag. 

“stealing from your employer?”

Didn’t surprise me to hear Nick walking up to me. His shoes crunched on the rubble as he approached, deliberate, like everything else he did. I glanced over my shoulder to give him a reprimanding look. “no, looking for that Stimpak.” After a little searching my fingers wrapped around a Stimpak and I pulled it out with a little exclamation of triumph. Eagerly I jabbed it into my shoulder. The flood of relief loosened the tight muscles in my arm I didn’t even know I had. One or two more injections and it should be completely healed. Slinging the bag back onto my good shoulder I rose. “Ready to go?”

Nick smirked at me from under that crooked hat of his. I was fairly certain I’d shot it off by accident when we first met but that was a fuzzy memory. “if you are, I could have been home by now.”

“no one asked you to stick around Goodneighbor.” I protested with a cocked brow. Together we walked through the strange thick white fog. It seemed to wrap around us, trying its damnedest to steer us off course. Had I been alone I probably would have taken a wrong turn at some point but the fog didn’t affect my mechanical friend. He walked on a sure and true path, unperturbed by the weather. 

Hands in his trench coat pockets he gave me a sidelong look. “you asked me to stay, last night remember?”

“I said you shouldn’t go traveling at night.” My gaze shifted to an old rusted out car on the side of the street, my eyes narrowing. “you agreed with me if I remember.”

He chuckled, but there was no humor in it. Something was really under his skin. What had he been talking to Hancock about anyway? “your mayor wanted a word. Something about a shipment gone missing. Don’t suppose you’re interested in a little work after this.”

My turn to laugh. “no, no you can have it. If it’s Hancock and he didn’t ask he doesn’t want me involved. I like my blood where it is thanks.”

“suit yourself.” 

Usually when you walked the path between Diamond City and Goodneighbor you ran into at least one band of Supermutants. We noticed a distinct lack of those as we went however. About half way there we stumbled, almost literally, over a pair of dead ones with their hounds. Someone must have come through recently and they were packing. “keep an eye out.”

“I wouldn’t worry too much.” Nick nudged one of the Supermutants over with his foot to reveal the peppering of gunfire on its front. “I know the kid that did this, she’s probably long gone.”

“kid?” my eyebrows shot up out of curiosity before I could stop them. “what are you talking about?”

He didn’t answer right away, infuriating really, but kept walking toward Diamond city. I jogged to catch up to him and when I did he finally replied. “a client, friend really. She pulled my ass out of the fire a while ago.” 

“you needed saving?” the mere thought of it made me grin. 

Couldn’t see his eyes beneath his hat but I assumed he rolled them at me. “she’s formidable, take my word for it. Glad she’s on our side.”

“so who is this kid?” I couldn’t help myself. Nick rarely talked about clients like this. This one must have made a real impression on him. Well I guess it’s hard not to make an impression if you save someone’s hide. 

“you don’t know her.”

“what if I want to?”

He seemed reluctant to talk, almost like he wanted to protect this kid. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t a little jealous of her. Earning Nick’s respect had been a long dangerous journey and there were some days I still wasn’t sure I had it. Of course considering how we met I couldn’t blame him. Or maybe I did have his respect. “She’s new to the Commonwealth, Kenner.”

“Kenner.” I repeated as if to commit the name to memory. “what’s her story?”

“now you know it ain’t my place to tell someone else’s story.” He gave me a reproachful look out of the corner of his eye. 

“that’s fair.” Not that I was happy about it. Hated being out of the loop, especially if there was a new player involved. I’d have to stop off at the Power Noodles in Diamond City to get some rumors.

After that we went on our way in mostly silence. The trip was quick, maybe an hour between Goodneighbor and Diamond city. The guards patrolling the gate eyed me but Nick’s presence kept them silent. If he hadn’t been there they’d have stopped me, tried to run me off. The reputation of Goodneighbor followed all her residents. 

Past those baseball bat toting assholes we entered the city.

I still remembered the first time I saw the city. To be perfectly honest it hadn’t looked much different to me than Goodneighbor. Bigger sure, better defended, probably, just as dirty and just as crowded. Someone at some point had the genius idea of building a city in the old Boston baseball diamond. The stadium provided the best walls in a pinch, plenty of space to put residents, and better control than anywhere else in the Commonwealth. 

If Goodneighbor meant freedom, Diamond city meant prison. Safe but boring.

We trudged down the ramp toward the city bellow. Mud squelched beneath our feet, attempting to suck us in. Hated mud. We past a little girl standing on a box, peddling the local newspaper, Publick Occurrences. “Read all about it! Outsider’s perspective on Diamond city! Are we still the green jewel?” 

I wanted to tell her, flatly, no you’re not but I knew better than that. Through the fog the sun shone near its peak. Almost noon. The market at the center of town was busy with traders, residents and shoppers. I’d never get used to this many people. On any given day there were only a handful of people in Goodneighbor, enough to know everyone. I’d never know everyone here. 

“Valentine!” 

We both flinched slightly and turned. A woman with black shoulder length hair, a red coat and one of those stupid hats ran up to us. Her eyes were fixed on Nick, as if she might blow a hole through him. I took a small side step, placing distance between me and the firestorm. “what can I do for you Piper?” Nick asked politely. 

She cast me a look, both accusingly and questioningly. “It’s about our mutual friend, can we talk alone?”

Rolling my eyes I started walking away. Lazily I waved at them. “have fun conspiring, see you later Nick.” 

I didn’t have time for this anyway, had a job to do and I’d be damned if I didn’t finish it. walking the streets alone I drew more eyes than usual. A few of them knew me by sight. I’d done a little work for residents of Diamond city, mostly for the shop owners. They were sufficiently glad to see me. As I approached Commonwealth Weaponry the owner, Rodriguez, looked up. 

“Daisy send you?” he asked hopefully.

“you bet.” Huffing I put the bag of scrap down on his counter, my shoulder twinging in protest. “everything you asked for should be there. Don’t have a manifest for you or anything sorry.”

A scowl crossed his face and my heart sank. His next words almost drew a growl from me. “I’m going to ask you to stick around until I’ve inventoried this. I’ll need you to deliver a message to Daisy if it’s not all there.”

“fine.” I took the remaining Stimpaks and purified water from the bag and slipped them into my coat. “I’ll be at the Power Noodles when you’re done.”

I didn’t blame him. Any self-respecting business man would count the wears. Wasn’t happy about being tied down to the city for this long though. The noodles shop was little more than a round counter at the center of the market. An old protection robot rumbled around the counter to me, a wooden spoon clutched in one of its hands. “morning Takahashi, how’s business?”

“Nan-ni shimasu-ka?” he asked mechanically. 

“that good huh?” I smiled at him for a few seconds while he stared at me. I expected if he had a face it would be blank right about now. After a moment I let out a sigh, waved and replied, “yes.”

Satisfied Takahashi lumbered off toward his pot. 

“why haven’t they fixed you?” I wondered aloud, leaning on the counter with my elbows. Beside me a resident was reading the newspaper, unaware that the outsider sat beside him. The headline on the front page caught my eye. View from the Vault. What kind of article had Piper run this time?

Takahashi returned with a bowl of noodles. I dropped some caps into his jar and dug in. he turned to the resident then and repeated his question. 

“no.” he rose, leaving his paper on the counter beside me, and left without so much as a glance. 

I turned in my seat to watch him go. Once he went around the corner I took his paper. Say what you will about uneducated wastelanders, I could read. And what I read surprised me in no small degree. 

_As fortune often has it, I crossed paths with her. Vault Dweller. A person who is experiencing the Commonwealth for the first time. What would her fresh set of eyes say about how far we've come? Is Diamond City the "Great, Green Jewel" we have always claimed it to be?_

_Before we begin to answer that question, we have to know who she is. Where she comes from. To my surprise, she did not have much to say about her life in the Vault at all. You see she isn't just a Vault Dweller, she's an original Vault Dweller. She spent her entire time on the inside cryogenically suspended._

_So what does Violet Kenner have to say about seeing Diamond City for the first time?_

_'Honestly, seeing everyone surviving out here? Rebuilding the world? It gives me hope.'_

_Hope. When was the last time someone in our city talked about hope who wasn't some politician fishing for points in the next election? But our outsider hasn't let the cynicism of our strange world get the better of her._

_This is all the more remarkable because of why Violet came to the Commonwealth. You see, she has a son. Shaun. And even though they were in a Vault, someone broke in, and took Shaun from his parent, and that parent is now risking everything - wandering through this strange and unfriendly world of ours - in order to save Shaun from his kidnappers._

_It's easy for us to be cynical about the missing. We have spent so long knowing the Institute is out there, but knowing so little about them. They are not the only ones responsible for kidnappings, but the fact that they sometimes are, and the fact that we have been so powerless to stop them when they do, causes us to treat all victims of kidnappings as if they are a lost cause._

I put the newspaper down without finishing the article. I couldn’t quite believe what I was reading. It all sounded so insane, so ridiculous. A kidnapping wasn’t uncommon in the commonwealth. People went missing every other day. And the institute. Goodneighbor hated the institute as much as anyone else. I’d seen people killed for being synth replacements. As of yet no one knew what happened to people the institute took. The only reality was you never saw your friends again.

But this woman. Violet Kenner, Nick’s friend and client. I couldn’t quite believe what I was reading. No way. Vaults were everywhere and people knew some weird shit sometimes happened in the vaults but cryogenic freezing? Freezing prewar people like bags of supplies? That’s where I drew the line. Still, she may have been lying about the vault thing but if she went looking for Nick, it’s likely she wasn’t lying about her son. I couldn’t imagine that feeling. Family meant everything to most people in the wasteland. To lose a son. Damn.

The sobering thought should have sapped my appetite but the smell of fresh noodles under my nose rekindled it. Unabashedly, I shoveled the broth-y soup into my mouth, having eaten nothing else that morning. So long as I minded my own business and ate alone no one bothered me. I could feel the occasional pair of eyes on the back of my neck but I ignored it. 

When I finished my lunch Rodriguez approached me. “We’re all good here.”

“good.” I stood to my feet and stretched my legs. “I’ll be on my way then.” 

“hold up.” He threw up a hand and gestured for me to follow. 

Great another job. At least I’d be getting paid again. My stash of caps was running low. Hiding my irritation I followed him to his shop and waited until he stood up behind his counter. What he brought with him surprised me. “what do you want me to do with that?” 

He placed a sniper rifle on the counter. It looked taken care of, used. The shoulder stock had been cracked in a place, the barrel a couple inches longer than normal, the trigger smooth and shiny. A brand-new scope sat atop the rig, evidently a new addition made by Rodriguez. “a client dropped this piece off to me about a week ago, cash up front. Unfortunately my client got dead yesterday.”

“his loss.” I probably should have been more sympathetic but living in the wasteland will do that to you.

My callousness didn’t seem to faze Rodriguez however as he simply nodded. “don’t want all my hard work going to waste. How about you give her a spin?”

My jaw dropped. “are you serious?”

“look I owe you for that job last month, this’ll make us even alright?” 

Carefully I picked up the rifle. I’d never owned a rifle quite like this one before. Most the weaponry that came through Goodneighbor was improvised bolt pieces. This thing was military grade. I hefted it between my hands and a grin split my face that could only result from a gift like this. It fit perfectly in my shoulder and the scope gave just the right amount of magnification. “you’ve got yourself a deal.”

“good.” He leaned on the counter, his hands spread apart. Suddenly I felt like I’d walked into a trap. “you’ll need ammo for that.”

“right.” letting out an irritated groan I slung my new weapon onto my back. It felt so natural as it lay on my back, like an old friend that I’d been missing. Ammo for this weapon wasn’t cheap, as I soon found out. It took almost all the caps I had with me which was almost all the caps I had to my name. 

I stocked up though, both for my rifle and my pistol. With any luck I wouldn’t need to stock back up for at least another month. More than satisfied I peeled away from the gun shop and practically bounced back toward the ramp out of the city. Unfortunately I didn’t get that far. 

“hey! O’Malley!” 

My shoulders deflated a little but I sucked up a breath and turned around. The weird hat wearing Piper came running toward me. We had met once or twice before but I only knew her as the reporter, or Nick’s friend. She probably knew just as little of me. Which is why it surprised me when she ran up to stand directly in front of me. “I got a job for you.”

“oh?” couldn’t stop one of my eye brows shooting up and the other twitching. When city dwellers had jobs they were usually the hardest ones and not because of the orders. They’d want this knickknack or that scrap from the commonwealth, simple hide and seek. Then it would turn out the knickknack or the scrap was behind a wall of raiders, or Supermutants, or a goddamn behemoth. Never again. 

Piper shot a glance toward the nearest guard and gestured me to follow her under the roof of her home. Once out of ear shot of the authorities she leaned in and muttered. “some drifter came through here talking about synth activity at Fairline Hill.”

“is this about the institute?” my voice dropped low on instinct. No one could accuse me of being reckless. Everyone knew the institute had ears and eyes everywhere. If Piper’s stories were to believed they had their claws in Diamond city too. 

She nodded gravely, barely opening her mouth as she spoke her next words. Maybe her second calling was ventriloquism. “it looks like it. no idea what they’re doing there but it’s the best lead I’ve got. Will you take the job?”

I hardened my eyes and set my jaw. This wasn’t just any job. If her hunch was right, and it was the institute, I’d be damn near painting a target on my back. I didn’t have enough friends to risk that. Shifting my body so that my back was to the street I bent my head down. “why me? What about Nick eh? Don’t you usually take this kind of shit to him?”

A scowl crossed her face at my question. “he’s on a job alright? I don’t trust anyone else enough to get me the details I need.”

“why don’t you want to come with me?”

“because I’m waiting to hear back from someone.” The way her eyes drifted up and to the right, she wasn’t saying everything. 

Thinking about it, if this Violet Kenner was friends with Nick, it wasn’t a stretch to think she might be friends with Piper too. After all to tell someone your life story on the record probably meant big money or strong trust. It made me wonder. “where’d Kenner go off to?”

The abrupt question clearly startled her but she recovered quickly. “hell if I know, you want the job or not? I’ll pay you four hundred caps upon delivery.”

“four hundred?” I whistled low, reasonably astonished by the sum. That was two jobs worth. Not even the best merc got paid more than three hundred caps on one job. I would be sitting pretty for damn near a month on that kind of money. Of course the sum meant Piper was desperate. She didn’t know anyone dumb enough to take on a case likes this, no one wanted to face off against the institute. 

I sure as hell didn’t.

But the money tugged at me. I’d be lying if I didn’t admit I would have done it for less. “you’ve got yourself a deal Piper. Just give me directions and I’ll head out right away.”

“good, it’s just south of here, near the old Milton General Hospital. Can’t miss it.” she gestured vaguely toward the exit out of town. Then she stopped, apparently rethinking her decision. If she brought the price down I wasn’t going to do it. But what she said next startled me more than any price haggling could have. “be careful, Valentine would kill me if you got yourself killed on a job for me.”

I blinked, like an idiot, for a few seconds longer than an idiot should have. With the next few seconds I tried to make up for it with a light ineffectual laugh. “don’t worry Piper, I can handle myself. I live in Goodneighbor after all. Be back by tomorrow morning.” 

Before she could say anything else, like how she wanted to pay me less, I walked up the ramp out of the city. At the top of the stairs I paused and glanced back over my shoulder. Columns of smoke billowed up from the iron roofs of the city. I could see someone at the far end painting the green wall. People walked the street, no weapons at their side, no fear in their eyes. I could just make out the glow of the Valentine Detective agency signs. He’d probably be neck deep in that new case by now. 

For a single moment, just a moment, I wondered what my life would have been like if I had found this place first. If Goodneighbor hadn’t been so close. If Hancock hadn’t taken me in. If instead of the rickety old attic of the old state house I lived in one of these buildings. Would the walls have made me something else? Or would the wildness have always been there?

“psh.” With a scoff I turned away from those thoughts and the city.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story has a slow build up, I'll be the first to admit that. It's just how I write.
> 
> At any rate, some of you might recognize Violet Kenner. She's Shallw3run's sole survivor from Sanctuary. That's right, this is a crossover. I'm not going to say much else, don't want to spoil any surprises. Suffice it to say that we've got some things planned. 
> 
> Thank you all again for reading and giving me a chance. I hope I won't disappoint any of you as the story unfolds. I don't usually write in first person so some of the writing might get a bit rocky. Vel is a new kind of character for me too so we'll see how well I can work with her. 
> 
> And thank you, in particular, to all of you that have left kudos! It means a lot.


	3. I enjoy house shopping, and exploding cars

I didn’t often go this far south of the city. Nothing much lay this far other than ruined neighborhoods and the swamps. As I’ve said before, mud doesn’t appeal to me. That isn’t to say that I couldn’t navigate the territory well enough. The old ruined city eventually gave way to a railroad depot which turned into wasteland. I crept along cautiously, instantly dropping to a knee the moment I heard anything nearby. Mole rats and Radscorpions were likely to be hiding anywhere under the ground, just waiting for some poor idiot to tread where they shouldn’t. the rifle remained in my hand at all times, poised to fire at the drop of a hat. 

Without the ruined buildings to wall me in I felt somehow safer. I didn’t have to keep an eye on the sky, just the ground. About half way across the wasteland I stumbled over a small camp. The people occupying it didn’t look dangerous, at least any more dangerous than your average drifter. Still I carefully skirted around their camp, one eye trained on them as I went. Once I left them a reasonable distance behind I stood straight again and continued on my way. 

By the time I reached Fairline Hill the sun had sunk low in front of me. The glare wasn’t ideal. It would make scouting this place far more difficult. Yet even from my vantage point I could see no better place to perch. A small ridge protruded from the earth, forming a slightly elevated platform. Below the road leading into the houses curved and cracked. It deposited into a semi-circle of six houses. They were each two or three stories tall, falling apart and occupied. 

Even without my scope I could see shadowy figures moving through the houses, past the windows. Some of them marched on the street or through the playground at the center of the circle. The light made it impossible to pick out details with the naked eye. Grimacing I went down on my belly and pulled my sniper rifle to my eye. The flare from the setting sun made it difficult to stare through the lens for too long. I was forced to scout in small intervals or else risk damage to my eyes.

Most of the activity centered around the biggest house, on the far right. the ridge didn’t afford me the best vantage for this home. One eye closed I scanned the house through the scope. The first thing that caught my eye was the man wearing a black coat. It wasn’t like anything I’d ever seen in the commonwealth before. The most striking part of it was how clean it was. Impossibly clean. 

He stood on the porch, hands clasped behind his back as he stared toward the rest of the neighborhood. Or at least I was pretty sure he was staring. Behind those sunglasses he might as well be sleeping. Except he wasn’t. someone came out of the house and came to stand at his side. At first I wrote it off as another human then I took a closer look. That white skin, those glowing eyes, a face that shouldn’t have been this familiar. 

Beside Nick I had only ever seen a handful of synths. Most of them were what people referred to as generation one. Barely a step above the Assaultron, and just as autonomous. These weren’t that. They looked like Nick but they had a dead, expressionless face. they wore pure white armor and carried advanced laser weapons. They had to be second generation synths. A step below Nick. 

My stomach tightened. So it was institute business. That made the guy with the black coat either an institute human, or a generation three synth. Either option was dangerous. Even lying there I felt my heart beat faster in my chest. Instinct feared the institute and I sure as hell wasn’t about to deny instinct. To hell with Piper’s money, I’d rather keep my life thank you.

I almost got up, almost slung my rifle back over my shoulder and walked away. Probably wouldn’t have looked back. gone home to Goodneighbor, bought some liquor and hid in the attic for a couple of days. It would have been good, great even. 

If only it had gone that way. 

I’d later look back at this moment and wonder how much of an idiot I was. I could pretty much trace every bit of bad luck I had after to this very moment. 

As I turned my eye caught sight of something darting near the house directly across from the occupied one. Hidden behind a rock I brought my scope back to my eye and watched the house. I held my breath, without realizing it, and waited for whatever it was to show itself again. Movement in the top window drew my attention. I swung my barrel up toward it and saw her. A woman, with dark skin and white hair, knelt in the window, barely visible. She appeared to be looking for something, rummaging around on the floor directly in front of her. A scavenger? She wasn’t armed from what I could see. What the hell was she doing?

I swung my rifle back toward the house. A group of three synths descended the stairs and marched in unison to the next house in the circle. They were searching for something and I didn’t dare think about what. If they kept it up they’d find that stupid scavenger. I looked back at her. She was still there on the top floor. Apparently unaware of the danger standing just across the street. 

Dropping to the ground I leaned my back against the rock and swore under my breath. Piper had asked me to get details sure. The institute was involved, that should be good enough for her. Judging by their searching pattern they were there to scavenge though black coat didn’t seem like a scavenger to me. The entire place screamed of danger and a moment ago I had been ready to leave. Why didn’t I leave?

Why wasn’t I leaving?

Bent doubled I made my way down the ridge a short distance then along the road away from the houses. Once I was sure the black coat couldn’t see me from his vantage I doubled around again. Still stooped I reached the back of the western most house, the one with the woman. If she didn’t want to move I’d leave her. If she made a scene I’d kill her. Simple as that. I had no desire to fight institute thugs that day.

Through the back door and up the stairs I crept with all the silence I could manage. Knowing my luck those damn synths would have super human hearing or some shit. Apparently I was quiet enough. By the time I got to the top the white haired woman still hadn’t noticed me. It was then that I realized how wrong I had been. She wasn’t unarmed, quite the opposite. A minigun lay beside her and she wore a set of armor unlike what I usually saw in the waste. And while we’re on the subject, minigun is a poor name for that weapon.

She wasn’t searching for something, she had her eyes trained on the house across the circle. I couldn’t see her face but judging by her tense shoulders I suspected she was scowling. One of her hands gripped a pistol tightly, her knuckles going white on it. “damn it, you bastards.” She whispered in a hoarse voice.

I probably should have retreated but instead I made my way carefully toward her. I went to the window beside her and peered out. My sudden appearance startled her and she pointed her weapon at me. “put it down.” I intoned threateningly. “I’m here to help.” Was I? I didn’t remember that part.

And she sure as hell didn’t believe that any more than I did. Out of the corner of my eye I watched her eyes narrow skeptically. Part of her head was shaved allowing the rest of her hair to fall down the side of her face. it looked good on her, and I didn’t generally say that. Instead of holstering her weapon she stepped toward me. The muzzle of her silenced pistol was now inches from my face. “who are you?”

“does it matter?” I turned to face her fully. In spite of the cool expression I gave her my heart thudded loudly in my ears. A lot of people pointed guns at you who weren’t ready for it. they were the ones whose hands shook and sweat ran down their foreheads. They wouldn’t shoot you, even if you jumped them. But this woman. The killer in her was unmistakable. Those brown eyes didn’t shake, didn’t fear, they were ready to pull the trigger and I bet somewhere inside of her she already had. “I’m here to help, and judging by those institute bastards you’re going to need it.”

Her eyes glanced toward the window just for a split second. Debate plagued her which made me wonder exactly why she had come here. If she was out for revenge she wasn’t doing it right. what other reason could anyone have for consciously targeting institute synths? Well besides doing favors for annoyingly persistent journalists. Her gun didn’t lower, even while she rounded her eyes back on me. “let’s say I believe you then, who sent you?”

What harm could come from admitting I was sent here like a common merc? “I was hired to check out this area. Someone thought the institute was doing something and they sent me to find out what. Simple as that.”

“and you want to help me?”

I shrugged dramatically, my shoulder gave a twinge in protest. “I’m here aren’t I? honestly I was hoping I could convince you to walk away but that’s not going to work is it?”

“no it’s not.” She went back to her window, her gun pointed down but her finger remained on the trigger. Smart move, I should have been doing the same. Outside the last rays of light were beginning to fade. From yellow to orange and eventually to red. In the growing darkness the eyes of the gen two synths were clearly visible. “you any good with that sniper?”

Again I shrugged, trying to down play my volubility. Maybe she’d cut me loose. “I can handle myself.”

“it’s loud…. I can’t risk loud until she’s secure….” She murmured under her breath, barely loud enough for me to hear.

I leaned against the wall and peered over the windowsill. The synths were getting closer. Whatever they were looking for they hadn’t found it yet and they’d soon be right on top of us. Once they had us cornered up here they’d kidnap us, dissect us or do whatever they did to people they disliked. Then they’d replace us. I’d like to think that my friends, which were few, would notice the difference between me and a synth. But looking at black coat I was beginning to realize how unlikely that would be. 

A hand shot out and grabbed me by the shoulder, wrenching me free of my thoughts with a shock. One of my hands went to my own pistol but stopped short of removing it when I met the woman’s dark brown eyes. “I need you to listen carefully. I don’t trust you, but I need you. Can I trust that you won’t shoot me in the back?”

Now that was a fair question. More fair than she might think. I only had one response prepared. “so long as you don’t hurt innocent people, you don’t have anything to fear from me.” 

That seemed to satisfy her. She put a little distance between us and removed her pistol. I thought she might give it to me but instead she unscrewed the silencer and handed it to me. “use this, stay low and keep quiet. I’ll draw the courser away for as long as I can. You have to get in that house.”

“ok….” I said slowly, screwing the silencer onto the end of my gun. It added an alien weight to the end of my hand but the discomfort would be worth it for silence. “what am I looking for?”

Again she hesitated. Her eyes left mine and she looked back at the house, presumably at the so called courser. What had I stumbled into? This didn’t seem right and her next words would only set off more alarms. The sounded of a door crashing open next door jostled her out of her internal debate. She leaned uncomfortably close to me, I could practically smell her breath now. “there’s a trap door hidden beneath the rug in the living room. it leads into the basement. The terminal password is freedom. Take what you find as far from this place as you can. Rendezvous with me in three days at Graygarden, do you know where that is?”

“the farm with all the Mr. Handies.” I answered with a firm nod. Still no idea what I was actually doing.

“good. Now go. You’ll hear it when I start the distraction.”

I had to admit, I didn’t hate this plan. If the courser was dumb enough he’d fall for the bait leaving my way wide open. And for once I wasn’t the one drawing fire. I could get used to this. Together we quickly descended back down the house to the first floor. At the back door we parted ways. She went left, I went right. 

Just in time too. Mere seconds after I closed the door quietly, I heard the front door smash open. The synths weren’t subtle tools. With my head down I crept around the backyards of the houses. Only a few feet away I could hear the footsteps of the synths marching along the sidewalk. Why they were still searching was beyond me. It couldn’t be that hard for machines to find a secret door, and I used the term loosely. 

I left the first house behind and hid behind the next one. Some rusted cars still sat in their driveways. Remanence of hedges still stood dry and crumpled at the boarders of the yards. Dangerous sticks and debris lay strewn across the field in a dizzying array. One wrong move and I’d be pushing up scrub brush in no time. As I came near the back door of the second house it suddenly flew open. I flattened myself against the wall beside it and sucked in a breath.

Mechanical footsteps marched down the steps. The barrel of a gun poked out just beyond the doorframe but no further. An electronic voice spoke to empty space. “is someone there?”

No, no one was here, go away. I could feel my heart thundering in my chest. For an insane moment I wondered if the synth would be able to hear it. Wouldn’t be much a stretch if it could. It took another step down, the gun now came into full view. I could fully appreciate it and the gun nut inside me did. It looked a little awkward, like a toy. Square and plastic. The tip of the barrel was red the rest white. A fusion cell rested in exactly the same place as it did on commonwealth weapons. 

Here’s the thing about laser weapons. Sure they were powerful, hell of a lot more powerful than any ballistic weapon. They also had fantastic recoil and lasers flew faster than bullets. The cons, they were louder than sin. And there was no way to silence them. I’d had the opportunity to use laser pistols in the past but they were too loud and when you ran alone you needed quiet. 

And perhaps the biggest flaw was its power source. Even those clunky power suits were smart enough to hide their fusion cores from attack. Laser weapons often left them entirely exposed. Any sharp shooter worth his, or her, piece practiced hours to hit one at several paces and further. Watching this synth exit the house my eyes instinctively followed the power cell rather than the thing carrying it. 

Not that I was going to shoot it. the explosion would probably melt my face this close. Besides, my part wasn’t meant to be flashy. 

Just the way I liked it.

The synth began to turn and I lunged. I grabbed it by the face and planted a foot firmly behind its foot. Together we hit the grass in a heap. My hand kept it from opening its mouth. Its hands went for my own face. I thought for sure it would be too stupid to do anything but apparently the institute was serious about battle programming. It grabbed my hair. Those extra two inches gave him purchase. He tugged and I found myself rolling off of him. 

He straddled me, using his knees to pin one of my arms to my side. “stay calm.” He said with a blank expression that sent an unsettled shiver up my spine. “you are distressed.”

“fuck you.” I growled around gritted teeth. 

“what is that noise?” a second electronic voice drifted across the yard. Over the shoulder of the synth on top of me I saw another one approach. He moved stiffly toward us, raising his laser rifle. “do not move, this will be a moment.”

With my free hand I grabbed the first synth by the front of his uniform. Tugging with all my might I forced him to lie flat across me. I could hear the mechanical whir of coolant in his chest as it lay flat on my year. Then something exploded inside him and he went stiff. I coiled my legs under him and shoved him off with one great thrust. He went flying back into his comrade. For a moment they became entangled and I got to my feet. Before the second one could recover and take hold of his weapon I rounded my pistol on him. “sorry.” I murmured then blew his face to pieces. 

Panting I let my gun arm fall and looked back toward the house. I fully expected a third synth to come walking out, maybe even that courser. I’d have just that sort of luck. Several seconds past while I just stood their stalk still, straining my ears to hear anything coming toward me. 

Once I was sure no one else would come looking I let out a breath I didn’t realize I had been holding. By now the sun had completely sunk below the horizon allowing me to walk in darkness. This gave me two fold advantage, assuming the synths weren’t equipped with night vision. Easier to hide from them, and easier to follow them from the glow of their eyes. 

Navigating did prove more precarious than before in the near blackness. Lucky me there weren’t any other threats than the synths patrolling the area. I did stumbled across a dead ghoul but it didn’t get up. I’ll count myself lucky there.

I reached the fourth house in the road. I could finally make out the back door of the last house. Several sets of glowing eyes bobbed along on the upper floor and around the perimeter. In the dark I couldn’t see the courser and I wasn’t sure if that was a good thing. At least if I couldn’t see it I wouldn’t turn tail and run. Though that remained a distinct possibility in the back of my mind. 

Then something exploded.

A mushroom cloud exploded upward centered on one of the drive ways across the circle. I couldn’t help myself from coming to a stop. My jaw fell open as a second car went up in a fiery ball of radioactive smoke. By this time nearly all of the synths had poured out onto the circle, racing toward the source of the explosions. Had to admit, as far as distractions went, mini nuclear explosions had to be my favorite. I made a mental note to get this woman’s name in three days. 

As the synths ran for the explosion, including the courser I noted, I closed the remaining distance in a flash. Under the roaring of the flames there was literally no fear of being heard. Seen was a different story. I came up on the back door and ascended the stairs two at a time. My initial assumption about all the synths running for the explosion was so very wrong. Three generation two synths stood in the living room, two on guard the other watching out the window. 

All three of them instantly turned their weapons on me and I had about a split second to figure out what to do before they turned me into a massive writhing boil. As usual my options were limited and the one I decided on was the craziest option of them all. I actually rushed them. Lasers careened over my head, absolutely melting the wall directly behind me. They didn’t expect this tactic and their targeting systems couldn’t follow me as quickly as I could move.

I grabbed the barrel of one of their rifles and thrust it up into his face. his hands let go and I took the weapon while forcing him to turn. Using him as a human, or synth, shield I fired at the remaining two with the laser rifle. As I suspected the rifle had next to no recoil but the automatic action made it difficult to control. I hated automatic weapons. A spray of imprecise lasers hurtled through the air, only a handful of which hit their intended targets. 

The synths on the other hand were expert handlers. Almost every one of their shots hit home, gouging huge burnt dents into the synth I hid behind. He continued to flail however, his arms sweeping in wide arcs as he fought my grip. He was a robot, I couldn’t do much to keep hold of him. At his belt I noticed a godsend. A pulse grenade hung on his belt and another insane idea crossed my mind. I jammed my thumb onto its button then thrust the synth from me. 

Wildly I swung back around and literally dived out the door. Ashamed to admit I didn’t land nearly as nimbly as I had imagined. My face slammed into the dirt and I got a mouthful of dust for my trouble. A split second later the explosion tore out the windows and buckled the walls. The house groaned in protest, parts of the building literally falling in sheets. It wouldn’t hold for much longer. 

I still had a job to do. 

Coughing up mud and dirt from my mouth I staggered to my feet. My ears wrung horribly from the force of the explosion, I could barely hear anything. As I entered the house I got the distinct impression either it or I was swaying. Seeing as I wasn’t drunk I was inclined toward the former. Bits of synth lay scattered across the living room and kitchen, an arm even stuck out of the wall. It still twitched from the last command its owner issued before he was eviscerated. The grenade had done more than that. 

A giant crater sunk in the living room, taking part of the couch with it. rubble and wood filled the hole but I could see a metal door sitting slightly ajar next to a decimated terminal. I slid down the debris while the house continued to crumble around my ears. Coughing I called into the dust filled basement. “Hello?! Anyone still alive?!”

I seriously didn’t expect anyone to answer which would be why I threw up my pistol when someone did. “hello? Who’s there? Are you here to help?”

“I guess?” my voice didn’t sound so sure even to my own ears. 

Clumsily I slid to the basement floor and threw my shoulder against the metal door. With creaking loud enough to rival the collapsing house it came loose, inch by inch. Hands appeared around the edge of it, human hands. Together we opened it just enough for the woman on the other side to slip through. She leaned over, hands on her knees, panting miserably which only turned into coughs a second later. In the split second I had to judge, I did a threat assessment. No weapon, no armor. She wore little more than a flannel shirt and a pair of jeans. Her black hair hung past her shoulders, surprisingly clean for a wastelander.

Then the building heaved over our heads and I grabbed her by the hand. “come on!”

We scrambled back up the broken floor to the living room above. as we emerged from the hole a fist shot out of nowhere and slammed into my jaw. I went sprawling, my rescuee coming with me. We hit the wood together and my shoulder flared up with pain, followed closely by my jaw. Clutching my neck, as a half way between the two, I looked up.

The man with the black coat stood menacingly over me, still wearing those annoying sunglasses. A laser pistol hung loosely in his hand at his side. He turned his head just slightly to my right to stare at the woman who looked more terrified than I’d ever seen anyone. “designation number S4-74, you are-”

He didn’t get any further. A volley of bullets thundered through the wall behind him, shredding his coat and splattering us with blood. I turned over and grabbed S4-whatever by the shoulder and ran toward the back door. Apparently a few minigun bullets couldn’t stop him though. White lasers screamed over our heads, coming dangerously close to blowing a hole through our skulls. 

We went flying out of the crumbling house into cool night air. “keep running!” I screamed, sliding to a stop in the dust and twisting around. The courser slowly walked toward the back door, unfazed by the rounds still pelting his back. his foot kicked one of the synth’s rifles. It spun and came to a stop in the doorframe. 

I threw up my pistol and took careful aim. I didn’t even dare breath, if I missed this shot it would spell disaster for all of us. Me, S4, the other woman. My gun steadied in spite of the thundering and ringing in my ears. The glow sights lined up, centered on the power cell. 

The courser came to a stop and glanced down at the gun. He knew what I was planning a literal split second before it was too late. My finger squeezed the trigger. My bullet hit its mark just as I knew it would. In an explosion of fire, plasma and death the gun tore itself apart. The sheer force of it knocked me back and I hit the ground in a daze. Through my spinning vision I watched the house implode in on itself. It buckled, held for a second then completely collapsed. Bits of wood, shingles, siding and glass flew out in a perfect radius around the house. I threw up a hand to protect my eyes as the dust surged over me. 

When I dropped it I found where once had been a house now stood a giant pile of scrap. Well I made some scavenger’s day. My ears still wrung terribly. It would be days before my hearing returned to normal. Because of this I didn’t near someone coming near me until hands came down on my shoulder. I flinched away and rounded my pistol on the intruder. S4, or whatever her name was, threw up her hands, face stricken and pale. “are, are you alright?”

“what?” I shook my head, rubbing a hand over my right ear. 

“are you alright?” she repeated slower and louder. 

“fine, I think?” with her help I got to my feet, all be it unsteadily. It took a moment to find my feet. Once I was sure my knees wouldn’t buckle under me I shoved my pistol back into its holster on my leg. Surprisingly it fit fine even with the silencer. “you?”

She nodded and looked toward the ruble. Then her face went an even whiter shade of pale and she threw her hands to her mouth. 

I turned, though judging by the hole in my stomach I already knew what was coming. In the light cast by the stars we could make out little more than the silhouette of the pile. It was moving. At first I just stood there, silently preying that it was just a mole rat or something as equally annoying but harmless. Then a hand shot out of the ruble dramatically and my heart leapt into my throat. 

Without asking for permission, again, I took S4 by the hand and ran in the opposite direction. Thankfully she didn’t protest. We tripped and stumbled down the side of the hill down toward the cracked road below. Behind I could just make out the crash of wood and metal as the courser freed itself from the house. A moment later the sound of that woman’s minigun started up again. No idea where she was but she was buying us time. Time we desperately needed.

We hit the cracked pavement running and I risked a glance toward the top of the hill. Lasers flashed and another car exploded. I couldn’t imagine going up against that many synths at once. How in the hell did the courser survive a direct blast from an exploding power cell?! Then a building getting dropped on it?! I’d heard third generation synths were practically human but no human could withstand that kind of punishment. What exactly was a courser made out of?

No time to think about that though as the hand in mine reminded me. I turned to look at the woman standing in front of me. It all made sense in that instant. The weird name, designation whatever. The institute, the courser. This woman had to be a synth, there wasn’t any better explanation. With that revelation my heart sank to the pit of my stomach and I let her hand slip. 

She looked at me, wide human eyes filled with confusion and fear. Her hands remained wrapped tightly around her sides, like she might fall apart if she let go. The gesture was so human, but she wasn’t human. There’s no way. Yet staring into her eyes I saw it, the same visceral fear that I’d seen on so many humans before. If she could feel that, feel pain how could she be much more different than a human? I’d never been confronted with something like this.

Then Nick’s face flashed across my mind.

“come on, I’ll get you to safety.” All doubt left me and I took her once again by the hand. 

We left Fairline hill behind. The courser seemed too preoccupied to give chase and thank god for that. In the dark we stumbled on the tracks and I turned north. It would be the fastest safest route to Graygarden and I’d be damned if I let all of that woman’s effort be for nothing. 

If you asked me right then what the hell I was going to do with the synth I wouldn’t have an answer. To be perfectly honest I had no damn idea. If that woman, or a friend of hers didn’t show up I supposed I’d have to figure something out. In that moment, I wasn’t much concerned with the future. Not with a killer synthetic on our heels. “I don’t get paid enough for this.” I muttered to my new friend.

She let out a nervous chuckle, assuming I was joking. I wasn’t.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is when I start to have a vendetta against cars for some reason. I think I've died more from exploding cars than anything else in Fallout, well except Supermutants. I hope I did Glory justice, it's honestly been a long while since I interacted with her but she's sort of one of my favorite railroad agents.
> 
> Thank you to everyone that's been reading this, thank you especailly to those of you that have left comments and bookmarked this work. I didn't expect anyone to take interest so quickly. I hope to give you all something to look forward to each week.


	4. Have I mentioned I hate mud?

“Eat up! I will not have our guests starve under my care!”

I eyed the Mutfruit with distain. I can honestly say that I’ve never hated a single type of food more than I did then. There is a limit to how many times one can enjoy a single fruit for three days in a row. I’d long reached that limit and now I was about to hit the limit on my politeness. The only thing keeping me in line was the buzz saw hanging off of the robot’s arms. And they all had one of those. 

Sitting beside me on an old shipping pallet was S4-74. She hadn’t spoken much since we arrived in Graygarden but I wasn’t sure it was out of fear anymore. A childlike curiosity gleamed in her eye at every turn. She found every little thing fascinating. The green house, the plants, the ruined cars along the road. Even the ghouls I killed along the way here fascinated her all be it only for a few seconds. Even now she bit into the raw Mutfruit with such gusto you might have thought it was a prewar feast. 

One of my eyebrows shot up at her but I didn’t say anything. I turned my eyes back to my own fruit and glowered at it. Just loud enough for the fruit to hear me, if it had ears, I muttered. “don’t make me gag, and you’re not going in the fire.” With that I took a large bite out of it. Every muscle in my face twitched violently and my nose flared. One glance to my right and I noticed the white floating ball staring at me with those weird eyes expectantly. Had to chew, had to chew and swallow. While every fiber of my being screamed at me to spit it out I eviscerated the Mutfruit and swallowed hard in one big show. 

The robot seemed satisfied by that. She rose a few inches higher into the air exclaiming, “very good! Very good! Now back to work everyone.”

“yes supervisor White.” The robots around us all chimed. 

The circle of onlookers floated away, back toward their respective stations in the green house. Once I was sure no one was looking at me I turned my head and spat what was left of the Mutfruit into a corner. 

S4 cocked a brow at me curiously. “you don’t like it?”

“sh.” I hissed, throwing a finger to my lips. One of the Mr. Handies came dangerously close to us but didn’t seem to be paying us any mind. “I just want some meat, might go hunting soon.”

“in this weather?” quizzically she waved a hand out one of the greenhouse windows. Which essentially meant she waved her hand in any vague direction.

For my part, I looked directly up. A thick storm rolled in about half a day ago. At first it was light, a little dusting to liven up the wasteland then it turned into a torrent. Streams had begun to form along the ridges like mudslides. Chunks of the hill Graygarden rested beneath threatened to collapse onto the farm. We hid in the greenhouse to get away from it but that did little. The cold soaked right through my jacket to my bones and my feet squelched in thick mud. Droplets dribbled in from the leaky roof at a steady pace. It felt like mother nature was trying to simultaneously bury and drown us at once. 

With a shake of my head I returned my gaze to the woman beside me. 

Three days. That white haired woman had said three days. Well we were coming to the end of that timeline and I was beginning to wonder if the courser got to her. I sincerely hoped not. Otherwise I’d have to figure out what to do with this runaway synth myself. That horribly selfish part of me had wondered several times over the days what kind of reward the institute might give me if I turned her in. whenever that voice spoke up I just growled something inaudible under my breath. Usually something along the lines of “don’t be a selfish bitch.” Or the like.

Those three days had been relatively pleasant. When we arrived Supervisor White had hesitated to allow us to stay. Not that I blamed her. We were both covered in dirt, blood and probably looked as deranged as any raider might. After a little conversation, we convinced her to let us stay. After that she had taken it upon herself to ensure we were taken care of. She even had one of her robots procure a mattress for us to sleep on. Just one, good enough for S4. 

The days past in peace. Mutfruit infested peace mind, but peace. I’d never thought about taking a vacation to Graygarden but I realized it might not be a half bad idea. Who in their right mind attacked a farm full of robots? The wastes around the farm were quiet but sparse. There was little game to hunt other than the occasional mole rat. A fact I discovered on my second day with much disdain. If there was one thing I needed to function correctly it was a bit of squirrel on a stick from time to time.

S4 hadn’t spoken much during that time though she could rarely be found more than five feet away from me. Her childlike curiosity had almost gotten her killed once when a Bloatfly wondered toward the farm. After I killed it and the robots proceeded to burn it to ash, she stayed even closer. The few words we’d said to each other were mostly me trying to make light hearted jokes. She laughed at them, or at least what I assumed was her laugh, and would try to make her own joke. Very little of our talk had been serious.

Now, with the impending deadline short at hand, I had questions. And more importantly I needed answers to those questions so I could make a plan. I turned on the shipping pellet to face her, half eaten Mutfruit in my hand. “S4… we need to talk.”

Slowly she let the Mutfruit fall from her mouth and into her lap. She stared at the mud with a faraway expression, sad, resigned. “they’re not coming are they?”

“no idea.” I answered honestly. Seeing her like this I almost wanted to put my hand on her shoulder to comfort her. This babysitting job had gotten under my skin apparently. “but that’s why we need to talk.”

Her mouth twisted into a horrible grimace that looked even more childlike than the gleam in her eye. Her hands tightened around the Mutfruit as she tilted her head slightly toward me to listen. “what can I tell you?”

Trusting little girl. Then again I had saved her life, protected her for three days and made some truly awful puns with her. Puns bring people together, or so I’ve been told. “let’s start with some basics. You’re a synth, from the institute.”

“that doesn’t sound like a question.” She still couldn’t look at me.

I nodded. “a simple yes or no will do.”

Looking up toward the ceiling she took in a long shaky breath. “yes.”

“and you escaped?”

“yes.”

“why?”

Her eyes snapped down to me and I felt my heart skip a beat and my right wrist twitch. Fire burned in her eyes, fierce. Her usually sweet face contorted into something wrought with rage. A few tears bulged on the edges of her eyes, threatening to fall. “they use us, abuse us. They created us to be servants, slaves, and they treat us like that. Do you have any idea what that’s like? To be mocked and tortured for just existing?”

No I didn’t. Shamefully I turned away, unable to stand the heat in her expression. This wasn’t a problem that only synths suffered. Slavery was very much alive and real in the commonwealth. Kids sold because their parents can’t feed themselves, or to pay off a debt, or just because they didn’t want the child. I supposed in that way synths and those kids weren’t very different. Both their creators used them for slavery. “where do you want to go?”

That question took her off guard. The fire ebbed away in her eye and she glanced away. I turned back to her, brows raised, waiting for the answer. Her eyes scanned the windows of the greenhouse, as if she might see all the possibilities just outside. While she searched I looked too. All I could see was wasteland and suffering. “I, I don’t know…. Somewhere far away, very far.”

I nodded, a good enough answer. If you asked any wastelander the same question they’d give a similar response. Few of us had the guts to leave though. Rumors floated around of near paradises out there but none of us believed them. We all just wanted something a little better. And this synth had the chance at that. “I’ll help you, however I can, but that means you have to listen to me and follow my instructions alright?”

Her gaze came back to me, lips forming a straight thin line across her face. “I, I understand.”

“with any luck that woman I told you about will be here soon and you won’t have to deal with me. If that’s not the case we need a plan.”

“what about the railroad?”

“the railroad?” I echoed the name without really thinking about it. That was a name whispered at the Third Rail when you were a little too deep in your cups. The one group willing to stand up against the institute. Well beside the brotherhood of steel but they were a recent addition. It had never occurred to me to go looking for them and other than their name I knew next to nothing about them. “what can you tell me about the railroad?”

S4 shrugged her shoulders and shook her head. “I don’t know. They found me. They were the ones that were protecting me when the courser found me. I thought you were one of their agents.”

Well that cleared up a little confusion. So the railroad was trying to ferry escaped synths to safety. Of course they were. And I had inadvertently gotten mixed up with them. Just my goddamn luck. To top it off that courser had seen my face. No telling what the institute would do next once wind of this got back to their headquarters. I put my elbows on my knees and leaned in, pinching the bridge of my nose. “fuck.”

S4’s brows knitted together in confusion and she put a gentle hand on my bad shoulder. “are-are you alright?”

“yeah, yeah I’m fine. Or I will be.” Why hadn’t I packed a drink? Sucking in a breath I sat back up and looked at her. “I guess we have to get you back to the railroad if no one shows up here. Got any ideas?”

She shook her head, still frowning. 

“well that’s just great.” I dropped my chin into my hand and stared, irritated, across the greenhouse at one of the Mutfruit trees. The last thing I wanted to do was wonder around the commonwealth with a synth in toe asking about the railroad. That sure as hell wouldn’t attract attention. “first thing’s first, you need a name.”

“a name?”

Pivoting my arm I looked at her sideways. “yeah. That whole S4-74 business isn’t a name. If we’re going to be traveling together you need a better name than that.”

A blush appeared in her cheeks and she dropped her gaze back down to her unfinished Mutfruit. “I… ok.”

“no ideas?” one of my brows shot up quizzically, or shot to the side I suppose given my tilted head. “didn’t any of your synth friends call you something other than S4?”

She shook her head, still refusing to look at me. “we didn’t dare talk much….”

“well then.” I sat up, folded my arms and leaned up against the cold greenhouse wall. “I’m not too good with names but I’m sure we can come up with something. Kate….” 

Her face scrunched at the name and I laughed.

“alright, Ivy? Cassey? Maybe Jenny? Why am I into the Y names?” grumbling I looked down at the mud on my boots. These things were never getting clean again. Damn you mud. 

“I don’t really like any of those either.” She admitted sheepishly.

Silence fell on us for a few minutes while the rain pattered the rooftop. A crack of thunder split the air and S4-soon-to-be-named jumped violently. Without thinking I put a hand on her shoulder and squeezed it. “don’t worry S-Sarah. What do you think of Sarah?”

She turned to look at me, her eyes bigger than I’d ever seen them before. “I like that.”

“perfect!” I sat up grinning at her. “Sarah it is then.”

“you girls making nice?”

The new voice caused me to flinch. In the blink of an eye I was on my feet, my pistol out and trained on the doorway. A man wearing a long trench coat and a large hat stood there. He wore sunglasses beneath the brim of his hat and black hair stuck out from beneath it. Other than that I couldn’t see much of him and that burned caution into me. “stay right there, you come any closer and I’ll blow your brains out.”

He raised his hands as a sign of peace though there was no mistaking the bulge under his trench coat. “whoa there, just wondering if you have a Geiger counter?”

“what?” my eyes narrowed at him. I hadn’t spent three days in this robot paradise to let some weirdo ruin it for me. “what the hell are you on about?”

A smirk split his face and he nodded. “she said you were a tourist.” 

S4, Sarah, got up and hid behind me, wide eyed with fear. I could feel her hands on my shoulder and my stomach tightened. Sentimentality, never thought I could be accused of that. I spread my legs just further apart, trying to put more of myself between them. “if you don’t start talking sense you’re going to get kneecapped.” 

Chuckling he removed his sunglasses and looked at me. Had to admit he looked pretty good under the hat. Didn’t let that distract me too much from the possible danger. I once knew a merc who looked like the biggest pretty boy on the face of the earth. He’d slit your throat for short changing him. “all business then, I can tango to that tune.” The man in front of me replied still smirking. 

Couldn’t help but roll my eyes. Asshole.

“listen up then. The names Deacon and I’m here to take the synth off your hands.”

“well Deacon, you can go screw yourself.” I replied in an equally polite tone. The gun hadn’t been trained particularly hard on him but now I pointed it down toward his crotch. His eyes glanced down at himself, still smirking. 

“the synth isn’t worth your trouble believe me. How about you sell her to me for say five hundred caps?” he splayed his hands out to either side of him, welcomingly. Almost like he was offering a hug.

He’d get a lot more than that if he didn’t back off. “no deal.”

“a thousand?”

I twitched. That was a hell of a lot of money, more than anyone in the commonwealth usually saw in one sitting. With that I could be sitting pretty for almost three months. If I played my cards right I could finally buy a place of my own. Wouldn’t that be nice? Living in my own little room instead of squatting in Hancock’s attic. Be a bit hard to get used to but it would be nice.

Then a hand balled into my jacket and I glanced over my shoulder. Sarah stared up at me, eyes wide, breath held.

With a sigh I rounded back on this Deacon guy. “no deal. Now take your stupid trench coat and your caps and get the hell out of my sight.”

“good answer.” He seemed satisfied by my reply and dropped his hands. Confused wasn’t quite a strong enough word for what I felt right then. His next words, which were spoken to Sarah not me, surprised me even more. “Glory sent me, S4-74.”

“Glory?!” that perked her right up. She leapt out from behind me and ran to the man as if he had been protecting her for three days. It took all my willpower not to grab her by the shoulder and stop her. “she’s alive?! But the courser!”

“couldn’t take down our Glory.” He laughed lightly and put a hand on her shoulder. “you’re safe now.”

“thank you, thank you so much.” Fat hot tears began streaming down Sarah’s face. couldn’t decide exactly what kind of tears they were. She turned to me and reached out to grab my gun wielding hand. “and thank you, you’ve been… you’ve been a real friend.”

“slow down.” I tried laughing though it came out a bit shaky. Carefully I slid my pistol back in its holster and held her hands. Looking over Sarah’s shoulder I eyed the man carefully. “Deacon was it? Mind explaining yourself?”

“certainly.” He stepped inside and removed his hat. His black hair shone in the lights of the greenhouse, slicked back from his face. “though I’ll bet my piece you can guess who I am.” 

“the railroad.”

“the railroad.” He grinned at me, arms folded. 

“and Glory, she was the woman back at Fairline hill?”

“that’d be her.”

“and Fairline hill was what, one of your safe houses?”

“you’re batting three for three.” 

Not entirely sure what that meant but I took it as a confirmation. “I was expecting, Glory, where’s she?”

“on another mission.” He replied smoothly. “I don’t know the details but I promise she sent me.”

Promises were a lot of empty words and hollow meaning in the wasteland. Even if it was hard to admit I’d grown attached to Sarah over the last few days and I wouldn’t hand her off to just anyone. Even if that anyone was pretending to be part of the railroad. I may have been being overly cautious but there were any number of explanations that could lead to this man being here. My hand remained rested on my pistol, one snap from being removed and Deacon could see it. Then a thought occurred to me, probably the only thought that could prove this one way or the other. 

“like my piece?” I asked, removing it from my holster and showing it off to him nonchalantly. “customized it myself, bought the silencer in Diamond city last week.”

That grin of his grew ever so slightly wider and he nodded. “good, well done. That would be a lie. Glory gave that to you before you rescued S4.”

That proved it. Unless Glory got captured and interrogated by the institute they couldn’t know that detail. Glory would have had to put that in her report. Handing off gear to strangers was something no organization did lightly. So Deacon was railroad. 

Satisfied I holstered my pistol one last time and held out my hand to Deacon. “nice to meet you Deacon, I’m-”

“Vel O’Malley.” He finished for me much to my distaste. Shaking hands I got the distinct impression that he knew a great deal more about me than even my closest friends. “I know who you are. We looked into you after Glory came back. Nice work against the courser by the way.”

“is it dead?” I asked in a low tone. 

He shook his head. “afraid not, those bastards are built for punishment, both taking and dishing. But he shouldn’t be a threat to you now.” Taking a step back he eyed me. It seemed like just a glance, but something inside me felt almost naked when he did it. I got the impression that a single look from this guy and he could tell you your whole life story. “I have to admit, not many of our people get that close to a courser and live to tell about it.”

“she was amazing!” Sarah piped up exaggeratedly. “she stared that courser down unflinchingly and, and blew him to hell!”

“I’m a bad influence aren’t I?” I questioned brows raised at that last part. “and obviously blowing him to hell didn’t take.” 

“I’m still pretty impressed, which is hard to do.” Deacon reached into his coat and I instinctively flinched. He noticed and slowly removed a jangling bag from inside his coat. “as thank you for your help, the railroad wants to offer you this reward. Take it and be grateful it’s more than we pay most people.”

It would be prudent to count the caps now but good impressions were so hard to maintain and I didn’t want to lose my streak yet. Besides I hadn’t exactly been expecting to get paid so even a handful of caps was fine by me. Stoically I slipped the bag into my own jacket and nodded. “appreciate the contribution.”

“you know.” He said slowly, leaning a hand on the wall and peering at me again. “the railroad is going through a rough patch right about now. The institute is more active than ever and they’re everywhere. We could use people like you on our side.”

I blinked stupidly. Join the railroad? What next the brotherhood? I’d never seen myself as a team player, hell working with partners was a pain in the ass, usually. Sure it would be nice to have someone backing me, consistent work, maybe a few friends. The whole loner thing certainly had disadvantages. But the railroad? They were going up against the damn institute. There were literally only two ways that could end and both was with explosions. They were doing good work, and I was happy to help them now, but I couldn’t justify putting my neck on the line for them anymore than I already had. For all I knew the institute already were searching me out. 

“no.” I said aloud flatly. 

Deacon’s brows shot up in surprise. No doubt he was used to people jumping on his bandwagon as soon as he took his hat off and made a few jokes. It would have easily worked if he had been representing literally anyone else. “you sure about that?”

“absolutely.” I crossed my arms, face hard. Hoped it made my point hit home. I wasn’t in the mood to argue philosophy with a railroad agent and a synth. “I ran into Glory and Sarah and that’s that. This wasn’t a pitch to join.”

He nodded, shifting his gaze toward the ground. “well, if you ever change your mind, follow the freedom trail. There’ll always be a place for someone like you.”

“you haven’t done your homework have you?” someone like me? Yeah right. the only group that wanted someone like me was long dead and buried by now. 

“so you’re not coming with us?” Sarah reached out to me and touched my arm. The gentleness in her touch just didn’t belong in the wasteland. It didn’t belong anywhere near me. 

Smiling at her I patted her hand awkwardly. “it’s going to be alright. Deacon will take care of you from here.”

For a few seconds we stared at each other. The rain continued to pound outside, thunder rolling dangerously close. If we weren’t careful there might be a lightning strike. I’d met someone in Goodneighbor who claimed to have been struck several times. He was a ghoul which is probably the only reason he was still alive. The lights flickered around us from the buildup of static electricity. A clap of thunder shook the greenhouse and in that flash Sarah flung her arms around my neck. 

Astonished my hands hung at my sides and my eyes stared out the opposite window in total confusion. Was this a hug? I hadn’t hugged anyone, ever, in my whole life. The spectacle was something very few people actually did in public. And for a split-second I honestly had no idea what to do. 

Sarah gripped me tightly while she buried her face into my bad shoulder, and although that stung I didn’t push her away. Slowly I put my hands around her and squeezed her tightly. Still felt weird but she didn’t seem to mind so I must have been doing something right. silently she sobbed into my shoulder and my hands stroked her back of their own accord. “hey, it’s alright, we’ll see each other again. Stop crying Sarah please.”

She extracted herself from my shoulder and ground the heel of her hand into her eyes. From my pocket I produced my red bandana and offered it to her. “you’ve been such a good friend, Ms. O’Malley. Thank you.”

“hey.” This was making me feel uncomfortable. Sheepishly I ran a hand through my hair, averting my eyes awkwardly. “it was nothing, I was… in the neighborhood.”

“Sarah was it?” Deacon stepped up and patted her on the shoulder reassuringly. “why don’t you ask supervisor white to make up a bag of supplies for us? We’re going to have to take the long way around back to a safe house.”

“alright.” She wiped her eyes on the corner of my bandana then offered it back to me.

I held up my hand and pushed it back into her chest. “keep it, consider it thank you for the company these last three days.”

Sarah hugged me one more time before running off to find the robot supervisor. 

Alone with Deacon I shifted my stance and folded my arms. I didn’t expect him to say anything else to me but he leaned in close. “you won’t see her again, and I don’t suggest trying to find her.”

“I figured.” I growled out of the corner of my mouth. Rounding on him I gave him a threateningly look, daring him to give me a snide remark or laugh off my next statement. “promise me the railroad will protect her. If I find out that the institute found her again I’ll personally ensure your organization loses a member am I clear?”

Deliberately he replaced his sunglasses and hat. Why he’d wear the glasses in this weather was beyond me. Evidently he enjoyed a flare of the dramatic. “I’d like to see you try, but you have my word. She’ll be free.”

“freedom isn’t something to be taken lightly.” I murmured out the corner of my mouth.

“you’re a good fit for Goodneighbor aren’t you?” 

Before I could answer Sarah returned with supervisor White in toe. A bag of Mutfruits held in a hand. “leaving so soon?” Supervisor White questioned, not the slightest trace of disappointment in her voice. 

“afraid so White.” Deacon tipped his hat to her, smiling beneath it. “I appreciate you looking after my friends here.”

“anything for you darling.” The metal ball chuckled, gesturing at him with her three-pronged claw hand. “do come by and visit more often. Our corn should be ready to harvest soon.” 

“I’ll keep it in mind.” Deacon looked to Sarah now, brows raised beneath his sunglasses. “ready to go?”

She nodded and glanced at me. “th-thank you Ms. O’Malley.”

I took the red bandana from her hands and tied it around her neck. “please, it’s Vel to my friends.”

“thank you Vel.” She smiled brightly at me. 

“time to go.” Deacon’s voice dropped low as he turned to leave the greenhouse. Without glancing back he walked out into the rain, instantly getting drenched. 

Sarah cast me one last look before following him. Sighing I stood in the doorway, leaning against the frame. I watched them go through the rain and mud. The wind tour at their clothes and the rain slapped them fiercely in the face. had to admit I was a little sad to see Sarah go. She was a good kid. I only hoped the Railroad was everything I hoped it would be. 

Before they got too far Deacon glanced back to yell at me. “Glory says keep the silencer! See you around!”

“not likely!” I bellowed back, throwing him a rude gesture. Couldn’t hear it but judging by his face he laughed. Eventually the storm engulfed them, turning them first into shadows, then to nothing at all. All trace of them was swept away in the storm.

Beside me Supervisor White floated, waving her buzz saw hand at them. “you take care now darlings! Do be safe! Such dreadful weather to be journeying in though.”

“take what you can get.” I shrugged, dropping my head against the doorframe. 

“will you be staying with us until it clears?” 

“maybe.”

“splendid, there’s plenty of Mutfruits to go around!”

“on second thought.” I gave her a curt nod. “gotta go.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I normally hate writing more than one OC and putting them in the same scene. Unfortunately I couldn't find a synth that could take Sarah's place. I promise I'll try to keep my OCs to a minimum, nothing's more annoying than populating a world with my own builds when there are so many characters to chose from. 
> 
> It's coming to the end of semester now and with finals and graduation I may forget to post on Sunday. I will do my best to keep myself on track. I promise the story will begin to pick up in a couple more chapters. 
> 
> Write on!


	5. I make poor promises

Of course it stopped raining when I got to Diamond city. The sun had set about three hours ago and I wasn’t inclined to take the remaining journey to Goodneighbor in the dark. My clothes were soaked, I was hungry for meat, and my attitude was in the gutter. The guards eyed me as I entered but I doubted they recognized me under my flat hair and wet coat. Otherwise they would surely have stopped me. 

The city looked even more dreary beneath a sheen of fresh rain. A few residents poked their heads out of their homes, rushing back and forth through town to finish their day’s work. As I made my way down the ramp I noticed Nat wasn’t at her post. I should probably go see Piper. Beside the fact that she owed me for this I’d gone missing for three extra days than expected. Not that I got the distinct impression she cared too much about me. I was probably little better than a hired gun to her. 

Still the job wasn’t finished till I reported back in. Didn’t want her barging into my room in the middle of the night demanding answers. Letting out a long breath I squelched my way to her front door and knocked. 

On the other side of the metal I could hear voices arguing, rather loudly. My curiosity got the better of me and I leaned in to better hear what was being said. My chest tightened when I recognized the first voice.

“you’re not an idiot Piper! You know exactly what could happen!” Nick growled bitterly, his voice shook with the effort to hold down his temper.

The reporter sounded defensive, likely trying to defend her decision to send me out. “she seemed capable, you’re always on about how much you like her at your back!”

“that wasn’t permission to hire her for a job. An institute job Piper! What were you thinking?!”

“don’t you want answers?”

“of course I want answers….” His voice went low, the rage from earlier ebbing just slightly. He let out a long sigh. “but not at the cost….”

“I’m sure she’s fine.” Piper’s voice came toward the door and I quickly backed up.

In an attempt to look casual I put my hands in my pockets and looked up toward the sky. The door opened allowing a warm orange light to leak onto the street. Turning I smiled at Piper who looked a little disheveled, dark circles under her eyes. My brows shot up. “weren’t losing any sleep over me were you?”

She snorted and gestured for me to come inside. “not damn likely. See Valentine?! Here she is! Safe and whole! I’ll be waiting for that apology.”

I slipped past her into the tiny house while she closed the door behind her. It was cramped and clearly doubled as the printing room and bedroom. In the back beneath a platform I could see Nat absently scribbling on a piece of unprinted newspaper. An old mailbox sat between the two doors back outside on my left. On my right was a coffee table that looked in bad need of repair and a couch. On the couch sat Nick. 

He stared up at me, his face unmoving and expressionless. Only one reason he was giving me that look and it wasn’t to welcome me home and offer me a mole rat steak. “where in the hell have you been?”

“doesn’t feel so good does it?” Dramatically I threw out my arms and turned in a circle in the middle of the room. The ends of my coat slapped wetly against the edge of the coffee table as I did and Piper let out an annoyed groan. “see? Totally whole, not even a scratch. Nothing to worry about.” 

My cheery manner did next to nothing to delay the onslaught of reprimand I felt coming. Slowly Nick rose, removing a pack of cigarettes from his pocket and lighting one of them. He took a long drag from it then blew the smoke up toward the ceiling. 

“please Nick, not in my house.”

“start from the beginning.” He growled, dropping his yellow gaze on me again. Those eyes brought the memory of the institute synths flooding back to me. It took all my willpower not to look away. “tell me everything that happened.”

“what did you find, was it the institute?” Piper walked past me around the coffee table and plucked the cigarette from Nick’s mouth. Promptly she smashed it beneath her boot and gave him a dark look.   
I didn’t reply right away. Groaning audibly I slung my rifle off my shoulder and shrugged off my soaked coat. Beneath I wore little more than a tank top and I shivered in the cool air of Piper’s home. Tossing my coat on the back of a folding chair I sat on the couch with a heavy sigh. “it was the institute alright.”

“well, don’t keep us in suspense.” Nick grumbled, less than pleased by my words.

So I launched into the tale. It took a surprisingly long time to recount it, which was fitting considering how much effort it took to survive it. I told them about finding Fairline hill, about Glory, though I left her unnamed, and about the courser. I recounted rescuing the synth and taking her to Graygarden. Throughout all of this Nick remained silent, pensively staring at the opposite wall. I couldn’t tell if he was impressed, angry, annoyed or just relieved at this point. Piper on the other hand took diligent notes, hanging onto my every word as if it was a saga. 

“and that’s why I’ve been gone for three days.” I finished after a long breath. “the synth is safely with the railroad and I’m back. No harm done.”

“a courser.” Nick muttered under his breath, leaning into the couch. In that moment he looked older, sitting awkwardly on the lumpy furniture. “you actually faced off against a courser. You’re lucky to be alive.”

“damn straight you’re lucky to be alive!” Piper piped up to which Nick cast her an accusatory look. She didn’t notice. She was still scribbling away at her notebook furiously writing the last of my words down. “this is incredible! I’ve never gotten a firsthand of a courser attack before!”

“just do me the favor.” I grumbled, pointing a finger at her absently. “don’t put my name on that article. I have no desire for my name to be at the top of any institute hit list.”

“but-”

“do as she says Piper.” Beside me Nick sat up with an arm on the back of the couch. He narrowed his yellow eyes on the journalist who averted her gaze. “you’ve already put her in enough danger don’t you think?”

Piper’s mouth fell open to argue, an absolutely angry expression crossing her face. But then she met Nick’s eyes and she clicked her mouth shut. “fine, fine, I won’t mention you by name but I’m still running this story.”

“feel free.” I waved my hand absently. With a groan, I leaned my head back but discovered Nick’s arm beneath it. He made no move to remove his arm so I just lay there, eyes closed. 

“are you sure you weren’t hurt?” Nick asked beside me.

I gave him a shrug. “one of those assholes grabbed me by the hair, gonna have to cut it again. But other than that I’m fine.”

He didn’t believe me but the evidence spoke otherwise. Even my shoulder had completely healed thanks to the Stimpaks I earned from Daisy. Damn, that felt like a week ago. All things considered I was probably in better shape than I had been in months. All be it, still craving a little meat. 

Rising and stretching I turned a cool gaze on Piper while she made a few extra notes in her notepad. “if you don’t mind, it’s been a long walk back to the diamond and I’d like to get some shut eye.”

At first it looked like she might have totally forgotten she promised to pay me. A fact that I would make sure every merc between here and Goodneighbor knew about. Then with a long breath she held up a hand. “hold on, let me go get your reward.”

“thank you.” Folding my arms I watched her run up the stairs to the platform over Nat’s head. 

Nick got up next to me and put his hands on his sides. “getting a room at the dugout inn?”

“I planned on, maybe a meal.” Grabbing my coat I shook it out, deliberately watching in case Piper came back down to yell at me. “I’ve had nothing but Mutfruits for three days, I need meat.”

He chuckled and nodded. “I bet. I’d offer you a bed at the agency but we don’t have one to spare.”

“I wasn’t asking.” I gave him what I hoped was a convincing smile. To be perfectly honest I hated staying at the dugout inn. The owners, those brothers, were good to me, better than anyone else in Diamond city. But the door just never felt secure enough to me. I didn’t exactly have a door in Goodneighbor but when you slept above Hancock and his right hand you tended to feel secure.

Piper descended back down to our level and offered me a bag of caps. “here you go, exactly what I owed you.”

I didn’t bother to count it. Piper could swindle me all she wanted, Deacon had basically already paid for me. “thanks, and uh Piper, remember, keep my name out of this.”

“yes, yes.” She waved me away, rolling her eyes exaggeratedly. “now get out, I’ve got writing to do and you’ve tracked in mud.”

Had to be grateful she didn’t force me to stick around and clean up the muck. With Nick beside me we left Piper’s home and stepped out into the night of the commonwealth. A shiver ran down my spine as a breeze blew through me. My coat wouldn’t do me any good at this point, not till it dried out. 

“here.” Nick draped his own trench coat over my shoulders and began leading the way to the dugout inn. 

Indignantly I jogged a little to catch up with him. “it’s literally a short stroll, I don’t need your coat.”

“I don’t feel cold remember?” He gave me a glance over his shoulder, smirking. “and I’m not giving it to you, gray. Just keep it till we get inside.”

Grumbling something inaudible under my breath I tightened a hand around the collar of the trench coat. It felt warm despite it coming from a synth. I guessed his internal systems must run pretty hot though I hadn’t given it much thought before. My eyes strayed to him. He wore a shoulder holster on his left arm where his pipe pistol rested securely. He looked a bit odd without his trench coat. 

Why he felt a need to escort me to the dugout inn was beyond me. Maybe he wanted to make sure I wouldn’t get into trouble. If so that was fair. Likely as not I’d find some kind of trouble the short walk between Piper’s home and the inn. Judging by the guards staring at me the odds of trouble were doubled. If Nick hadn’t been there I might have been spending the night in jail. Not for the first time I might add. 

We reached the dugout inn however with zero incident and once inside I promptly handed Nick’s coat back to him. He took it chuckling at the indignity that was surely in my face. While he threw that back on I went looking for the owners of the dugout inn. 

At the counter stood a broad shouldered man in a faded blue coat. He cleaned the counter absently. With no one at his bar he looked bored. I marched right up to him and leaned over it. “Vadim! Long time no see!”

He looked up, a smile threatened to overtake his face at the sight of me. “Vel! Been too long! How’s the wasteland been treating you?”

“well enough.” I shrugged dramatically and propped my chin in a hand. “please tell me you have some roast or something involving meat.”

He held up a finger and ran around the counter. “as it happens I do, hold on a moment.”

Grinning I turned around to find Nick now standing with his back to the pillar, his arms folded, coat replaced. He was staring at me from beneath the brim of his hat and I couldn’t help but grumble at him. “what?”

“nothing.” He shook his head. 

“bullshit.” Rolling my eyes I leaned against the counter and crossed my arms. At that moment the other brother, Yefim, came walking out of the back rooms. He looked a little larger than his brother, though I’m guessing that was because he bulged out of his suit rather impressively. “hey Yefim! Any rooms left?”

He flinched a little and glanced at me. “one, it’s ten caps, money upfront.”

From one of the bags of caps I produced a handful, placing them on the counter. “done.”

“room two, I assume you can read.” His jab might have been meant to be in jest but it was hard to tell under that accent. Lazily he sat in his chair beside the door and produced a newspaper. 

“he seems in a bad mood.”

“don’t let my brother scare you off!” Vadim returned, carrying a plate of shish kababs to the counter. With a loud clatter he placed them down and slammed his hands on the wood. “he just doesn’t know how to have a good time at work!”

Out of the corner of my eye I saw Yefim roll his eyes visibly. “sounds like someone I know.”

“excuse me?” Nick grumbled from behind me.

Vadim laughed boisterously. “aren’t you a firecracker? I’ve said it for years, you’re the only one that could give Nick a run for his money!”

“don’t give her any ideas. She doesn’t need to help.”

I winked at him over my shoulder. “maybe I should set up my own agency. O’Malley Detective agency has a nice ring to it doesn’t it?”

“better than Valentine.” Vadim added laughing.  
Nick gave me an unamused look but the corners of his mouth twitched. “pay the man and let’s sit down.”

“fine, fine.” Smiling, mostly because of Vadim’s continued laughter, I reached into my pocket for the rest of my caps. “twenty?”

“that’s right.” he somehow managed to reply around his laughter. Now he was just taking it too far. 

I paid for the meal and turned around with the plate in my hand. Nick uncrossed his arms and gestured toward the lobby of the inn. “where do you want to sit?”

My eyes scanned the room and to my displeasure I found no unoccupied table. At least one person sat at each piece of furniture and they seemed to have made a conscious effort to ensure it. I had no desire to sit awkwardly next to a complete stranger to eat dinner. It would only spoil my meal. “let’s go to the room.” 

Nick followed me into room two just off the lobby area. He shut the door behind us as I sat on the bed with a huff. I didn’t wait to be told to eat. The mere smell of the lukewarm kabab under my nose was enough to make my mouth water. Greedily I tore into the first morsel of meat. Stringy, probably squirrel or mole rat. Not bad, at least it wasn’t Radroach or another goddamn Mutfruits. “so.” I managed around a mouthful. “what have you been doing for these last three days?”

He rolled his eyes at my lack of manners, that old world personality showing through. “always another case to solve. I ended up back in Goodneighbor after you left and once again Hancock was asking about you.”

“one of these days he’s just gonna cut his losses.” With a hard swallow, I gulped down the chewy bits of the meat and leaned back against the wall. “he’ll convert the attic into a chem lab.”

“he’s got the Rexford for that.” Nick pointed out with a crooked half smile.

“suppose so.” I took another bite of mystery meat and chewed it contemplatively. “guess I’ll have to head home first thing in the morning. Last thing I want is some drifter thinking my stuff is up for grabs.”

“for the last time you should just move here.” He grumbled exasperatedly. 

“where? Homeplate is way too expensive for me.” 

“you could stay at the agency till somewhere opened up.” He countered.

Frowning I dropped my gaze back toward him. That was a different tone than he usually carried. As a rule Nick was rough, cynical but kind in his own right. I’d seen him in the middle of battle, brutishly bashing a raider’s skull in with the butt of his weapon. But I’d also seen him comfort grieving clients. His voice was low now, hoarse, as if he was trying not to say everything. “Nick are you alright?”

“course I am gray, don’t worry about it.” he waved it aside but that didn’t satisfy me.

I set aside my dinner and got off the bed. Before he could stop me I put a hand on his shoulder and leaned down to frown into his face. Those yellow eyes met mine. Although they weren’t anywhere near human I could read them like they were. Years of experience. “what’s wrong?”

For a long tense moment it looked like he would just brush me off again. Nick liked to hold people at arm’s length, maybe it was a synth thing I don’t know. Or maybe he simply wanted to maintain an air of professionalism. We’d been through too much to maintain that any longer. Whether he liked it or not he was my friend, one of the few I had. We continued to stare at each other for a long moment before he replied. His voice came in a rasp, as if he still couldn’t quite voice it. “the institute.” 

A hole formed in the pit of my stomach at the mention of the institute and I dropped my gaze. If anyone had the right to hate the institute it was Nick. “I know.”

“you don’t know what they’re capable of.” he continued in a somewhat stronger tone than before. “they’re the last group in the commonwealth you want to make an enemy out of.”

“I know.”

“but you got mixed up with them anyway?”

“I didn’t mean to.” I protested dropping my hand from his shoulder. Standing over him I glowered down at him. There wasn’t any heat behind it, I was just annoyed. “what is this? Some kind of chastising. You’re not my parent Nick, pretty damn far from it.”

He rose to his feet suddenly and grasped me by the shoulders. Those yellow eyes bore into my gray ones and I couldn’t help but listen to his next words. “they will not hesitate to make an example of you. Promise me, promise me that you won’t go looking for them again. That you won’t join the railroad.”

“I’m an adult Nick I can make my own decisions.” The words came tumbling out before I fully realized what I was saying.

They made Nick’s face go dark and he dropped his gaze. The rim of his damn fedora hid his expression from me but his hands tightened around my arms. I didn’t know what was going on. We’d put our lives on the line plenty of times before, both almost blown to pieces. He would laugh it off later, even buy me a drink. What made this instance so much more different? Of course, I should have known why from the beginning. 

“they… they created me Vel. You know that.” He said slowly, still not looking at me.

I nodded numbly, a weight falling onto my shoulders. A weird, tight, pain emanated from my chest that I could only describe as dread. 

“do you know what they did to me?”

“no….”

“neither do I.” a bitter chuckle escaped him and he turned his back to me. His hands slid down my arms until they came to rest at his sides. “the one thing I do know is they threw me out with the trash. Was I a failed experiment? A prototype they did away with?”

“they’re loss.” I growled bitterly. My hands balled into fists and my jaw set. 

“the point is.” He rounded back on me, expression determined and steely. “if they create lives just to ruin them, what do you think they’ll do to someone like you?”

Those words bit deep and I almost felt physically staggered by the thought. I’d never thought of it that way. The revelation made me feel a little light headed and I sat. Everything Sarah told me about the institute, everything Nick had ever said, came tumbling back to me. I’d always thought of the institute as an organization that targeted only synths but that had never been the case had it? Like Piper wrote in her newspaper, people went missing all the time because of them. Maybe they were running experiments on the commonwealth as we spoke and no one was the wiser. The thought made me sick. 

“do you understand?” 

Nick’s voice brought me back to earth and I spun my gaze back to him. The steel had disappeared from his expression, replaced by a subtle softness only a synth could pull off. Then it occurred to me. If I drew the institute’s attention, how long until they found Nick? “I get it.”

“so…?”

“I won’t go looking for them.”

“swear it.” 

Always dramatic. Suppressing a roll of the eyes I nodded. “I swear, I won’t go looking for the institute.”

“thank you.” He straightened, the dark shadow over his expression lifted and it was back to business. “at any rate I bet you’re tired. I’ll leave you alone.” 

“if you want.” The conversation seemed to have drained the last bit of energy I had and I was looking forward to a little shut eye. As much as I could get with my hand wrapped around my pistol. I saw Nick to the door and in a mockery of cordiality I opened the door and bowed slightly. He tipped his hat to me in response. “let me know if you want help on a case. Life gets pretty boring without you around.” I called to him as he exited the room.

“will do.” He waved over his shoulder, casually walking away.

Then the moment he took two steps out the door he came to an instant stop. I watched his shoulders shake, his hand glitch back and forth in a mockery of a wave. His other hand twitched, scrambling over his leg as if searching for something. Then I heard him growl, in a voice unlike his own, “where’s that bitch?”

“Nick?” I reached out and took him by the shoulder. The instant I touched him he gave one last shudder and straightened. 

With confused eyes he looked at me, brows high. “something wrong gray?”

“you feeling alright?” my brows knitted together, while I watched blank confusion drift across his features. He seriously had no idea what just happened. 

“do you mind?” he gave my hand a pointed look then gestured at the lobby. “people will start to talk.”

Laughing lightly, in order to cover up my concern, I dropped my hand. “I heard Zwicky and Ms. Edna got hitched last week, at least it wouldn’t be illegal.”

“don’t even suggest it.” he rolled his eyes at me. That was definitely a Nick gesture. Waving one last time he walked away. “take care of yourself gray.”

“same to you synth.” I called back to him, lifting my hand in a partial wave. 

As he left my frown returned. What had just happened? Was that just a weird lapse in his programming? Considering how much Nick had been through over the years it wouldn’t surprise me to discover he developed some strange quarks. His smoking seemed to be one of those quarks. I’d never seen this one before though. 

“maybe the institute did a lot more to him than anyone realized.” I murmured under my breath, swinging the door shut behind me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I never thought the hardest part of posting things online would be waiting till Sunday to put up the latest chapter. Seriously the support here has been astronomically better than I ever expected! I expected no one to take interest and my desire to update would just go away. I literally can't wait for the end of the week now. Thank you to everyone who has been reading but thank you especially to those of you who have commented. Your comments mean so much to me!
> 
> This was the last bit of set up I needed to do before I could get on with the main story line. From here on things start to wind up. Hope you continue to enjoy reading as much as I have enjoyed writing it.


	6. Why am I an errand girl?

“Vel! Where are you?!”

I giggled, in a tiny voice that sounded totally unfamiliar.

“Vel! This isn’t funny! Come out right now!”

Instead of coming out I hid even deeper. My legs were drawn up to my chest beneath the workbench. My brown hair hung long past my shoulders and it tickled my arms. A stray dust mite drifted toward my nose and I glowered at it. Don’t you dare, don’t you dare. In spite of my silent warning it drifted closer, and closer, then I sneezed reflexively. 

“got you!” a pair of big hands appeared from over my head and grabbed me around the middle. 

A squeal escaped me as I was lifted high into the air. Whoever held me spun me around a few times, giving me full view of the world around me. We stood on a barren hill overlooking a valley. Down below I could see a tiny glistening dirty stream running into the distance. Herds of Radstag trundled along the riverbed while radiated birds flew through the sky. A sun hung high over our heads, brighter than I ever saw it these days. 

On the other side of the circle I saw a small field of carrots and corn. People worked the fields, bent over double to pick weeds from the crop. Beyond the field stood a cluster of shacks, made from rough wood and rusted metal. The whir of generators and the groans of a Brahmin drifted to me over the tops of those.

At last I found myself falling and I landed in a large embrace. Warm arms hugged me close and I wrapped my own stubby ones around the neck beside my head. “what were you doing under there niblet? Avoiding your mother again?”

In response I just giggled and stuck my tongue out. 

“well come on then, your mom wants a word.” The man holding me carried me over his shoulder back toward the shacks. At least I assumed it was the shacks. Hard to figure out when all you saw was what you left behind. We skirted the edge of the farm fields. A few workers stood straight, wiping their forearms across their brows. Dirt covered their hands and knees, faces covered in grime but they were happy. Still don’t know what’s so good about farming in the dirt all day.

We past under a makeshift gate into the cluster of shacks and the man put me down. Before I could look up at him he put a calloused hand on my head, tousling my hair. “alright niblet, go see your mother. Don’t let me catch you running off again ya hear?”

I wanted to play more hide and seek. Get away from all the work and the hot sun. But the hand on my head shifted to my shoulder and he pushed me deeper into the houses. Fine. Pouting a little I wondered through the tiny settlement. There weren’t many shacks but plenty of people. Looking through the doorways of some I could see multiple mattress and sleeping bags strewn over the floors. Some of the older folk sat on cinderblocks in front of their houses. Their wrinkled faces and worn hands made me uncomfortable so I hurried along.

I went to the last shack in the cluster. It didn’t look any different than the rest, though I did get the vague impression it leaked more than the others. Before I even got inside a woman appeared in the doorway. “Vel! Where have you been?!”

My tiny feet came to a stop in the dust and I craned my neck back to look at her. She just seemed so impossibly tall, with long brown hair the same as mine, and a smile that sent a wave of warmth into my stomach. She was beautiful, I remember that much, but I couldn’t quite make out the details of her face. So I slid my eyes down to her belly. It bulged outward, wrapped in a long skirt to ensure modesty. My baby brother. 

Wordlessly I scampered the last few feet and buried my face into my mother’s side. She held one hand to my head while the other one rested on her stomach. Her breathing was heavy, her heart beat strong. Still with me clasping her side she wobbled back into the shack. “I don’t want you wondering off Vel, I’m worried about you.”

I nodded into her side. We sat on the only elevated bed in the entire settlement. My mother groaned teetering dangerously as she leaned back on her arm. Untangling myself from her I couldn’t help but stare at her big round belly. 

“oh.” One of my mother’s hands snapped back to her stomach and she let a fluttery laugh escape her. “he’s kicking again, come here Vel feel it.”

Curiously I let her take my hand and lay it flat against her pregnant belly. Sure enough I felt a tiny foot press against my hand. An excited grin lit up my face. “don’t worry little brother.” I whispered, leaning in so only the baby would hear me. “I’ll keep you safe.”

There came a crack in the far distance, loud enough to reverberate off the metal walls of our home. Mother and I both sat up in unison as the lone event became a cacophony of cracks pops and shouts. Mother’s breathing became sharper, shorter as fear seeped into her. I glanced at her, the sheen of sweat on her brow, the wide fearful eyes. 

“don’t worry mother!” proudly I stood on the floor, hands on my hips. “I’ll protect you both!”

“Vel wait no!” she tried to protest but nothing was faster than an eight year old’s feet. I bounded toward the door out into the streaming sunlight of midday.

Then it all faded.

The screen went dark and I blinked stupidly for several seconds as I stared at it. somewhere a disembodied voice called to me. “times up O’Malley, time to get out.”

“fuck you Irma.” I growled beneath my breath. My hands tightened around the arms of the recliner I sat in as my vision returned to me. Gradually my gaze shifted from the screen in front of me to my own body. It was that of an adult, long legs, arms, fingers that were now as calloused and scarred as the man in my memory. In that moment I had the urge to look into a mirror just to make sure I was me, the present me. But then I was almost too scared to face myself.

The seals on the pod hissed and the canopy swung upward. Groaning audibly I scooted myself out from under it, casting the pod itself a distasteful look. Maybe it was best that my little dip into the past ended there. I knew what came next, and I didn’t need a memory machine to tell me that. Or remind me I suppose. 

My legs were a little shaky as I moved but I refused to let that show. Not when that blond scorpion still sat watching me from her platform. And she was watching me, no paranoia about that. Her head was pointed elsewhere but her eyes glinted at me. I hated it. No one knew I actually came here to use the machines except Dr. Amari, Irma and of course Hancock. Why Hancock? Cause it’s his fucking town and no one can keep secretes from him. At any rate, I trusted Amari and Hancock but Irma was an entirely different story. She talked about client confidentiality and all that but unlike Nick I highly doubted she took it seriously.

One day she was going to stab me in the back I just knew it.

Standing as straight as I could I marched toward the exit of the memory den. Thank god they asked for caps up front or I’d have double the distance to walk. Wasn’t sure my legs had it in them. I walked into a brilliantly blue afternoon. The sun was so big and so bright for a moment I had to actually shield my eyes.

It had been a week or so since the whole business with the institute. I’d heard nothing about synths, raids or the railroad for that whole time. Not that I was keeping my ear to the ground or anything. After talking with Nick that night I had every intention of keeping my promise. Nothing scared Nick, and when something did you better avoid it like radiation. He’d come to check in on me about two days ago on his way to some place he called Sanctuary, whatever that meant. I wanted to bring up his strange glitch from the dugout inn but he didn’t seem inclined to talk that much. He’d been pleased to discover I was laying low for a while.

And lay low I was. After practically being paid double for a job I didn’t need to do any more work for a while. Over the last week I’d spent most of my time either cleaning my gun or hanging out in the Third Rail. And of course taking this trip to the Memory Den. No idea what possessed me to visit that place every once in a while. But I did. It could be from the stupidest things too. A piece of clothing lying abandoned on the streets, memory den. A gun shot in the far distance, memory den. Hell sometimes just looking at the sun on days like this led me to the memory den. 

I guess it was better than being addicted to chems, but at least that kind of dealer would be more discreet. 

After the first week of time off I got restless and headed into the waste to scavenge. Just for myself at first, to pick up this or that to augment my weapons. Soon though I was lugging bits of metal back to Daisy’s Discounts to sell. I knew word would spread soon and I’d be back on the job. 

Still wobbling slightly on my jelly like legs I walked across the street and sat at one of the benches in front of the third rail. An arm slung over the back I tilted my head back to stare toward the sky. All the tenseness in my shoulders seemed to evaporate just sitting there. With Goodneighbor guards beside me, Hancock getting high in the state house, and walls up this was the only place I felt truly at ease. I savored it. One of the few times I just sat there. There wasn’t anything spiritual about it but I’d almost call it meditation.

Then a voice broke through my little moment of relaxation. “O’Malley! Up for a job?”

Grumbling a string of curses under my breath I cracked open my eyes. High overhead, standing on the balcony protruding from the state house, stood Hancock. He appeared as little more than a dark, ghoulish, shadow against the backdrop of the blue sky. Ghoulish shadow? These puns were getting out of hand. “depends on the job!” I called up at him, grimacing.

“the third rail needs a shipment of tar berries from the slog. You up for it?”

The slog. That was a fair distance from Goodneighbor, quite the journey. It would take me to nearly the edge of the commonwealth and back. This job would be an overnighter if I took it. “how big of a shipment are we talking?”

He leaned over on his arms, his leathery lips twisting into a smirk. “nothing you can’t handle.” 

I sat up and leaned over my knees so that he couldn’t see my face. Hancock asked me cause he knew I wouldn’t say no to him. Cheeky bastard. Even if I said no initially he’d just threaten to kick me out of his attic and onto my ass. Nick’s invitation to stay in Diamond city came drifting back to me but I shook my head. No way in hell.

“well if you’re too tired to do it, I’ll get someone else.” Hancock slid from the edge of the balcony as I swung my face back up.

“oh shut up I’ll do it! Got the caps to pay for the shipment?!”

If a ghoul could manage a satisfied expression Hancock certainly had one right then. He held out a bag over the edge of the balcony and dropped it toward me. I caught it easily and shook it to listen to the caps inside. “if you bargain Wiseman down then keep the change. There’ll be payment waiting for you when you get back.”

I just hoped his payment didn’t take the form of chems I’d never use. Wouldn’t be the first time he tried paying me with jet. “I’ll head out first thing in the morning.”

“fine, on your time then.” He went back inside, apparently content to leave me with a bag full of caps and no supervision. Well even if I was inclined to take his money and run this was Hancock, he’d cut me to pieces for doing that. 

I supposed taking a trip back out into the wastes wouldn’t be unpleasant. Unadvised but when had I done anything in favor of my health? 

I stocked up on a few supplies that day, returned to my room and slept through the night. The next morning I slung my rifle over my shoulder and left Goodneighbor while the sunlight went from orange to yellow. About a block from Goodneighbor I ran into my first problem and I decided just to resign myself to having the absolute worst luck along this journey. Raiders dropped in on me and while I could have easily handled them I decided to run instead. With those assholes on my tail I darted between buildings and around corners with all the speed my legs could muster. Bullets whizzed over my head, ricocheting with little pings off of nearby buildings. 

A chunk of brick cut my cheek but I ignored it. If I was being honest, I enjoyed this, the chase. Both being chased and doing the chasing. It brought an animal joy into my chest and it was all I could do not to spin around and rush the raiders. I nimbly climbed a chain link fence that lay across an alley. I landed on the other side and risked a glance back. The raiders were still following me. Their mistake. 

I wasn’t lying when I said I knew the city as well as I knew Goodneighbor, exaggerating a little maybe. One last turn and I went careening down what must have once been a main street. Behind I heard the raiders leave the alley with several crashes as they hit the ground. Another volley of bullets washed over me but I skidded and raced down another alley. Just in time too. From up the road the thundering of heavy massive feet on concrete came racing. Howls that sent a shudder through my stomach broke through the city. 

Would have liked to stop and watch the Supermutants tear apart the meal I’d so kindly delivered to them. But not even my stomach could handle that. While the battle turned away from me I ran through the city back to the path I’d left behind. With any luck the commotion would draw more of the Supermutants away from my route out of the city. 

After that I met little resistance all the way to Bunker Hill. I crossed the river and found myself trekking through pure wasteland. Once the city lay behind me I slung my rifle off my back and carried it cautiously as I walked. At the slightest movement in the distance I went down on a knee and checked my scope. This overly cautious attitude made me jump at literally everything but saved my hide once or twice. Once when I avoided a roaming Yao Guai, and a second time when I caught sight of a writhing nest or Radscorpions. 

Other than that, the wasteland was quiet. About half way to the slog I sat on a rock and took a small break. The sun was already sinking too low. By the time I reached the Slog I was trekking through darkness. There was only a couple of ghouls awake when I reached the front entrance and they both pointed their weapons at me on my approach. “stop right there!”

“damn, what’s with the extra security?” I called to them casually, refusing to stop. “mind pointing those guns somewhere else?”

They didn’t, and in fact lifted them higher to sight their next shot. “who do you think you are?! I said stop!”

Once I stood in the beam of light emanating out from behind them I did. Coolly I raised my hands up, not so much to show them I wasn’t armed but to make sure they knew I didn’t mean harm. “the name’s O’Malley, go get Wiseman, he knows me.”

They hesitated, exchanging looks, or whatever equivalent ghouls had with that leathery skin. The taller of the two gestured with his head and his fellow disappeared back into the building. “stay the hell where you are.” His gun didn’t shake as it remained trained on a point on my chest.

“don’t worry, I’ve got all night.” I replied sarcastically. 

“shut your trap.”

Something had these ghouls on edge, couldn’t imagine what. Standing in the middle of the cracked road my arms began to ache from keeping them raised. My guess though, was that he’d shoot me if I put them down. Even the slightest gesture and he’d fill me with holes and lead. 

Just when I was about to turn around and head home the other ghoul returned with a third. The third one put a calming hand on the guard and nodded. “she’s a Goodneighbor, come on in O’Malley.”

“thanks Wiseman.” Giving the guards a satisfied smirk I followed the ghoul through the middle of the building and out the other side. 

The Slog was one of the only tar berry farms in the commonwealth. As far as I knew it was the only one. Wiseman set up camp here several years ago, after the mayor of Diamond city had outlawed ghouls from the city. Instead of going to Goodneighbor like most of his brethren he’d left to find a settlement of his own. He set up shop here at an old public swimming pool, which in my guarded opinion wasn’t the smartest place to set down roots. He’d gained quite the following, seven ghouls lived and worked on the farm now, and he did fair trade with anyone that passed by. Since he was the only one in the commonwealth that grew tar berries even Diamond city sent merchants to him every once in a while. That damn mayor would never admit it though. 

Through the old building on the other side lay the swimming pool which was filled with tar berry plants. “looking good.”

Wiseman planted his hands on his hips proudly and smiled down at the literal fruits of his labor. “it’s been a good season. But with winter coming we’re going to have to figure out how to protect the crop.”

“could build a canopy over the top, protect it from the winds and cold.” I offered with next to no experience with farming. Well not recent experience. 

“that’s what Jones suggested.” He shrugged and stuck his hands in his pockets. “sorry about that greeting earlier. We’re all on edge.”

“you don’t say.” One of my brows cocked. “what’s the problem?”

Before he answered he gestured for me to follow him and we sat at a canopied table at the edge of the pool. He scratched his rough head with nails that probably hadn’t been trimmed once since he became a ghoul. “a week ago a Vertibird past us by.”

“a Vertibird?” my mouth fell open, quietly astonished. Those giant flying machines were rarer in the commonwealth than snow in summer. Or they had been. Stories had started pouring into the bars and hotels across the commonwealth about Vertibird patrolling the sky. They’d started fairly recently. “the brotherhood of steel?”

“they had their crest painted on the side of the damn thing.” He nodded and dropped his gaze to the table. “it would have been fine, but then it came back yesterday. It circled before flying off again.”

“that doesn’t sound good.” Probably the understatement of the century. “any idea what it wanted? Why would the brotherhood be after you?”

“you haven’t heard much about them have you.” 

Sheepishly I shook my head, hands in the air. “what have you heard?”

Apparently what he heard made it difficult to breathe. He sucked in a long breath and leaned in over the table. His hands clasped in front of him he focused on them. He remained silent until I too leaned in so that he didn’t have to speak over a whisper. “they’re zealot assholes, they believe in human supremacy and they’ll kill anyone who isn’t. Supermutants, synths, ghouls. We’re not hurting anybody we just want to be left alone for god sake.”

That’s a sentiment that a lot of people shared but very few of us ever actually achieved that kind of peace. Staring him in the face I could tell what he wanted me to say. When you spent your life doing jobs for people in varying degrees of desperation you began to recognize it. He wanted me to offer my help. Maybe promise to stay and protect them should the worst come. Fight off the brotherhood and their Vertibird, save the day, be a hero. 

But heroes died young and cowards saved their skin. 

If money had been an object I know that wouldn’t have been a problem for the Slog, they could afford me. But it wasn’t about money. I’d already had a brush with death twice this month, I had no desire to make it three times. Besides that, I couldn’t afford to piss off the brotherhood. They were more likely to bomb Goodneighbor to kill one person. At least the institute was a little more surgical about it. 

With a grimace, I shook my head. “I’m sorry to hear that, I hope they don’t come back.”

Wiseman’s face fell visibly and his black gaze strayed away. He couldn’t look at me in his disappointment. “I understand.” 

He hadn’t asked, and he didn’t want to. But he’d hoped I’d read between the lines and accept his job. Even I had lines I stayed within. My refusal made bringing up why I’d actually come here difficult and my throat suddenly felt dry. “uh… Hancock sent me for a shipment of tar berries.”

He nodded, the movement stiff and jerky. I’d made him angry. “I figured. My people are asleep but we’ll make up the shipment first thing in the morning. Will that by fine?”

“yeah.”

“good.” Abruptly he rose, causing my wrist to twitch. Arms crossed tightly across his chest he looked down at me with an impossible to read expression. “we don’t have any beds to spare. You’ll have to sleep out here.”

“fine.” I wanted to argue with him but that would do me absolutely no good. I was probably lucky he would even give me the tar berries at this point. Maybe it was a ploy. Hoping that if he kept me through tomorrow the Vertibird would come by and I’d be forced to help. Knowing my luck that’s exactly what would happen.

Wiseman left me sitting at the table in the darkness and returned to the building. I watched him go over my right shoulder, frowning. Had to admit even sleeping within the confines of the Slog didn’t sit too well with me. I hated sleeping out in the open, with no walls roof or, more importantly, a locked door. Not that I had much of a choice. I found a lawn chair and dragged it closer to the locker room building where everyone else slept. At least if someone tried to murder me in my sleep I’d be close enough someone would hear my scream.

Sleep wasn’t easy to begin with but every little noise that issued out of the wasteland made me jump and reach for my pistol. On total I must have gotten one or two hours of sleep. When someone inside started snoring I knew I wouldn’t be getting any more than that. I was grateful when the sun finally rose above the horizon to bathe the wasteland in morning glow. At least I could finally see what was coming for me instead of imagining the horrors that lay beyond the lamplight. 

Some of Wiseman’s workers woke first and they set to work gathering the shipment I’d come here for. They didn’t look at me, or even speak to me. To them I was an outsider. That might as well have made me a threat. Thankfully no one pointed any more guns in my face so that was a plus. They gathered the berries at what I assumed was a deliberately slow pace. Maybe Wiseman had already told them I wouldn’t be sticking around to help. These ghouls sure didn’t mess around making you feel welcome.

At some point Wiseman finally emerged from the building, stretching his arms over his head and breathing in a long breath. Show off, trying to flaunt his good night’s rest. Hands on his hips he glanced at me with an evil smirk. “how’d you sleep?”

“fine.” I growled around gritted teeth. Straightening my jacket I got to my feet and stood beside him. “how much?”

“five hundred.”

“you told Hancock four.”

“that was last week, now its five.”

I couldn’t prevent myself from scowling. This ghoul intended to bleed me dry now if I gave him the chance. Thing about ghouls was that they could hold one hell of a grudge, and considering their lifespan, that could last a while. I’d be fifty before he finally forgave me. “Hancock thinks it’s only going to cost him four hundred, do you really want to upset him? He’s your biggest buyer.”

That did give him pause. His anger with me slid away to be replaced by logic. In particular, the knowledge that if he swindled Hancock he’d wake up missing some bits. After a little deliberation he threw his hands into the air. “fine! Four hundred, but tell him the price is going up.”

“you can tell that to him yourself.” Didn’t relish the thought of telling Hancock that not that it mattered. While Wiseman went to supervise the harvest I quickly counted out a hundred caps from the bag Hancock had given me. He did say if I bargained Wiseman down I’d get to keep the change. Of course he hadn’t anticipated me using him as a threat. Or maybe he had. I mean if I learned that from anywhere it was him. 

I slipped the profit into my coat pocket and straightened, hoping that my face didn’t project the satisfaction I felt. The ghoul farmers loaded a duffle bag full of berries and Wiseman handed them off to me. The weight of it surprised me. I almost lost my balance as he tossed it into my arms. “there! Take that back to Goodneighbor and tell them to send someone else next time!”

“will do.” I gave him a mock solute to which I actually heard him snarl. It was then that I remembered ghouls sometimes went feral with no warning. Hurriedly I scurried out of the farm, passing the guards in front by while they gave me scathing looks. 

Hancock had said I could handle the size of the shipment but by god I wasn’t sure at this point. The duffle bag weighed me down severely. If I got caught up in a fight there would only be two possible options, fight or abandon the bag and run. Hancock wouldn’t take kindly to me leaving it behind. The old ghoul would probably take it out of my flesh as payment. He may have extended his protection to me since I was eight but that just gave him more of a right to punish me if I fucked up. 

My face determined I slung the bag further up my shoulder and marched down the cracked blacktop. I retraced the path I’d taken the day before, passing by old Finch’s farm and turning west. Thankfully it appeared as quiet out here as it had on the way to the Slog. Admittedly I was worried about the city but I’d cross that bridge when I got there. 

Down the road I could see a cluster of buildings forming in the distance. The name of the town had been lost to the war, if it ever had one. I doubted very much that anyone lived there except feral ghouls and raiders. I came to a stop just outside of town. On my right was what looked like a medical facility with a dry fountain in front of it and an adjoining parking structure. Further up the road several tall buildings lined the street. Dropping to a knee I scanned the town through my scope. 

My initial suspicions had been half right. I could see ghouls lying splayed across the road. Some looked intact, but unmoving. Hard to tell if they were dead or just lying in wait. Blood littered the ground in some places and I noticed a dismembered arm on the sidewalk. A ghoul’s arm, and recent judging by the blood pooling. 

Grimacing I let my rifle fall. Couldn’t risk it, not with the shipment in hand. 

Then a scream wrenched through the air and my heart leapt into my throat. A torrent of emotions flooded into my system. My chest heaved, I felt my palms go clammy and my heart pounded in my ears. Dark memories went racing across my mind’s eye so quickly it was hard to make out details. It left me with a cold sweat and shaking arms. My breath came raggedly now, hard to control. 

In the short distance, just outside the medical center if I had to guess, bullets started flying. Instinctively I dropped low, hiding behind a rusted truck on the side of the road. From this vantage I couldn’t see anything but I listen to the fighting as the scene moved. One shooter, multiple enemies, probably ghouls. The idiot. The more they fired and moved the more they’d just draw on them. 

“fuck it.” growling under my breath I deposited the duffle bag into the back of the truck. With a quick flick of my wrist I checked my magazine. Maybe between the two of us we could handle the ghouls. What possessed me then to help a complete stranger when I’d refused Wiseman? Hell if I know. I suppose the main thing was that at least I knew this wasn’t brotherhood activity, or institute for that matter. 

Even then I still had every intention of keeping my promise to Nick.

Leaving behind the duffle bag and the relative safety of the truck I sped across the cracked black top toward the medical building. By then the fighting had flooded into the neighboring parking structure. A few stragglers lumbered around on the first floor while bullets flew on the second. I popped two of them in the head before they even realized I was there. When blood spurted in their faces they turned to find two of their own on the ground in a heap. They shrieked in ways no human vocal cords were ever meant to produce. 

No denying, of all the creatures wondering the wasteland the feral ghoul was the most unsettling. A twisted human analogy of what humanity had transformed into since the bombs fell. They swarmed me, mouths of broken sharp teeth and bulging tongues wide open. Two more of them fell to my bullets before the bulk of the crowd reached me. I ducked and rolled out of their way as a few leapt at me. They collided with each other in midair and hit the ground in a tangle of limbs. 

Jaw set I got to my feet and ran full tilt into the parking structure. It afforded me some control over my surroundings, allowing me to keep anything from attacking my rear. Inside there were still some rusted cars parked in their spots. A camp sat hidden beneath the ramp and a body lay half eaten on the carpet there. Someone had been trying to make a life here but the ghouls saw to that. 

Skidding to a stop I span and pointed my pistol at a car beside the entrance. The ghouls were still clambering over one another to get back up. One or two were pelting toward me. I sunk five slugs into the front end of the car and it immediately started smoking. With one last slug it exploded, shaking the ancient concrete violently and knocking everyone to the ground. A great rift formed in the ceiling, bits of concrete fell blinding me for a second.

I threw up a hand to my eyes and tried to rub them clean. By the time I looked back up I found nothing but a ghoul’s gaping maw in my face. It tackled me and hit the ground hard. My head smacked against the concrete, stars danced on my eyes while my hands struggled to hold back the ghoul. Its jaws snapped dangerously close to my face. I had to tilt my head to the side in order to avoid losing my nose. Acrid breath wafted over my face, drawing bile up into my throat. With one arm beneath the ghoul’s neck my other hand scrambled around in search of the weapon I’d lost. 

Nothing.

It snapped and thrust its entire weight down on me, which thankfully wasn’t much. I threw my hand up to his shoulder and tried to shove it away to little avail. He wore armor over torn rags. Likely he used to be a raider, or even a marine, before this. What little humanity remained in him had long ago succumbed to the radiation. At his belt a wicked combat knife hung. Furiously I grabbed it and thrust it deep into its chest, up into the heart just below the ribs. It screeched in pain, numbing my ear drums for a split second. Blackish blood spurted from its mouth onto my face but I couldn’t stop.

I pulled the knife free and slammed it up into the ghoul’s jaw. Blood poured over my hand, coating it completely. My stomach heaved at the smell bathing my front. The ghoul thrashed, held in place by its skull and my knife. It’s claw like hands dug into my arms, through the leather of my coat. Before it even stopped moving I thrust it off and scrambled to my feet. Part of the parking structure had collapsed when I destroyed the car. A few limbs stuck out from the ruble, twitching in their owner’s death throws. 

No time to think about that. 

The gunshots had stopped firing on the second level but snarls continued to rend the air. Leaving the ghoul to die a slow and painful death I grabbed my fallen pistol and raced up the ramp to the top floor. Here were more signs of fresh settlement. The poor idiots who tried setting up camp here. There were so many other better places to try. Here to, cars scattered the concrete roof beside fresh ghoul bodies. 

I span on the spot and what I saw made my stomach drop. Someone sat in the corner, cowering beneath an onslaught of ghouls that rained down on them. Knife and gun gripped in opposite hands I raced forward. Two ghouls turned to notice me as I approached and their snarls brought the others around as well. Five total. 

As they charged I back up, taking careful aim as I went. I got one in the head but the rest of my shots were poor. One went down when I blew apart his knee but the others careened toward me. I dodged, as I had before but I could only avoid one of them. They staggered their lunges unlike the ones before. I soon found one throwing a clawed hand toward my face. Bucking back saved my mouth but another one slashed at my side. Blood spurted and with the scent of human blood in the air they became frenzied. 

With my newly acquired knife I swung at the nearest ghoul. It cut him clean across the throat and he went down gurgling his own blood. Two more remaining and one crawling miserably on the ground. They circled me like a pack of wild dogs, mouths hung open to better taste the blood in the air. The distance gave me just enough time to recover. As one threw himself at me again I threw my gun up and smashed the silencer into his eye socket. With him attached I fired, sending him flying. The last one screeched horrifyingly loud. It echoed off the buildings and filled my body with adrenaline. 

Instead of waiting for him to rush me I rushed him. Knife pulled back I dropped low and ran full tilt into him. The tactic worked to confuse the animal for a crucial split second. We slammed into each other. His hands scratched at the leather of my coat but did not dig deep. My knife buried in his belly so deep my first finger slipped inside his belly. He screamed in pain and I sliced upward, from his navel all the way to his collar bone. Blood and gore splattered me head to toe. 

Breathing heavily I staggered back, my knees shaking so violently I thought there was an earthquake for a split second. Somewhere overhead I could just make out the whir of an engine and the beat of blades through air. I craned my neck back to look toward the sky and sure enough there appeared a Vertibird. The brotherhood must have been patrolling the area though what they were doing was beyond me. 

As the adrenaline left my system my arms became lax at my sides. Miserably I shoved my gun back in its holster at my hip and stood up as straight as I could manage. “well… that wasn’t so bad…. You alright?”

I turned around and met a set of wild gray eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the cliffhanger. I'm such a monster with cliffhangers. Not in this work so much but in my personal pieces I'm terrible. This chapter got a little long and went a little slower than I'd have liked but I hate just skipping to new parts with no motivation. I hope you don't mind it so much. I promise next weeks chapter will be worth the wait.
> 
> Thanks guys! Write on!


	7. I'm not sure what happened

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry! I'm out on vacation and wifi wasn't working yesterday at all! I knew I should have posted before I left. I'm so sorry for the delay, I hope you all enjoy this regardless.

Those gray eyes stared into my identical ones. It was like the earth had fallen out from beneath me. My head churned, my stomach flipped upside down. There was a real danger I might throw up. What I saw just couldn’t be real. There was no way. No fucking way. But as the woman rose, the woman wearing my face, it all became even more surreal. Her short brown hair, her silenced pistol at her side, the rifle on her back, the leather knee length coat. It was all mine. It felt like looking in a mirror, a mirror that moved of its own accord. 

She looked exactly as shocked as I felt, her mouth slightly agape like mine, her eyes wide like mine. Her right hand drifted to her pistol while she maintained eye contact with me. Or maybe I was reaching for my pistol. Fear etched her face, my face, and our shoulders shook. In a flash, at exactly the same time, we drew out pistols and pointed them at each other. “who the fuck are you?!” we both yelled in unison. Her voice sounded exactly like mine. This couldn’t be happening, I couldn’t believe this was happening.

A mixture of fear and anger flooded my veins and watching her face I was sure it did the same to her. She spread he legs apart the same way I always did when I was taking careful aim. the world around us seemed to fade away, I couldn’t even hear the Vertibird anymore though I knew it was there. Aiming down the sights I tried not to look at the face, instead opting to stare at her chest. “you fucking synth piece of shit! You can’t take my face!”

“me?!” the other one yelled in rage. “you’re the synth bitch! Don’t pretend otherwise!”

“shut up!” my gun hand shook violently, it took all my concentration just to keep the sights lined up. “shut up! Stop talking! You’re not me!”

“I’m me!” she replied with such conviction my stomach lurched. “did the institute send you?! Are you here to kill me?!”

“the institute sent you!” I spat. I took a step forward and she did the same. Both of us had our guns trained at each other’s chests. Neither one of us could look the other directly in the face. “you goddamn freak!”

Even while I said it I doubted my own words. The woman standing in front of me looked truly mortified by this meeting. Her confusion and pain were evident in the eyes she shared with me. They were too human. 

“shut up!” she pulled her trigger and her gun clicked uselessly.

I pulled mine a split second later but my gun was empty too. Both of us glowered first at our traitorous guns then at each other. A decision passed behind her eyes, a deadly decision. I hesitated to make the same decision, a massive mistake. She produced a knife from nowhere and lunged at me with it. Unprepared I fell back, her blade cut across my cheek. I swung the butt of my gun toward her face and connected with a sharp crack. 

While she staggered away I shoved my gun back into its holster and raced out of reach. It felt like running through tar. Every single movement was slow and wasteful. My mind couldn’t process what was happening and my body didn’t know what to do. Should I fight? Could I fight? She was a synth wasn’t she?

The other one didn’t give me much of a choice. When she recovered from my blow she span around and swung at me with her knife. I’d never been good with close quarters combat. It seemed a good match at least I thought it did. I blocked her first attack with the blade of my knife and allowed her to slide to my side. Her side became exposed and I switched the grip on my knife to stab at her kidney. Unfortunately she wasn’t as incapacitated as I thought and my movements were too slow. She stabbed me in the leg and I screamed in pain. 

She pulled the knife free and I kicked her with my good leg in the stomach. Tumbling away she staggered to her feet, blood dripped from her blade. A wild expression came to her features and it sent a shudder down my spine. Is that what I looked like when I was fighting for my life? 

Once again I had no time to think. With a wild cry she swung at me again. This time when I went to block her she slashed my arm instead. Blood spurted down my forearm and I was forced to drop my knife. Staggering back I tried to put distance between us but she was right on top of me. One of her fists coiled back and I could do nothing but take the punch to the face. Something in my jaw popped and blood poured into my mouth. I lost my balance and hit the dusty concrete in a heap. 

Panting heavily I turned over and crawled backwards away from the woman that wore my face. or maybe I wore her face. She gripped her knife in a white knuckled fist. Blood dripped down her face and arms, my blood and her own. The rage in her expression sent a cold chill down my spine. I knew that rage, all too well, but I was too confused in that moment to muster anything more than a dark look. 

It didn’t reflect what I felt inside. 

My back hit the barrier and I came to a dead stop. The woman, me, kept walking forward, knife raised. “any last words you piece of shit?!” she spat down at me. 

Dumbly my mouth just hung open, unable to voice a single syllable. 

Somewhere in the distance I heard a voice yell, maybe my name maybe something else. My own panting filled my ears and all I could do was stare at the face of the person that would take my life, in more ways than one. 

Then her head exploded into a bloody flower of brain matter and skull. 

A shriek escaped my throat and I pulled my knees up to my chest protectively. For a brief second I was that eight year old girl, hiding beneath the workbench. The other one’s body fell to the ground as brains and blood oozed out of the hole in her skull. Bile rose in my throat when I noticed one of her eyes dangling over the side of her cheek. 

“Vel!” that voice again, where was it coming from? Hands came down on my arms and a body obscured my view of the thing lying dead in front of me. A familiar scent washed over me and I stared transfixed at a ratty blue tie inches from my nose. “are you hurt? What happened? Vel talk to me damn it!”

But I didn’t even get the chance to say anything even if I could. There came clanking footsteps from the ramp leading back down onto the ground floor. The figure in front of me rose and stood with his legs apart protectively in front of me. “not another step friend.”

Out of the corner of my eye I could see a giant metal man standing on the parking structure. A voice in the back of my head identified it as a member of the brotherhood of steel. Not that I realized it at the time. I had eyes only for the corpse lying in front of me, unobscured. 

“step aside synth, or I’ll gun you down too.”

“you’ll have to go through me first if you want to get to the girl.”

“name yourself machine!”

“the name’s Nick Valentine. And if you know that name you’ll know I’m not to be taken lightly.” 

I couldn’t focus on the conversation, my chest felt like it might explode. Cradling my head between my hands I tried to block out the world. I still couldn’t tear my gaze away from the body in front of me. The dead expression on the woman that shared my face. 

So wrapped in my terror was I that I didn’t even notice it when the brotherhood of steel member dropped his minigun and walked away. Above me Nick remained standing for a few minutes longer before he turned and dropped to my level. “gray?”

“I-” the moment I opened my mouth to speak I felt my stomach rise and I snapped it shut. A few stray tears began to form on my eyes that I hadn’t realized were coming in the first place. 

“gray, get up.”

“it-it’s me, it was me….” The words slipped through gritted teeth, breathy and hard to hear. 

“that wasn’t you.”

“H-How do we know?!” I couldn’t take my eyes off of it. Even with half its face blown out it was still unmistakably me. It’s one good eye stared blankly at me from the ground, the glimmer of light gone from it. It had my voice, my clothes right down to the patches on her sleeves. She had been about to kill me but maybe all that meant was that she was the real one. “she was me… she had everything. She-”

“enough of that.” The gruff voice was thick with emotion. Nick’s hands came down on my shoulders and squeezed me. “stop looking at it, it wasn’t you.”

“how the fuck do you know?!” I didn’t mean to yell, not at Nick. He sure as hell didn’t deserve it. But my body shook, my mind reeled and my heart thudded in my throat. If I didn’t yell I might explode. “m-maybe I’m the synth. What if I’m the synth? I wouldn’t know would I? not till the institute started using me.”

“you’re not a synth.”

“you don’t know that!” I still couldn’t turn away from my dead face. It just felt so surreal. 

“yes I do.”

“you can’t!”

“Vel!”

He shook me forcefully. My eyes snapped from my corpse to meet Nick’s. His borderline human face was hard and grim. The weight in his eyes made me feel breathless. I became acutely aware of his hands on my arms. The cold skeleton and the warm whole one. 

“I know you, Vel.”

I swallowed hard, trying to hold back the bile in my throat. Tears streamed down my cheeks, fat and hot, growing worse with each second. My voice came out small and insignificant, strangled around a throat that might not be real. “h-how are you so sure?”

Nick wrapped his complete hand around the back of my neck and pulled me in. Pressed against his chest I could smell the city on him. Dirt, metal, electricity. He had no scent of his own but I always associated the city with him rather than him with the city. Beneath his clothes and synthetic skin I could hear the whir and pulse of his inner workings as they cooled his systems. The closest thing to a heartbeat he had and I closed my eyes. Pretending for a moment that’s what it was. 

“I know you, I know who you are.” His voice filled my ears, banishing the sight of my dead body from my mind. “you’re not a synth, no amount of institute tech could ever replicate you.” 

I broke.

The wasteland is a harsh place. It’s the sort of place where the bold died young and the timid starved. A place where the strong or smart survived. You didn’t get far in this world by relying on others or crying at every little thing. People like that were usually the first to go, if they were lucky. I’d like to think I was a cold, heartless person, thick skinned. That sure as hell wasn’t true anymore. My shoulders shook as the sobs over ran my body. I could still see my face, blood oozing out the side of my head. The rage in that face before it was blown to pieces. I’d watched myself die. 

Not sure how long I sat there wrapped in Nick’s arms. The tears just kept coming and when they finally stopped I heaved a few times into his chest. All the while Nick kept steady, he didn’t even move. He didn’t stroke my back, didn’t shush me, didn’t even tell me it would be alright. His lack of empathy though was more than enough for me. It wouldn’t be alright, we both knew that and he wasn’t the type to lie. My hands balled tightly into his trench coat, silently refusing to let go. I didn’t want to leave this, not when I had to face what happened.

And then I faced what happened.

My fists opened and my shoulders stopped shaking. Slowly I pushed myself out of Nick’s arms and sat back. Every muscle in my body burned and the fresh knife wound on my thigh pulsed blood at a steady rate. It wasn’t fatal though, she missed the artery. Swallowing dryly I brought my gaze up to Nick’s, in an attempt to ignore the body lying mere feet from us. For a split second I saw something flicker over his features. At first I thought it was sympathy, worry. Looking back now I know better. It was uncertainty. 

“can you get up?” he asked leaning back just slightly from me. 

Wordlessly I gripped the wall of the parking structure and tried to thrust myself to a stand. No go. My arms shook too much and any amount of weight on my leg brought a searing pain through my spine. I collapsed but not quite to the ground. Nick caught me in his arms and held me steady. I inadvertently put my full weight into him. 

“we need to clean you up, not out here though.” His yellow eyes darted around the surrounding ruins.

It was then that I realized we were alone. The brotherhood of steel and their Vertibird had flown off. Desperately I focused on that fact and not the scent of coppery blood filling my nose. “how’d you scare them off?”

Nick gave me a satisfied smirk, his usual smirk. It felt like forever since I’d seen that. “I have my ways.” 

Without a single syllable of warning Nick picked me up into his arms, one around my back the other beneath my knees. Both indignant and suddenly frightened I latched onto his neck. “little warning?”

“you wouldn’t let me if I warned you.” He pointed out then hesitated. His foot remained half pivoted and his eyes looked to something I couldn’t see. I didn’t need to see it to know what it was. “close your eyes.”

The last time someone told me to close my eyes I’d almost been killed. Closing your eyes might be the single worst advice that anyone could give you in the wasteland. It was equivalent to, throw your gun away and lay prone on the ground. 

When Nick noticed my hesitation he let out a small groan. “Vel….”

Grimacing I closed my eyes and buried my face into Nick’s shoulder. I didn’t want to see it again anyway. I’d seen it enough. 

With me clasped in his arms Nick quickly walked across the parking structure and down to the ground floor. I probably could have opened my eyes then but I didn’t want to. I’d hate to look back and see that thing rising from the ground like some kind of zombie. A shudder ran down my spine at that and a few new tears leaked out my eyes. Nick’s arms tightened around me. 

It wasn’t until I heard the opening and closing of a door and the air changed that I risked looking up. We stood in the atrium of some kind of building. Judging by how long the journey took we were probably in the medical facility adjacent to the parking structure. Ordinarily I felt more comfortable in doors, especially when the ceiling was so high. Not here though. Weird woman like statues adorned the walls at regular intervals. They were massive bronze things and leaned over the ground floor as if to glower at us. Above the door over our heads was an equally disquieting relief of a man’s face. 

The lobby was still adorned to meet visitors beneath that fresh coat of debris. Chairs and benches lined the walls where doors led off to new rooms. A desk with a terminal that still seemed to be whirring with power leaned against a wall separating the rest of the room. Dust mites fluttered through the air. Apparently no one had been through here in quite a while. But we wouldn’t know for sure.

Nick put me down on a red chair next to the door and examined the knife wound on my leg. He wasn’t exactly gentle. Still wasn’t sure if he actually had a sense of touch. I knew he could smell, and taste maybe, but touch was a different matter. Or maybe he was just a rough kind of person. “it isn’t deep, you won’t bleed out, count yourself lucky.”

“every damn day.” I muttered sarcastically. 

That brought a small smile to his face and he rose. From the inside of his trench coat he produced his pistol, that old pipe revolver he couldn’t seem to get rid of. He checked the cylinder then slid it back into place with a flick of his wrist. “stay here, I won’t be long.”

“wait!” before I even realized what I was doing I reached out and grabbed his wrist. My heart leapt back up into my throat and I felt my stomach heave again. There was more I was about to say but I clamped my mouth shut hard. I didn’t want to be left alone. 

Thankfully Nick did pause and looked down at me with an inscrutable expression. Hard to look him in the eye at that moment and I fucking hated it. “someone has to sweep the building. Unless you want unexpected surprises later.”

I took my hand back as if it had been burned. Hoping to hide my embarrassment I clamped a hand over my leg and leaned over. “go- go look for bandages while you’re at it. they’ve got to have some here.” Damn it, why was my voice so weak? 

Apparently Nick hesitated for a second longer before walking deeper into the building. Once alone my shoulders sagged and my heart sank. Alone with only my thoughts I couldn’t help but stray back to the fight. It was hard to reimagine. It all felt like a blur and I was sure I was still numb from it. Shock was a very real possibility. The pain and terror from before still bubbled under the surface like a radiated hot spring. It made my stomach churn worse than before, and bile burned at my throat. I wanted to throw up. All of this over one simple question.

Who had died out there?

While I tried my best to staunch the bleeding with my hands Nick returned. I noted then the blood on his trench coat and shirt. Must have come off of me I guessed and I dropped my gaze sheepishly, but not because of that. “sorry about the tie.”

He glanced down at himself and shrugged. “I’ve got others.”

“I bet….” Though I doubted it. I was fairly certain I’d never seen Nick wear anything other than what he had on right then. How that outfit survived so long was beyond me. At first Nick went down on a knee beside me and proceeded to examine my wound again. I batted aside his hands, scowling. “don’t insult me, I can take care of myself.”

I just hoped the quivering in my voice didn’t betray the truth.

Thankfully Nick didn’t bring it up or argue. He stood and handed me the bandages he collected and walked away to lean up against the wall. Wasn’t lying when I said I could take care of myself. It wouldn’t be the first time I had to do a field patch on myself. I was just grateful I had a Stimpak in my pocket for once. While I worked Nick watched me. I knew that cause I could feel his eyes boring into my skull. 

Bet he was waiting, waiting for what? Why another breakdown of course. If I was being honest I wanted to. The tears may have run dry but my stomach hadn’t been emptied yet. Watching your own face get blown to pieces will do that to you. Then there were the other questions swirling inside my head. I was probably justified in losing control, breaking down, but I didn’t want to. Not in front of Nick, not in front of anyone. I’d let it out when we got back to Goodneighbor. 

I made the hole in my pants bigger to better clean the wound. With a can of clean water Daisy had given me over two weeks ago I scrubbed at the gash. The pain helped bring my mind back into focus. Blood on my hands I could stop thinking about what put the blood there in the first place. A hiss escaped my teeth.

“did I ever tell you how I woke up?”

Nick’s voice brought my gaze back up to him. He wasn’t looking at me, making a few repairs on his skeleton hand with a screwdriver. Beneath his damn fedora I couldn’t see his expression. “I thought you didn’t sleep.” I replied through a strained voice.

“not often, but that’s not what I meant.” Still wasn’t looking at me. 

“ok.” Wasn’t sure where this was going but frankly I didn’t care. Anything to fill the silence and hide the groans of pain coming out of me.

Apparently satisfied with his hand, Nick put away his screw driver and crossed his arms. Leaning up against the wall he finally looked at me. The weight in his yellow eyes made it hard to keep eye contact with him. “I mean when I first woke up.”

A pang raced through my chest and my hand slipped from my leg. I hid the slip up by shaking out the rag and refolding it carefully. Nick hadn’t told me. In all honesty I thought he didn’t remember. If you believed what people said in Diamond city Nick was more than just a permanent resident. Nobody really knew where he came from. “no, you haven’t told me.” 

A long sigh escaped him and he dropped his head back against the wall behind him. “I woke up in a pile of trash. This was years ago mind, not sure how long exactly anymore. The world was so different, so wrong when I first woke up.” 

“out of place and out of time.” 

He nodded, a bitter chuckle escaping his chest. “I remembered Nick’s life, and for a long while I was obsessed with that, trying to find what I, he had lost. There wasn’t anything left to find.” Even his robotic voice filled with emotion, almost like his throat grew thick, if he had one. “I wondered the commonwealth for god knows how long. Alone, broken. I shouldn’t have survived those first few weeks.”

I knew where the rest of the tale went. He’d told me, or I’d gathered the details, of how he saved the daughter of Diamond city’s mayor. It was thanks to that the people of the diamond let him in at all. Even back then synths were hated and feared. 

But then his story took on a different turn, one I hadn’t been expecting. “I ended up wondering into a settlement outside the city. It was small, only a handful of people there. At first, they were terrified of the metal man with part of his skin missing. Couldn’t really blame them. Then Jim walked up.”

“Jim?” my hands had stopped working on my wound. One of them kept a cloth pressed firmly to the cut while my eyes swung up to look at Nick. I hadn’t heard this story before. 

“he was a kid, maybe ten years old at the time. First human that treated me like… well, a human.” His head dropped and he looked away again, deliberately hiding his face from me with his hat. “that was the first time anyone had seen me as more than just a mechanical monster. The settlement took me in. Their mechanic helped patch me up. Damn grateful for that. I stayed with them for a while. The memories are a bit fuzzy now but I still remember Jim. Good kid, too good for the wasteland.”

The next logical question was obvious, but I hated voicing it. “what happened?”

“I don’t know.” He heaved a shrug and swung his gaze back to me. “I left, at some point, and wondered back into the commonwealth before I ended up at Diamond city. Still not sure where that settlement actually is, if it’s still there.”

That was somehow a better ending than I was expecting. I turned my gaze back to my leg. The blood had stopped flowing for the most part and the cut didn’t look too bad. I would still have to wait to get home to find some needle and thread. Carefully I wrapped a bandage around it, suppressing several winces as I did. “you ever go looking for them?”

“no.” he shook his head dismissively. “that was years ago, everyone I knew then is probably long dead. I’ve got more friends now anyway.”

A small smile tugged at the corners of my lips. With a jerk I tied off the bandage and sat back to look at him. I wasn’t sure what kind of meaning he wanted me to draw from his story. Maybe there wasn’t supposed to be any meaning. Maybe all he wanted was to distract me. It worked until those thoughts crossed my mind. As recent memories filled my head my smile faded and I dropped my gaze. 

I heard rustling of his trench coat and suddenly he was at my side. He put his whole hand on my shoulder and squeezed. “you’re not alone Vel, you do realize that, right?” 

Great, he was trying to make me cry again. Swallowing hard I kept my gaze firmly on a dead potted plant across the room. It took all my willpower to shove that emotion back down to where it belonged. I meant what I said before, the wasteland was a harsh place. You had only one assurance about people. They wanted what you had and they’d stab you in the back for it. I’d been burned by, and truthfully had burned, so many people in the past. Betrayal was part of the job. Nick may have been living in the wasteland and he may have experienced more shit than anyone, but he was still a cop on the inside. Not just a cop, but one with a heart of gold. Or gold alloy in his case. 

He couldn’t let that go.

And that would get him killed. 

I shrugged him off with a cold shoulder. “whatever.”

My word too obviously hurt him, a fact he hid behind a sheen of irritation. He stood straight and walked in front of me back toward the front doors. I almost called out to him to wait but I bit my tongue instead. He peeked out the doors and surveyed the area outside. “storm’s coming, you won’t be able to travel with that leg anyway. We’ll sit tight until it clears then I’m taking you home.”

As much as I wanted to protest his escorting me back to Goodneighbor I knew if I walked I’d bleed out before I reached the river. So, with an air of disgust, I folded my arms and settled deeper into the chair. “alright, fine.”

Out of the corner of my eye I watched him cast me one more look. He probably had plenty to say to me, plenty of not so nice things to say to me. And oh, how I wanted him to have it out. A little arguing, something to focus my rage and fear on was welcomed. But Nick never would. The old synth left out the front door before I could even open my mouth to say anything and left me alone. 

Alone with memories of watching myself die.


	8. Try Walking That Off

Nick had to literally carry me back to Goodneighbor, a fact that he was unlikely to let me forget anytime soon. To be perfectly honest I was surprised at his stamina. He carried both me and the shipment of tar berries the whole way and didn’t complain more than once. That once was when I started shifting uncomfortably in his arms and demanded we take a break. Only so long you could let someone carry you like a damsel from one of those comics and not feel embarrassed. Damn lucky we didn’t stumble across anyone we knew on the way back. I’d never hear the end of it.

But we got back to Goodneighbor in reasonable time. The moment we stepped up to the door I forced Nick to drop me and I hobbled inside. He was still carrying the duffle bag for me though. Thankfully Hancock was in the front square, chatting with a shady looking character. Well, everyone looked shady in Goodneighbor, hard pressed to find anyone that didn’t give you a look. 

When he noticed us approaching he dismissed his friend with a casual wave and moved to meet us. He eyed my bloody clothes, cut face and bandaged leg quizzically. Could have sworn there was amusement there too but hard to tell with that leathery skin. “well, must have been quite the run.”

“you could say that.” Nick handed the duffle bag off to the ghoul with a groan.

I didn’t look Hancock in the eye, instead opting to glance around Goodneighbor shiftily. “wasn’t so bad. Got a discount but Wiseman told me to tell you to send someone else next time. I think I pissed him off.”

Hancock laughed openly at that. It sounded like sand paper on stone and it made my spine shiver. “of course you did. I’ll have to go make nice with him next time. Good work though.” From a pocket he produced a small sack of caps and handed it off to me. “as usual, payment due. Always make good on my debts.”

“thanks Hancock.” I pocketed the money.

“now go get cleaned up before you start attracting Bloatflies. Those fuckers are impossible to get rid of.” with that advice hanging in the air he left, walking away toward the Third Rail.

It was only as I watched him leave that I realized I was swaying slightly on my one good leg. I also became aware of Nick’s hand on my elbow to steady me. Defiantly I limped toward the front doors of the Old State house. With every step I felt my leg burn, just begging me to sit the fuck down. A tiny trickle of warm liquid dripped down my leg beneath my pants. Well great. 

Climbing the stairs to my attic room wasn’t easy, far from it actually. Nick remained on the step behind me but didn’t reach out to help me up at all. He was probably just making sure I didn’t go crashing back down the stairs. With sweat beading on my brow and blood blossoming on my pants I managed to reach the top floor. Groaning from sweet pleasure I collapsed on my mattress and just lay there for a moment. 

I could see Nick’s face scrunch up in disgust from where he watched me at the doorway. “don’t you think you should get undressed before you grind that filth into your bed?”

He had a fair point but a crimson blush surged up my neck at the thought. “yeah… you’re probably right.” instead of undressing though, which was absolutely out of the question, I slid to the floor onto my ass. Gingerly I unwrapped my leg. The bandage had been soaked clean through and if I was being honest, it made me a little light headed. Sticking it with a Stimpak earlier didn’t seem to do anything. A fresh stream of blood oozed out of the puncture and into my pants. “I’ve got a kit in the top drawer, hand?” 

I didn’t need to make my meaning any clearer than that. He skirted around me and the bed carefully to the dresser behind me. From the top one he produced my tiny kit of first aid and handed it to me. “do you want me to do that?”

“I’ve got it.” grimacing I set the kit down beside me and opened it. Had to admit I’d prefer someone like Dr. Amari to do this but I wasn’t about to waste all my hard work getting up here. While I threaded a needle Nick sat down on the edge of my bed, watching me silently. “look, I’m not going to say it twice, thanks for carrying me back.”

He smiled, couldn’t tell if it was supposed to be reassuring, or if he was just amused. “don’t worry about it, gray. You’re not that heavy.”

“if you say so.” With a clenched jaw I took in a long steady breath, the needle poised over my bleeding thigh. After reaching a count of three in my head I made the first plunge. In spite of how much pain the wound already put me in, stitching it back together wasn’t easy. 

Even with Nick sitting beside me I couldn’t hide the pain entirely. Each time I dug the needle in, pulled and eased the thread through I had to bite my tongue. Slowly but surely the damn thing came together. About half way through I got a little light headed and had to take a moment to breathe. “you know.” Came Nick’s voice right on que. “I’m pretty good at flesh wounds.”

“you don’t really have that much flesh to spare.” I grumbled around gritted teeth. I tasted blood on my tongue again. Wasn’t sure if that came from getting punched or my biting. “I’d hope you were good at fixing it.”

“seriously, I can take over.”

Nope, wasn’t gonna happen. I finished stitching the knife cut together in less time than it took me to start. Satisfied I leaned back and examined my handiwork. “I think I’m getting better at this.”

“now comes the hard part.” from the kit Nick offered me a bottle of alcohol and I felt my stomach drop.  
“great, ok, you’ll probably have to do that bit.” Pretty sure I’d chicken out before dousing myself in that shit. It was gonna sting like a fucker.

And I wasn’t wrong. Without warning Nick just uncapped the bottle and poured a fair amount onto my leg. I literally had to bite down hard on the collar of my coat to keep from screaming out loud. Last thing I needed was Fahrenheit running up here to find out what the hell was going on. When the initial surge of pain receded, a terrible burning replaced it. Exhausted I lay back on the bare floor, breathing raggedly. “that, fucking, sucked.”

“don’t be a wimp.” Casually he capped the damn bottle and put it back in the case. Without my permission he then proceeded to replace the bandage with a fresh one. The feel of the cloth pressed against my burning appendage somehow made it feel just slightly better. “you’ll live.”

“looks that way.” Groaning I propped myself up on an elbow and looked at Nick. He averted his eyes quickly, as if ashamed to be caught looking at me. Or something. Hard to tell with these synths. “hey, if you’ve got somewhere to be feel free to go. I’ll just be here.”

That smirk crossed his expression. “how do I know you won’t just run off the moment I turn my back?”

Casually I pointed at my leg, as if that would be answer enough. “where the hell am I going?”

A breath escaped him and he glanced toward the door. “there is something I have to check, will you promise me that you’ll let that leg heal before you do anything stupid again?”

“I wasn’t doing anything stupid.” I retorted irritably. “go talk to Hancock, I was out there because of him after all.”

Nick didn’t make a move however. One of his hands still rested on my leg and I became acutely aware of it. My eyes strayed down to it then back up to his face again. This time he was staring at me, expression surprisingly soft. “are you going to be alright? I’ll stay, all you gotta do is ask.”

My throat felt thick again. I wanted him to stay. I needed someone to make sure I didn’t break something. Wasn’t entirely sure Nick was the person for that though. Clearly he was my friend, but what that meant in the wasteland anymore was up for debate. Firmly I shook my head. “get out of here, I gotta change before I permanently smell like feral guts.” 

A disappointed sigh escaped him, obviously not the answer he’d been looking for. He rose all the same, removing his hand from my injured leg. His old leather shoes clicked distinctly on the floorboards as he made his way to my door. I tried not to watch him go, my stomach clenched at the sight. At the door he stopped and glanced back. “I’m not going to be far, if you need me.”

“thanks.” Hard to say that one word without letting everything else spill out. 

At last Nick left and I collapsed. I should have changed, I know, but I didn’t. It was all I could do to remain conscious at this point. My mind wondered but nowhere in particular. It skirted around recent memories as much as it could. Even my subconscious didn’t want to think about it anymore. While my leg throbbed painfully under my bandage I drifted to uneasy sleep. I’d be grateful if I didn’t have nightmares.

I fully intended to keep my promise. With a busted leg I was in even less condition to take jobs than I had when Amari dug that bullet out of my shoulder. For a few days I just sat in my attic, stewing in my own brand of self-loathing and mental insanity. There were still so many questions, none of which I had answers to. Didn’t stop me from trying of course. I wasn’t kidding when I said I was stewing in insanity. Lying alone on my mattress for days on end, alone with my own thoughts. I tried to come up with an argument one way or the other. 

I remembered growing up on the farm. I remembered the attack. I remembered meeting Hancock for the first time. The first time I fired a gun. The first time I met Nick. Those weren’t fake, they couldn’t be. More than just remembering them I could feel them. It hadn’t happened to someone else, it happened to me.

Yet.

Yet wouldn’t a synth think the same thing? Wouldn’t the institute have made sure that it, or I, wouldn’t know the difference between a memory and a record? Synths replaced people in Goodneighbor and Diamond city rarely but often enough to draw from. Those people had been sure they were real. Maybe they had been and they were victims of paranoia. Or maybe the synths truly believed they were who they said they were. It was impossible to tell, not when all of those synths had been gunned down already. 

These musings just drew me in a vicious circle that wouldn’t just let me rest. I’m not even really sure how much sleep I got those first few days. It got to the point where I almost asked Hancock for some of his Mentats. When I started contemplating that option I got into fresh clothes and left the attic. 

It felt good to get fresh air even if my mind still buzzed like a hive of Bloodbugs. A few people said hello to me and someone invited me down to the third rail with them to get a drink. I probably shouldn’t have gone there. Mixing alcohol with insanity probably wouldn’t end too well for me. But I needed something to dull my mind and shut down my fears. Liquid courage would definitely do that. My drink didn’t taste too good to me though. 

Eventually my drinking partner disappeared and I found myself nursing a beer alone. Hunched shoulders I leaned over the counter, trying to ignore the Mr. Handy, Whitechapel Charlie, floating in front of me. Should have been drinking something stronger but they didn’t have anything that day, for some godawful reason. So I was stuck trying to get a buzz off of watered down beer. 

“hey Charlie, got my tips from last night?”

“where they usually end up.” With his buzz saw Charlie gestured under the counter then floated off. 

A woman replaced his spot in front of me. She had shoulder length black hair, a red sequined dress, and pale skin that suggested she rarely saw the light of day. Leaning my cheek in my hand I couldn’t stop myself admiring the view as she knelt behind the counter. “evening Magnolia.”

The tall woman stood and gave me a once over. Those blue eyes weren’t harsh like everyone else’s in Goodneighbor. They searched for the pain and hurt in people in order to comfort it. Those blue eyes didn’t belong in a bar like this. “you look like shit.” She commented in a smooth warm voice. 

“you could say that.” Using only two fingers to grip the neck of my bottle I took a swig. God that was awful. Never understood where or how Whitechapel got this swill. 

My face must have screwed up in disgust because Magnolia giggled. It sounded like notes to one of her songs. “I haven’t seen you in here for a while. What have you been doing?”

“oh you know, killing raiders, facing off against the institute, running errands for Hancock, killing look a likes. The usual.” My tone remained casual enough that Magnolia thought it was a joke. 

It produced another sweet giggle from her and I felt something warm in the pit of my stomach. “quite the adventure. I do hope you’ve been safe.”

“no.” my joking attitude slid away and I grasped my bottle in both hands. It took more effort than I had to pretend everything was alright. Damn it, why wasn’t that buzz kicking in yet?

Magnolia sauntered around the counter and leaned up next to me. In that position she gave me a rather pleasing view but I didn’t have the presence of mind to particularly care. There were surely men in the bar watching us, hoping things would get hotter. “what’s wrong darling?”

I couldn’t tell Magnolia I might be a synth. Any more than I could tell Hancock or anyone else in Goodneighbor. The reality was if they suspected I was a synth it wouldn’t matter anymore if I was or wasn’t. They’d either run me out of town, which was the better option, or make an example of me. As far as anyone else was concerned, I was still me. But Magnolia wouldn’t leave me alone if I didn’t tell her something and lying cost energy. “you ever think about your memories?”

My question caught her off guard and she blinked. Those sweet blue eyes darted toward the stairs leading back upstairs then back at me. “I’m not sure what you mean.”

“do you know the difference between remembering something you lived through and remembering something … you made up?” don’t ask me why I was saying this stuff. Maybe the buzz had kicked in without me noticing.

Magnolia didn’t seem to mind though. She leaned into me, her breasts soft and inviting. Judging by her songs she’d been a prostitute before she ended up here. I guess habits die hard. “like a dream versus what you did this morning?”

“exactly.” Though given my insanity over the last few days what I did this morning was as much a blur as a dream. 

She flicked her hair back behind her ear, allowing me an all too good view of her neck. Hard to tell when the woman was flirting or just acting like a stage performer. “can’t say I do. You feel it, in your gut, if something is real. But does it matter? If you believe it’s true, isn’t that all that matters?”

Did she think I was talking about some love sick fantasy I had, cause that’s the vibe I was getting. Grimacing I turned my gaze and took another swig of beer. The bottle emptied then and I dropped it back on the counter. Still wasn’t buzzed as far as I could tell. Damn it. “that’s not very helpful.”

“well you know I’m not an expert on memories.” Magnolia shoved off the counter and put blissful distance between us. Hard to focus with her warm body pressed up next to mine. “you should really go talk to Dr. Amari or Irma, they’ll have better advice than me.”

I’d thought of that. I couldn’t trust Irma as far as I could throw her but Amari hadn’t given me reason to doubt her. If anyone could help give me answers she could. But that would mean I’d have to tell someone about what happened and I didn’t think I was ready to do that just yet. How were you supposed to tell anyone that you may not be you? Let alone someone that you trusted. 

“go talk to the good doctor.” A long fingered delicate hand gripped my chin and forced me to look up. I found Magnolia’s blue eyes filling my vision, impossible to ignore or look away. “maybe it will set your mind at ease.”

Also hard to say no to. A little dumbfounded I nodded and stood from the bar. Maybe it wasn’t such a bad idea to go speak to the doctor. Stewing in my head certainly wasn’t helping, maybe the memory machines could do what I couldn’t do alone. 

Before I knew it I was walking into the memory den, through the front hall. Inside it seemed unusually empty. Normally there was at least one person sitting in a pod, blissfully lost in their own pasts. Pretty much every one of note in Goodneighbor came here, even Daisy. It wasn’t shameful, but it also wasn’t something anyone talked about.

There Irma was though, sitting on her chair, lounging like a lanky cat watching the mouse. Guess that made me the mouse. As I approached no amount of ignoring could keep her from jabbing me. “back again, shall we prepare your usual or are you going to finally become interesting.”

“careful Irma.” I growled under my breath. “I’m not in the mood.”

“whatever you say, animal.”

Her words slithered under my skin like poison. If it weren’t for Dr. Amari standing at a terminal behind her I may have smashed my fist into Irma’s face. The doctor didn’t look up at me immediately until I stood quietly beside her. Her fingers came to a stop on the keyboard and her eyes shifted to me. “can I help you Ms. O’Malley?”

“I… I need your help.” I kept my voice down, fully aware of the snake listening to us. “can we talk, privately?”

Amari straightened and I watched her eyes bore into my expression. I hoped she could see how earnest I was about this, just not how much weight hid behind my eyes. Eventually she called to Irma. “I’ll be downstairs, call me if something goes wrong up here.”

“will do.” Lazily Irma waved at us without looking back. 

I let Amari take the lead, making her way to the stairs and into the basement. Once safely in the back room with a pair of pods I dropped into a chair and let out a breathy sigh. The show of exhaustion didn’t seem to do anything for the good doctor and she watched me silently. “what is this about Ms. O’Malley?”

Where to begin? What to say? This had seemed like such a good idea a second ago. The tiny buzz that beer gave me must be wearing off and I became hesitant. “I… I need your help….”

“you’ve said that.” I could hear the slight lace of impatience beneath her tone. Maybe she thought I was joking. Or maybe she thought I was here to have her patch me up.

Oh I was here to get patched up, just not physically. I took in a shuddering breath, emotion that I hated boiled just beneath the surface of my cool expression. At least I hoped it was a cool expression. “I’m worried that… some of my memories might not be mine….”

A rather comical expression came to her face and one of her eye brows shot up at me. Great, she thought this was ridiculous. “Ms. O'Malley, we haven’t implanted you with false memories if that’s why you’re worried about.”

“not exactly….”

“I know you don’t trust my colleague but she wouldn’t endanger her clients in such a way.” A kind but condescending smile stretched her face which just made me bristle. “I promise you, your memories are yours alone.”

Well this wasn’t working. Short of explaining the entire event that led up to this I couldn’t exactly get help. Likely as not she didn’t even have a method to pinpoint false memories. And when your entire head was either filled with real ones or fake ones, what did you use as reference? It couldn’t be a clear cut case. Maybe it was a dead end but a new thought occurred to me. “I want a session, right now.”

Amari nodded as if that was the next logical leap. “if you go upstairs I’m sure Irma will be happy to-”

“no.” my tone became steely, almost angry. “I want to dive into a new memory, a recent one.”

“a recent one?” that got her attention. Contemplatively she studied my expression. Not sure what she found there, maybe conviction, maybe fear, maybe irritation, I was feeling all of those things right then. “what do you hope to find?”

“a truth.” And that was the truth. No one could say I wasn’t being honest, just not saying everything. 

Amari wanted answers, I could tell, but she seemed to understand I didn’t want to give them up. She crossed her arm across her front and placed a finger to her chin. Turning she examined one of the pods, a small frown on her features. “I don’t usually deal with this directly unless there’s a problem but I suppose I could make an exception.”

“thank you.”

“can you describe the memory we’ll be diving in?”

My voice caught up in my throat and I shook my head. 

“I can’t help you unless you tell me where to start.” She countered somewhat irritated.

I nodded. “I know, but… please just trust me. I’ll tell you how far back it was.”

“and I suppose you don’t want me observing the memory.”

“you’d be right.”

Slowly she took in a long breath, still staring at the pod, then let out in a long torrent, resigned. I don’t know what possessed her to help me like this. But she didn’t simply agree. “let me make some things clear Vel.”

Using my first name, things were serious. Her tone bore down on me and I couldn’t help but listen carefully to her warnings.

“every time you remember something that memory changes. Think of it like making a copy of a copy. No matter how good at forging you are the copy you produce won’t look exactly like the original.” Her tone went from sympathetic to cold and scientific. Didn’t usually hear that from her. “that goes for every memory you have. We can make copies and preserve the memory you have right now but that memory isn’t even the original anymore. You can’t relive things exactly as they happened, we don’t use time machines.”

“I understand.” Though to be honest I kind of didn’t. This was far outside my area of expertise and she knew it.

“I don’t think you do.” Before I could move or say anything she approached and leaned down in front of me. Her eyes came level with mine and not for the first time that day I felt uncomfortable with the proximity. “I don’t know what truth you’re looking for, but your memory is subjective. You won’t find the actual truth there, only the truth you want to find. The truth that your subconscious believes. Regardless of the actual facts. Haven’t you ever wondered why you can’t see the faces of your family?”

A shock raced up my spine so terrible that it actually made my shoulders tense. To hear someone bring that up so casually left me reeling in pain and anger. I knew she was trying to help, trying to ensure I understood what I was about to do. But did she have to do it that way?! Fiercely I shoved her out of my face and gave her a determined expression. “I get it, ok? Can we move?”

She was clearly still reluctant to agree but she couldn’t say no. Likely she knew if she did I’d never leave. Resigned she sighed and nodded at me. “very well, Ms. O'Malley, take a seat and tell me how far back I should go.”

Satisfied I slipped into one of the pods. The familiar feeling of the recliner and canopy almost made me relax. Almost. This was too important to relax. “a day after I came here for my last session.” 

“very well.” From somewhere to my left I heard Amari sit on a rickety chair and the clack of keys. 

The canopy slid down over the top of me and the screen in front of my face turned on. Warmth emanated from somewhere behind me as the machine span up. I use the term span up because I honestly had no idea how these things worked. 

After a few seconds of typing Amari rose and leaned over my pod. “I’ll check on you in ten minutes, the memory will start in ten seconds. I don’t want you in there for too long do you understand?”

“is ten minutes going to be long enough?”

“we’ll see.” Scowling she turned away from me and walked toward the door. At least she wouldn’t be here to watch the memory. Another reason I’d ignored Irma. I knew she was fully capable of eavesdropping on memories in these pods. “if it’s the wrong memory you know how to pull out. We’ll try again after.”

“thank you Dr. Amari.” I meant it, even if my voice sounded hollow to my own ears.

She shook her head. “do not thank me for this. I’m not doing you a favor.”

Before I could ask her to elaborate the screen turned on and I felt my brain plunge in on itself. The sensation of being transported to your own memory was strange. A mixture of falling asleep and waking up. My eyes fluttered closed then flew wide open. I stood on the cracked blacktop of a street in the middle of nowhere. On my right stood the Slog. This was close enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey look who's on time this week! I'm still on vacation (and sick by the by, wee) but the internet is working. My own laziness kept me from reviewing the chapter and posting earlier. I hate editing, I'm sure you all can relate to that. 
> 
> Thought long and hard about how memory pods work and sorry if it sounds a little like the movie Inception but hey they're a plot tool. Vel's life is complicated enough without me having to jump through literary hoops to make my plot function. 
> 
> Thank you to all of you who have shown this little work support. Vel, Nick, Hancock and all the rest of the cast are growing nearer and dearer to my heart. Violet eventually will figure in Vel's story so I highly encourage you to go read Sanctuary by Shallw3run if you haven't already. My story contains one or two minor spoilers for that story so you should read it first.
> 
> I'll keep it coming if you keep on reading. Write on!


	9. I start accusing people of shit they didn’t do

Those gray eyes stared into my identical ones. It was like the earth had fallen out from beneath me. My head churned, my stomach flipped upside down. There was a real danger I might throw up. What I saw just couldn’t be real. But it had been. It didn’t make it any less surreal when the woman wearing my face rose. Her short brown hair, her silenced pistol at her side, the rifle on her back, the leather knee length coat. It was all mine. I was practically looking in a mirror.

She looked shocked, her mouth slightly agape like mine, her eyes wide like mine. Her right hand drifted to her pistol while she maintained eye contact with me. Fear etched her face and our shoulders shook. In a flash, at exactly the same time, we drew out pistols and pointed them at each other. “who the fuck are you?!” she yelled at me. Her voice sounded exactly like mine. 

I tried to look, tried to see something else. Her coat looked identical to mine, she had a few light scars on her cheek from where I’d been too close to a grenade. She favored her left side. I favored my left side. Aiming down the sights I continued to pour over every detail expect the face. That was clearly mine. “you fucking synth piece of shit!”

“me?!” the other one yelled in rage. “you’re the synth bitch! Don’t pretend otherwise!”

“shut up!” my gun hand shook violently and I couldn’t decide if it was my inability to change my own memory or my modern fear. She sounded so convinced. No deception, no hesitation. She believed she was me. Or I believed just as strongly I was her. “shut up! Stop talking! You’re not me!”

“I’m me!” she replied with such conviction my stomach lurched, just like it had the last time and the time before and the time before that. “did the institute send you?! Are you here to kill me?!”

“the institute sent you!” I spat. I took a step forward and she did the same. Both of us had our guns trained at each other’s chests. Our grips! No they were identical. Damn it. “you goddamn freak!”

Even while I said it I doubted my own words. The woman standing in front of me looked truly mortified by this meeting. Her confusion and pain were evident in the eyes she shared with me. They were too human. Could they have been real?

“shut up!” she pulled her trigger and her gun clicked uselessly.

I pulled mine a split second later but my gun was empty too. I watched the decision past behind her eyes, a deadly decision. I refused to make that decision right away. There had to be more here. She produced a knife from nowhere and lunged at me with it. I didn’t own a knife. But I did, I’d stolen from a ghoul. Maybe she’d done the same? Unprepared I fell back, her blade cut across my cheek. I swung the butt of my gun toward her face and connected with a sharp crack. 

While she staggered away I tossed my gun aside and raced out of reach. She tossed her gun hadn’t she? I couldn’t see it anymore but she had to have. I wouldn’t do that, unless it was truly useless to me. And in this sort of combat maybe it was. Why had I kept mine in the first place?

The other one didn’t give me much of a chance to take in any more details. When she recovered from my blow she span around and swung at me with her knife. If I fought in close quarters often she’s exactly how I’d move. Right down to the faints and the footwork. I blocked her first attack with the blade of my knife and allowed her to slide to my side. She was too fast for me. She stabbed me in the leg and I screamed in pain. It was just a phantom pain I knew, but pain pretty much was in your head anyway and where the hell was I?

She pulled the knife free and I kicked her with my good leg in the stomach. Tumbling away she staggered to her feet, blood dripped from her blade. A wild expression came to her features and it sent a shudder down my spine. I’d seen that look so many times now I’d begun to accept that’s what I looked like in the middle of a fight. It wasn’t a comfort. 

Once again I had no time to think. With a wild cry she swung at me again. This time when I went to block her she slashed my arm instead. Blood spurted down my forearm and I was forced to drop my knife. Staggering back I tried to put distance between us but she was right on top of me. One of her fists coiled back. While I waited for the blow I searched her stance again, for that single clue that might tell me the truth. Nothing and I received a punch to the jaw for nothing.

Panting heavily I turned over and crawled backwards away from the woman that wore my face. Or maybe I wore her face. She gripped her knife in a white knuckled fist. Blood dripped down her face and arms. The rage in her expression sent a cold chill down my spine. I knew that rage, all too well. Could a synth really feel that much anger? 

My back hit the barrier and I came to a dead stop. The woman kept walking forward, knife raised. “any last words you piece of shit?!” she spat down at me. 

The words came out quiet and insignificant. I knew she wouldn’t answer or react to them, but I had to try one more time. “are you real?”

Somewhere in the distance I heard a voice yell. It was even more incoherent in my memory than it had been at the time. My own panting filled my ears and all I could do was stare at the face of the person that would take my life, in more ways than one. 

Then her head exploded into a bloody flower of brain matter and skull shards. 

“that’s enough.” The memory came to an abrupt end, the scene went black and I blinked my eyes furiously to regain control of my vision. The seals on my pod hissed open and a rush of cool air flew through. A bead of sweat dripped down the side of my face and I wiped it away with an air of irritation. 

“again.”

“no.” 

I swung my furious gaze up at Dr. Amari who stood next to my pod. “I said again!”

“no.” she repeated in a steely tone. With a few quick typed commands the memory pod cycled down. 

Angry wasn’t quite a strong enough word for how I felt though it certainly came close. Amari didn’t understand how important this was. If I didn’t get answers soon I may just lose my mind. Or maybe I already had. Shakily I got out of the pod. I was pretty sure I had only spent an hour inside, maybe even less, but my brain wasn’t used to controlling a physical thing. “I need to go back in, I was so close!”

“listen to yourself.” She rounded her dark hard eyes on me. It felt like she shoved me back though for all the force behind that expression. “you’re like an addict. Vel that was the fourth attempt. I won’t allow you to dive in again. This much exposure to the same memory can have lasting effects.”

“I don’t give a damn about the lasting effects.” Well shit I did sound like an addict.

“you should!” furiously she grabbed me by the arms and shook me. It was then that I became aware of how much taller she was compared to me. Odd, I don’t remember that. “whatever you hope to find won’t be worth anything if you turn yourself into a vegetable. What do you think that would do to the rest of us?”

“what are you talking about?” yeah I was being an idiot.

Amari scowled at me. “Nick Valentine.”

Guilt surged through my stomach and up my throat. Lucky there wasn’t much in there to throw up or Amari would have gotten a surprise. She just had to bring up Nick. And for some dumb reason it worked! Grimacing in self-loathing I broke eye contact to look away. “can we… can we at least try again? Another day.”

She groaned at my persistence but she knew how pig headed I could be. “yes, yes fine, we can try again next week.”

“next week?!”

Her hand shot up to silence me and I clamped my mouth shut with a small click. “yes a week. If you want my help you’ll wait that long.”

What other choice did I have? If anyone could help me it was Amari and I didn’t exactly have a choice of other memory dens around the commonwealth. A fierce irritated groan escaped my lips but I nodded. “fine.”

“good.” Satisfied Amari let her hands drop from my arms and she sat at her computer again. “I’ll look over the readings and see if there are any irregularities. I don’t know what you’re looking for and I won’t look at your memories directly but I may be able to find something.”

Even after how rude I’d been she was still willing to help. I was a fucking piece of shit. “thank you doctor.”

She put up a finger to stop me from saying anymore. “as I said, do not thank me yet.”

As she went back to typing it became clear I wouldn’t get anything else out of her. Head down, eyes half closed, I drifted back up through the memory den. I didn’t even notice Irma as I went, to which I imagine she was disappointed. My recent trips into the memory machine remained vividly clear in my head and I wasn’t about to let that go to waste. Outside a cool breeze blew through the town signaling that sunset had come and gone. The lights of Goodneighbor cast an eerie glow on the otherwise familiar place. It was late. How late I couldn’t be sure but I didn’t feel tired. 

Instead of going back up to my room, or even going to the third rail for some more drinks, I sat at one of the benches outside. Doubled over on my knees I dug the heels of my hands into my eyes and just sat there. Not sure what people thought of me as they passed but I sure as hell didn’t care. They could mind their own business. At the risk of sounding like a teenager, they didn’t know me. 

I tried to analyze every little detail I’d noticed in the memory machine one more time. Maybe Nick had been rubbing off on me over the years. I certainly wasn’t very observant before I met him. Working cases with him though I couldn’t help but pick up on some of his techniques. Whether consciously or subconsciously. Combine his training and my own experience with combat there was a lot I could tell about a person after only a few minutes fighting with them. 

You could easily tell the difference between a trained killer and a fighter of circumstance. I was a fighter of circumstance, though years spent squabbling for scraps had given me certain quirks. I was aware of them even if no one else was. I held my arms closer to my body, to ensure nothing could cripple them but it made it difficult to strike. My legs were built for quick nimble movement. They weren’t powerful enough to do damage on their own but I could switch directions easily. Because of that faints were a core to the way I fought. Quarks like this were practically a finger print. In the wasteland few people shared their combat experience. There was no school to learn. Thus if you developed a clunky aspect of your fighting it likely belonged exclusively to you.

And it had been with my double. No matter how many times I played that fight over in my head or relived it I didn’t see a single thing I would have done differently. Well that was natural wasn’t? if the synth had my memories she had my training. She would have fought in exactly the same way as I had. But that assumed all the memories were transferred crystal clear. If Amari was telling the truth that shouldn’t be possible. 

My mind strayed then to how I fought her the first time. She was aggressive, which sounded like me, but I had been timid. Was that because my fighting style wasn’t mine or because I was just too shocked? Hard to say seeing as I couldn’t relive my memory from my perspective exactly how it had happened. You still controlled yourself in those memory machines as limited as your options were. 

And then her voice came back to me. She certainly believed, with her dying breath, that she was me. I believed I was her. But who had been right? Maybe it really didn’t matter. 

Of course it fucking mattered. I was ticking time bomb if it turned out I was a synth. The institute could activate me at any moment and force me to kill the whole town. Or worse. I wouldn’t put it past the institute to come up with some depraved experiment to run on me. Or force me to run on other people. I couldn’t let this lie, not when I wasn’t certain I wasn’t a danger to everyone I knew and cared about. 

But maybe I was going about this the wrong way.

With a groan, I dropped my hands and leaned back on the bench. With my neck hung back I stared toward the starry sky. That was wonderfully familiar. Years of looking up from this very spot had made them a part of Goodneighbor as much as the old state house and the Rexford. I remembered them. But how had the double, assuming she was the synth, remembered them?

I was fully convinced she believed she was the real one. It wasn’t a ploy or a plot, you couldn’t pretend that kind of emotion easily. That meant she had my memories, or I had hers, but where the hell did we get them? Slowly I leaned forward on my knees and looked over my shoulder at the memory den. 

God damn it.

Breaking and entering. Nick would never admit it but he had taught me how to pick locks and hack terminals. Not that he knew it either. The risks you take when you bring a teenager along on cases. He couldn’t always get to where he needed to go and when that happened, well it didn’t count as breaking and entering. If he knew I knew how to do this I’d get an ear full. Not my fault that he couldn’t keep me from learning new skills. It probably was one of the only skills I had he actually approved of, so long as I used it for the ‘greater good.’ I felt like this qualified.

I waited until about midnight before I crept back out of my attic room on the streets of Goodneighbor. As usual Irma left the memory den and locked the doors behind her. She usually closed up shop around now in order to get herself a drink before the third rail closed. That bought me about an hour. An hour to figure out who had sold my brain to the institute. 

There was a guard outside the memory den, but he leaned heavily against the wall and his fedora hid his eyes from the light. With luck he’d be too tired to notice someone pass him by. Quietly I swept across the street to the front entrance of the memory den. There was no other way in unless I wanted to dig a tunnel. Casually I removed a bobby pin from my sleeve and placed it inside the lock. My screw driver served as a tension wrench allowing me to hold pins in place while I picked the lock. It didn’t take long. The subtle give on the screwdriver signaled to me each time a pin slid into its proper place. 

Soon the lock came loose and I slipped inside. That was the quickest pick I’d ever done. And according to Nick that was the only pick I’d ever done. The door didn’t lock behind me which would make escape easier. If someone like Irma found it open she wouldn’t immediately suspect me. And on top of that a little paranoia might be good for that bat.

I slipped the bobby pin back on my sleeve and crept into the main room of the memory den. Irma was gone, but Amari was probably somewhere to be found. Either of them could have been the person that sold my brain. And to think I trusted her to help me. In that moment I swore it would be the last mistake I ever made, hah that lasted a while.

My feet were absolutely silent against the floor boards as I went. If Amari was anywhere she was downstairs working. Fine by me. I knew there was a terminal up in Irma’s room I’d start there and work my way down. the floorboards attempted to give away my presence but I didn’t let them. In particular the stairs presented a challenge. Leaning my weight on the part of the closest to the wall I padded up the stairs. They creaked less this way and soon I was on the top floor. In the very back I found Irma’s room which frankly didn’t reflect the woman at all. If I hadn’t seen her in here when I was a kid I never would have known.

The terminal sat on a table against the wall and crouched I began typing. I wasn’t as good with computers as I was with locks. The concept was actually fairly similar though. With a few quick commands I found my way into the password override screen. I had only a handful of attempts to choose the right override before I got locked out for good. Each attempt the computer told me how many letters I had correct and that easily led me to the right combination. Just like pins in a lock.

When the terminal accepted my final attempt it took me to a screen with several files printed on it. they each had the name of someone from Goodneighbor on them. Kent Connolly, Hancock, Fred Allen, Clair Hutchins, Daisy and of course me. I wasn’t surprised to discover she had files on everyone. Some mischievous voice in my head wanted a look at everyone else’s file but that would be even more of an invasion of privacy than it already was. Besides I didn’t dare find out what Hancock liked reliving. 

So I ignored all the other files and opened the one with my name on it. 

It started about how you’d expect.

“O’Malley’s obsessed with being a kid. I really don’t understand why. I get the need to remember better times but judging by what I’ve seen she wasn’t exactly living it up. Has growing up in Goodneighbor really been so bad that she needs to escape to a time when she worked under a hot sun all the time? I wish she’d let me chose a different memory for her, maybe something less depressing and more exciting. 

She’s had to have had a fling with someone before, I know she hasn’t had anyone lately. She really should be diving into those memories instead of this kid stuff.”

How in the hell did she know I wasn’t getting any? Never mind that. The file didn’t say anything about selling my memory to someone nor did it allude to any memory tampering. Maybe she wasn’t so bad. Or maybe she was smart enough not to leave that kind of information on her personal terminal for any hacker to find. That clever bitch wouldn’t leave any record of institute involvement out in the open but there had to be another way. The service logs for the memory machines might have something. In the very least they should be able to tell me if something was copied out of the archive. 

As I shut the terminal down I took a step back. voices reached my ears from bellow and I went into a crouch on instinct. I couldn’t hear what they were saying but one of them sounded confused and frightened. Carefully I slipped to the door and peeked around the corner. From this vantage I could see Dr. Amari speaking down the stairs into the basement. “please just rest for a moment, I have to check for our friend.”

“what friend?” a second voice drifted up from the basement, quiet and frightened. 

Amari lifted her hands. “don’t worry, he’s a very good friend.”

She turned and I slipped back behind cover. Her footsteps were clear as they walked through the main room toward the front doors. She’d notice they were unlocked and get suspicious. If Amari was involved with the institute somehow, that would raise alarms. She might erase any record she or Irma had of shady dealings and then I’d never have my answers. I couldn’t let that happen but was now the time to confront her? 

Maybe not, I had one more place to check, downstairs. Whoever Amari had been talking to sounded like no threat. Maybe an institute scientist? Somehow I doubted it would take much convincing to make a scientist stand down and answer a few questions. The thought of holding one of those bastards at gun point filled me with a malicious delight. My right wrist burned and I instinctively went for my gun to relax it. 

While Amari was out of the way I quickly descended the rickety old stairs to the concrete set leading into the basement. I didn’t need to worry about squeaky boards here so progress was easy and fast. Soon I stood at the doorway leading into the pod room I’d occupied not a few hours ago. Inside I could hear someone pacing, agitated and likely confused. They’d be frightened soon too if I had anything to say about it.

Steeling myself I leapt from cover into the room and trained my gun purposefully on the person inside. “I suggest you stay quiet and do-” my threats died in my throat.

Standing in the middle of the room, a red bandana tied around her neck, stood Sarah, the synth I’d helped the railroad save. She swung around to face me and terror split her features the moment she saw the gun in my hand. as if I might shoot her she staggered back against the wall of consoles. Tears streaked her face and her knees wobbled. “please, please don’t shoot me.”

“keep it down.” I quickly dropped my gun, mostly out of astonishment than anything else. What was happening? I thought the railroad had saved her, gotten her out of the commonwealth. The hell was she doing here? 

She continued to sob and her legs completely gave out. In a heap she crumpled to the floor, burying her face in her hands. “ok, ok, just please don’t hurt me.”

“I’m not going to hurt you, Sarah why would you think I’d hurt you?” the gun in my hand obviously. I glanced down at it and hesitated. Something wasn’t right. Why was Sarah so scared? It wasn’t just the gun. “Sarah, do you recognize me?”

She drew her face away from her fingers and looked at me. With a sad shake of her head she answered. “no.”

Not possible. Sarah wouldn’t forget me, not when she still had that bandana. Then something must have happened. Something that made my skin feel cold and my heart heavy. It was sick.

Form behind a voice spoke. “O'Malley what are you doing here?”

Instantly I span around and pointed my pistol at Dr. Amari. A mixture of rage and pain whirled around in my chest like a nest of snakes. It made it hard to breathe but it certainly made things crystal clear. “what the hell did you do to Sarah?!”

At first Amari was confused, obviously, but not frightened, which pissed me off. I had a gun to her the least she could do was give me the courtesy. “please put the gun down and allow me to explain.”

Teeth bared I took a menacing step forward even while she lifted her hands in surrender. “you, you’re institute aren’t you?! You’re selling people to the god damn institute!”

“no I’m n-”

I should have let her finish but I didn’t. With a swift crack of my pistol I struck her across the temple. To my satisfaction she went down to the floor, grasping her head in pain. When she looked back up at me she was finally frightened, maybe not as much as I’d have liked but enough. “if I hear one lie come out of you I’ll shoot you in the eye I swear it.”

Her face went steely, the kind of conviction only a scientist could project. Ignoring the gun still held on her she rose and readjusted her lab coat with all the care in the world. When at last she had fixed herself she looked at me. From a pocket, she produced a single small Holotape. “Sarah recorded this, for you I presume.”

My gun hand began to shake and my eyes darted toward Sarah who still coward on the floor. This show of force had only served to scare her more and guilt built up in my mouth. Amari wasn’t fighting back, I reminded myself. She wasn’t any match for me. If she tried to pull something she’d be dead on the ground in the blink of an eye. Slowly I holstered my pistol and reached out to take the Holotape. “this had better be good.”

“good? No, but you need to hear it.” Amari nodded. “listen to it upstairs please, I don’t wish to frighten my guest any further.” As if that were the end of it she brushed past me into the pod room. She knelt down in front of Sarah, whispering words of comfort, reassuring her that I wasn’t a madman come to kill her. 

I watched them out of the corner of my eye, guilt tasted bitter in my mouth. The Holotape clutched loosely in my hand I bounded back up the stairs to the first terminal I found. Without hesitation, I loaded the Holotape and waited for what was on it to begin playing. 

What I heard made my throat feel thick.

_“Hey Ms.- I mean Vel. They say this may never reach you but I wanted to record it anyway. I needed to say, thank you, for what you did for me. The railroad is helping me escape for good. They’re going to give me a whole new personality, I won’t remember who I was. I won’t remember the institute, I won’t remember running away and I won’t remember you.”_

My heart gave a twinge at the sound of Sarah’s voice. She didn’t quite sound like the scared little runaway synth I’d helped all those weeks ago. Her time with the railroad seemed to have strengthened her. 

_“but I don’t want you to be sad. You were a really good friend, you and Glory and Deacon even. If it weren’t for all of you I wouldn’t get this chance. I have to do this Vel, but I wanted you to know that even if they erase my memories of you, you’ll always mean a great deal to me.”_

__

_“Sarah, it’s time.”_

__

_“I know doctor. Uh, Vel? Thanks again…. Good bye.”_

The tape ended. 

I felt my eyes sting and I shoved the heels of my hands into them to stop the tears. No point crying now. Not like I could stop her from getting her memories erased. There were so many questions I had now. The questions that had brought me to this place in the first place became forgotten for a few seconds. The immediate ramifications of the tape however needed to be faced.

Amari walked up the stairs from the basement, a piece of cloth pressed to her head where I’d struck her. Sheepishly I glanced in her general direction. “I’m, um, I’m sorry about….”

“apology accepted, but only because I don’t have time to reprimand you.” She stepped out into the main room and glanced up and down it, as if looking for someone. Stupid seeing as we were the only ones there. “damn it, where is he?”

Never heard the doctor swear in my life. It caused my brows to shoot up quizzically and my curiosity to get the better of me. “what’s the problem?”

“railroad business, you’ll have to leave.” She said dismissively.

Railroad business huh? To hell with that! Sarah may not remember it, or even want it anymore, but she was still my friend. I’d be damned if she came this far only to end up back in the institute. As far as I was concerned, that was a fate worse than death. I checked my magazine and the extra I had on the inside of my coat. I’d neglected to bring my sniper but that was up in my room, a quick grab. I also had my newly acquired knife and a Stimpak. It wasn’t much, but it could get me across the city.

“you’re waiting for a railroad agent, well you’ve got one.” I said convincingly.

Amari whirled around to face me, doubt all too obvious on her features. “you?”

“that’s right.” what had Deacon said when he first met us? If I knew organizations they loved their passcodes. “do you have a Geiger counter?”

The question caused her eyes to light up as the reply tumbled from her mouth. “no, mine is in the shop. So you’re telling the truth?”

I wouldn’t say that, I wouldn’t say that at all. But if it meant getting Sarah to safety sooner rather than later then I was all for impersonating a railroad agent. “that’s right. Now where was she supposed to go?”

That question brought back some of her skepticism but she certainly wasn’t protesting me anymore. Gesturing she led me back down into the basement. Sarah sat on a stool in the corner and as I entered she flinched visibly. Comfortingly I raised my hands to her, trying to muster a smile that didn’t feel awkward. “hey, look I’m sorry about earlier, I was…. I thought you were someone else.”

My words didn’t do much at first. This first impression had obviously gone horribly wrong and I couldn’t blame her for hesitating. After a moment or two though her shoulders relaxed. “that’s-that’s fine.”

“my name’s Vel by the way, what’s yours?” hard to keep a smile like this from turning awkward.

“Ria.” She answered without hesitation. They really had taken away her memories. 

“nice to meet you Ria.” 

Before my smile became any more awkward Amari approached me with a small map of the commonwealth. “you’re to take her here.” She pointed to a place exactly south of Goodneighbor. 

I knew that location. Anyone worth their bullets knew what that place was. “Jamaica plains? Are you fucking serious?”

“language.” Sarah, or rather Ria, said to me reprimanding. That would get irritating. Good thing she couldn’t see into my head. 

Amari nodded firmly. “that is the next safe house. From there she waits for a caravan to take her out of the commonwealth. It’s the safest place to be right now.”

“but it’s infested with-” I cut myself off and glanced at Ria. It was probably best not to frighten her any more than I already had that night. Saying the word ghouls would either raise unwanted questions or paralyze her with fear. 

“which is what makes it so safe.” She rolled up the map and offered it to me which I refused with a hand. I knew the way. “If another courier shows up I’ll tell them you handled it. What’s your codename?”

Codename? Really? How in the hell was I supposed to answer that? No one told me the railroad used codenames. Then again I suppose it made sense. Glory wasn’t exactly a normal name but I didn’t judge. Quickly I said the first thing that came to mind. “whisper.”

“alright Whisper, get moving.” 

Didn’t need to tell me twice. I turned to Ria, who I noticed was staring transfixed at the gun on my hip. My brows shot up and I smiled. “when we get out of the city I’ll let you try it how about it?”

“oh I could never.” But her eyes glinted with excitement. Good, they hadn’t completely erased who she had once been.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well this is getting depressing, and egocentric for that matter.
> 
> I just hope you like Vel enough to wade through her angst a little. This story isn't so angsty as others I've read but there's still enough to go around. Things start to lighten up a little after this. I think Vel would call herself cynically optimistic, which is sort of the tone this story has. 
> 
> To all of you who have left comments, particularly you Durrburr, thank you so much for the support. I look forward to posting thanks to you. You're all awesome!
> 
> Write On!


	10. Midnight Stroll Anyone?

You know how sometimes you just feel so up in arms about something, so very riled, that you don’t really think about the consequences of what you were doing until after? Yeah well that happened. Let’s make a quick list just to make sure you understand how absolutely fucked I was. First my leg was still healing, I could definitely walk on it no problem but anything more than a leisurely pace would pop my stitches. Second, I didn’t have any clean armor to wear. I still hadn’t taken the time to wash my coat seeing as I couldn’t make it to a source of dirty water. That meant I was planning on going out into the wastes wearing a tank top and a bloody pair of pants. Third, I was, once again, putting my neck on the line for the railroad. And I doubted very much I was going to get paid this time.

But looking at S4-74’s, Sarah’s, no Ria’s face I knew I couldn’t just abandon her. The Railroad ran a tight shift and if someone was late to a pick up that usually meant something bad had happened. I’d already risked my life once to get this synth to safety and I wasn’t about to let that hard work go to waste. If she stayed in Goodneighbor she was dead, not just because the institute may find her but because the residents may find her. It didn’t matter if the synth was innocent or not, people wouldn’t tolerate a synth presence. 

So what other choice did I have?

Thankfully I did have a few supplies, one last Stimpak, an assortment of ammo and a handful of bandages to take with us. Not much but Jamaica plains wasn’t far from the city. The hardest part would be getting through the ruins to the wasteland. With all the Supermutants and raiders lumbering around the city I would normally take the trip at a run. No go with a busted leg and a synth in hand.

“guess we’ll have to skirt by Swan then.” I murmured as I swung my rifle over my shoulder and secured the strap just a little tighter.

Ria’s brows shot up at me out of curiosity. “who’s swan?”

“you’ll see.” I threw a few supplies from my room into a satchel then led the way out of the state house and into the ruins. The good thing about Goodneighbor, and Hancock, was that they kept things fairly tied up near to the town. Supermutants were known to stray a little too close from time to time but they even knew better than to mess with us. That meant there weren’t many camps near to the town, making travel easier. All the same I kept my rifle in my hands, prepared to pepper an oncoming assault with bullets. 

The night air was still around us and the city seemed eerily quiet, too quiet. Hated taking main roads but if it meant we’d get out of the city faster I was all for it. With Ria only a couple of steps behind me we crept along. Once or twice I heard her take in a sharp breath to say something. I’d stop and press a finger to my lips. There would be plenty enough time to chat once we weren’t about to get ambushed. Best assumption you can make when trekking through the city, you were getting ambushed.

We traveled directly south along a road that probably had a name but I didn’t care. We past a cemetery on our right which we almost crawled passed. I had no desire to wake up what lurked there. Then we passed a park that stretched for a full city block. Ria’s breath caught and she left my side much to my annoyance. At least she remained stooped as she went. Deliberately she hid behind a car and looked out over the park. “what is this place?”

“it used to be Boston commons or something like that.” I murmured quickly and quietly. My irritation wanted to flow freely but if she didn’t trust me she wouldn’t listen to me and she had to listen to me. “nobody comes here unless they’re looking for trouble.”

“why’s that?”

In response I simply sat up on a knee and scanned the far side of the park through my scope. There was a dirty pond, probably could have washed my coat in it if it weren’t for the giant rumbling figure next to it. The thing stood at least twice the height of an ordinary man and seven times as massive. It carried a giant ships anchor in one hand like a club, a boat strapped shield like to his arm and a hunk of a swan boat attached to his shoulder. Hence the name Swan. I handed my rifle to Ria and pointed out the monstrosity sitting calf deep in his pond. “Ria, Swan, Swan, Ria.”

Maybe I shouldn’t have scared her. When she looked through the scope her eyes bulged and she dropped down behind the car. Her hands clutched my rifle shakily while she swallowed hard. “wh-what is that?”

“it’s a behemoth.” I answered quietly as I dropped back to her level. Gently I took my rifle back from her. “don’t worry there aren’t many of those things. They’re mean if you invade their territory but we’re safe here.”

“you sure about that?” though her voice shook just slightly she also sounded accusatory. Maybe the personality change had given her more of a spine. 

Honestly I shrugged. “so long as we don’t stick around here too long. Raiders avoid Swan too so we’ll be safe for a couple of blocks. Come on.” Before she could ask me any more questions or protest I took her gently by the hand and led her down the street. 

I kept one eye on Swan but he seemed preoccupied with a Radstag corpse he was chewing on. Some part of me wondered if it was the same Radstag I’d passed by when Nick rescued me from those slavers. Just my luck. Hope the big fella was enjoying it then. That gave me an idea. Was it possible to tame a behemoth? Bet someone had tried. 

We past a fountain with a round plaque set in the ground in front of it. Someone had placed a wood sign in blue paint on the fountain reading At journey’s end follow freedom’s lantern. Whatever that meant. Pretty weird and vague for a raider trap. Soon we left the park behind and I felt Ria relax in my hand. Satisfied that she wouldn’t lose heart I dropped her hand and grasped my rifle again. Just beyond Swan’s pond we past the Combat Zone. I would be lying if I said I hadn’t done a few rounds myself. I wasn’t good at cage fighting but it was the best place to learn where your own weaknesses were. 

Thankfully Ria didn’t ask about that. Maybe the whoops and hollers from inside made her silent. Easy to imagine what all the commotion was about. 

Still hadn’t run into any problems. I was just beginning to think we might make it out of the ruins without a hitch when I noticed the wall looming at the end of the street. My hand shot out and grabbed Ria by the shoulder at which she squeaked in surprise. Without looking at her I murmured out of the corner of my mouth. “stay, close and stay low, I need to check ahead.” 

No arguments. It was strange to have a partner that wasn’t constantly mouthing off at me. Or trying too hard to make sure I wasn’t in the direct line of fire. 

Crouched behind a rusted out car I placed my rifle on the hood and peered through the scope. Just as I’d noticed. There was a wall built across an intersection about two blocks head of us. New construction, raiders. I held my breath to steady my aim and scanned the top of the wall and its side. A hollowed out buss sat next to it and through one of its windows I could see a man standing. He lazily paced the length of the buss, unaware that I could easily take his life in the flash of a muzzle. 

“well damn.” Murmuring I dropped back down and looked at Ria. 

I expected her to be frightened, terrified even. Instead I found her eyes filled with apprehension. “what do you see?”

“ah nothing, nothing to worry about.” I tried to smile even while my leg burned in this crouched position. “just gonna have to take a little detour is all. You up for it?”

“of course.” And she certainly looked up for it. this woman was such a stark contrast to the synth I’d met only a few weeks ago. It was both encouraging and unsettling. How could the railroad just justify erasing everything that made a person who they were and replace it with something that wasn’t real? It didn’t feel right at all. 

Moral dilemmas aside, there was a job to be done and now something stood in the way of my job. Without a silencer on my sniper I wasn’t prepared to start picking off raiders even at a distance. Likely as not such a tactic would only bring them down on our heads. We’d have to sneak around them, and carefully. “alright.” Still holding my rifle in my hand, I stood straight. “shall we?”

She too rose and nodded. 

Mentally I shrugged. I wasn’t even really ready for this. We pressed ourselves against the buildings on the left and cautiously made our way up the street. Once or twice I forced us to come to a stop and drop to the ground while I waited for the guard to turn back around. He didn’t notice us a single time, even when we were a mere block from his post. Obviously not a Gunner or he’d have already raised the alarm.

We turned left down another street and that was the poorest decision I made that night. I heard the wind up of a turret and instinctively I swung my sniper up and took aim at it. It got off several rounds which sped by me. Ria cried out in pain but I couldn’t afford to look at her. I squeezed my trigger. In a shower of sparks and fire the thing exploded into several different pieces. Both Ria and I froze in the middle of the street. My heart pounded in my throat but my ears strained to hear what I knew was coming. 

Then someone yelled and half a dozen rough raiders came pouring from behind the wall.

“run!” I shouted at Ria and thrust her down a side alley on our right. While she scrambled down the debris strewn street I swung my sniper up and pelted the approaching raiders with bullets. Aiming in such close quarters with a sniper wasn’t easy. I mentally cursed myself for not practicing more with one until now. One of my bullets caught a raider in the leg. As he went down he tripped a handful of his fellows who hit the ground hard. The others wised up and quickly retreated back behind cover.

After I dented their metal wall with a few more slugs I backed up and followed Ria down the alley. In the darkness, everything reached out to trip me. My leg ached and burned and I felt sure one of the stitches tore through my skin. I’d be fucked if all of them popped. Might as well turn back around to take a few of those raiders with me before I died. 

I literally stumbled over Ria where she lay flat on the ground, apparently having tripped herself. We were on the other side of the buildings. All that remained between us and the wasteland was a perilous climb over what remained of the highway. Lying flat on my back I brought my sniper up and fired at the first raider that came around the corner. In the distance I could hear more people shouting. Their entire camp was waking and soon we’d have a lot more on us than just these five. Four, as I capped one in the head. 

“Ria! Get across the freeway!” I yelled over the gunfire. Prone on the ground I couldn’t move or do anything. All I could do was ensure the raiders didn’t rush us all at once. 

“I’m not leaving you!” she shouted in my ear.

“don’t argue!”

“fuck that!” did she just swear at me? Man I was a really bad influence. 

I felt hands scramble at my right side and the weight of my pistol disappeared. While the raiders hid on the other end of the alley I glanced up at Ria. She knelt beside me, gun gripped clumsily in both hands, firing at the men trying to kill us. Not a single one of her shots hit home but she wasn’t half bad. If it was a smaller caliber hand gun she might actually be good with it. 

In quick succession, I fired off two more rounds before I took the time to scramble back to my feet. Ria rose as well, still firing at the raiders. One of her shots hit a raider in the shoulder and he went down in a spurt of blood. Three left and they were pissed. One of them leapt out from hiding with a war cry and pelted our position with a machine gun. I grabbed Ria by the shoulder and together we tumbled out of the way. The rubble where we had been standing a second before turned to dust as lead pulverized it. 

Ria tried to swing back into the line of fire but I stopped her with a firm grip. “get over the highway! More are coming.”

Didn’t take much to get her across the first barrier onto the ramp. In the dark climbing over the barriers was a dangerous endeavor. Impossible to see if the black top was cracked or just covered with water until you were right on top of it. Footsteps reached my ears from the alley and I swung around. Even before the scope was to my eye I fired. To my astonishment and delight my shot hit home. The raider hefting his machine gun went down as his chest exploded. A bullet whizzed past my face, grazing my ear, but not from the front. 

I ducked down and shot a glare at Ria who gave me a sympathetic look. “sorry.”

With a roll of my eyes I ran to her side and grabbed her by the arm. If we tried to escape into the wasteland they’d only pick us off. There were two left behind us that I had to deal with first before we were home free. But apparently I didn’t exactly need to. Ria looked over her shoulder and wrenched her arm free of my grasp. Before I could react I saw her dive behind a car then pop back up to fire at the remaining raiders. I’d lost count how many bullets she had left in the magazine, it couldn’t be that many. 

But it didn’t matter as it turned out. She emptied her clip into the car the raiders hid behind. Instantly it began to burn and smoke. A very dangerous sign. I wasn’t sure she did that on purpose or not. The sight of it though made the raiders skid to a stop and turn tail. Triumphantly she leapt into the air, fist and gun raised. “yeah! You better run.”

“Ria you idiot.” I growled, latching onto her middle. 

She let out a cry of surprise as I leapt off the highway into a small crevasse between chunks of the ramp. With a hand on her head I forced her to go flat in the dirt while I covered my own head with an arm. A split second later the car over our heads exploded. Chunks of metal crashed into the concrete over our heads with terrible crunching sounds. A blast of heat and radiation wafted over us and I felt my stomach lurch. Under my hand Ria shook, face buried in the mud under the highway. The worst of the blast thankfully had been absorbed by the concrete, sparing us a very painful death.

I sat up on an elbow to peek over the edge of the highway. I heard voices beneath the roar of the flaming cars. Hard to say what they were saying but they sounded pissed. 

Next to me Ria tried to rise too but I thrust her head back into the dirt. They didn’t know where we were, all we had to do was lay low for a few minutes. Sure enough, after several tense minutes the voices receded back into the ruins and I released a breath I didn’t realize I was holding. I let Ria go and lay flat in the dirt beside her.

She bucked up and spat a chunk of dust out of her mouth. “thanks.” She grumbled in a whisper.

“you’re welcome.” I panted. That was more excitement that I’d had in days. “were you aiming for the car?”

Her lips drew into a thin line but her eyes drift up and to the right. “of course I was! Someone had to save us.”

“right.” I laughed. Goddamn it felt good to laugh again. Lying flat on my back I stared up toward the starry sky, grinning dumbly to myself while Ria gave me a reproachful look. 

But soon she too began to giggle, which rapidly turned into a full laugh. We probably should have been more careful. One of the raiders could be scouring the area for revenge. For all we knew a grenade could be dropped down between us and we’d be blown to pieces. But we kept laughing. 

For several minutes.

Until our sides hurt and breathing became difficult. 

When finally it died down I sat up and smiled at Ria who still lay flat on the ground. “this is my favorite escort mission I’ve ever done.”

“I’m glad I could entertain you.” With her hands beneath her head she smiled at me. From her side she offered me my gun back. 

I took it and checked the magazine. Empty, like I thought. From my belt I produced a box of bullets and quickly reloaded the mag. I slid it back into my gun and wracked the slide then offered it back to her. 

She was taken aback, hands up. “oh no, you should keep it, you’re better with a gun than I am.”

“I’ve got the rifle.” I replied with a shrug. Before she could stop me I shoved the pistol into her hand and rose to my feet. On the highway the car now had a giant hole in its front end. Shrapnel lay as far as thirty feet from it. One particularly sharp piece of the hood stuck out of the barrier that had saved our necks. “we should get moving. We’ve still got a fair distance to go.”

Ria got up beside me, dusting herself off. The gun looked a little large in her hand but she wasn’t afraid of it. I still felt guilty for threatening her with it before. “I hope things aren’t quite this exciting from here on out.”

I winked at her. “oh you can’t mean that. It’s so much fun to make new friends.”

“do all your friends shoot at you?”

“when they first meet me, yes.” That was true actually. I’m pretty sure even Nick had shot at me when we first met. I deserved it then, I knew that. 

Together we helped each other out of the crevasse and back onto the highway. We had to scramble over several more barriers before we landed on firm ground again. A short walk away from the highway and we found a cracked road leading out of town. After what happened on the way back from the Slog I didn’t relish the idea of taking roads again. At least I knew this one didn’t pass by any other towns. Ria stepped to my side, cradling her arm. Blood oozed out from between her fingers even if she tried to hide it.

“let’s get inside somewhere and I’ll patch that up.” 

“it’s fine, no big deal.”

“it will be if it gets infected.” Rolling my eyes, I marched ahead. There was an old military post just down the road with a trailer we could use for shelter. Didn’t want to be out in the open long enough for someone to spot us. 

Behind me Ria walked, examining my pistol curiously. “Whisper, was it? Where’d you learn to shoot?”

That brought a frown to my lips as I wracked my brain. “hard to say….” I admitted over my shoulder. “I think I got my first gun when I was eight but I’d been using weapons long before then.”

“I guess that’s how it goes in the wasteland.” 

My pace slowed just enough to let her catch up to me. The military base came into view and the trailer sitting in the middle of the road. I never questioned what it was doing here. No point when the answers were probably ashes from the bombs. “I guess. It’s rough but it’s true. What about you? Someone ever teach you to shoot?”

“my uncle, a little.” She shrugged. “he practically raised me. I was a farmer before all of this.”

No you weren’t. I couldn’t decide how to react. Part of me wanted to tell her the truth, convince her of who she really was. But then her Holotape message came back to me. She’d volunteered for this hadn’t she? The Railroad made her think it was the best way to protect herself but was this the only way? More moral dilemmas. I was so used to a point and shoot lifestyle. 

“what is all of this?” I asked as casually as I could. We reached the trailer and I let her enter first. A desk sat in one corner with a broken terminal on it. 

Ria sat on it without instruction and waited while I unwound a length of cloth. “don’t you know? You’re with the railroad aren’t you?”

“humor me.” I kept my eyes firmly on my work, trying not to reveal anything more than she already knew. 

The breath from her sigh brushed my ear she’d almost shot off. “it’s the gunners, they attacked our farm and killed my uncle. The railroad is helping me get out of the commonwealth.”

I nodded in understanding. It made sense. They couldn’t switch her memories around and then neglect to come up with a proper reason why she should leave. A contradiction like that in someone’s head would drive them insane. Or turn them into a paranoid wreck, like me. “well I’m glad I could help.” Carefully I cleaned her injury. It wasn’t deep by any means, just a graze. It really hadn’t been serious but neglecting wounds in the waste was sometimes a death sentence. 

“you remind me of someone.”

Her words sent a shock through my stomach but I hid it with a shrug. “I have one of those faces.”

“no, it’s not that.” But she didn’t sound so sure.

I tied off the bandage a little more roughly than I intended producing a wince from her. Turning my back on her I hid the disappointed I felt. “let’s keep moving. Shouldn’t be long from here.” 

“is it going to be as eventful as before?” 

Smirking at her over my shoulder I shrugged. “rather not jinx it.”

As it turned out the rest of the journey was uneventful. We had to leave the road once when we came close to a camp but we returned to the street without drawing attention. I shot down a few Bloatflies at a distance before they got in our way and a heard of Radstag shrieked in warning at us as we passed. Soon the first few ruined houses of Jamaica Plains came into view. Cautiously I left Ria behind on the road and approached the edge of the town. I couldn’t see anything through the scope of my sniper rifle. Rumor had it the place was swarming with ghouls. Only the stupid and the desperate dared come close. I guess that made the railroad stupid and desperate. 

I returned to Ria and together we walked down the perimeter of the town until we reached the main street. In a large intersection just in town lay a battlefield. An assortment of bandit and ghoul bodies littered the ground centered at a burning barrel. It didn’t look fresh but we approached carefully anyway. I felt Ria grab my arm as she followed me into danger. 

“hello!”

“sh!” she hissed at me to which I grinned.

“hello! Any ghouls still shambling around?!” 

Ria began to shake on my arm while we waited for the horde to come running around the corner. When none did she slapped me in the shoulder. “what are you an idiot?”

“what?” still grinning I slung my rifle back onto my shoulder. “at least we know we don’t have to creep around.”

“what if there had been a mob waiting for us?”

“then I only had to run faster than you.” I winked, accentuating my joke.

She rolled her eyes at me. “you’re the worst.”

“whose there?!” 

The new voice emanated from down the street on our left. We both turned and I got the distinct impression someone had their scope on me. Sure enough after a little searching I noticed the small glint of glass at the corner of a building. Casually I raised my hands. “don’t shoot, we’re friends.”

“do you have a Geiger counter?!”

The railroad would probably be pissed to find out that a civilian knew their secret passwords. Wondered what that Deacon fellow would say if he found out about all this. “mine’s in the shop!” I called back crystal clear.

The glint disappeared and a man stepped out from behind the building carrying a pipe rifle. He didn’t look very intimidating, with a ratty jacket and a stupid hat. Wondered what he could possibly do to protect anyone from the institute. “where have you been? You’re late!”

“just some complications.” I shrugged casually. Ria still stood at my side even if we apparently had reached the railroad safe house. Together we approached the man and I gave him a careful once over. Oh yeah, no threat there. “all’s quiet?”

“as quiet as ever.” He eyed Ria with a small frown. “Ria right? I’m Dylan.”

“nice to meet you.” She nodded. 

Dylan then turned to me and his expression grew stern. “you weren’t who I was excepting. What happened to High Rise?”

High rise? Glory? Seriously what was with these people and ridiculous code names? Guess mine fit in perfectly. “don’t know, he didn’t show at the memory den so I took over. The names whisper.”

“wait what?” he gaped at me and his eyes narrowed. Shit was there already a whisper? And I thought I was being original. “I thought…. Did the boss tell you to use that name?”

“uh, yeah.” Awkward. Could he please move on instead analyzing my so called codename? It was a codename I wasn’t questioning High rises’. “look we shouldn’t be out in the open.”

He nodded and his questions disappeared from his face. At least I was still somewhat lucky. “you should go, hard enough to hide two people in this place let alone someone like you.” 

Probably should have been insulted by that. A quick glance at myself though and I realized he was right. I looked like myself, a mercenary and that was fine by me. Hands on my hips I glanced at Ria who couldn’t quite make eye contact with me. I spared her having to say the first thing. “it’s been fun, Ria, if you’re ever looking for a little more adventure in your life look me up.”

I expected her to hug me, like she had before, and I was mentally prepared for it this time. To my surprise however she handed my pistol back to me and smiled up at me. “thanks Whisper, I’ll remember that.”

Numbly I took my pistol back. She really didn’t recognize me at all. I know there was nothing to be done about it. It wasn’t either of our faults, but it still stung a little. Hard to look someone in the face when they didn’t even know you. 

Before I could even open my mouth to say anything Dylan took Ria under the arm and led her away. “we’ve been out in the open too long. Come on.” 

Standing in the middle of the ruined street I watched her go. She glanced back at me, waved once then disappeared around the corner.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I suppose I could have just glossed over this section with a quick "and then I escorted Ria out of Goodneighbor" but I hate doing that. I sort of felt like this chapter was important for her development so I couldn't just ignore it. 
> 
> I know I say it each week but, thanks for sticking with me guys, you really have no idea how much it means to me that you come back each week for the newest chapter. It really makes me want to post more of my stories. So thanks guys, you're awesome!
> 
> Write on!


	11. Why are Promises so Hard to Keep?

The trek home went by in a blur, mostly due to the fact I was dead on my feet. The sun came over the horizon bathing the wasteland in a cool morning light. It reminded me that I had neglected to sleep all night. Any wastelander could go without sleep or food for a while. Didn’t mean we didn’t feel it. I thanked my lucky stars I didn’t run into any more trouble on the way back. The guards at Goodneighbor eyed me curiously as I trudged through the center of town into the memory den. Irma sat on her raised platform as usual but I didn’t even notice it when she shot barbs my way. 

In the basement I found Amari typing away at her terminal, exactly where I left her that night. I didn’t have the energy to move silently so she turned when my footsteps echoed through the concrete room. “you’re back, I didn’t expect to see you.”

With a heavy sigh I sat in the nearest chair and leaned over on my knees. I wasn’t pleased about doing this. Far from it. At that moment I think I’d rather have taken on a camp of Supermutants. This whole soul baring thing really didn’t suit me. “I…owe you an explanation.” 

I didn’t need to see Amari’s face to know she was staring at me with what must be irritation by now. Honestly I didn’t expect her to say anything other than get out, or something along those lines. I sure as hell wouldn’t blame her. “after you attacked me you expect me to be content with a simple explanation?”

“simple is being a bit harsh.” Fidgeting in my seat I ran a hand through my hair, purely to have something to do with my hands. “it’s a lot more complicated than you might think.”

Judging by the silence that followed she must have been waiting for my complicated explanation. I became acutely aware of the holes she was burning in the back of my head. My hands played with the edge of my shirt, anything to make this conversation less awkward. 

With a long breath in I steeled myself and looked Amari directly in the eye. “I might be a synth.” 

I thought it would hurt more to say that out loud. Oh it stung a little yeah, but maybe I was just too numb and tired to react properly to it. Amari on the other hand dropped her hands to her side and her jaw to the floor. Eyes wide she took an involuntary step back before recovering. “why would you think that?”

As I told her the story about what happened between the Slog and Goodneighbor I couldn’t quite make eye contact with her. Either she’d think it was insane and ask that I take a sedative, or she’d believe me and be as scared as me. Recounting the story in detail was easy after she let me explore it the day before. It didn’t make remembering it any easier. “I thought I could find something in my memory that would tell me if I was or wasn’t the synth.”

Amari shook her head firmly at me and folded her arms. The shock seemed to have worn away as my tale unfolded. She now examined me curiously, as if I was a fascinating bug or something. “that’s not how it would work. I can easily decipher whose memory has been tampered with but that wouldn’t be the case with a full memory download.”

“so you’re saying….” My head dropped to stare down at my feet in defeat. “I’ll never know.”

“I wouldn’t say never.” Amari approached me and placed a hand on my shoulder. Brave woman to approach a possible synth like that. “the institute is the only one that knows whether or not you are a synth.”

“great!” I threw my arms into the air exasperatedly, forcing her to drop her hand. “I’ll just go knock on their front door and ask kindly to have a look at their records! Clear this whole mess up!”

My quip produced an exasperated roll of the eyes from the good doctor. “not the institute, but the railroad may be able to help you. Have you thought about bringing this up to Desdemona?” 

I almost opened my mouth to ask who the hell Desdemona was but I snapped it shut a second later. If I was a railroad agent then I should know who the woman was. Although as I looked up at Amari I noticed the way she scrutinized me. She knew. “you got me.” 

“how’d you know the secret code phrase?” Amari questioned quizzically.

“some guy said it to me before.” I shrugged dramatically. “believe it or not, this isn’t the first time I’ve had dealings with the railroad.”

“I’d gathered that much from Sarah.” 

Right. I ran a hand through my hair again and squeezed the back of my neck. “do you really think the railroad can help me?”

“I wouldn’t tell them that you think you’re a synth spy.” She admitted with a finger to her lips. “but if anyone can help you, it’s them.”

“if I tell them why I want to join they won’t let me within fifty feet of their operation.” I pointed out despairingly. “I’m not particularly keen on beginning that relationship with a lie.”

“I understand.” With her arms folded loosely across her chest Amari leaned against one of the memory pods. From where I sat I could see the debate in her eyes. She didn’t have answers any more than I did. “but I know I can’t help you. Even if you were the synth, memories of the institute would be too deeply buried. I haven’t even been able to assist Mr. Valentine in their recovery.”

The mention of Nick gave me pause. I’d promised that old detective that I wouldn’t join the railroad or get involved with the institute. That promise had long gone out the window since last night. And the institute had targeted me, for what reason I had no fucking idea. I couldn’t just take that lying down. Regardless of if I was a synth or not they couldn’t get away with messing with me like that. The railroad was doing good work, even if their methods seemed a bit misguided. I could do worse than falling in with them. 

And they were my only hope.

“how do I find the railroad?” I spoke aloud after what must have been a few minutes. 

Amari nodded without question. At least she wasn’t debating my decision here even if I was still. “the freedom trail, I’m not sure what that means but there’s a monument in Boston commons that bares a similar name.”

That sign with the blue paint. That’s right. It had to be the beginning of the freedom trail Deacon mentioned before. At least I had an invitation to this party. A little annoyed with myself that I couldn’t put two and two together. 

And then Nick’s voice echoed in my head. _“Promise me that you won’t go looking for them again. That you won’t join the railroad.”_ Goddamn it. 

Teeth bared bitterly I rose unsteadily from my chair and looked at Amari. “I’ll think about it.”

She didn’t say anything as I left, or maybe I didn’t give her a chance. Lost in thoughts that wondered around in circles I left the memory den behind and went back up to the attic. The town was just waking but all I wanted to do was fall back asleep. For the first time in days it came to me without a fight. The moment I landed on my mattress, rifle still slung over my back, I drifted into sleep.   
I dreamt. It didn’t happen often. I guess my subconscious was one of those quiet types. Some people might think I dreamed about my life before Goodneighbor, or times I spent in the wasteland. Not true. My rests were always blissfully void of dreams. If I did dream they were brief, and didn’t linger for very long. This one was short, that’s about all it had going for it.

I stood in the middle of Goodneighbor between the Rexford and the Old State House. It was an ordinary day, the sun was bright overhead. The street was utterly empty. No drifters by the campfires, no guards with their submachine guns. No laughter from inside the Rexford. Something tickled the back of my neck. I turned to see what it was only to find nothing. When I turned back the street was full.

Full with the dead.

The bodies of every single person I’d ever met lay in the street. Dr. Amari, Irma, Piper, Hancock they were all there. Blood oozed out of wounds on each of them. I looked down at my hand and felt my stomach drop. In my fingers rested a knife, bathed all the way to the elbow in blood. 

“Vel.” 

The voice forced me to turn. Oh god no. Nick stood in front of me. His trench coat was covered in blood and bits of gore clung to his face in droplets. Those yellow eyes were inscrutable as he stared at me. I couldn’t open my mouth to say anything, the dream wouldn’t let me. Gradually he began to raise his pipe revolver toward me and I reacted before I knew what was happening. 

I had him by the neck, pinned to the ground beneath the full weight of my body. He struggled but somehow my strength outweighed his. Brutally I slashed open his white shirt and his chest. The synthetic flesh came away easily, revealing his inner workings. My hand reached inside and gripped a part of his body, the thing that looked like a heart. His eyes widened as he realized what I was about to do.

With a snap I sat up, sweat dripping down my face and back in sheets. My body felt cold, my limbs shook, my breath came raggedly. The darkness of my attic room enveloped me and I wrapped my hands around my knees. It wasn’t real, I kept telling myself, it couldn’t be real, I’d never do that. 

I would never do that, but what about the synth?

My mind was made up after that. I spent a few days in Goodneighbor, preparing to break my promise to Nick. The knife cut on my leg healed enough that I could walk easily. I cleaned my coat and bought a shoulder pad for my right arm. To that I attached a sheath for my newly acquired knife. As I adorned my new equipment I felt more prepared than I ever had before. Whatever the railroad decided to throw at me I could handle it. 

Three days after I escorted Ria out of the of Goodneighbor I left again, barely a word to anyone. It was easy enough to find my way back to the freedom trail head. Swan snored soundly over by his pond, totally unaware of me as I came up to the plaque. The wood board was still there, “At journey’s end follow freedom’s lantern.” I read it aloud. On the ground in front of the wooden board was a medallion shaped plaque. A red number seven had been painted on it pointing to the letter A printed on the plaque itself. 

Codenames, secret pass phrases now a literal word puzzle? If I got to the end of this and discovered a bunch of kids I sincerely wouldn’t be surprised. I’d also walk away.

The plaque was surrounded by a red tiled line that left the park and headed down the street. Best guess, this was the freedom trail. A little indiscrete. I was willing to bet before the war this had been some kind of tourist attraction, meant to give prewar people a little exercise. And the numbers and letters weren’t much better. I wrote each letter on my hand with the number and it didn’t take long to recognize what it was spelling. 

The redline proved a little tricky to follow sometimes. It would disappear beneath rubble then reappear several feet later. At some point I had to double back to find it again. More plaques appeared, a total of eight with letters and numbers on them. The line led me through the city on a merry chase until it ended at an old church. The statue of some long dead guy on a four legged creature stood in front of the church. A single lantern sat on the doorstep above which was a white painted rendition. 

Well, follow the lanterns at trail’s end I supposed. 

As I entered I couldn’t help but notice the signs of recent use. People were in and out of here fairly regularly. A few ghoul bodies lay inside the church but they were long dead. Foot prints in the dust were clearly outlined, making my job of following the last of the freedom trail easy. Not that I needed it. The railroad’s knack for subtlety continued into the church. A white lantern was emblazoned on a piece of the upper balcony beneath which the footprints disappeared. 

I followed my predecessor silently, relaxed as my hand rested on my pistol. Hope they weren’t done recruiting. If that was the case I’d have to have a word with whoever beat me here. A set of stairs led down into the catacombs beneath the church. Now I could deal with wastelands and ghouls and such but creepy old underground tunnels like these, put my teeth on edge. Skeletons lay in corners alongside ghoul bodies. Not once did I have to remove my pistol from its holster. 

Then I reached the end and of course this is what I expected. A plaque, identical to the ones I’d followed here, was set into the wall at eye level. It looked connected to some hardware buried in the wall. My fingers traced the tracks of clean metal the last person had left. I soon discovered the outer ring could turn and it didn’t take me long to figure out what it wanted. 

“they really need better security.” I murmured under my breath, turning the wheel and inputting the code. “I mean, how hard would it be to guess railroad?”

Next to the plaque a wall hissed open allowing a rush of surprisingly warm air to waft over me. With a little effort I shoved it further open then descended into the space beyond. As I stepped into a room lights burst to life momentarily blinding me. My hand pulled my gun free and I squinted against the light. “warm welcome.”

“well I’ll be damned.” A familiar hoarse voice spoke over the lights, apparently pleased by my arrival. “Deacon owes me fifty caps.”

Slowly I let my hand fall from my face but kept my pistol at the ready. No use dropping my guard until I knew who I was dealing with. When my eyes adjusted to the light I peered past it and discovered a woman with white hair and armor staring down at me from the platform. “Glory! Do you usually head up the welcome party?”

My railroad contact laughed at my quip and stepped down from the platform. She wasn’t armed so I slipped my gun back into place. Didn’t know if I could trust her, but my knife was within easy reach and I could probably gut her if she made a move. She punched me in the arm, grinning at my cool expression. “not usually, but the boss is out. I thought you didn’t want in.”

How was I supposed to explain my change of heart? Hard to do when the reason wouldn’t please the other party. I decided to go with what happened three days ago. “well, I helped get Sarah, sorry, Ria out of Goodneighbor. I’m starting to think you guys can’t run without me.”

“that was you? You were whisper?” her mouth fell open and she put a clear distance between us. The revelation made her uneasy. Maybe I shouldn’t have said that. “we didn’t know who the hell that was. You’re telling me you impersonated a railroad agent to get a synth to safety?”

Evasively I shrugged, hooking my thumbs into my belt. “the way I saw it, your man was late and she was in danger. I wasn’t about to sit on my hands.”

Glory pursed her lips, the pleasure of seeing me evaporated as quickly as my patience was. Debate raged behind her eyes. No doubt she wasn’t used to making decisions about recruits, and I did present quite a problem. Not least because I had shown up here, but because I clearly knew more than a civilian should. My instinct was to talk, to calm her fears so she might listen to me. But the little interaction I had with Glory told me she wasn’t a talker. “I can’t just let you in.” Her deep brown eyes swung up to meet mine.

I hoped she couldn’t see any of what I was feeling right then. I didn’t want to appear over eager. That would set off more alarm bells than anything else. “I understand.”

“but I can’t just let you leave either.”

My stomach sank. Of course you couldn’t. Because that would just be too nice wouldn’t it? A little too easy. After all the run around they gave me to get here of course they wanted to delay things a little longer. I did my best to suppress a depressed sigh. “I understand, whatever you have to do. I came here to join the railroad, I’ll deal with whatever you throw at me.” 

Glory didn’t know me, but we’d fought together and a bond develops from that that’s difficult to ignore. Judging by her expression she struggled with that very concept at that moment. Still she had a duty to her people. “you’ll stay here, under guard, in this room while I send for the boss. You’re not to go anywhere am I clear?”

This time I couldn’t stop my breath escaping me in a small groan. “of course, I understand.”

Glory waited until another agent appeared from a doorway on the platform. They took my weapons, which just pissed me off, and had me sit in a corner like a child. Once I had a good view of the automatic rifle pointed in my face Glory left the way I’d come. I guess it would be too much to hope that they had some quick way of communicating with each other. Judging from what I’d already seen of their operation I’d guess a lot of their communication went through dead drops. Secrecy was all well and good, especially if you were being hunted by the institute and the brotherhood, but that just made organization difficult. 

My ass went to sleep first, followed quickly by one of my legs. I didn’t dare move an inch though. My guard looked a little jumpy and I didn’t want to end up several grams heavier in lead than I already was. I’m not a very patient person to begin with, and this experience only proved that. At a rough estimation it took Glory just over an hour to return, alone. Turns out she hadn’t talked to her superiors directly, only left them a message at, you guessed it, a dead drop. 

By her reckoning it would take around two days for a reply to reach us. And at that point who knew what would happen. My guess was that the message wouldn’t contain a congratulations certificate and a welcome to the family card. Glory at least was sympathetic about it. She told me that if she had her way she’d take me down stairs and give me a job right away. I thanked her for that but stated, through gritted teeth mind, that I’d rather do this right. 

I stayed in that room for those two days. The guards switched out regularly and they even brought me a little food. I watched one or two agents come and go from the headquarters. Each time I hoped one of them brought a message from their boss, or Deacon, or that Desdemona woman. Turns out none of them carried any such good news. 

On the end of the second day, at least I thought it was the second day, Glory approached me. I’d entirely lost all concept of time being kept underground for so long. It could have been in the middle of the night or in the afternoon. All I knew, I was tired of sitting in dirt. “what’s the verdict?” mentally I prepared for the worst. 

Glory seemed to be in a good mood. Hopefully that boded well for me. “boss wants to meet you. I’m supposed to take you to see her.” 

“great.” Probably shouldn’t appear too eager not that that was a problem anymore. Stiffly I rose from the ground, dusting dirt off of my coat. And I’d just cleaned it too. “tell me where and I’ll head out.”

That grimace was back. Fantastic. “it’s not that simple, sorry. You’re going to have to trust me.”

“well you haven’t killed me yet.” Not the best comfort in the world but it did mean something. The least I could do was trust her for a little longer. “do what you’ve gotta do.”

And what she had to do might as well be the worst thing in the world.

We left the North Church together. Glory carried all of my weapons, promising to hand them back should things go well. With the barrel of her gun pressed into my back she led me through the ruins of the city. Thankfully it was broad daylight and Glory had no intention of leading me into a raider camp or a patrol of Supermutants. We crossed the river and reached Bunker hill in no time. It was now that the test of my trust began. 

Glory lifted a sack from within her coat.

“what’s that for?” I questioned, eyeing it distastefully. 

“Boss’ orders.” She answered flatly. “she said if you don’t like it you can take a swim in the river.”

I didn’t like it, not one bit. Bad enough that I had no weapons but at least I could see which way to run. With that bag on my head I’d be a sitting duck. At that point Glory could do whatever the hell she wanted with me. Wasn’t sure I trusted her that much. “look, you trust me don’t you? You wouldn’t let me stick a bag on your head would you?”

With a shake of her head she dropped her hand. “look I don’t particularly like this either. But if you want to be part of the railroad you have to jump through these hoops. I promise this is the last thing we’re going to force you to do.”

Somehow I doubted that. Still, I’d come this far, and I doubted I could just walk away now. Glory likely had orders to shoot me if I tried to leave. Irritably I grabbed the sack from her hand and shook it out. “if you shoot me, or leave me in the middle of nowhere, I’m going to find you and I’m going to kill you.”

“that’s fair.” With folded arms she waited until I pulled the sack over my head.

Wasn’t too happy about stumbling along grasping Glory’s shoulder like a blind man. I lost count how many times my feet stumbled on a bit of ruble. To be honest I still wasn’t sure why they decided blind folding me was necessary. Judging by the smells and the sounds I could easily guess where we were. We traveled near the river for several minutes, west I’d say from Bunker hill. We took a right at some point and a rush of cold air signaled we left behind the buildings of the city. 

At this point Glory forced me to a stop and removed the sack from my head. Blinking rapidly I quickly scanned my environment. We stood on a bridge with metal arches on either end. Cars still sat atop the concrete blocking the way for others. The river sloshed welcomingly below. About half way between the two shores I saw a pair of figures standing around. One was a bald man, wearing a white shirt and dark shades. His casual stance wasn’t reassuring thanks to the rifle sitting beside him. The other figure was a woman, with wavy hair, a vest, a scarf around her neck and smoking a cigarette. 

They waited for us to approach, barely looking at us. Once we came within range I finally recognized the man as he stood. “Glory was right, damn.”

“Deacon.” I muttered cautiously, I had eyes only for the woman, who still hadn’t looked at me. “good to see you again.”

“and you. Glory told us what you did. Gotta admit, I’m a little disappointed that you slipped into our organization so easy.” He looked casual, leaning against the car with loosely folded arms. Noticed the way he leaned toward his gun. 

“maybe you should have a secrete handshake too.” I replied with deep sarcasm. 

Both Glory and Deacon chuckled. He gestured at the other woman. “see Dez? I keep tellin ya.”

“shut up Deacon.” She turned around and finally made eye contact with me. There are those people in the world that just have that look, the one that makes you stand just a little straighter. It doesn’t matter what you know about them or who they are, one look and you feel heavy. This woman had one of those looks. Her eyes pierced me brutally. Unlike Deacon, who gave you a casual once over and saw your life story, she tore back the layers to see what was underneath. Impossible to be casual where she was concerned. The intensity in her eyes matched her voice as she spoke. “before we get started I’ve got a few questions.”

“of course.” As long as they were just questions. 

Slowly she took a long drag from her cigarette then blew the smoke toward the sky. “you already know what a synth is, obviously. You know they come from the institute. But do you know how the institute treats them?”

One of my fists clenched at my side and my face became steely. A pop quiz? That’s what this was?! Jaw set I looked her carefully in the eye. “I’m going to save you some breath alright? The institute can burn in hell for what they’ve done. They’ve hurt people, not just synths but humans too. I’ve already proved it to Deacon and Glory but let me say it to you. I’d throw myself in front of a bullet for anyone, synth or human.” 

Inwardly my conviction wavered at that last point. I mean I wasn’t necessarily lying, but I knew there was a time and place to play hero. Against long odds I’d turn and run, as should anyone. But if faced with certain death I’d rather my death mean something than nothing at all. I wasn’t a hero, but in the right circumstances I could be. 

My words had the desired effect on Dez, even if they didn’t on me. With a satisfied air, she flicked her cigarette over the edge of the bridge. “well, in that case, there may be a place for you here.”

“so then, what’s next?” the steel hadn’t left my voice and it caused one of her eye brows to lift. 

“I think we usually give tests to our recruits right about now.” Deacon offered lightly, brows raised at Dez. “what do you say Desdemona? What about the old mass pike tunnel?”

She glanced at him then back at me. A smile that, to be frank, wasn’t comforting in the slightest, spread over her face. “Glory, are your teams ready?”

“almost.” Came Glory’s reply from behind me. “I’m still organizing the third team.” 

“that’s not going to be necessary anymore.” Dez walked past me to Glory and took my weapons from her. Confidently she handed them back to me all at once. “you’ll take the east tunnel.”

“excuse me?” 

Glory elaborated while I put my weapons back where they belonged. “the pike tunnel could be a useful route to get synths out of Goodneighbor. But it’s full of raiders and ghouls. We’ve been planning to clear it out for months.”

“and that will be your first test.” Deacon interjected confidently. He slapped me on the shoulder, a friendly gesture for such a shady man. “shouldn’t be too difficult for you O’M- whoops never mind.” 

“if you want to take someone with you feel free.” Dez added in. 

I met her eyes. She stood half turned, staring at me out of the corner of her eye. I could only interpret half her face and it seemed like she was smirking at me. Like the pig headed fool I was I rose to the challenge. “no need, I can handle it.”

“good to hear it.” hands on her hips she turned fully to me. “Glory will give you the rest of your instructions. If you succeed then proceed back to the old North Church. There you’ll receive further instructions. For the time being we’ll continue to use the codename you’ve already chosen for yourself. From now on your name is Whisper.”

The way she said it made me wonder who had once used the codename. I probably should have felt sheepish about it, guilty maybe. Then I remembered all the run around they’d given me these last few days and I stopped caring. They could be uncomfortable with it for now. By the time I got back I’d have earned the codename. 

Dez turned to leave but Deacon held back a little. He grinned at me, eyes hidden behind his sunglasses. “I expect good things from you Whisper. Good luck out there.”

“I don’t need luck.”

That produced another chuckle from him as he turned and followed his superior to the other side of the bridge. Silently I watched them go before turning to meet Glory’s eyes. 

“you sure you don’t want back up? I can let Boxer handle the other end of the tunnel.” 

I shook my head firmly. No point turning back now. How hard could it be? “just give me the details and I’ll leave now.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter has one of my favorite lines in it "I wasn’t a hero, but in the right circumstances I could be." I just feel like it basically sums up Vel's character. 
> 
> So right about now I'm curious. We're about a third of the way through with this journey and there's plenty more talking, fighting, blood and inner turmoil left but I want to know. Do you think Vel's human or a synth? I'll probably ask again a little later but I'm just curious. 
> 
> Anyway thanks for sticking with me guys, Write On.


	12. Coolant Leak

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gonna give a quick warning here, there’s quite a bit more gore in this chapter than in the previous ones although not quite as gut wrenching as chapter 7.
> 
> What with E3 this weekend there's a real danger I'll forget to post tomorrow so! Here I am a day early! Hope you don't mind!
> 
> See you at the end.

“sign posts? They’re like a bunch of children.” I muttered under my breath examining the strange symbol etched on the scrap of paper. The job didn’t sound too difficult. Glory explained that there was a second team that would approach from the west entrance of the tunnel. The plan was to meet somewhere in the middle. According to her intelligence, raiders had taken up positions on either end of the tunnel and ghouls occupied the space between. I was to clear out the bandits on the east end, leave a safe house marker on the tunnel wall, then proceed through the tunnel itself.

With any luck I could pick off most of the raiders from a distance with my rifle. They’d either rush me or hide in their tunnel at which point I’d go in with my pistol. Didn’t relish the thought of doing something like this alone, in broad daylight. Mentally I reprimanded my past self for being so boastful. I’d always said bragging was reserved for old farts who had more scar than skin. Hopefully it only took this stunt to earn the railroad’s respect, particularly that Dez woman, Desdemona I presumed. 

The quickest way to the mass pike tunnel brought me close to Diamond city. As I wondered down an alley I pondered if I should stop by the city to pick up a few more supplies. I didn’t have as many Stimpaks as I’d like to have and I had no Radaway on me. It wasn’t smart to go wondering the wasteland without at least a couple of those. Didn’t mean I ever took that advice. 

Chittering noises brought me out of my thoughts and I looked up just in time to see a Radroach leap out from under an archway. Lazily I reached for my pistol but stopped when someone followed it out and smashed it with his foot. “damn thing.”

“Nick!” a dumb smile split my face before I could even stop it. The sight of the detective and his ratty old trench coat filled me with relief and pleasure. Why exactly I wasn’t sure. It’s not as if it had been that long since I saw him. Maybe it was my captivity for the last two days.

He looked up at me and shock flashed across his face. One of his hands rammed itself into his pocket while he turned to the side to hide it. “Gray, what are you doing here?”

A thought occurred to me. I’d told the railroad I didn’t need help dealing with the tunnel, a rather poor lie. But they said I didn’t have to do this alone. Then again, did I really want to put Nick in danger like that? I mean there was no telling what we would face. It seemed selfish to ask him to come with me. “I’m on my way to a job. No big deal.”

“what kind of job?” He had his hands deep in his pockets, while he scraped his foot on the curb, trying to clean off the roach guts. 

“there’s a camp of raiders giving travelers trouble. I’ve been hired to put them down.” it wouldn’t pay to question him about what he was doing here. I was more likely to get some sarcastic remarks. 

“I’ll lend you a hand then.” 

“I’m not asking you to.”

“no you’re not.” Swiftly he kicked the Radroach out of our path and stepped aside. With a mock bow he gestured for me to lead. “after you doll.”

I rolled my eyes at him but did start walking. “if you want to, just don’t be angry with me if you have to replace a few parts.”

I gained a chuckle from him for that. Had to admit, with him at my side I felt quantifiably better about this job. He’d be pissed if he ever found that he had helped me join the Railroad but if everything went right he never would. I’d need to ditch him before we met the other team though. No need to raise his suspicions. Together we passed by the front gates of Diamond city and continued south. The mass pike tunnel wasn’t far from the city. Glory’s other team wouldn’t be in position before I got there, guess I could start the push early. 

“how’re you doing?” 

Nick’s question drew me from my pleasant musing of blowing raider brains out and back to reality. With a sidelong glance I looked at him. Under that fedora he wasn’t looking at me but I guessed he had better peripheral vision than humans do. “I’m good.”

“you haven’t left Goodneighbor since….” He trailed off, clearly unwilling to finish that statement.

I didn’t want him to anyway. “been keeping tabs on me have you?” the attempt at making my voice light sounded like it worked. Wasn’t sure it extended to my face. 

Judging by the glance he gave me though I’d guess probably not. “I look after my friends.”

I’d have to give him something. He wouldn’t believe I’d just woken up one morning and accepted my fate, knew me too well for that. And if he had been keeping tabs on me then he knew I had shut myself away for three days. Gotta make something up. “I ran out of money.” Oh yeah, he’d go for this. “needed a job.”

Even with his subtle facial expression he managed to make me feel like an idiot with little more than a look. Tried not to look at him even while he continued talking to me. “so what kind of hell are we about to step into?”

Thank god he didn’t push the subject. Didn’t have a lie prepared for him quite yet. It would take some clever planning to put him off the scent. “the mass pike tunnel. Just clearing out the raiders that took up residence.”

“that’s out of the way of the usual caravan trails.” He pointed out dryly.

“so it is.” If he didn’t give me an ear full before this was all done I’d count myself lucky. 

We came out onto a street in front of a building whose entire lobby area had been picked clean years ago. I was about to continue across the street unabashedly when Nick grabbed me by the back of the neck and hauled me back. An oof escaped my chest as he rammed me up against the wall. 

Indignantly I glowered up at him. “what?!”

“you don’t know this territory do you?” with his metal hand he pointed across the street, passed the building. A piece of highway sloped upward to nothingness in the short distance. A wooden wall barred any access beneath it. “a group of raiders took up the old Lawrence towers half a month ago.”

Couldn’t help but notice how close he was to me, his hands placed at either side of my head as if to hide my body. I ducked his arm. “that’s right on the edge of the tunnel isn’t it? We’re going to have to clear them out too.”

“we don’t have to go in there guns blazing gray.” Nick stepped back and pointed further down the street, passed the highway. “we can get around them and down into the mass pike. So long as we stay low.”

I had to admit that sounded better than clearing out an entire building with just two people. My hand went to rest on my gun and I turned to look up at Nick as I crouched to the ground. “alright, lead the way boss.”

Nick didn’t know how to be discreet any more than I did. He opted for less confrontational methods but when it came to actually being sneaky…. Well he had a few things to learn. Luckily for us both that didn’t particularly matter here. Nick knew this part of the ruins like I knew them around Goodneighbor. He led us in a wide arc around the towers. Doubled over and head low I waited for the moment when things got too quiet. My right wrist ached terribly in anticipation. The grip of my gun remained pressed into the palm of my hand. 

Should have trusted Nick more than that. 

Soon we stepped out onto a crumbling bit of highway that spanned the length of the mass pike. It sloped downward on the other side from where it once connected the city level. I crept out from behind cover just enough to get a look at what we were dealing with. At the far end of the road it disappeared into a tunnel beneath the ground. It must have been an important causeway before the war judging by its size. A large truck tanker sat abandoned half way between us followed quickly by a bus with its back blown out. At the entrance of the tunnel was the raider camp.

They looked entrenched. Their buildings spanned the length of the causeway, made of rough wood and rusted metal. The shacks leaned precariously on the side of the road leading to the city level. From my back I pulled my rifle and peered at the camp more carefully. “I count twelve, no… fourteen raiders.”

“how many can you take out with that?” Nick’s voice was right next to my ear and I felt his warmth beside my body. 

“before they start taking cover? Three. Starting with the ones up top.” I murmured out the corner of my mouth. We weren’t in any danger of being overheard here but it was a force of habit. 

“can you stretch that to four?” he didn’t sound pleased.

“if I had a silencer for this thing, it was night, and my scope did night vision I could take them all.” I answered boastfully. That mouth was starting to get me in trouble. “how are you on ammo?”

“ammo isn’t my concern.” He admitted producing that revolver of his. 

I opened my other eye to look at it. “why don’t you use something else? Revolvers are fucking hard to reload in the middle of a firefight.”

“It’s familiar, do I complain about your pistol?” his brows rose at me.

Smirking I just returned to my scope. “want a look?”

“I see enough.” He stood and walked around me back into cover, out of sight of the tunnel.

Dropping my sniper I followed him with my eyes frowning. “what?”

At first he held his back to me before gradually turning. There it was, that look again. Worry creased his synthetic brow and his eyes stared at me hidden behind a shadow. Beneath that fedora he looked so human. “are you sure about this Vel? Are you sure you’re ready to go back into the field?”

An irritated groan escaped my chest as I left the highway to stand in front of him. Hard to look him in the eye so I decided to glower at his tie. In that moment I wanted to grab it and toss it into a dirty pond. “look Nick, I’m not alright, I don’t think I ever will be, but I’ve got to move on. Right now, this is the best thing for me. You’d be doing the same thing were you me.”

With his whole hand he squeezed my shoulder gently. “all I wanted to hear.”

My stomach hurt. This wasn’t the time or place to have this conversation and Nick should have known that. What the hell was wrong with him? Damn, I needed to shoot something. No one said the conversation was over but it was. I went back to the broken highway and knelt behind the barrier. 

Nick’s hand grabbed me and tugged me closer to the side of the road.

“what?!”

“radiation.” He pointed at a pool that lay on the other side of the pike causeway. Inside his chest I could hear the tick of his Geiger counter. 

“thank you.” Last thing I wanted was to contract radiation poisoning. That wouldn’t impress Desdemona or Deacon very much. A safe distance from the water I dropped to a knee and scoped the camp. “what do you want me to start with?”

“take the ones out on the platforms. We don’t need fire from above.” he instructed.

“done.” 

I almost felt bad for the raiders, they had literally no idea what was about to happen to them. It seemed a little unfair to start picking them off from this distance. Unfair but not unnecessary. Nick and I would need every advantage we could get. That thought followed my first bullet as it screamed through the air. In the scope I watched the first raider’s skull explode in a shower of bone shards and brain. Swiftly I twisted my sniper and my crosshairs found my next victim. He was spinning like an idiot and the last thing he saw was the bullet between his eyes. The raiders were beginning to scatter, alerted by the powerful crack from my sniper. Several of them dived for cover. I followed one as he stumbled down the stairs to shelter. I caught him in the shoulder and he went tumbling out of sight. 

“go.” I hissed at Nick out of the corner of my mouth on instinct. 

He sure as hell didn’t need the instruction. As the third raider went down in a spray of blood Nick left my side. For a split second I opened my other eye to catch sight of him racing down the street. None of the raiders noticed him yet, they were all too scared to even look. The scope slammed against my eye I fired at the remaining raiders. Their cover hid them but provided little protection from my death rain. One knelt behind the waist high wall of a rickety platform. While he peeked his head out I capped him swiftly in the temple. 

Then the barrier beside my head exploded with a shower of concrete shards and dust. My heart leapt up into my throat and I retreated. Dust stung my eyes fiercely, forcing me to blink rapidly. Gunshots began to echo off the highway walls. Nick needed me, I couldn’t just sit here. Once my tears took the dust with them I sat back up to my post. By now Nick had made it to the truck, hidden behind the front end.

The raiders already knew he was there. They seemed to have forgotten my presence though and were pouring out toward Nick. “get the fuck away from him.” I growled around gritted teeth. One of the raiders was almost right on top of him. My breath caught in my throat while I centered my crosshairs on his stomach. I couldn’t afford to miss this, the head was too small, stomach would incapacitate him one way or another. A shower of blood burst from his belly and he fell to the ground. 

Out of the corner of my eye I saw Nick look back at me before he rounded back on the frontline. He leapt up and pelted the group of approaching raiders with everything he had. I waited until his cylinder ran out and he disappeared again before releasing my own volley. Our combined effort effectively pushed back the raiders from Nick’s location. Some of them were even retreating into the tunnel behind them. 

While Nick got back up to riddle the encampment with more hot metal I swung my sniper to my back and leapt down from my nest. Bent low I bounded up the street, totally ignored for a few crucial seconds. I rushed passed Nick who continued to cover me as I bounded up into the bus. With my pistol in my hands I crouched at the front end, low behind the broken window. 

From here I could finally listen to what the raiders were yelling and none of it sounded particularly intelligent. “there’s only two of them! Get back out there!”

“boss they killed toothless!”

“Fucking grow a pair!”

“I’ve got it boss!” 

I stood straight just in time to see a grenade fly from the ranks of the raiders toward Nick’s position. It was all I could do to watch it land out of the corner of my eye then explode a split second later. The shock wave moved the bus a few inches forcing me to a knee. Bits of metal pierced the side of the bus, lucky me none of them were close to my crouched position. “damn it! Nick!”

The words wrenched from my throat painfully with rage. I got back up and fired at the first raider I could see. I filled him with more holes than I could probably afford but it felt so damn good. Then a Molotov cocktail flew through the air in a wide arc toward the bus. In my mind’s eye, I watched it hit the rim of the window, the burning alcohol rained down on me and my clothes. That would be a truly bad way to go.

Then the bottle exploded in midair, mere feet from the front window of the bus. Flaming liquid burst in a shower, raining down on the camp and me. A hand grabbed my head and forced me to go face flat on the metal floor. I felt the heat of the Molotov careen over me but not a single drop hit my body. Numbly I sat up and looked back. Nick had his hand on my back, a grim but pleased expression on his synthetic face. “admit it, that was a good shot.”

“fuck yeah it was.” Relief flooded through me and it was all I could do to resist the urge to hug him around the neck. Or strangle him.

Cracks and pings just over our heads reminded me of the urgency. Smoothly I checked my magazine. “how much you got left?”

“more than enough.” He replied and from a pocket he produced a Molotov cocktail with a cheeky grin. “what do you say we give them a taste of their own medicine?”

“yes, holly shit yes.” 

Nick lit the end of the cocktail then lobbed it out the front end of the bus. Outside I heard the raiders scream in terror and fear as the flaming bottle arced toward them. Sadistically I couldn’t help but watch. Up on a knee I sat up just in time to see the bottle shatter on the roof of one of their shacks. The dry wood instantly caught fire and spread. In next to no time the blaze engulfed the entire camp, like a giant beacon. 

Next to me Nick stood and fired into the inferno at the rapidly retreating raiders. I followed suit. Between the two of us we killed maybe three or four and injured a fifth. The fifth one collapsed just outside the tunnel and the fire spread to his prone body. Screams split the air as the fire ate away at his flesh. A chill ran up my spine, hard to imagine when the fire heated my face. 

“the job’s not done.” I murmured just loud enough for Nick to hear me. It sure as hell looked finished. The camp burning to the ground, most of the raiders dead. The remaining raiders were sure to retreat to the far end of the pike tunnel where Glory’s other team would handle them. But that wasn’t my mission. 

Grimly Nick dropped his gun and gave me a sidelong look. “you sure?”

“not going to ask you to come with me. We’ll be walking into an ambush, if we’re lucky.”

A sigh escaped him as he slowly reloaded his revolver. One by one each bullet slipped inside, deliberate and thoughtful. When he flipped the cylinder back into place he met my eyes. “no you’re not asking.”

One of these days that loyalty of his was gonna get him killed. I didn’t want to be around to see that happen.

I reloaded my pistol while Nick quickly searched the camp for anything of use. He didn’t feel the heat quite like I did, though I doubted he couldn’t feel it at all. When he came back from hell his coat looked a little singed and his face a shade darker from soot. “good news.” He offered a pair of grenades from his coat pocket. 

“these should be useful.” Couldn’t help but grin as I took one of them and stuck it in my coat. “you ready?”

“when are we ever ready?”

Fair point. 

I took point this time, my magazine had more bullets in it, I could hold the line longer than him. It only made sense. In one hand I carried my pistol in the other I held the grenade gingerly. While the camp smoldered and died, we took up positions on either side of the door leading into the tunnel. The other tunnel was totally blocked off. Fine by me, at least we didn’t have to guess which way the ambush was coming. 

Nick took hold of the doorknob and our eyes met. We exchanged silent nods and he threw the door open. Pulling the pin with my teeth I tossed the grenade into the space beyond the door. Bullets ricocheted toward me for a split second before the raiders realized what was coming their way. With a crash Nick shut the door and leaned against it. The earth shuddered just slightly as the grenade exploded with a dull thud. Dust drifted out around the edges of the door.

Abruptly Nick threw the door back open and I slipped inside. The dust and debris floating in the air made it hard to see and breathe. I resisted the urge to cough as I crept along the tunnel deeper underground. Scrambling footsteps echoed off the walls from deeper within. My foot kicked a piece of what I could only assume was an arm. Hard to tell in this gloom though. A tiny crater at the far end of the tunnel signaled where the grenade had exploded. My feet squelched sickeningly in something. Tried hard not to think about what that could be. 

A second set of squishy footsteps followed right behind me. Nick had my back and that gave me some amount of comfort even in this terrible situation. “do you want me to go ahead?” he whispered in my ear.

“No.” it didn’t make tactical sense. I had more bullets after all. 

We entered a doorway on our left and continued down the hall. Up ahead I could hear voices whispering angrily to one another. How many were left? Five, six? If Nick was alone he could probably finish them off. If I was alone I could do it. but neither of us were alone. 

In the dark we moved as silently as our feet could manage. We came to another doorway and I risked a quick peek out. Nothing and no one. I didn’t like that. My stomach tensed beneath my shirt and my grip became a little tighter. The feel of Nick’s hand pressed against my shoulder remind me to take a breath. My grip slacked ever so slightly. I’d screw up my aim if I held my gun too strongly. 

I darted out into the open and around the corner. The raiders weren’t yet prepared for us and my sudden appearance went unnoticed for a few seconds. I used those precious seconds to count. One, two, three, four, five… and a turret. “shit!” while the turret span up I fell back behind cover around the corner. A treacherous piece of rebar grabbed my leg and I tripped. 

Thankfully Nick caught me and hauled me back to my feet. The wall where I had been a split second before exploded in a shower of dust. Nick and I flattened ourselves against the wall, exchanging looks. “you know, I’m beginning to regret coming with you.” Through the gun fire I could still hear the joking tone in his voice. 

“oh come on.” I grinned at him, all I could easily make out in the dark tunnel were his eyes. “this is way more fun than killing Radroaches.”

“I suppose you’re right about that.” Couldn’t be sure but I was fairly certain he returned that grin to me.

The turret stopped firing for a few seconds to cool down, which gave us our chance. Together we leapt out from behind cover. Side by side, guns blazing, we walked across the tunnel to the far wall. The raiders fired back at us but by some miracle they failed to find flesh. Our shots were true and precise. First Nick sunk two slugs into the turret directly behind the raiders. It exploded in a fiery display that momentarily shocked the raiders directly beside it. 

For my part I focused on the ones closest at hand. One raider hefted a minigun in our direction. Unfortunately for him it didn’t warm up in time. I popped him between the eyes then turned to my next victim. This one was smarter, half hidden in a doorway to our right. The moment he tried to pop out and shoot us I riddled his exposed shoulder with lead. 

Two raiders attempted to leap over the barrier where the turret had been standing. On the other side they hid, peeking out at random intervals to fire in our general direction. That’s when the snarls split the air and rushed toward us. Dumbfoundedly I watched as the two remaining raiders were over run by a pack of feral ghouls. Blood and gore flew in all directions while the creatures tore them apart. 

My stomach lurched as I watched one literally split a man’s skull in two. 

“snap out of it!” Nick yelled beside me, racing forward.

At first I thought he was planning to rush the horde even while it literally poured over the barrier. Then he skidded to a halt on his knees and hauled up the minigun from the ground. It needed time to spin up though and the approaching ghouls wouldn’t give it to him. Not on their own. I swung my pistol back up and poured the last few rounds I had into the crowd. The first went down and tripped some of his fellows. Ghouls were fast, and they weren’t entirely stupid either. They dodged and weaved in an attempt to outmaneuver my deadly aim.

“damn it.” as the string of swears escaped my lips I ran to Nick’s side. Still a few seconds before the minigun would fire. I reached into his pocket and rummaged around for the grenade. My fingers brushed a Holotape but I didn’t have much time to think about it. “got it!” triumphantly I produced the grenade. In one fluid motion I pulled the pin with my teeth and tossed it toward the approaching horde. 

Shriveled limbs and faces went flying in a gory firework display at the far end. A second later the minigun finally began to fire. In Nick’s hands it showered the approaching horde in hot metal. It was over in absolutely no time. They went down in bloody heaps, some still alive others too damaged to be recognized. One by one they fell until none of them remained. Nick eased off the trigger and the pair of us listened to the darkness, waiting. 

Only our heavy breathing filled the silence that met our ears. My arms fell limply to my sides and my gun slipped from my fingers. Nick too dropped the minigun and sat back on his haunches. For a machine he sure looked tired right about then. My ears wrung from all the explosions and my right hand ached. “why are you panting?” I asked rather breathlessly. “you don’t have lungs.”

At the mention of it, Nick’s breathing, if you could call it that, returned to normal. He gave a massive shrug. “force of habit.”

We helped each other up, our feet sunk into a few inches of mud and gore that we’d never be able to get out of our boots. Leaning into Nick I let a breathless laugh escape me. “well… that was more exciting than killing Radroaches!”

“bet you weren’t expecting that.” We picked our way around the pile of bodies carefully, fully aware that some of the ghouls could still be alive. It would be just my luck if one of them tore my throat out now. 

“no, no honestly I wasn’t.” standing on what remained of the platform we looked down into the depths of the tunnel. It appeared to veer off to the left after a distance. From here we couldn’t see a single ghoul shambling around. Apparently no one missed the memo. “but you gotta admit, that was pretty awesome.”

As if on cue a raider leapt from cover and rammed into my stomach. Together we tumbled off the platform into a pool of water. He had a knife to my throat in the blink of an eye, I felt it bite into my exposed flesh. I reached up toward his face, trying to shove him away but he was too strong for me. A bang echoed off the walls and he fell away, blood oozing out a hole in his head. Panting again, I clasped my throat and looked up at Nick. “thanks…. I …Nick?”

He stood stock still, his revolver still poised from where he took the shot. A deadly expression took his face, the likes of which I’d never seen on him before. Those yellow eyes of his stared down at the dead raider transfixed, not horrified, satisfied. Something clawed at the back of my neck, something instinctive. Fear?

Then he blinked and took a step back. “you alright?”

My voice caught in my throat for a second, unsure how to respond. No I wasn’t alright but how the hell to explain that? “I’m fine, what about you?”

Confused he glanced down at himself. It was then that I noticed the holes in his shirt. Instinctively I reached out to check his wounds but I came up short. That expression before came back to me. 

The moment he looked down at his front then he realized what I was staring at. Or at least he thought he realized what I was staring at. He lifted his shirt up to get a better look at the damage done. Most the bullets seemed to have hit his stomach. None of them fatal judging by his annoyed expression. Then he noticed the hunk of metal sticking out of his chest. “well damn, must have been that grenade from earlier.”

Casually he reached up to yank it out. “are you sure you should do that?” my brows shot up quizzically. Things seemed to have gone back to normal at least. Still didn’t know what that had been about. “maybe it’s like a piece of glass. Ya know, should keep it in till you can patch it up?”

He scoffed and yanked the thing out. A tiny hiss leaked out of his chest and a minute drizzle of clear liquid streamed out of the puncture wound. “damn, coolant leak.”

Hard to stop myself laughing at him. My chuckling released the tightness in my chest and my heart settled back down. “sometimes you’re an idiot you know that?”

“look who’s talking.” In that moment he was more damaged than I was. Gingerly he peeled back a layer of his own skin to get a better look at the damages underneath. Hard to look at him while he did that. 

“uh, you do your thing, I’m gonna go sweep the rest of the tunnel.” Quickly averting my eyes I leapt down from the ruined platform and proceeded into the dark gloom.

“if there’s trouble! Feel free to scream!”

“I never scream!” I shouted back over my shoulder, grinning absently to myself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If I had to choose one writer that influenced me the most I’d say it has to be Eoin Colfer, author of the Artemis Fowl series. Scenes like this are some of the best parts of his works and I hope I pulled it off half as well as he does. 
> 
> As usual thanks guys for sticking with me. Write on!


	13. Four weeks

Four weeks passed in which I still felt like an outsider to the railroad. After the mass pike tunnel Glory had been more than happy to give me the whole orientation. And at first what she told me sounded promising. According to her an agent, codename Charmer, had managed to kill a courser and get their hands on a chip. This chip, combined with Tinker Tom’s machines, could get us inside the institute. The thought excited me. I hadn’t realized the railroad would be this close to invading the institute. Answers might be coming soon. And I had charmer to thank for that.

Then she told me it would take almost three months to complete the thing and even then there were no plans to invade.

Well shit. 

Still though, they were my best bet to get answers. I had to keep playing nice with them. I soon found out that a bulk of the railroad were off site, building the teleporter at a secure location. No one told me where that was. The rest of the group were operating as usual, ferrying synths around the city, to and from the memory den and so on. Easy enough jobs. When I started this I thought it would be harder but it turns out it was just a bunch of babysitting. 

Glory made the decision that since I’d already proved capable, twice over, I didn’t need training. Good decision on her part. If she tried to stick me in a uniform and train me like some common rookie we’d have a few words about it. They gave me my first official railroad mission, escorting a synth from bunker hill to the memory den and from there my reputation grew. 

I rarely saw Deacon or Desdemona or really anyone else in the railroad. A core group of us lived and worked at the headquarters with Glory overseeing the operation. I didn’t mind it. Deacon was as shady as they came and Desdemona seemed dangerous. Glory trusted me, even liked me when we were a few drinks in, and we worked well together. Between the two of us the railroad operated smoothly. 

And to be honest, I enjoyed it.

The last time I’d worked with a group of people like this, so closely, I’d ended up shooting my boss in the back. That had naturally tainted the thought of team efforts since. Sure I worked with Nick on his cases, added myself to caravan guard rosters but that was different. This was different. Instead of being united by caps or friendship, we were united by a cause. A cause that at first I didn’t feel particularly passionate about. 

As the days moved by though and I met more and more synths trying to live a normal life I realized exactly what I was doing. I wasn’t just escorting people from safe house to safe house, I was giving them a chance. What kind of chance that was I couldn’t say. I watched so many synths go into the memory den only to never come out. The thought of what they had to do to survive made me sick.

“there has to be another way.” I murmured one night sitting cross legged on the floor of the catacombs. The railroad had been hiding under the old north church and they had a pretty decent setup. In one corner a chem lab, in the other a gun and armor station. A shooting range. Some places for people to sleep and an alcove where a benign Assaultron lumbered around. 

I sat with my back to the wall, a can of beans in my hand, with Glory on my right. She hesitated with a spoon full of beans half way to her mouth to give me a cocked brow. “to eat beans? Let me know if you figure it out.”

“no!” rolling my eyes I turned to gaze at her. “I’m talking about the memory wipes.”

The mention of them turned her face dark and she averted her deep brown gaze. Her expression became unreadable, an uncanny talent she possessed. “I don’t know. Even Doctor Carrington is convinced it’s the only logical way.”

My eyes darted at the doctor standing on the opposite side of the headquarters. He was technically of higher rank than Glory but you wouldn’t know it based off how often he gave orders. “can we really justify it?” the words slipped out without my permission but once they were out I plowed ahead. “when we switch their memories we’re not just giving them a new life we’re taking away who they once were. Call it what you want but that’s murder.”

Glory kept her eyes on her can, warry of saying too much. 

“I’ve heard you advocate to free gen twos.” Though my conviction remained I lowered my voice. Even I didn’t want to draw unwanted attention from people for radical views. “you have to admit, what we’re doing to the gen threes is wrong. What would you choose if you were in their position?”

“I chose to be who I am.” As her voice rose she raised flaming eyes on me. 

Her words, more than her intensity, surprised me. “chose?”

She realized what she had said and she scowled visibly. The can in her grip creaked as her hands tightened. Hope she wasn’t imagining that was my neck. “yeah….”

Agents didn’t talk about their time before the railroad. Hell next to none of us even knew each other’s real names. It had never occurred to me to even wonder if there was a synth in our ranks. “are you….”

That scowl deepened and the can dented with a loud ping. “yeah, what of it? I don’t want sympathy from you, got that? Just can it.”

As harsh as her words were it didn’t do anything to set me off. The look in her eye reminded me all too much of my own and I smirked. “what? Just cause you’re a synth you think you’re special or something? There are tons of synths.”

Her deep brown eyes rounded back up to look at me. The anger continued to burn there for a second longer until she noticed my grin. Finally she released the poor can from her vice grip. A chuckle escaped her throat, airy and ironic. “you really are something Whisper.” 

“was that a compliment?” my brows shot up and my grin widened. “why Glory, you’ve never been so nice to me.”

“oh shut up.” She punched me in the arm lightly. A shadow returned to her expression a second later and she shook her head. “but, yeah I agree with you. I don’t like the memory wipes any more than you do but without memories of the institute it’s harder for synths to get tracked down.”

“then we’re not doing enough to hide them.” A bitter venom leaked into my voice and my eyes looked back at Carrington. “there has to be somewhere, some place, we could send the synths where they’d be safe.” 

Glory dropped her spoon back into her can and scooped out another bite. Around a mouthful, she replied. “I haven’t heard of anywhere. Bet if there was some kind of synth sanctuary the institute or the brotherhood would wipe it out.”

She had a fair point there. Don’t put all your eggs in one basket. Or for our purposes, don’t put all your synths in the same place. Still there had to be a better way than wiping out one person and replacing it with another. I wasn’t totally convinced that we weren’t just killing the synths. The memory wipes couldn’t be without their side effects. In spite of Dr. Amari’s assurances I worried that all we were doing was making matters worse. 

And then there was the institute. 

It seemed to me, based off how many synths we lost contact with, that they still had methods of finding synths. The memory wipes were little more than a temporary solution. A Band-Aid for radiation. It wouldn’t prove effective in the long run. The railroad ferried some people out of the commonwealth periodically alongside caravans. It was hard to imagine the institute’s reach extended too far into the surrounding wasteland. Maybe the answer lay out there instead of here.

“maybe we should be focusing our efforts on allying more traders than doing what we’re doing.” My words were half spoken to myself, half to whoever would listen. 

Glory rolled her eyes and gave me a look. “bring it up with the boss next time you see her. I’m sure she’ll be happy to hear your criticism.”

“I doubt that.” Desdemona seemed like too much of a hard ass to listen to a lackey like me. “pretty sure she still doesn’t trust me.”

“she doesn’t trust anyone.” 

We both jumped at the voice interjecting itself into our conversation. In unison we looked up to find Deacon grinning down at us. He wore a worn leather jacket this time, with a pipe bolt action rifle on his back and a ratty looking hat. Still had those sunglasses though and he stared at us from behind them. 

What I wouldn’t give to punch those off his face. “been a while Deacon, how goes the teleporter?”

“well turns out, we’ve hit a little snag.” He admitted. Casually he sat down on the floor with us, arms crossed. I got the distinct impression that he’d heard everything we said earlier but he didn’t let on. “I wanted to talk to you.”

“I’ll see you both later.” I made to get up before Deacon’s voice forced me to stop.

“both of you, come on Whisper, this is a team effort after all.”

I hated the way he said that last part but I sat back down. 

Next to me Glory set aside her dinner and leaned in over her knees. “what’s the mission?”

Even before he opened his mouth I knew I wasn’t going to like this much. “one of our agents, fellow by the codename Bunker, went missing three days ago. He was supposed to report into us at the star yesterday but he didn’t.”

Seemed a little flimsy to be getting all worked up now. “agents go missing all the time, they’re usually lying low so they don’t draw out the institute, what makes this any different?”

Couldn’t read his expression under those damn sunglasses. His tone though was unmistakable, and pointed. “you tell me whisper.”

What was he implying? Did he think I have something to do with Bunker’s disappearance? I rolled my eyes. “what could I tell you? I don’t even know the kid.”

“you used to work with Valentine in Diamond city right?” hearing someone so casually bring up one of my friends made my chest tighten. The railroad could trust Deacon but I sure as hell couldn’t. I knew he had to know something about my past but Nick… Nick was off-limits. “I want you to put that detective work to the test.”

“is that why you want to send me?”

He nodded and though he smiled it didn’t quite crinkle the sides of his eyes. “I heard how you found the missing members of Stanwix. You’re perfect for this job, even Dez agreed.” 

Somehow I doubted that last bit very much. Stanwix had been a safe house that went dark a week ago. Pretty much everyone assumed our agents had been wiped out. As I found out that wasn’t even the slightest bit true. Some of them had managed to escape and I tracked them down where they had been running from a group of gen two synths. People started respecting me a little more after that. 

“you want me to track down Bunker?” my brows shot up quizzically, waiting for the punch line of his little joke. “any leads?”

He shrugged broadly. “all I know is Dez sent him to retrieve a piece of tech for Tom. He started his search at Bunker Hill.”

“I don’t suppose you know what kind of tech he was looking for?”

Another shrug.

I’d have accused Deacon of withholding information from me, didn’t have any evidence though. Likely as not he was holding out on me. Whether because he’d been ordered to or just for his own curiosity it was hard to tell. Might just want to see what I could do. 

Irritably I rose, abandoning my half-eaten dinner on the ground next to Glory. “alright then, let’s go find Bunker.”

“Do you want me to go with you?” from where she still sat on the floor Glory followed me with her eyes. I could tell she wanted to go with me, maybe to back me up, maybe just to see some action, but I shook my head. Investigation was a delicate operation. It needed a scalpel not a hammer. Oh and I wasn’t insulting Glory there, she admitted, she preferred a more direct approach. 

Deacon seemed satisfied as he got to his feet. “we’ll be waiting to hear back from you. Be careful out there, no telling what’s happened to our mutual friend.”

“careful?” I’m not sure people in the railroad actually knew what that word meant. Paranoid maybe.

It was about midday when I left the safety of the old north church. The catacombs smelled like mold and dead things, which made the fresh irradiated air of the commonwealth taste sweet. For a second I stood next to the statue and breathed in a grateful gulp of air. The afternoon sun warmed my upturned face and the gloom from earlier melted away. I’d been forced to sit on my hands for two days with no jobs coming in. it felt good to finally be out on the hunt. 

And a hunt it was.

If my only lead lay at Bunker Hill then I knew exactly who I’d talk to first. Slinging my sniper rifle further up my shoulder, a silencer attached to it I’d acquired a week ago, I set off. It didn’t take me long to reach Bunker Hill from HQ. they were practically next door neighbors. The residents of the settlement glanced in my direction but didn’t say anything. They’d seen me pass through on several occasions and my presence didn’t set off any alarms. Many of them too were aware of the railroad. 

In particular an old man in a suit and bowler hat. He looked up at me as I approached, irritation flashed across his bearded face before it became pleasant. At first he didn’t speak, forcing me to begin the conversation.

“do you have a Geiger counter?”

“mine is in the shop.” He replied cryptically. Somewhere in the back of my mind I wondered why the railroad kept using the same code phrase. The institute had to have learned the current one by now. 

Discreetly the old man gestured for me to follow him and we left the market commons in favor outside. We ascended the stairs of the tower like monument a few feet, just out of ear shot of anyone below us. Once safely out of sight he rounded on me with fierce eyes. “what are you doing here? I haven’t sent for anyone.”

“I know, Stockton.” I replied quietly, face deadly serious. “I’m here on another matter. One of our agents have gone missing.”

First concern then confusion raced across his features. He sat on a step above me which helped put us at the same height. With a calloused hand he removed his hat and ran the other through his hair. “who is the agent?”

“new guy by the name of Bunker.”

I almost expected him to have no idea who I was talking about. To my surprise however recognition came to his wrinkled face and he threw his arms into the air exasperatedly. “you mean Tony.” 

One of my eye brows lifted quizzically. “know him well?”

He didn’t really have to answer verbally. The slouch in his shoulders, his hung head, his clasped fists. It all told me far more than he ever would tell me. When he finally spoke his voice was thick with emotion. “he’s from Bunker Hill, lives here with his father. I kept telling him he shouldn’t join the railroad but he wouldn’t listen to me.”

Didn’t expect that. As far as I could tell the railroad was practically desperate for members. They accepted me after all. Hard to imagine why Stockton would turn away this kid. “has he been here recently?”

Stockton gave a nod. “he came here looking for information on ArcJet systems. He seemed to think it had some kind of power component the railroad needed. I pointed him in the direction of the lab.”

For the teleporter, didn’t say that out loud though. Stockton was a trusted alley like any of the rest of us. Problem was all the compartmentalization we did. Courtesy of our fearless leader Desdemona. So instead I nodded. “can you point me where you pointed him?”

“do you know where Graygarden is?”

I nodded, the tiniest of scowls crossing my face at the reminder of those Mutfruits.

“it’s just west of there. Big building with a plane out front.”

“can you tell me anything else. Did he look scared, was he armed, did he say anything more about what he was doing?

My questions raised Stockton’s suspicion and he began to shut down. His old face became stern. Got the distinct impression this is what it was likely to be yelled at by a grandparent. Not that I’d know. “you’re telling me you don’t know? Aren’t you part of the railroad? Shouldn’t you know?”

“no I shouldn’t.” I murmured quietly. Hard to keep my temper down when this old fart prodded at it. “that’s the whole point, isn’t it? I’m here because I got orders to be. All I knew was that Bunker was last headed here. Now if you have anything else to offer so I can bring our agent home I’d be happy to hear it.” 

As much as I wished it my words did little to make Stockton abashedly turn his gaze. He kept staring me in the eye fiercely even while he muttered out answers to my previous questions. “he didn’t look scared, bored. He thought this was an errand boy job. He was armed but he didn’t say anything more about what he was doing.” 

Satisfied I nodded. That’s about all I expected to get out of him. My shoulders relaxed and my expression became kinder. Hard to do when my default look was irritated and grumpy. “thank you Stockton, for your help.” 

As I made to leave he took me by the arm and held me back. the action actually almost sent me tumbling down the stairs as my foot barely missed the step below. That would have been awesome, killed by falling down the stairs. I guess that might have been a fairly tame way to go out. Once I regained my balance I turned on him. His expression was heavy. “I know that boy’s father, Joe. He wouldn’t last long if his son died. Bring him home, convince him to leave the railroad.”

Honestly I wasn’t sure if one could actually leave the railroad. Nobody had to my knowledge. Either you died on the job or you kept running missions. The man whose code name I’d stolen had died long before my time along with dozens of others. But I had no intention of dying for the railroad and I wouldn’t let someone else die for them unless they were sure. Firmly I touched his hand and squeezed. “no guarantees, but I’ll try.”

Dejectedly, the first sign of weakness I’d ever seen on the old man, Stockton nodded. His hand fell and he sat back on the step. “good luck Whisper, be careful out there.”

Second time that day someone had told me to be careful. Then he had to add on top of that wishing me luck? I was beginning to wonder if any of these people knew me at all. 

I left Stockton alone in the monument with his guilt ridden thoughts. That’s one thing I could never do, recruit people for the cause. Not in the least because I wasn’t even that passionate over it but also because you were literally asking people to throw their lives away. There were some members of the railroad that had lives outside of it. I was one, and I was pretty sure there was one other. The only reason I risked still contacting Nick from time to time was because I knew he’d come looking for me if I didn’t. when your enemy was the goddamn institute you were gambling with the lives of everyone you knew. Only the selfish joined the railroad in spite of their family. 

Bunker was a damn idiot.

What did that make me?

I left behind Bunker Hill and trekked westward through the wastes. Along the way, I ran into next to no trouble. A swarm of Bloatflies got in my way once I left the ruins of the city but that was the extent of it. As I came over the ridge near Graygarden I debated on whether I should visit the robots. When it came into view I decided Supervisor White would talk too much. The sun was already near the horizon. 

ArcJet Systems was a rather unassuming building in the middle of nowhere. Literally the middle of nowhere. There was nothing around it except the crumbled shadow of the freeway which sped by it and a lake. It was so innocuous that I literally passed right by it. The only thing that made me turn around was the sound of a Vertibird taking off behind me. 

The sound caused me to drop to a knee, rifle gripped in my hands. I watched the metal flying machine rise high into the air then speed eastward back the way I’d come. On the side of its metal haul I glimpsed the Brotherhood of Steel’s crest. Well shit. Turning around I trekked back up the hill toward the building. At last I noticed the plane monument Stockton had mentioned. Guess I was in the right place. 

Or the wrong place.

As I reached a railing that circled the plane monument I discovered ArcJet wasn’t nearly as abandoned as the waste around it. The brotherhood of steel had set up camp outside the building. A raised platform stood before the entrance where they’d set up turrets and guard posts. On the right in what had once been a parking lot, brotherhood members were working to scrap the steel from old cars. The clunk of a power suit brought my eyes up to where a man stood at the edge of the platform, overseeing the entire operation. 

In the growing gloom I could only make out what passed beneath the few lights there were. Through the scope of my sniper I counted at least ten men and woman in the camp or patrolling the perimeter. Not counting the man with the power suit. Or any others that were inside. And there were bound to be more inside. 

What the hell were they doing here? Had they heard about what the railroad was doing and preemptively sent a camp here? Was it purely by coincidence that they were here? And what about Bunker? He couldn’t have been stupid enough to sneak in there. Whatever the railroad needed out of there could wait until the coast was clear. He was just a kid. No match for a trained BOS member. Going in there would be suicide.

And guess what I was about to do.

I scanned the patrols, watching them carefully for any gap in their formation. Nothing. They ran a tighter ship than the railroad did. They were methodical about stripping the cars too. One empty chassis already lay forgotten in the corner. Waste not want not I supposed. There were others though, plenty of others, close together. 

Maybe my reign of terror against vehicles wasn’t quite over yet.

Holding my breath I took aim at the nearest hood. It shouldn’t take more than a shot from my sniper to start the chain reaction that could potentially blow a hole in the side of ArcJet systems. And take a sizable chunk out of the brotherhood presence here. Slowly my finger squeezed around the trigger.

Then a hand shot out from behind me and grabbed me around the mouth. I tried to yell but the hand muffled any attempt I made. I found myself bodily lifted off the ground and thrust into the wall of the platform. Another hand grasped my shoulder, pinning me to the wall. I clutched at the wrists, the feel of mechanical servos beneath my fingers.

A pair of fierce yellow eyes looked into mine. 

“and what are you doing here?” Nick growled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you might be wondering, what's with posting so early, and no the answer isn't I'm going on vacation. Shallw3run and I have been chatting and we're eager to post our next installments at the same time. But to do this, and to make sure she doesn't loose any of her readers, I have to double up.
> 
> So that means you'll be getting two doses of Synth each week, one on Wednesday(which technically makes me late this time) and one on Sunday. I hope this is ok with you guys. It doesn't mean that there will be less Gray and Nick action for you, there's still plenty to come. I hope you enjoy this adventure as much as I do. 
> 
> Write on!


	14. We Make Some New Friends

“what the hell are you doing here?” Nick repeated in a hiss, glowering into my face.

I wriggled my face out from under his hand just enough to reply. “what am I doing here, what are you doing here?”

“I’m on a case, what’s your excuse?”

“I’m… also on a case?” well shit. After all the work I’d put into making sure Nick didn’t find out about my railroad involvement here he was. Just my luck. Of course the damn detective would put himself on a case that would land him smack in the middle of my lap. The levels of coincidence here were incomprehensible. Still, I may be able to salvage this. “I’m looking for Tony, his dad hired me to find him.”

That scowl deepened on Nick’s face and I knew I’d both insulted and disappointed him. “no you aren’t and no he didn’t because he hired me to look for his son.”

My stomach sank pitifully and I regretfully avoided his eyes. He still had his hands on me, pinning me to the wall, which made doing anything else impossible. As much as I wanted to brush him off, I physically couldn’t do that. “he hired me too.”

“stop lying.” 

I swallowed dryly. “the truth? I’m here for Tony but his dad didn’t send me.”

“it’s the railroad isn’t it?” well didn’t take him that long to put two and two together. And he practically didn’t need me to look at him either. When I didn’t reply right away his hands slipped from my arms and he took a step back. “I thought you were smarter than this.”

In spite of our arguing we were still fully aware of the dangers that lurked just out of sight. We had our voices low and we remained in crouched positions. Not that it would do us much good if a scout trailed too close to our position. “look, now isn’t the time.” I snapped in a hoarse whisper. “how long have you been here?”

“long enough to watch that Vertibird fly off.” He replied, though I could tell from his dark expression he wasn’t pleased about it. 

“have you seen Tony?”

“no, but I’ve overheard them talking about a prisoner.” 

“railroad?”

He gave a slow weary nod. 

There were a lot of questions that arose from that single gesture but the answers didn’t particularly matter in that moment. I stood up just a little more to take a sweeping glance of the camp again. That Vertibird was probably flying news of Tony’s capture back to their floating fortress. We didn’t have a lot of time. When I sat back down I found Nick giving me one of his lifeless expressions. He only gave those when the emotion was too much for his mechanical face to emulate. “look, you can yell at me all you want when this is over but right now there’s a boy in there, probably scared to all hell, who needs our help. Can we set this aside for the next hour then you can yell at me all you want?”

Clearly my suggestion didn’t sit well with him. I could see it in the way the servos in his face whirred and contracted, simulating human muscle. After seeing so many generation two synths I’d begun to realize the institute had probably done more to make Nick human than they usually did. For what reason I couldn’t be sure. At least it made reading him easier than otherwise. Right then he wanted to tell me to go home so he could handle this alone. We both knew that was a dumb idea and he hated it. “fine, but we need a plan. These aren’t just some raiders we’re facing up against, this is the brotherhood of steel.”

“I know.” My chest felt tight but I couldn’t be sure why. Bent low I crept to a gap in the railing that surrounded the model plane. Here I could better make out the platform on which the turrets sat. “I can shoot the cars to give us a distraction but that’s a once off and the moment we do it they’ll know we’re here.”

“then we can’t use it as a distraction.” Nick leaned into the platform next to me, one arm beside my own. “at least not to get in.”

“what are you suggesting?”

“we use it cover our escape. We’ll be long gone by the time they’ve put two and two together.” 

“there seems to be a rather large gap in your plan there Nick.”

Visibly he rolled his eyes at me then gestured for me to follow. We crept around the edge of the platform till we stood at a corner and he pointed into the distance. “see that?’

I brought my sniper back up to my eye. Tucked away beside the building, nestled into the cliffs was a bunker. The concrete building was short and squat, guarded only by two brotherhood members that weren’t wearing power armor. The patrols did come precariously close to it though and there was no real good approach from this side. “there could be more guards hiding inside. What is it?”

“It’s a better entrance than the front doors.” Nick replied.

“if it’s even an entrance, for all we know it’s a shed.” 

“wanna bet?”

I groaned quietly under my breath and turned my attention back to the bunker. Had to admit it looked better than the front. At least there were no turrets to fill us full of holes. The one wearing power armor clanked across my line of sight. The guards saluted him as he passed inside. I could have killed him right then. His fusion cell in the back of his suit was an easy target. If I was worried about any single one of these guys it was him. Power suits weren’t particularly fast or intimidating. But they could take punishment long enough for their wearers to do the real damage. Not to mention their augmented strength. 

“watch the suit, wait to see what he does.” Nick murmured into my ear as if I needed the instructions. 

To my own disappointment the suit, as Nick put it, marched into the bunker. After a few minutes of waiting for him to come out I dropped my scope. “still doesn’t mean there’s a way inside. It’s too much of a gamble for both of us to go in there.” My hand tightened on the stock of my sniper. This would have been so much less complicated if Nick wasn’t here. “I’ll go. I’m better at hiding than you are. I’ll see what’s inside then signal you if there’s- Nick?”

I looked up only to discover I was talking to thin air. A string of irritated swears leaked out of my lips as I brought the sniper back up to my eye. Sure enough, after a little scanning, I found him racing in a wide arc around to the back of the bunker. The damn idiot. Not that he was entirely wrong in what he was doing. He didn’t use a sniper, he couldn’t follow me if I ran in. at least this way if shit hit the fan I could cover his retreat. Didn’t make me any more pleased.

My heart thudded painfully fast in my chest following his progress. For a few seconds I lost sight of him as he climbed up to the ridge above. There could be guards up there. If he was attacked then our little operation would be totally compromised. Nick had enough battle experience he should be able to handle a single patrolling guard. What if there were more though?

My fears ebbed away when he reappeared right above the bunker. In the darkness I could make out his broad shouldered silhouette and his yellow eyes. They were looking directly at me. What was he planning? The answer came abruptly as he leapt down to the roof of the bunker then tackled one of the guards. The other jumped out of his armor and swung his gun around at Nick.

“I don’t think so.” I murmured menacingly under my breath. In the blink of an eye his skull exploded from the impact of my bullet. Wouldn’t have risked that shot a few weeks ago. With my newly acquired silencer my round went unnoticed by the rest of the camp except Nick.

While I killed one guard he completely incapacitated the other, his arms wrapped around his neck. Through my scope I watched Nick drag his victim into the bunker and disappear behind the door. A second later he reappeared, waving at me. 

Grumbling incoherently to myself I dashed through the underbrush and toward the ridge. I took the same path Nick had before, giving the front entrance of ArcJet a wide birth. We were lucky we hadn’t been spotted yet. A fact that I wasn’t about to squander. When I reached the bunker I grabbed my victim and dragged him inside with us. Nick was working to stuff the other guard in a locker in the back of the room. “you left him alive?” I questioned in astonishment.

Over his shoulder Nick give me a disgusted look. “you actually expected me to kill him? He’s just a kid.”

“he’s a member of the brotherhood.” I retorted bitterly, stashing the body of the other guard in a chest behind a metal desk. “they’d have killed you on sight.”

“well neither of us are dead, unlike the one you took care of.” 

Nick just knew how to make me feel like shit. I didn’t care what anyone thought of me, I never had. Why would I? People, as a rule, just generally sucked. If someone thought I was a freak, or nothing but a child, or whatever I wouldn’t care. Except where Nick was involved apparently. “come on.” In an attempt to move the conversation away from the next logical place, I turned away from Nick. “we still have got a job to do and we don’t have enough time to just stand here.”

Thankfully Nick agreed with me on that point at least. 

Wordlessly he swept passed me to the far side of the room. Here the doors of an elevator sat shut. It could have been dead or out of order. It was then that I noticed the suit wasn’t around. Must have taken the elevator down. “they’ve cut the power to this thing.” Nick said over his shoulder to me. “you probably can only command it from below.”

“we’re going to have to climb down, then.” Incomprehensibly a grin split my face. 

The synth turned around to give me a bored condescending look. “honestly?” 

Still smiling I shrugged off my rifle and handed it to him. “I’ll handle it. When I get down there I’ll send it back up for you. Don’t waste time up here, no telling what we’re going to be facing down there.”

“are you sure you want to do this?” Even while he backed up and let me near the elevator he still tried to convince me to leave.

Tried not to let the scowl appear on my face. “do you want to go through the front?”

“no but-”

“then help me with these doors.” We took hold of either side of the sliding doors and pulled. Slowly but surely they opened and a blast of stale cold air rushed up from below to meet us. With a hand on the door frame I leaned over the precipice to discover just what I’d gotten myself into. “yeah, no problem.”

Nick caught my arm and pulled me back. “we don’t even have rope, don’t be an idiot.”

“what other choice do we have?” I rounded my eyes back on him and felt my chest tighten again. “when that Vertibird gets back they’ll carry Tony off to that giant machine of theirs and we’re never gonna get him back. We don’t have time to find another way.”

“Let me go, at least if I fall I won’t get busted too bad.”

“from this height Nick?” my brows shot up, one of my hands gestured toward the shaft. “you’re as dead as I am. I’m lighter, I can climb better and faster than you. All that time scampering around Goodneighbor remember?” 

I could tell he wanted to argue with me. His hand tightened on my fore arm almost painfully so. For a split second I thought he might pull me back from the elevator and jump in before I could protest. Nick wasn’t like that though. He had enough tactical experience to recognize the only solution when he saw it, even if he didn’t like it. Gradually he let my arm fall. “fine, just be careful. Take it slowly we have the time.”

Wasn’t so sure about that but I didn’t say that aloud. 

As I turned back to the elevator shaft a rush of air picked at my clothes and fluttered my leather jacket. As far as bad ideas went, I was fairly certain this took the top slot. Thankfully prewar people had seen me coming. A rust eaten ladder descended into the darkness below. Gingerly I dropped down through the elevator doors and put my foot on the first rung. When it held without so much as creak in protest I put my full weight down on it. Still safe. 

Grinning to hide the butterflies currently trying to eat their way out of my stomach, I gave the synth the thumbs up. “we’re good.”

“take it slow.” He repeated, kneeling at the edge of the drop off. “don’t take unnecessary risks.” 

“ok, I get it.” didn’t this classify as an unnecessary risk? I mean sure we were trying to save someone’s skin. How important was Tony though anyway? Not like we couldn’t just get a new agent. And if he got himself mixed up in all this then how good of an agent could he be?

While I debated on the value of a human life I descended down the shaft into darkness. Once or twice I reached my foot down for the next rung only to find none and had to skip a foot or two to find the next. Slowly but surely the light of the bunker receded above me. Nick leaned over the edge and for a while his yellow eyes glowing made me feel better. Then I got too far away to see them and I my heart began to pound. 

Stupidly I risked a glance down at what was left of my descent. Either the elevator roof was too far below to see, or the pit just kept going. Either of them sounded like plausible explanations at this point. My palms began to sweat and my breathing shallow. Now I’m not afraid of heights, or enclosed places for that matter. In that darkness though, it felt like something was literally trying to suffocate me. The back of my neck prickled and my hair stood on end. Visions of some creepy crawly with more teeth than legs scratching its way up to me filled my mind. 

I had to get down.

Before I even knew it, though, my feet hit the roof of the elevator and I collapsed silently to my knees in a flood of relief. Sitting there I allowed myself a few seconds to catch my breath, drying my palms on my pants. “ok Nick, next time you get to climb down the pit.” I grumbled under my breath with no hope that would actually be the case.

Scrambling around in the dark I found the lip of a hatch and pulled it open. It let out a small whine and I flinched in the silence of the elevator shaft. My body froze and my breath hitched in my chest. I counted the seconds with the beat of my heart. After about a minute I relaxed. No sounds of approaching footsteps or voices. 

I set the door gently flat on the top of the elevator then slipped into the space below. The doors were open allowing me a good view of some kind of control room beyond. It wasn’t entirely empty. A nerdish looking woman with dirty blond hair, wearing a brotherhood uniform and glasses stood at the only working terminal in the room. Of yet she hadn’t noticed me. A window overlooked another massive shaft with a rocket standing up in the center. 

ArcJet Systems! Now it made sense. 

Confidently I got to my feet and pulled my pistol out of its holster. The woman still didn’t notice me, so wrapped in the terminal as if it held the secretes of unlimited purified water. Part of me was insulted. I punched the control panel on the inside of the elevator and sent it up to Nick. While the doors closed I walked out into the middle of the room, gun pointed at the woman. “lovely evening isn’t it?”

“I wouldn’t know.” She replied, still not looking at me. “I haven’t been up top in a while. Is it night? I haven’t eaten anything all day then. Huh….”

Ok this woman was weird. Not at all the kind of person I expected to find in the ranks of the brotherhood of steel. At least she wasn’t shooting at me or shouting for help yet. Yet. Carefully I inched around the desk she worked at, my gun dropped a few inches. “excuse me, but could you tell me about the prisoner?”

“what prisoner?”

“you know, the railroad one.” 

“I think Knight Stern said something about a railroad agent but I wasn’t paying attention.” At last the strange woman looked up at me and her dark blue eyes flicked over my appearance. I saw irritation, then confusion, then worry and finally indifference settle on her features. “oh, you’re here for a rescue mission I presume?”

At that moment the elevator doors opened and Nick ran in, gun in hand. When nothing more than awkward silence greeted his entrance he stood straighter and cast me a questioning look. Then he noticed the woman next to me. “excuse us ma’am.”

For a moment I thought she might scream some bigotry at him and pull a pistol on us. On the contrary her eyes lit up with absolute delight. “a synth! Not just, a generation two synth with sentient personality! I’ve never seen one like you before!”

If Nick was physically capable of blushing, I’m pretty sure he would have right then and there. Abashed he rubbed his hand on the back of his neck and turned his gaze away from us. “uh, yeah…. Gray what you doing?”

“making new friends?” I shrugged.

The woman ran out from around her desk and ran at Nick. We both reacted as you’d expect, guns up, eyes fierce. Not that that stopped her. She ducked his revolver and grabbed him by the arm. “interesting. You’re more advanced than other gen twos and not just because you can think and talk. The institute must have taken great care to put you together. Your skin is more human like and there appear to be more servos attached directly to it than normal synths. It probably simulates human muscles, all be it crudely. A prototype between gen two and three?”

My gun remained raised and I felt my stomach boil with rage. On the other hand, our synth didn’t really seem to mind. Gently he pulled the woman’s hands away from his face and put a foot of distance between them. I wanted more space. “sorry doll, didn’t catch your name.”

The woman looked confused for a moment before giving a light cheerful laugh. “oh, I’m sorry, I thought I said. That happens often you know. I think I’ll say something, and I will in my mind, but not out loud. It’s not like I expect anyone to read my mind, it would be a bit difficult if they could. Imagine, all your inner thoughts laid out for people to read like words on a page? Terribly inconvenient.”

My eyes met Nick’s and I silently pleaded with him to let me cap her in the head and put an end to her rambling.

The look I got back warned against it. “so what is your name?” 

“oh, so sorry. I’ve been told my prattling is quite vexatious.” Not sure what that meant but whoever said that I’d probably agree with. “I am senior scribe Kendal Ellison of the brotherhood of steel. A pleasure to meet you prototype!”

“it’s just Valentine thanks, and that’s O'Malley.” To my utter disbelief Nick put his gun back in the holster under his arm. A strangled cry of incredulity escaped my throat even while I tried to hold it down. “listen Scribe Ellison, we could use a hand.”

Ellison’s excited and bright face darkened several shades and she took an involuntary step back. It seemed the reality of what she was witnessing was finally settling on her mind. Hard to believe when she was probably still musing about that words on a page thing. “oh… well I suppose I should raise the alarm…. You’re a synth after all and you and your comrade seem to be here for nefarious purposes….”

“I assure you scribe Ellison we’re not.” Over the top of her shoulder he gave me a significant look. I shook my head. His eyes narrowed. I let a sigh escape me and lowered my weapon. Nodding he returned his gaze back to Ellison. “we’re only here for a friend. We don’t want any trouble but we’re not leaving without him.”

“friend?” her eyebrows shot up and she glanced back at me as if I would laugh it all off and say surprise. “you mean synths can have friends? How would a synth even classify a friend? That would require deeper human understanding than most are capable.”

“how would you know?” venom leaked into my voice. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Nick shoot me a warning glance and I didn’t care. “synths aren’t machines, most of them are normal people looking for normal lives. Some of them are more human than humans are.”

To be honest, I didn’t expect my words to do anything. Ellison however dropped her gaze and contemplated the floor. Hard to tell what happened behind those blue eyes of hers. I somehow doubted I could possibly comprehend her thoughts. I’ll be the first to admit that I’m a rather simple mind. For instance, it probably would have taken me much longer to come to the conclusion she did. “yes, yes I think that will work.”

“excuse us?” Nick’s brows shot up. 

Ellison turned to him, a strangely mischievous light had come to her eyes. “they’re keeping your friend at the bottom of the test fire facility. I can start a mock countdown from here and lock them out of the terminals down there. They won’t be able to stop it, they’ll panic and evacuate into the main building. That’ll leave you clear to get your friend and rush him to safety. It’s a good plan.” 

By now I’d completely dropped my gun to my side. Shock and incredulity fought for control of my face. “you do realize that we’re railroad right?”

“speak for yourself.” Nick muttered.

Ellison rounded on me with her hands on her hips. A girlish glare came to her features and I didn’t know if I should cringe or laugh. “I’m fully aware. Either I help you save your friend or I don’t and that beautiful prototype gets torn apart by those apes down stairs.”

My jaw clenched fiercely. “don’t call him a prototype.”

“we’ll gladly take your help scribe, thanks.” Nick gave me a warning look and I relented. 

Ellison’s face remained scrunched up at me while she returned to her terminal. “alright, just got to shut down the data gates leading to the terminals down there…. Bypass the warning codes…. Oh that’s delightful, prewar systems were so smooth. Ah and here’s the countdown sequence.” 

While she worked I came to stand next to Nick and cast him a sidelong glance. “you’re seriously ok with this?”

“take help where you can get it.” he heaved a shrug. “at least she hasn’t shot me yet.”

“if she does I’ll fill her full of lead.” 

He smiled at me.

Then all the lights went dark in a wave across the room and the red warning lights fired up over our heads. A terrible siren split the air, practically shaking the walls around us. An electronic voice came over the intercom, spouting off warnings in an indifferent voice. Nick and I approached the window and looked out into the test fire chamber, far below. Brotherhood members scrambled about in a panic, maybe a dozen of them, none in power suits. They scrambled toward the nearest elevator, trying desperately to get out from under the rocket. 

“you don’t have time to stand and gawk!” Ellison called at us. “those apes are imbecilic but they won’t be fooled for long.”

We didn’t need any more instruction. Nick handed back my rifle and ran for the door leading into the test chamber. “stay up here and cover me!”

“are you sure?!” we shouted over the wail of the siren and the impending countdown. 

“yes!” and his reason became clear as he leapt a gap between our floor and the next. 

“Damn it.” teeth bared I dropped to a knee and followed Nick with my gun. So far most of the brotherhood members had evacuated out of the testing chamber. Some still lingered and a few were beginning to wise up. One in particular stood in the middle of the room, directly beneath the business end of the rocket, staring directly up. Hate to kill one of the brotherhood’s intelligent members. No I take that back I didn’t. He dropped like a stone, a hole in his head.

Most of the platforms and stairs leading down to the bottom of the chamber were completely gone. Nick had to jump from level to level. At some point his landing shook the metal grating violently and some of it came loose from the concrete wall. He held his balance though and kept going. His movements drew attention from below and my rate of fire increased. Three more brotherhood members went down before they had the chance to shout. Not that anyone would hear them under the blaring warnings. 

At last Nick landed on the ground. With no opposition to stand in his way he ran for the nearest door and disappeared from my sight. The palms of my hands began to sweat. This was turning into a real problem, I’d need to start wearing gloves if this kept up. My head was beginning to pound painfully in protest against the countdown. The electronic voice approached the final digits. 

“three… two…one… launch.” 

Nothing happened. The countdown came to an end, the siren died mid whine leaving behind a dull ring in my ears. Through the ringing I could hear gunfire from below. “damn it Nick!” I got up and ran to the end of the platform.

“wait!” a voice called over the intercom. I skidded to a stop and span around. 

Through the window I could see Ellison waving at me, her face stark with determination. “what?!”

“use the elevator! It’s active now that the countdown is done!”

As if she commanded them to open the doors on my right slid apart revealing the metal box on the other side. Didn’t know if I should trust anything she suggested but we’d come this far thanks to her. Furiously I threw myself inside and slammed the down button on the control panel. It felt like forever, almost longer than my hand over hand descent from earlier. I switched guns and I felt my breath come quicker than before. “just hang on Nick, just hang on.” 

When the doors finally did open again I barreled out of it, gun raised and fury on my face. The bodies of the people I’d already killed lay scattered around the debris filled floor. The gunshots came from a windowed room directly to my right. When I looked I found a sight that made my heart go cold. Nick was locked in hand to hand combat with the suit. 

There was no one else around. We’d already taken care of the rest, but reinforcements were sure to be on their way. In the room just beyond them I could see a figure lying flat on the floor, hands tied behind his back. Tony. Shit, I hoped we weren’t too late. 

I careened through a doorway and down a hall until I was in the room with Nick and the suit. Only a generation two synth could stand up against a suit of power armor like this. Nick took a punch to the face which sent him flying across the room. The force of his impact smashed a bank of computers to pieces. When he got back up there was a Nick shaped dent in the metal. I swung up my weapon, pointing at the power armor’s back, then hesitated. If I shot the fusion core here we’d all go up in smoke.

“get Tony out of here!” 

Nick’s fierce voice snapped my eyes to him but he had already moved back into the fray. He blocked another punch from the suit then swung up toward his face. Wasn’t sure what he intended to accomplish here. Nick could take the punishment but he couldn’t dole it out. Not that I would be of any greater help. 

Furious with myself, I left Nick to handle the suit and ran into the next room. Sure enough, I found Tony, lying on the ground, face bloody, hands bound with rope behind his back. Kneeling beside him I shook him while I cut through his bonds. “Bunker! Bunker get your ass up!”

With a groan he rolled over, bleary eyes searching his surroundings. “wh-who are you?”

“Whisper, we’ve got to move!” Before he could protest I threw one of his arms around my shoulders and dragged him toward the next room. Only I didn’t get quite that far. 

The suit stood in the doorway, towering menacingly over us. I had to crane my neck back to look up into that visor. No telling what kind of person hid beneath that helmet. Behind him Nick was untangling himself from the ruins of a desk. I noticed the massive dent in one of his arms and my temper flared. 

The suit grabbed me by the arm and hauled me into the air. Surprised I dropped Tony who crumbled to the floor next to me. “damn railroad rebels!” suit spat at me, his voice coming distorted through the helmet. “I’ll make you pay for what you did to my men!”

His grip tightened around my shoulder and I felt something pop painfully inside it. I held onto his arm in a desperate attempt to elevate some of the pain while I glared into his face. “do it you piece of shit!”

He threw me around and thrust me into the frame of the metal door. Stars danced on my eyes and my head lolled to the side. The world span, centered on the masked face of the suit tightening his grip around my throat. At that moment I wondered why my life didn’t flash before my eyes. Shouldn’t I have regrets? Unfinished business? Shouldn’t I be worried about what happened to my stuff I left at the railroad or Goodneighbor? Shouldn’t I be furious at this brotherhood guy with his clunky hands around my throat?

Maybe.

None of that occurred to me though. I only had room enough for one thought. Nick.

He stood behind the paladin, knife raised, my knife. Furiously he stabbed it into the joint of the power suit’s arm. Electricity spurted along its length and the hand around my throat flew open. I hit the ground with a hard thud, my tail bone surely bruised. The electricity seized the rest of the suit, sparking across its chest and down its legs. He thrashed violently as he lost control of his armor casing. I barely managed to slide out from under him before one of his booted feet came down on me.

Nick helped me to my feet then dragged Tony out of harm’s way. The kid was still dazed from his beating but he spoke clearly. “the… the compensation module… Tinker Tom he….” Weakly he pointed at a hunk of electronics sitting on the table beside us.

Irritably I grabbed it and stuffed it into my jacket. “let’s get you out of here before the rest of those idiots figure out what’s going on.”

“how are we getting back up?” Nick questioned. He had Tony practically draped over his shoulders as we ran toward the exit.

Over the intercom came Ellison’s voice again. “elevator! Hurry!” 

We tumbled inside just as the doors closed behind us and the sound of pounding footsteps raced into the test chamber. It deposited us on the top most floor. As we entered the control room we found Ellison grinning broadly at us. “take the elevator up to the surface, almost everyone is inside now you shouldn’t find it difficult to disappear into the wastes.”

“thank you scribe Ellison.” Nick answered, speaking only for himself. 

That glint returned to her eye and she gave him a sickly sweet smile. “just don’t go getting yourself destroyed gorgeous thing you, I’d like to examine you one of these days.”

“not a damn chance.” I shoved Nick toward the last elevator, shooting Ellison a look I hoped said ‘touch him and I’ll kill you.’ 

The elevator doors slid shut on her beaming face. Clearly my message hadn’t been received.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes characters just come out of nowhere. No? Just my problem? Alright, fine.
> 
> Seriously though Ellison was not planned. I just got into that scene when she decided to wonder on stage and stick around. Might see more of her later, soooo hope you like her.
> 
> From here we get some more angst. I'm sorry, I try but there's no avoiding it when your backdrop is the damn wasteland. Anyway thanks for sticking with me. See you all on Wednesday.


	15. Awkward Conversation is Awkward.

“Gray hold up…. We can stop now…. Gray goddamn it!”

My feet came to a dead stop even if my mind kept walking. Begrudgingly I pivoted on the hill and looked back. Nick and Tony had fallen further behind than I thought. The synth carried almost Tony’s entire weight on his shoulders. The boy seemed fine before we left now he looked like a mass of bruises and pain. Nick had one of his arms around his neck. Poor boy was so limp his feet dragged in the dirt. 

Even in the almost total darkness I could see the reproachful expression Nick was giving me. Impatiently I waited for the pair to reach my level. Once there Nick hefted Tony further on his shoulder. This close I could see the full extent of Tony’s injuries. Should have felt guilty but I didn’t have room for that at the moment. “enough of the forced march gray, the boy needs a rest.”

“you’re kidding.” I hissed between my teeth. We couldn’t have been more than a half hour out from ArcJet Systems. After leaving the bunker I’d picked a direction at random and just started walking. And I’d only walked because Tony couldn’t do any more than that. The brotherhood of steel had been scrambling when we left like an angry nest of aunts. Some had been outside but they were so wrapped in confusion they didn’t even notice us leave. 

We went north west, in a weaving meandering path. To anyone watching us they might thought we were lost. I sure as hell was doing my best to get there. We avoided broken roads and game paths in order to deter pursuit. The itch on the back of my neck and the ache in my right wrist kept me moving long after the sounds of people receded in the distance. I kept expecting to hear the whir of a Vertibird or the fizzling thunder of a laser gun at any moment. Nothing would make me feel safe until I was underground again. First time I’d ever heard that.

“we’re still too close.” I spoke aloud, trying to reign in my impatience. “we can’t stop now.”

“we have to.” 

It was hard to hear the bitter tone in his voice, or look at the reproach in his face. Hanging pathetically onto the synth, Tony groaned and tried to stir. Before I could even protest Nick set him gently on the damp ground and propped him against a tree trunk. To my utter fury, he set to work on the boy’s injuries next. “we don’t have time for this!”

“he’s hurt Vel!” fierce eyes turned up to me, daring me to argue with him.

And I was about to. Had my mouth open and everything. Then my heart throbbed and I shut it tightly. “not here…. Please just a little further. I think there’s a settlement nearby.” 

Nick looked skeptical but he took in a long breath. “a little further then, but we have to get inside somewhere. Rain’s coming.”

The rain had been threatening since we left ArcJet, thundering just off in the gloomy distance. Thankfully the greenish glow that followed thunderstorms hadn’t fallen on us yet or we’d have more problems to deal with. We could deal with a little rain at least. Or at least I could and Nick could but if even a little tainted water got in Tony’s injuries he’d be a ghoul in no time. Not sure his dear old dad would appreciate that. 

I climbed the rest of the way up the hill, my feet sinking into the soft dirt with every step. Behind me I could hear Nick’s body straining against the exertion. Still wasn’t entirely sure where generation two synths got their power. Did they eat? Run on solar? Fusion cells? Hadn’t noticed any sort of outlet or port on Nick though he’d never really undressed in front of me before. Still the dent in his arm would need repairing and that fight had to have taken its toll in other ways. We had to stop.

Thankfully my hunch had been right. We came up to the top of the rise and discovered a round old building standing in the middle of nowhere. The freeway zoomed past us high overhead and a lake churned a fair distance down the hill. From this vantage point I could only just make out the roof of ArcJet but we should be far enough away. For a brief moment I left Nick and Tony alone to sweep the area. Only one feral ghoul popped out to eat my face so I counted us lucky. At least there weren’t any Deathclaws. 

I returned to Nick in time to catch some of Tony’s weight as the synth’s servos began to give out. He dropped to a knee on the dirt path, clutching his arm. “Nick?!” the alarm in my voice couldn’t have been hidden even if I had the moment to think about it. “Nick what’s wrong! Are you hurt?” are you hurt seemed like a dumb question, even then, but what is the robotic equivalent? 

His voice came out strained, quiet as if to reserve breath, or possibly power. “got banged up with that knight. Let’s get inside before my joints lock up.” 

Sure not that I could exactly carry them both at once. For a split second I seriously contemplated tossing Tony into a pile of dirt and guiding Nick to safety first. Then I realized he’d never let me get away with that so I satisfied myself with helping the human first. 

Inside the building we discovered a church. It must have been old, older than the war maybe as old as the country. It didn’t resemble the other churches I’d seen before with its oval like shape and numerous shattered windows. The only reason I knew it was a church was the pews strewn across the floor and a podium at the front of the building. There wasn’t much in way of roof anymore so I placed Tony in the only cover there was, just inside the front doors. 

With him resting semi uncomfortably I rushed back outside to find Nick. The sky split open just as I stepped outside and began to rain dark drops on us. He hadn’t gone very far from where I left him, not from lack of trying. With the rain soaking us both through I grabbed his arm and pulled it around my neck. “come on, don’t quit on me now.”

“not likely.” His voice continued to come out in a quiet murmur and my heart tightened. Maybe his power source had been damaged during the fight? Maybe there was a battery leak or something? If he was human at least I could see blood where the problem was but this? Damn it.

He was surprisingly light, considering he was made of metal and plastic. Maybe he was made of some super light alloy, something the institute came up with. Didn’t have much thought to spare on that though. The rain started to come down harder, washing mud down the hill and attempting to take us with it. With no small degree of effort I carried Nick through the front doors of the church and set him down against the wall.

For some reason his eyes looked a little brighter as he looked at me. “I’ll be fine, take care of Tony.”

I wanted to protest but a pained groan from Tony beside us forced me to turn. When I looked back at him, Nick was giving me that look again. Teeth gritted, I dropped my hands from the synth and turned my attention to Tony. Even in the gloom of the rainy night I could make out the full extent of his beating. Half his face bulged so badly his eye was almost completely closed. He cradled his arm gingerly and favored his right side. I peeled back his hands gently while he feebly fought me. 

“I’m…fine….” He slurred. “the power module, we’ve got to get it… back to the teleporter, starlight drive in.”

“don’t be an idiot.” Forcefully I shoved aside his hands and pulled up his shirt. A pained hiss escaped his lips at the same time I flinched. A giant, power armor fist shaped bruise blossomed on his side. Some of the skin had broken and bled slowly. Beneath it blood pooled precariously and one of the ribs looked wrong. “damn kid, you should have said something.”

Still trying to act tough, Tony attempted to sit up. The attempt failed and he landed back on the wall. 

“stop moving you’ll make it worse.” Out of the corner of my eye I noticed Nick shakily get to his feet. It took all my willpower not to grab his elbow before he fell. Leaning heavily on the wall he staggered out of reach where he sat heavily again. Slowly he began to peel off his trench coat. 

There wasn’t a lot I could do for internal bleeding but his arm made me frown. “what’s wrong with your arm? Explain the pain.” 

“I don’t know….” He groaned around a tight jaw. “I think I can move it … but it hurts…. Oh god. I can feel it all the way to my elbow.”

“dislocated.” I murmured under my breath. Great, at least I could help with that. “alright Tony, I need you to listen to me. You’re going to want to punch me in the face but resist that urge for a few minutes ok?”

Fear leaked into the unbruised side of his face. A few stray tears leaked from his good eye and seeped out of the slit where his other eye should be. “what- what are you going to do?” 

“I have to pop your arm back into place.” No one could accuse me of having a bedside manner that was for sure. Normally I’d offer the kid a drink right about now but I didn’t have any on me . I put a hand on his shoulder, just above the joint and grasped his arm. 

His good eye widened visibly. His other hand shot out and grabbed my hand frantically. “wait! No wait please! Don’t do it! It’s not that bad! I’m fine!”

“shut up.” I growled, my grip tightened. “I’m going to do it on the count of three alright? One.”

“stop! Don’t do it!”

“two.” I didn’t get to three. With a swift jerk I simultaneously pulled his arm up and pressed his shoulder down. The bones scraped under the skin before with a crack they settled back into place. 

A silent scream lingered on Tony’s lips for several minutes. He leaned over, clutching his stomach while his body convulsed. I leapt out of the way just as he projectile vomited across the floor. 

“what did you do to him?” Nick’s voice called to me from across the church, stronger than it had been before. 

“I relocated his arm.” Shrugging I cautiously approached Tony, as if he might vomit again. 

On the contrary he slumped forward. It was all I could do to grab him before he fell face first in his own vomit. Shock, probably better this way. Frankly I was a little surprised that he didn’t scream and cry more. Carefully I dragged him away from his vomit then set him down flat on his back. His breathing was labored under that bruise. The suit probably gave it to him. Damn it, should have killed that piece of shit when I had the chance. Little late for that now.

Still kneeling at his side I searched my pockets for a Stimpak. My eyes strayed to Nick where he sat against a far wall. He’d taken off his jacket and had his sleeves rolled up. In the dim light I could see the glint of metal beneath flesh. He had a chunk of his outer shell removed and was working to straighten out the cross hatching in his forearm. It looked like the frame took must of the damage, leaving the important parts of his skeleton free of harm. 

“do you need a hand?” I regretted asking the moment I said it. His eyes darted up toward me, glowing dark yellow through the gloom. Wordlessly he went back to his repairs. 

Grimacing I swallowed and turned my attention back to Tony. I found a Stimpak in my pocket and stabbed it directly into his bruise. He flinched beneath my hands once, face scrunching, before he relaxed again. With any luck that Stimpak would fix whatever internal bleeding he had. 

“here.” From where he still sat Nick tossed his trench coat at my head and I caught it. “it ain’t much but it’ll keep him warm.”

A mumbled thanks escaped my lips and I draped Nick’s coat over the top of Tony. Satisfied that he’d either die or live on his own merit I shoved myself up with my rifle. “I’ll take first watch.” 

I didn’t wait for anyone to reply, practically didn’t expect anyone would. I left the main room of the church and sat on the doorstep. Thankfully there was a small awning that stuck out over the front doors, providing me some semblance of cover from the rain. My rifle laid across my lap, right where I needed it should trouble find us. The rain made it impossible to see too far beyond the church. The dark shape of the highway loomed over our heads like a shadow. Didn’t know if it made me feel safer or not. Beyond that the world became a dark gray blur. 

Taking watch was supposed to be relaxing, a way to get away from the others. In particular the synth that just walked passed me into the rain. “what are you doing?” I questioned in a sharp tone.

He didn’t have his hat on and his sleeves remained rolled up. A small chunk of skin had gone missing on his right forearm but the dent seemed to be fixed. The rain soaked right through his white shirt, making it cling to him tightly. He still wore his shoulder holster and I tried not to think about his broad shoulders. 

His words made that fairly easy. “the railroad?”

Shamefully I averted my gaze to the road ahead. Something in me wished the brotherhood would come trundling up the slope at that moment. Anything to escape this conversation. “yeah.”

“why? What’s wrong with you?” he kept his back to me but I heard the tension in his voice. “didn’t you hear anything of what I said?”

“what’s wrong with me?” my temper simmered. He had no fucking idea what was wrong with me! He had no goddamn right to ask me that question. “I’ll tell you what’s wrong with me! I want revenge! I want the institute to suffer for what they’ve done! I want to see them burn!”

My angry words caused him to half turn and stare at me out of the corner of his eye. Only able to see half his face I had to guess what emotion my words stirred inside him. “that’s what this is about? Revenge? Are you that stupid?”

No that’s not what this was about but it was easier to admit I wanted revenge than the alternative. I could see my dead face, blood and brain and skull shattered and oozing onto the concrete. Furiously I shook my head while my hand subconsciously gripped the stock of my rifle harder. “I don’t need another reason!”

He groaned airily and ran his left hand across his face. “I hoped you’d be smarter than this.” With that he started walking away.

Furiously I lunged to my feet and ran out into the rain. At the head of the path I stood, facing him with my feet shoulder width apart. “don’t you dare walk away from me like that! You don’t have any fucking right to say that to me and just leave!”

With a pair of dull squelches he came to a stop in the path. He still wasn’t looking at me and when he spoke his voice was monotone. “I warned you, I told you what the institute did to me but you still joined the railroad.”

“you should want revenge more than anyone!” why was I angry? Where was it coming from? My hands balled into fists, I could feel the stock of my rifle creak under the strain. My arms were shaking but I couldn’t tell if it was from the rain or the emotion broiling in my chest. “they ditched you! They threw you out like a piece of garbage don’t you want to make them pay?!”

Nick whirled around to face me, those yellow eyes as fierce as fire in the gray backdrop. “I don’t. I never have. Revenge isn’t worth it. you know how revenge ends? Death. No two ways about it. You’re going to get yourself killed.”

“you don’t get to tell me how to live my life!” what the hell was I saying? It’s like I was a teenager again, angry at the world and the people around me. Ready to take the first opportunity to throw my life away. 

Those eyes of his somehow became a little brighter, a little fiercer. His hands hung at his side but his whole one was clasped in a fist. In spite of the cool expression he offered my words were getting to him. “you’re right, I don’t. You’re not a kid, you have the right to live the way you want.”

“damn straight.” This didn’t feel like a victory, or if it was it tasted bitter in my mouth. 

“I don’t give a damn what you do. I don’t care what reasons you had for joining the railroad. You can throw your life away, you’ve got that right.” his tone remained low and monotone, almost smooth. An unnerving change from his usually harsh warm voice. “I don’t give a damn what you do. You lied to me.”

And that’s when I understood. 

I broke the promise I made to him all those weeks ago. Guilt filled my stomach and closed off my throat. Miserably I looked away. Hard to forget that Nick, deep down, was a cop. Loyalty, honesty, truth, he valued all of that above anything else. And I’d betrayed that trust. 

It wasn’t the first time I’d betrayed someone. With a forceful swallow I shoved the guilt back down to where it belonged. A cold grip wrapped around my heart and looked back at Nick with an expression that must have been void of emotion. In that moment if I looked into a mirror, I would have scared myself. “I guess I did.”

Disgust dominated his features and he took a reflexive step back. My heart throbbed inside my chest but I ignored it. This was how it had to be. It would be better for both of us. Scowling he turned away from me, his back to me once again. “go back inside, I’ll take watch. Tomorrow, we’re going our separate ways.”

“fine.” Every fiber of my being screamed at me to turn around, to tell him I was sorry, to beg for his forgiveness but my mind kept me moving. Slowly, as if in a trance, I walked back into the church, over Tony’s pile of sick, passed Tony, to the far wall. With my rifle leaned up against my shoulder I sat, hand still gripped around the stock. 

The hell was wrong with me? Why was I pushing Nick away? The answer was obvious wasn’t it? That dream returned to my mind and I screwed my eyes shut. I focused on the multicolored dots glistening behind my eyelids, begging them to take me away. 

I could be a synth. That was the short and the long of it. 

At any moment I could lose my mind, I could kill everyone around me. The institute had a leash around my neck that I couldn’t just tear off. They did this to me. They either made me or sent that synth after me. I couldn’t risk the lives of my friends without knowing for sure what I was. For the time being the railroad was my only hope of finding out the truth. I had to risk their lives in my search. Not that I held their lives in high regard. 

But I couldn’t put Nick in danger. 

Better for him to hate me, to despise me, than to be anywhere near me. As much as it may hurt either of us the alternative was too painful to think about. My eye stung and a single traitorous tear slid down my cheek. Furiously I wiped it away before anyone could see it. 

The rain didn’t stop all night. A cold chill seeped into the church that kept me awake and alert throughout the night. Outside I glimpsed Nick patrolling the perimeter from time to time. Once or twice I caught him staring in on me and I shut my eyes pretending to be asleep. God I was such a child.

When the rain finally stopped the sun rose and Nick came back inside. He looked better than before, revitalized. Hard to believe a walk in the rain would do that. Who knew what he was made of. Without a glance at me he knelt beside Tony. “I’m taking the boy home.”

“I’ll-” my voice died in my throat before I could finish that statement. Bitterly I shut my jaw and looked away from him. “he’s in no condition to travel that far. Take him to starlight drive. There’s probably a railroad camp there.”

He just nodded, back to me. 

For a second I tried to help Nick drag Tony to his feet. The kid was groggy but seemed better after the Stimpak. He still needed support as he walked and the synth offered his shoulder to that point. When I reached out to help Nick just gave me a sharp look and walked out ahead. I dropped my eyes and followed them out into the cool morning air. 

It was hard for me to wrap my head around the idea the railroad would build the teleporter at Starlight drive in. It was notoriously hard to hold. It passed from raider hands to raider hands almost monthly. It wasn’t easily defended, no natural barriers existed and it sat a crossroads which drew travelers of all colors. In the old days, before I met Nick, I had once taken up residents at it. Thanks to those weeks it was easy enough to find the place again.

With the morning sun rising we trudged down the cracked road toward the large movie screen that still stood in the drive in. from our approach I could see the glint of a scope at the top of the screen and again on the top floor of the concessions stand on the opposite end. There were roughly built shacks and lean-tos scattered across the parking lot. Rusted cars still sat where their drivers had abandoned them two hundred years ago. Some of those drivers still lay beside them. 

As I expected, the moment we came within earshot, a group of railroad agents came pouring out to meet us. I didn’t know many of them if any. They had been isolated since I joined so I hadn’t socialized with them much. To my surprise they knew Nick though, and they greeted him cordially. When they noticed Tony draped on his shoulders they quickly ushered them away deeper into camp.

When I made a move to follow I was held back with guns and spiked bats. Reluctantly I backed down and watch Nick disappear into the camp. He cast me one glance, face emotionless, before stepping into a shack. 

The agents around me shifted uncomfortably, clearly unnerved by my sudden appearance. Or maybe they were worried about the pistol on my side or the rifle on my back. It occurred to me then that my knife remained lodged in the brotherhood of steel knight. Damn, I’d gotten used to using that. Would have to go and pick one up when this was over. If the people in charge allowed it. 

From within the crowd Desdemona stepped. Her face looked livid, a vein pulsed at her temple dangerously and her fists clenched and unclenched at her sides. “what are you doing here?”

Stoically I straightened and squared my shoulders. If she had been literally anyone else I probably would have given her a smart remark. Didn’t dare to when it was Desdemona. “I tracked Bunker to ArcJet systems. It was crawling with brotherhood of steel soldiers. With Valentine’s help I rescued Bunker and recovered the part he was sent to find.” Hoping it would be enough to appease her I produced the power component from inside my coat. Thankfully it hadn’t gotten damaged during our flight or the rainstorm. 

“did I hear right? Our Whisper saved our agent AND brought home the part?” out from behind Desdemona appeared Deacon, a rifle on his shoulder, sunglasses on his face. I was really starting to hate those shades.

Desdemona took the part from my hand and examined it. Her rage subsided visibly to be replaced by astonished pleasure. The last thing I wanted was to draw her attention. Sure hoped this wasn’t going to bite me in the ass. She handed it to an agent who still stood around absently. “take that to Tinker Tom. Whisper let’s talk.”

The crowd seemed disappointed that the confrontation didn’t come to blood. Not that I blamed them. If I weren’t directly involved I’d love to see what Desdemona could do with her bare fists. They scattered as Desdemona led me through the camp. It seemed a little ragtag, like the railroad had simply moved into the raider camp that already existed. Behind the concessions stand I could see what I assumed was the half built teleporter. Meandering around the camp were many people I didn’t know, presumably railroad agents that I’d never met. I caught sight of Piper rushing across camp toward the shack Nick had disappeared into. At the same time I glimpsed Macready of all people wondering toward the screen. The hell was he doing here?

Desdemona brought me to a stop beside the concessions stand. While she lit a cigarette Deacon leaned casually against the counter. Silence filled the space between us for several seconds while Desdemona took a long drag. The tension seemed to leave her shoulders and I wondered mildly to myself what was in those. “you’re shaping up to be quite the retrieval expert. You didn’t even have orders to get the piece.”

I shrugged noncommittally. “thought it might be important.”

“we’ve got a list of specialty parts a mile-long Tom is looking for.” Deacon spoke in a bored tone, not quite looking at me. At least I didn’t think so. Those damn sunglasses.

“and clearly we can’t send just anyone on these retrievals.” Desdemona picked up where he left off, giving me a pointed look. “what do you say Whisper? Up for the challenge?” 

I hesitated, just for a second. Grimacing I glanced over my shoulder back toward the camp. I had a few questions, few of which would be answered. “this teleporter, it’s going into the institute right?”

“that’s correct.” Desdemona nodded firmly.

Carefully I breathed in and glanced between them. “whose going in?”

“the courser killer, Charmer.” Came Deacon’s reply. “is that going to be a problem?”

Course not. We all knew who Charmer was, the courser killer, the woman that had brought us this close to the institute. Brought me this close to the institute. I assumed the end goal would be to eventually invade the institute. Who knew how long that would take. And I’d wait. In order to be sure, to be safe, I’d wait. “give me the list and let’s get started.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This scene was so hard to write. When I see characters fight in shows and books it usually seems so contrived, either out of character or drama purely for drama’s sake. I hope I managed this one alright. Either way it hurt to write. I love these two.
> 
> All aboard the angst train. We won’t get off this line for another chapter or two, sorry. Love you guys! Write on!


	16. Benders

“another!” 

“I think you’ve had enough girly.”

Angrily I swung my gray eyes up to the floating ball in front of me. “don’t make me repeat myself.” My right hand drifted toward my pistol pointedly. It was a bluff, mostly because with how many floating Mr. Handies I saw in front of me I wasn’t sure I’d know which one to shoot.

My threat found impact though and the robot dropped another bottle of beer on the counter in front of me. Greedily I uncapped it and swung my head back. The burn I’d felt through the first few bottle had been totally numbed. Blissful numbness filled my senses and dulled my brain. Hard to hate yourself when the alcohol made it difficult to form coherent thoughts.

I shouldn’t have done this. I should have gone back to HQ, or stayed at the starlight drive in. Deacon even offered me a place to sleep to entice me. I didn’t. I couldn’t. So, I left. Instead of returning to the railroad, writing out that report and falling asleep to the sounds of an Assaultron walking around, I went home. Well as much of a home as someone like me could have. I didn’t want to talk to anyone, I didn’t want to admit what I’d done. Didn’t want to relive it. I’d relived enough nightmares for a lifetime. 

I needed a drink.

Or two.

Or three.

Or fifteen.

To be perfectly honest I’d long stopped counting, or caring. A forest of bottle necks lay in front of me and it was hard to tell which ones were real and which ones were a result of my lazy vision. Some small part of me couldn’t believe I was doing this. I was a sharp shooter, my senses had to be heightened at all times, it’s the only way I felt safe. If something happened I’d be more useless than a stack of prewar money. At least you could make something out of that.

The surprisingly depressing thought brought the bottle back to my lips. 

I sat slumped on the counter in the Third Rail. At this point I didn’t even remember getting here. According to Charlie’s irritated voice I’d been here a while. Couldn’t tell though. No clock, no sun, just beer and music. Magnolia sang on her stage with a drawling melancholy tune. Slowly I tilted my head to the side to stare at her. Every little sparkle of her dress transfixed me and I found myself staring at her swaying hips unabashedly. Her voice filled my ears and for a brief moment I just lost myself in it. Better than in my own head.

Then I slid off the counter with a cry of surprise. The bottle loosely clutched in my hand slid down the counter then tumbled off the edge. Right into the lap of a mercenary who had more tattoos than skin. “what the fuck?!” he swore, leaping to his feet. Too late, the beer had already soaked his front.

Rubbing my temple I pushed myself to all fours. The floor swayed between my hands and my elbows shook. My hip ached dully from where I landed on it, thankfully the buzz kept it suppressed. “sorry.” I mumbled as I grabbed my bar stool and used it to hoist myself to a sitting position. 

“the fuck is wrong with you?!” the mercenary grabbed me by the front of my coat and hoisted me up into his face. 

This close I could see the faded ink in his skin and the sun spots on his face. One of his eyes didn’t look directly at me. The worn leather he wore on his shoulders and torso had seen more fights than I could probably count. Especially at that moment. A spiked bat was slung on his back and the twisted scar on his neck must have hurt when he got it. So basically he screamed don’t fuck with me. Guess what I did. “heh, heh, hi big fella, hope you like beer.” 

My jab did the trick. His face twisted up, stretching that scar on his neck. It looked like a bite maybe. What kind of beast had he gone toe to toe with? Fiercely he shook me which probably wasn’t a wise decision considering how precarious my stomach was at that moment. “you little bitch! Do you have any idea who you’re talking to?”

“uh….” Hard to come up with smart ass remarks when you were inebriated. “nope, not a damn clue. Oh, oh wait! Beer man!” I’m sure that sounded funnier to me when I was drunk.

He threw me away from him into the barstools. They went tumbling down like dominos until they hit a chair and its occupant on the far end. I hit the ground hard and my head smacked against the ground. I felt something pop in my back but didn’t bother thinking it over. “someone should teach you a lesson! Stay down if you know what’s good for you!”

Oh but when you put it like that. Hell I didn’t know what was good for me, particularly not in that moment. Unsteadily I got up, using one of the fallen stools to get me halfway then the bar the rest. All this movement made my stomach churn and my head spin. I grinned, or at least I hoped it was a grin. Given how little I could feel at this point it could have been damn near anything. “ah, I’m sorry big man, what do you say we kiss and make up?”

My words obviously stunned him a little though not by much. That tattooed face sneered at me and even in my haze I shuddered at him. “oh yeah, bet there are plenty of ways you could make it up to me.”

Liked to think I sauntered toward him, it probably was just a stumble. My foot caught on a barstool and I went tumbling into his chest. He caught me in his arms and those big biceps of his locked around me. The stink of sweat, blood and alcohol filled my nose and I almost wanted to gag. Let’s be honest, I doubted I smelled any better at that moment. His putrid breath wafted over me, almost making me wretch. It came raspy and beneath my fingers I felt his heart rate quicken. What an animal. “I bet I know what I a guy like you likes.” I murmured in a, subjectively, seductive tone. One of my fingers traced the buckle of his armor. “oh yeah, I bet I could make you feel things you haven’t felt in a while.”

“yeah?” his voice came hoarse and husky, somewhere deep within his chest. A tiny bead of sweat trickled down the side of his face and I couldn’t help but follow it with my eyes. Mostly because looking into his expression would have made me sick. “what kind of … things you got in mind?”

I leaned up to his ear, hard to do when you were standing on your tiptoes and drunk. Placing my hands on his shoulders I whispered into his ear, probably louder than I meant, “one particular thing.” 

My knee swung up into his groin like a Brahmin’s kick. That leather codpiece couldn’t save him. A strained and desperate cry of pain escaped him as he automatically collapsed in on himself. Cackling I backed up. The maneuver almost landed me on the ground again if it weren’t for the counter. Tattoos held his hands over his bits while he tried his best to regain his breath. “you fucking bitch! I’ll kill you for that!”

Still cackling I waved him aside. “what’s a little groin kicking between friends?”

“fuck you!” he leapt to his feet, surprisingly nimble for someone so deep in his cups. To think he actually thought I was going to let him put his hands on me. You had to be really drunk to think that I’d put out that easy. While those thoughts brought more laughter to me he pulled the batt from his back and pointed it at me. Couldn’t decide if it was physically swaying, or if I was. “I’ll break your fucking legs! You bitch!”

Confidently I stood my ground. That grin grew wider and my eyes sharpened. Some small part of me recognized the fight coming and tried to focus my attention. Didn’t help that my feet wanted to walk away and my stomach to jump out my throat. “bring it on pussy.”

He swung his bat down at me with enough force it probably would have broken my skull if it struck. The only reason I knew this was because when it left his hand and careened past my cheek it became entangled with a barstool. Tattoos threw several strings of swears together clutching at his forearm which bled through his fingertips. Did I do that? It certainly seemed like something I’d do. No I’d have probably shot him in the groin instead. Why hadn’t I led with that? Damn missed opportunity.

“is that anyway to treat a lady?” 

The scratchy thin voice brought my gaze up to the stairs leading back to the surface. My grin grew wider at the sight of Hancock standing there, a gun in hand which still smoked slightly. “John!”

His black eyes glanced at me then back at tattoos who was just realizing the full extent of his mistakes. Probably regretting life decisions and all that. “I ask ya, I bring you into my town, let you stay, and this is how you repay me?”

Tattoos stumbled back against the bar, clutching at it with his bloody hand. “I’m sorry Hancock! Honest I didn’t know she was your girl!”

“she’s not my girl.” Hancock growled menacingly.

“damn straight!” probably shouldn’t have opened my mouth but apparently I’m a talkative drunk. 

The ghoul mayor walked into the third rail. It was then I realized how quiet it had become. Not even Magnolia dared add some mood music to the event. Or maybe she just didn’t have the right song. Her usual would have just made it a little more melodramatic than absolutely necessary. Tattoos finally lost his footing and he went down to the ground. Hancock leaned over him, a cryptically pleasant expression on his face, placing a hand on the mercenary’s shoulder. “now, what would you do? If you were me and you found some piece of shit like this in your bar what would you do?”

The mercenary just opened and closed his mouth several times but no sound came out. It reminded me of a fish out of water. Which frankly described this man in that moment perfectly. Drowning in air, with no hope of getting out of this one alive. 

After a few moments of tense silence in which not even Charlie moved or said anything, Hancock sighed. “get the fuck out of my town. I see you here again and I’ll put a bullet through you.”

“wait what?!” I blurted loudly.

“absolutely! I’m out, you’ll never see me again.” Tattoos struggled to his feet and bolted for the door like there was a fire. He even forgot his bat. Shame. 

Speaking of shame. “you just let him go!?” I gaped at Hancock who examined the wreckage of my little confrontation. 

He folded his arms and looked at me. Beneath that trifold hat I couldn’t be sure if he was admiring or reproaching me. Knowing Hancock it was probably a little bit of both. “saved your skin there kiddo. Had half a mind to let him beat some sense into you.”

I scowled, which probably just turned into a sad looking frown. “don’t call me kiddo, I’m not eight anymore old man.”

He just chuckled at me, that leathery face of his twisting into a smirk. “Charlie, cut her off, she’s had enough.”

“absolutely boss.” 

I glowered at the moving target and made a mental note to shoot one of them later. “fine! I’ll go somewhere else then!” as if I had the fortitude to make it anywhere. In my state it’d be a goddamn miracle if I made it to the Rexford lobby. Scratch that, it’d be a miracle if I made it up the stairs out of the Third Rail. Standing at the bottom of them and looking up I felt my stomach lurch and little bile burn my throat. 

“no you don’t.” from behind Hancock appeared and what happened next made me want to throw myself into a ditch. He grabbed me by the waist and tossed me over his shoulder. I didn’t even know he was strong enough to pull it off, or pull me up as the case may be. 

“put me down!” I shouted at him, flailing uselessly in his grasp. 

He chuckled at me, actually chuckled and it just about made me want to knee him in the groin too. Knowing ghouls though his were probably made of sterner stuff. “you’re a real piece of work kiddo. How’d that ever happen?”

“stop calling me that.” Reluctantly I accepted my fate to be carried around like a sack of Tatos. He carried me up the stairs smoothly, barely breathing hard as he went. I even had all my gear on, how the hell was he carrying me so easily? Soon the stuffy heat of the Third Rail disappeared and a rush of cold air blew through my clothes. The winter chill seemed to have crept in while I was murdering my liver. It tickled my flush skin and reminded me just how many beers I’d gone through. 

Hancock continued to carry me around the corner, shaking his head at me. “so what is it this time kiddo?” he emphasized the nickname. “boy trouble? Never known you to get this drunk in one night.” 

“shut the hell up.” I spat at the ground as it slid out from under me. The sight made my stomach lurch again and I screwed my eyes shut. “you don’t know me!”

“no, I’m pretty sure I do.” Now he laughed at me, amused at my feeble attempt to tell him off. He stepped into the Old State House and proceeded up the stairs. At least that’s what I guessed from the rise in temperature and the ascending of his footsteps. 

“don’t make me stop.” The words came out of my mouth more like a whine than the command I meant them to be.

He just chuckled and shook his head. “believe me kiddo, you’ll thank me in the morning.”

“that’s assuming I stop in the morning.” I replied with no conviction. Exhaustion slowly seeped into my bones. Or maybe it had always been there and I was just reminded of it as the attic door came into view. 

Unceremoniously Hancock dropped me on my mattress. The motion made my head spin and my stomach flip over. I leaned over the edge for a few seconds, biting down hard on the inside of my cheek. I would not throw up, I would not throw up, I would not throw up. 

I expected Hancock to leave once I’d settled but as I lay on my back I discovered him leaning in the doorway, staring at me. To my alcohol soaked brain I couldn’t figure out what kind of look he gave me. Hard enough to decipher ghoul facial expressions when you’re sober. Eventually, after much quiet, he pointed at me lazily. “you should take your gear off before you fall asleep. I’ve slept with a rifle on my back, you’ll wake up soar enough as it is.”

He made a fair point. Clumsily I reached up to the strap of my rifle and slipped it off. It took me a few tries but I eventually got it up and over my head. The weapon clattered to the floor beside me. I imagined it was indignant at being treated this way. Sorry rifle, I could barely take care of myself at that moment. Next to go was my armor. Which thankfully only consisted of a shoulder pad and wrist guard. Didn’t make the straps any less difficult to undo though. 

A good ten minutes at least passed while my usually deft fingers fumbled with the clasps. Hard to believe I could pick locks with as much ease as walking. When the damn things did finally come undone and I pulled off my armor I noticed the empty sheath on the shoulder. “my knife! Who the fuck stole my knife!?” as if said person was sitting in my room I whirled around angrily. 

Bad move. The motion made the world spin and I collapsed back onto my mattress for fear of throwing up. It was coming tonight, I knew it, but I hoped to delay it as much as possible. From the doorway I could practically feel Hancock roll his eyes at me. The floorboards creaked and I found him leaning over me. His rough hands reached to my side, for my pistol.

My eyes shot wide and I grabbed his hands in a vice grip. Sitting up on an elbow I glowered into his face with all the fire I had left in me. For a brief second I saw surprise race over his leathery features. Then slowly he extracted his hands and raised them in surrender. “my bad kiddo, forgot.” 

I kept one hand placed firmly on my 10 mm pistol while I laid back down. My head felt so clouded, so thick, so heavy. It wanted to go to sleep, my whole body, but my mind didn’t. I didn’t want to see what was waiting for me in the dark. Things worse than me. 

So instead I spoke. “did-did I ever tell you how I met Nick?”

“no, don’t think so.” 

Yes I had. Or Nick told him, or he found out through the grapevine at least. Somewhere in the back of my mind I knew that. Hell I did know it, but I just wanted to fill the silence, anything to keep me awake. The slurred story escaped my lips, probably far less elegant than it sounded in my head. I was no writer. “remember Cormac’s gang?”

Reluctantly Hancock sat on the floor beside me. I got the distinct impression he didn’t want to be here but I silently thanked him for staying. “yeah, I remember.”

Yeah he’d definitely heard this story before, he’d lived half of it with me. But I didn’t want him to leave, not to be left alone with myself. “they came through town oh… ten, eleven years ago? They were looking for recruits.”

“and you were stupid enough to sign on with them.” Hancock nodded.

I shot him a scathing look. Must have looked pretty pathetic judging by the smirk he gave me. “don’t interrupt me! Like I was saying, they came through town looking for recruits. They were a mercenary group, small one right? No Gunners.” 

“right.” 

I draped an arm over my face. The skin of my forearm was hot against my eyes. The feel of it made me even more sleepy than before. “I signed up with em, they promised adventure and caps what more could a seventeen year old ask for? God I was such an idiot.”

“that you were.” 

“it was honest work for a while. We sold ourselves out as caravan guards, scavenger teams that sort of thing.” How I had the capacity to speak this much was beyond me. By now my vocal cords really should have given out leaving me mute. Maybe it was cause I wanted to tell the story, avoid talking about recent events. Like the railroad and the synth thing…. “it was great! They were great! They were like family! Tag, Cormac, Rick, Maria, Chloe, Rush….” My throat caught on the last name. My heart throbbed painfully in my chest again. Maybe this wasn’t the best story to retell.

If Hancock had been anyone else he would have put a hand on my shoulder to offer comfort. Of course the ghoul didn’t. He remained silent, sitting beside me with the air of a man that didn’t want to be here. 

Why the hell couldn’t I just shut up? “it was good, for a while…. But then…. Things changed….” Just stop talking, just roll over and sleep, it wasn’t worth it. “we started attacking people… because they had things we wanted.”

I heard Hancock let out a short breath. He didn’t have any right to judge me. In fact of all the people I knew Hancock was the least likely to judge me harshly for this.

I felt reasonably safe saying this to him, like confessing my sins to a priest. “travelers, some caravans, raiders. We hurt so many people, killed so many people. Then … the farm.” My voice once again hitched somewhere inside my throat. It made it almost impossible to continue. Whatever had carried me through to this point seemed to leave me at that moment. 

Unfortunately Hancock did know the rest. “you did the right thing kiddo, you know that right?”

Angrily I tossed aside my arm and looked at him. His black eyes were almost invisible in the gloom of the attic. I couldn’t be sure I was looking directly at him or not. “I betrayed them! I shot Cormac and ran!”

“you warned the farmers.” His thin gravelly voice pierced the darkness like a beacon in the night. “you saved them.”

“I killed my friends.” I replied in a feeble voice. Defeated I let my head land on the mattress. My body shook with emotions that I’d been trying to avoid. The faces of my old friends raced over my mind’s eye. One by one they stared at me accusingly until it came to rest on Rush. That brutal killer who had taught me so much. “when I got to the farm Nick was there. He didn’t trust me, he almost shot me, but he…. You know what he said after it was all over?”

“that you could do better than those cutthroats?” Hancock intoned and for a split second I could hear Nick say those same words in my head.

God fucking damn it. Miserably I rolled over onto my side. I’d thought I made the right decision back then. I thought that I could justify killing the people I’d once called family. They were killers, they were murderers, and they weren’t going to stop. It was always gonna end in blood, they knew it, I knew it. Hated the thought that I had been the one to draw blood though. Nick had shown me a way out and I took it. It was thanks to him that I’d lived this long. I owed him everything. More than everything. 

“I hurt him Hancock.” I murmured into my arm, a few stray tears stinging my eyes. The words sent a jolt of fresh pain through my insides. Not like the pain I felt remembering the gang, fresh and red hot. “I hurt him… betrayed him.” 

Silence followed my admittance. Deep resounding silence that filled my ears and reminded me of every sin I’d ever committed. No one moved. My breathing slowed to near nothing while my heart pounded. Sleep would take me if only my emotions would stop tormenting me. Hancock’s silence was perhaps the worst. It wasn’t out of confusion. He knew goddamn well what I meant. The silence stretched on as he calculated his response, or more accurately calculated his rage. 

“what’d you do?” finally he asked in a tone no longer playful or mocking. 

My shoulders shook and I wrapped my hands around my arms as if I might fall to literal pieces. “I lied to him…. I broke a promise that I swore I wouldn’t break….”

“well… that’s….” he drew in a long breath then let it out for twice as long. Just yell at me already. God knows I deserved it and a lot more. “you’ve fucked up kiddo.” 

Now the tears started coming and there wasn’t a damn thing I could do about it. I pressed my face into the mattress, ignoring the scratch of the rough material on my skin. Of course I’d fucked up, I’d fucked up so hard I wasn’t sure I’d ever fix it. I couldn’t fix it, not until I knew the truth. Thankfully I had enough self-control in that moment not to discuss the full details with Hancock. If working with the railroad had taught me anything it was that people were cruel to synths, accused or otherwise. He wouldn’t be any different not that I could blame him. 

“I know.” My voice sounded muffled even to my own ears. Too small and weak to make any kind of impact. “I know….”

“don’t mean you can’t fix it.” the floorboards creaked as Hancock rose. I turned over just enough to see him standing over me. He had his hat off, twirling it absently between his hands while his eyes gazed at it. He couldn’t look at me. “stop feeling sorry for yourself and apologize to him before it’s too late. Valentine ain’t like the rest of us, he’s got a heart of gold. Both morally and literally.”

That just made it worse. How could I do what I did to someone like Nick? He didn’t belong in this time. He came from a world that was softer, trusting, warmer. Sure he was a cop but it didn’t change anything. He was a prewar man in the post apocalyptic landscape of the commonwealth and he stuck out like a sore thumb. “I can’t.”

“yes you can.” Hancock nudged my mattress with his foot, shaking me slightly. Finally we made eye contact and I watched a harsh sort of encouragement boil in those black pools. For a split second I could see the kind of man he once was. Not the ghoulish mayor, but the wastelander under the red coat and trifold hat. “stop wallowing, sober up, and make it up to the detective. If I catch you like this again I’ll beat you into shape you got me?”

His words hit home, even if I was too drunk to really understand them. Miserably I let my head fall back to the mattress and closed my eyes. I didn’t know if Hancock was right, or if I really wanted him to be. It hurt even thinking about facing Nick again. God I was such a coward. “no.”

“you fucking idiot.” 

Hancock’s disgusted words hung in the air over my head as he left.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little glimpse into Vel’s past. She’s made some fairly poor decisions over the years, there’s a lot she regrets, a lot she wishes she could forget. I suppose old habits die hard. Don’t hold it against her. Or do, up to you.
> 
> I hope I did Hancock justice here. He’s my second favorite character and my Sole Survivor’s romance. It’s a weird balance to strike between him and Vel since I can’t imagine he’d act much like a dad to her but he wouldn’t just let her wallow. You tell me. What’d you think of my rendition?
> 
> I hope you all keep enjoying this, that’s the last of the pure angst for a while. Back to Vel’s cynical optimism.


	17. I Post Bail

That hangover lasted for what felt like a week. The regret I felt upon waking the next day made it hard to leave my room, let alone go back to the railroad. Before I left I tried to talk to Hancock about what happened. I only remembered parts, and what I did remember left a bitter taste in my mouth. That might have something to do with the vomit. He wouldn’t see me though. Fahrenheit blocked me and sent me off with my tail between my legs. Just passed her I caught sight of Hancock staring absently out his window, clutching a chem in his hand. 

I went back to the railroad. No one questioned where I’d been. It had only been half a day and once I’d written my report it satisfied even Carrington. The list of parts for tinker Tom waited for me at HQ and I took it up whole heartedly. Gratefully I plunged into my new work, the kind of work I enjoyed. 

Had to admit I preferred retrieval over escorts. No scared civilian. No shady dead drops. No cryptic clues left scribbled on walls. Just me, my guns, my prize and the day in front of me. Deacon hadn’t been kidding. The list took up two full pages and then some. Most of it I didn’t recognize by name let alone where I might find it. Thankfully Tinker Tom had left me a few quick scrawled notes on where the parts might be found. Most of them were vague. Try power plants. Should be in a manufacturing plant. Try hospital. Need a vault. Helpful enough but vague enough to be annoying. 

Didn’t matter to me. The more complicated the task the more time it would take to get done, the more time I had a distraction. And this proved to be one hell of a distraction. My hunt took me across the commonwealth. I found a thermal circuit board in a hospital in the south, a canister of liquid nitrogen in a vault and a hunk of an experimental metal from a car manufacturer. All of them guarded by varying types of dangers. A band of raiders there, Supermutants here, a Deathclaw, snuck passed that thing. 

For every piece of tech I retrieved I delivered it back to the starlight drive in to Desdemona. She would congratulate me in her own special way and hand it off to someone else. During my stays I noticed how present Nick was. I wanted to question him, demand answers on why he was allowed to join the railroad but I wasn’t. 

“I know the dangers better than anyone.” He’d say to me. “you have no idea what you’re getting yourself into.”

That may be so but I didn’t need him to tell me that. 

At the drive in I saw Macready several more times. I almost went and jabbed at him a few times. Back in Goodneighbor he had just randomly appeared one day. Muscled in on my client list. For that reason we’d developed something of a rivalry that seemed to now extend to the railroad. Though what he did for the railroad was beyond me. Desdemona certainly didn’t give me any clues. 

Two weeks went by in relative, if not peace then contentment. With the jobs continuously coming in I had plenty to distract myself with, even if Nick’s presence at work made that difficult. Thankfully I didn’t have to go to the starlight drive in except to deliver tech back. While I was searching for more I could easily do it from the church.

And I did.

Glowering at the terminal screen in front of me I rubbed away the pain in my neck. It wasn’t about to go anywhere and staring at the green and black screen wasn’t helping. The characters were beginning to drift around on the screen, almost blurry. Desperately I sat back and rubbed at my eyes, letting out a groan. 

“what are you looking at?” 

I let my hands fall and looked over my shoulder. The white haired Glory came walking up to me, fully armored and equipped. “you don’t actually care what I’m looking at.”

She sat in a chair beside me, leaning over on her knees. The shrug she gave me looked awkward under that armor. “not really, that’s what you’re supposed to do though right?”

“your social skills need work Glory.” I winked at her to which she scoffed. Sighing I sat forward again and scanned through the list displayed on screen. “copied shipment records from Irish Pride shipping. Trying to find a dynamic crystal compensator for Tom?”

“the hell does that even mean?”

“not a damn clue.” We both laughed out loud and I sat back in the chair again. “so what’s up? You don’t make small talk. Must want something pretty bad.”

With a scoff Glory folded her arms and narrowed her eyes at me. “wondered if you could use a break.”

“you know I could use a break.” Extravagantly I stretched my arms above my head. My armored shoulder pad made it hard to do a satisfying stretch. My new knife pressed against my cheek. “maybe I’ll go for a stroll. Go to Diamond City and stop by the power noodles. Yes, I think that sounds wonderful, thank you for your suggestion Glory.”

“you’re as bad as Deacon, Whisper.” Glory growled irritably at me.

I plastered mock disgust on my face and threw a hand to my chest. “how dare you. I am by far so much worse than Deacon.”

Glory groaned and got up to walk away.

I grabbed her hand, laughing. “alright, alright I’ll stop. What’s up?”

“not sure I want you to come anymore.” Glory growled at me, eyeing me with muted contempt. Probably shouldn’t joke around with her. Glory wasn’t a joking type of person, but it sure as hell was funny. One of these days she was gonna kick my ass. “you going to take this seriously?”

“yes.” Hard to say that with a straight face.

I bet my face was actually twitching as I tried to hide my smile but Glory was satisfied. She sat back in her chair, legs spread far apart. What a savage. “Dez wants me to scavenge up some more weaponry for the armory. She’s worried about the brotherhood finding the teleporter.”

“that’s a valid fear.” I nodded seriously, the first serious thing I’d said to her all day. “I’m a little surprised they haven’t already found it. Don’t know what they were thinking when they started building above ground.”

“didn’t exactly want to build the damn thing in here. It’s a direct link to the institute.” Glory pointed out in a rare instance of insight. 

“fair point.” I chuckled and leaned over on the desk, cheek on my fist. “so where were you planning to start? Most of the caches are controlled by the raiders or the Gunners these days. Then you’ve got the brotherhood crawling around like a bunch of scavengers and the Supermutants with their territories.”

“you’re not helping.” Glory shook her head at me, irritably. “I thought you were going to stop.”

“sorry, sorry.” I raised my hands in surrender and bowed my head to her, indicating she should continue.

For a moment it looked like she might just get up and walk away. My ribbing had gone too far. Then she let out a breath and ran her fingers through her hair. “rumor says there’s an evidence lock up over at the BADTFL field office that some idiots stocked up with all they’ve got. It’s just sittin there waiting to be snagged. What do you say?”

I cast a glance at the terminal. The list glared at me pointedly, trying to remind me of the duties I had to the rest of the railroad. Particularly to the teleporter. The faster I found these pieces the faster Tinker Tom built the damn thing and the faster I got answers. But there was no point banging my face into the key board, not when there was something else to do. “alright, you’re on.” 

“sounds good.” Glory didn’t make any outward indication that she was happy about me coming, in fact she almost sounded annoyed. Before I could say anything more she got up out of her chair and proceeded toward the tunnels back to the church above. “grab your gear and meet me up top.”

“be there in a bit.” I returned to the terminal and ejected the Holotape. The screen went black and I stood. This could wait, at least for a day. My neck ache was already ebbing away to be replaced by an itch in my right hand. I’d had enough research for a week, time to get my hands dirty. 

I collected a few supplies, a Stimpak, Radaway, some ammo, then proceeded up the stairs to the church above. Glory was waiting for me, arms folded as she stared toward the broken ceiling. “what? No minigun today?” 

She glanced down at the shotgun she held in her hand and scowled a little. “we can’t afford it right now. You ready?”

“no I thought I’d just come say hi before I went and took a quick nap.” 

Groaning at me, Glory just rolled her eyes and led the way toward the door. 

I followed her, all be it not without chuckling to myself. Outside the sun hung low over the city, bathing the streets in an orange glow. At least we’d have the cover of night by the time we reached where we were going. Speaking of. “hey Glory, where are we headed exactly?”

“BADTFL field offices.” 

“now who’s acting like Deacon?” I raised a brow at her to which she smirked. 

“doesn’t feel good does it?”

“maybe I should just go back down stairs.” 

“you’re the worst.” she let out a small growl under her breath to which I just smiled. “it’s just north of Bunker Hill. The raiders are close to our assets anyway so we’ll be killing two birds with one stone.”

“sounds good to me.” So long as I could satisfy the ache in my right hand. 

With the shadows of the city lengthening Glory took the lead. We slipped around the side of the old north church and into the city. On the first road we came to she stopped and glanced around. “I don’t like the city when it’s this quiet.”

“agreed.” A tingling on the back of my neck reminded me how easily someone could be watching us. Gutless scavengers always liked to stalk easy targets in the night, at least people they thought were helpless. Anyone who was stupid enough to try and rob me and Glory though probably deserved what they’d get. Their skulls bashed in. Still didn’t want to entice anyone to us. “I say we take the roofs.”

Glory gave me an irritable expression but didn’t argue with my input. “you would want to take the roofs.”

I just shrugged to which she rolled her eyes. 

As she still had the lead, a fact that I could challenge at my own risk, I waited until she decided to go. Eventually she led the way up a fire escape just off the street which deposited us onto the roof. From this vantage point we had a fairly good sweeping view of the ruins as night fell. In the distance the bright lights of Diamond City blared to life, beacons in an otherwise dark world. “damn, I’ll never get used to living underground.”

“neither have I.” Glory admitted, staring across the ruins with a faraway expression. 

I turned my gaze, frowning. It had been about a week since Glory and I had exchanged more than a few barbs. She and I didn’t talk too much, a fact that I sort of regretted. This was entirely for selfish reasons of course. If anyone could tell me if I was a synth I figured another synth could. Yet we had talked enough that I detected the quiet longing in her voice. The institute was theorized to be underground somewhere. A fact that Glory believed herself from experience. I wondered mildly to myself what it would be like to live underground for that long. I’d probably lose my mind. “hey Glory can I ask you a question?”

“if this is about the mission I ran yesterday I told everyone I can’t talk about it.” her arms flew to the sky in exasperation and she rolled her eyes at me.

Didn’t really know what she was talking about but I shook my head. “not about that, though now I’m curious.”

She waved her hand at me and proceeded across the rooftops. This route would get us to the bridge before Bunker Hill, well out of sight from the prying eyes and dangers of streets below. “fine, what?”

“what do you think of Desdemona’s plan? To put Charmer in the institute?” 

My question gave her pause, forcing her to hesitate at a leap between a set of buildings. “have you ever met Charmer?”

“no.” I answered trying to appear unconcerned by the answer. Truth was I wanted to meet her. Just to see what kind of person the star agent of the railroad was. “have you?”

“once or twice.” She nodded and took the leap across the gap. On the other side she turned back and looked at me, as if expecting me to chicken out. I just grinned up at her and took the jump at a running leap. Smoothly I landed beside her and continued walking. “I was there when she first came to the railroad.” Her voice sounded irritated by my little show.

“yeah?” I glanced over my shoulder as we climbed up a short wall to the next level of the buildings. “what’d you think of her?”

“same thing I thought about you when we first met.” 

“and what was that?”

“the railroad’s gotta be desperate if we’re using people like her.”

“did we really make such a poor impression on you Glory?” my brows shot up in amusement at her. 

“yeah, until she told us she killed a courser.” 

Yeah that would change my mind too. Speaking from personal experience those coursers were made from something other than flesh and bone. I wasn’t even sure a robot could handle the kind of damage they could. To kill one? That was impressive. “did she really do it on her own?”

“she had some merc with her when she showed up. Deacon said his name was Macready. If you ask me, he did most of the shooting.”

Macready again, what did he have to do with charmer? “she didn’t seem that intimidating?”

“anyone with hair like that hasn’t been in the commonwealth long enough.” Glory slid down the metal roof of the next building before landing in the gravel on the next roof. Standing she looked up to me, waiting for me to follow her lead. “it reminded me of people in the institute, too clean, too shiny. Maybe she’ll fit down there, who knows.”

My slide down wasn’t nearly as smooth as the toe of my boot caught on a groove and I stumbled the remaining few feet. Thankfully Glory didn’t laugh, only gave me an exasperated look before moving on. “do you know her story?” it seemed like something that we’d all know by now but in the railroad you didn’t talk about your past. Better that way. 

Glory gave me a large shrug. “I heard rumors that she’s looking for someone in the institute. Some family member. Maybe that’s why Desdemona is going to let her go in first.”

“is that such a good idea?”

“got a better one?”

Yeah, teleport a tactical nuke in and watch the horizon for the explosion. If it didn’t mark where the institute was at least it’d knock out a sizable chunk of their facility. Considering the care with which the teleporter was being built, very little, a nuke would probably just explode on the platform instead. And we’d have lost our only opportunity to get inside the institute. But that meant the railroad, synths, the truth, all rode on the shoulders of Charmer. Hope she realized that. 

“I wouldn’t want to go in anyway.” Glory continued drawing me out of my thoughts. “I’m not about to deliver myself back to them gift wrapped.”

“what if it’s a trap? What if we’re just sending Charmer to her death?” I didn’t know the woman any more than I knew the rest of the railroad. Frankly I didn’t particularly care if she lived or died during the operation, it just had to come to something. “all this time and energy could be wasted.”

“better hope it’s not then.” We reached the final roof, a small apartment building on the edge of the river. Below the street deposited onto a bridge that led across the river toward Bunker Hill. “or we’re back to square one.”

“guess so.” Square one wasn’t a place I wanted to return to. That led to locking myself up in my room and spending long nights at the memory den. 

Nimbly I climbed down the side of a building first to a balcony below then to an awning. I landed quietly on the ground and looked back up to wait for Glory. Her face screwed up into stark concentration as she carefully lowered herself down to the balcony. The woman wasn’t built for climbing, her muscles were better suited to shooting that minigun of hers. Then I doubted the institute built their synths for physical activity. Well most of them.

She landed next to me with a thud which almost sent her tumbling. Once she regained her balance she sat up and looked at me. “what?”

Couldn’t help giving her a smirk of amusement. “remind me take you free climbing one of these days. It’s a wonder you escaped that courser.”

“oh shut up!” exasperatedly she threw her arms into the air and walked passed me toward the bridge. 

Smiling I followed her. 

Bunker Hill was a beacon in the dark night. Its bright lights guided us northward and across the river. We passed by her gates and around the monument in silence. Glory pulled ahead and took the lead again. I knew we were close when I saw her shoulders tense and her hand inch toward her shotgun. I noticed my own hand wrapped around my pistol. When had that happened? 

We came around a corner and Glory dropped low to the ground. “damn it…. they’ve got guards out front….”

I slipped out from behind cover just enough to use my sniper to scope the front entrance. Sure enough there were three guards sitting out front of the field office and a fourth making a slow lazy arch around the perimeter. “damn it, no good, I can’t get a clear shot.” I muttered out of the corner of my mouth.

“then we take them by surprise!” Glory rose but I grabbed her firmly by the shoulder.

“don’t be an idiot, who knows how many are inside.” Returning to our hiding place I glanced around at the buildings. “I’ll find a way to get a better vantage point, you sit tight until I’m in position.” 

“I thought I invited you.” Glory grumbled at me, her dark eyes narrow.

I just gave her a sympathetic expression. “why else did you bring me along if not for my silent skills?”

“I was looking for a good time, not a sneak attack.” She admitted. 

“look once we’re inside you can handle things however you please.” I checked the magazine on my rifle before pulling on the bolt handle to load the chamber. “for now, lets do this my way ok?”

Glory wasn’t happy about it, didn’t have to see her face to know that, but she didn’t argue with me. After the last few times we worked together she’d learned to trust my judgement. The one time we hadn’t, ended in a shit storm. 

So, satisfied, I ran down a side alley in search of a way to get to the roof. I found myself in the center of a small cluster of houses with scaffolding built up between them. Carefully I crept up the stairs to the roofs of the houses. And this, right here, was the reason I wanted to do this. A sniper had already found a perch above the field office. Judging by her armor and weapon she was with the raiders. Silently I crept over the top of the roof toward her. My oiled knife slipped from its sheath soundlessly and my feet barely made a noise. Before she even could turn around I buried my knife into the base of her skull. A silent cry of pain lingered on her lips, never to be heard. 

I unceremoniously nudged her aside and settled right she had been. The roof was warm. Comfortably in place I could see the front of the field offices without a problem. The raiders hadn’t noticed my approach and continued smoking away out front. The patrolling guard turned the corner, where Glory would be able to see him. I took my chance and shot him through the skull. A few minutes later Glory came into sight next to the body, giving me the middle finger. 

Grinning to myself I returned my scope to the raiders out front. I raised my hand with three fingers up, for the benefit of Glory. It was meant to indicate a count down but she had better ideas. She shot out from cover and I only had a split second to scope a target and shoot him before she was right on top of the rest. I swore under my breath as I tried to follow the second target with my crosshairs. No go, too close and too much movement.

“goddamn you Glory.” I growled sitting up. She was locked in single combat with the last raider, furiously swinging the butt of her gun at his face. Well at least she had enough restraint not to fire her weapon. The raiders had no such inhibitions though. 

The other raider raised his pipe pistol up at Glory. Before he could pull the trigger I fired wildly at him with my half drawn pistol. Thankfully my shot hit his leg and he went down in a cry of pain. That bought Glory just enough time to bash her opponent’s face in. I found myself on my feet, just watching the fight below with a tight stomach. Nothing I could do at this distance and Glory was almost done. She rushed the last raider who was scrambling to find his gun. Before his hands wrapped around the stock she threw a brutal kick into his face. He continued to move so she kicked him again before finally stomping hard on his neck. Even at this distance I could hear the bones snap.

A shudder ran up my spine. 

When I climbed down and met her on the front steps she looked utterly satisfied. “didn’t need your sniping after all.”

I rolled my eyes dramatically at her. “please, if I didn’t insist you’d have been capped by the sniper up there.” I jabbed a thumb over my shoulder.

“you’re making that up.”

“let’s just finish this.” My appetite for killing had been sated even if my right wrist continued to itch. 

At least we’d kept things quiet outside. When we entered the field office none of the raiders inside were wise to our presence. The first room we entered with people in it we found them cowering behind an upturned filing cabinet while a turret fired at them. Glory and I exchanged amused looks before quickly and quietly disposing of them. The turret wasn’t so quiet though. The explosion rocked through the entire field office drawing yells from deeper within. Glory and I split up at that point to quickly cover the rest of the building. She proceeded through a door in the first room while I followed the sounds of footsteps past the destroyed turret. 

Here there were two raiders waiting for me, both angry, both armed to the teeth, and both just asking to be filled with holes. The battle went by in a blur. I shot the first one in the leg which made him loose balance. I grabbed him around the neck and used him as a shield as the other one ran up the stairs to confront me. His poor decisions cost his comrade his life. Over the shoulder of the now dead raider I fired. The other one went down, two holes oozing blood from his chest.

Since the element of surprise had been entirely lost I ran through to the next room. I’d heard Nick refer to rooms like this as the bull pen, where the cops used to congregate I supposed. It now housed only two raiders, the first of which right in front of me. He span, carrying a shotgun with him and fired at the door as I ran through. Good thing I wasn’t being careful or I’d have more metal inside me than on me. Instead I ran out into the room, narrowly avoiding sure death, and fired at the first raider. My initial shot hit his shoulder but my second found its mark. He went down. 

The last one stood from where he’d been fiddling with a lock, clumsily raising his own pistol at me. Too slow. In the blink of an eye I had mine up and I squeezed the trigger. My bullet shattered the bone in his forehead and he slumped back. In the resounding silence that followed I listened for the sounds of approaching footsteps. None reached my ears, only the loud triumphant cries of Glory from deeper in the building. “take that you piece of shit! See you in hell!”

It was over, faster than it had begun. Satisfied I relaxed my shoulders and shoved my gun back into its holster at my hip. Glory could sweep the rest of the building though I doubted she’d find anyone else. “let’s see what you were trying to get into.” I murmured, nudging aside the dead raider from the door. Casually I knelt and picked at the lock with a bobby pin. I expected it to be difficult but the lock came loose beneath my hands. “you must have been really bad at picking locks.” I laughed at the dead raider as I entered the room.

It must have belonged to the boss, back before the bombs fell. A singular desk sat in here with a glowing terminal and, more importantly, a safe set into the wall. Eagerly I knelt before the safe and ran my hands over the mechanisms sealing it shut. “what kind of secretes are you hiding beauty? Ah prewar locks at their finest.” It was probably connected to the terminal but that would be cheating. Smiling to myself I inserted a bobby pin into the lock’s inner workings. 

“Whisper! Where you at?!” 

“up stairs!” I called over my shoulder, the slightest bit of irritation leaking in my voice. The lock didn’t prove as easy to persuade as the last one. Finally a challenge.

I heard Glory step into the office behind me. “what are you doing? I found the stash.”

“then go get it.” I answered without looking at her.

“I can’t it’s locked.”

A smirk crossed my features. Just a couple more tumblers anyway. “that’s the real reason you brought me along isn’t it?”

“it wasn’t for the company.”

“my, my Glory, are you making a joke?” then the lock came free and I exclaimed proudly. “hell yeah! Here we go!” to my utter disappointment there wasn’t much in it. A couple boxes of 10 mm rounds which I pocketed, a stack of prewar money and a key. 

“you done?” Glory sighed irritably.

“yeah, yeah.” Turning I tossed the key at her. “try that on the door, might get lucky. I’ve only got one bobby pin right now.”

“cause you wasted it on that safe?” the glare on in her eyes was softened by the twitch in the corner of her lip. 

She wouldn’t be smiling if I couldn’t pick through the lock. I followed her back through the field office, past our handiwork, to a caged door in a back room. Beyond I could see ammo boxes, bags of weapons and even a fat man just lying there waiting to be grabbed. Needless to say my mouth started watering a little bit. The key worked, much to my surprise and we slipped inside. “alright, grab whatever you can carry and we’ll head back to HQ.” Glory ordered.

“yes ma’am.” My sarcasm was clearly lost on her as she grabbed a bag of weapons and proceeded to stuff it with everything it could carry. 

I followed suit, sometimes slipping a grenade or two into my own coat. I pulled a mini-nuke down from the shelf and knocked a Holotape free. I knelt and picked it up, frowning. No markings, weird. Looked old too, maybe it was from before the raiders moved in. 

“What are you doing?” Glory demanded when she noticed I wasn’t packing anymore. 

Quickly I pocketed the Holotape and gave her a deflective grin. “I’m going to sweep the rest of the building. Sweep the bodies.” Before she could order me around anymore I slipped out of the room. 

I picked my way through the building, past some archives where Glory’s handiwork lay bleeding on the floor, and into some holding cells. A terminal sat in front of the cells, glowing dully with power. My fingers fiddled absently with the Holotape. “ah what the hell, why not?” quickly I loaded the Holotape into the terminal and let it play while I searched the rest of the room for supplies.

The first line made my heart stop beating. 

_Detective Valentine. Nick._

My body came to a dead stop, hearing his name spoken aloud by someone I’d never met. My palms grew sweaty and I chewed on the inside of my mouth.

_Listen... I'm sorry. You've got every right to be upset, but you need to believe me when I tell you I had no idea. Operation Winter's End was my baby. They kept us all in the dark. They laid it all out in my briefing. The whole thing. Winter's deal with the DA. His agreement to bring down the other families. His idea to record the Holotapes and incriminate all known associates. And them needing a legitimate op. It was the plan all along, Nick. There's nothing we can do. Winter reported directly to the BADTFL._

What was this all about? What was this guy talking about? Who the hell was Winter? What families? Slowly I straightened and turned to face the terminal as if I might see the face of the man speaking. It was several more seconds before I realized this wasn’t about the synth Nick, it was about the original.

 

_For his cooperation, Winter will be granted total immunity. It's over. Effective immediately, Operation Winter's End is to cease all investigations and operations. We played our part, pal. Not the part we thought, but hey. It happens. Now we're just another box in the file room._

_Nick, listen to me. Everything that's happened. With Winter. With... Jenny._

Jenny? I found myself drifting toward the terminal, my mouth slightly agape. It felt like reading Nick’s diary. Learning something about him that he had never intended anyone to see. I almost turned it off, almost shut it down. The guilt I felt boiling in my chest just didn’t make it easy to listen to. I was too slow though.

_It's more than any one man should have to handle. You need help. Boston PD has been working with the eggheads at C.I.T. Some new program they have to deal with trauma. Scanning brainwaves or some such. I'll get you the info. You're going. That's an order._

The tape ended and the silence that followed deafened my ears. What had I just heard? What do I do now? This belonged to Nick, at least one of the Nicks. My… the synth Nick he deserved to know didn’t he? Maybe he even remembered. If I kept this from him how much worse could our relationship get? Or would he just be more angry if I told him?

“damn it.” I slammed my fist down on a filing cabinet beside the desk. A Holotape leapt into the air then fell to the ground with a tiny clatter. I looked down at it contemptuously, which rapidly turned into dread when I read the name scrawled on it. Winter. 

Slowly, as if it might bite me, I picked it up and turned it over in my hand. Winter was probably long dead. This whole thing was a prewar problem, what did it matter now? Nick probably wouldn’t even care, I hoped he wouldn’t even care.

The smart thing to do would be to leave the tapes here, stash them in a box and forget about them. If Nick wanted them he could find them. My hands would be clean. And they wouldn’t fill my stomach with guilt. Yeah, that’s what I should do. 

“Whisper! You done?! Let’s get out of here!” Glory’s voice came through the broken floorboards over my head, jolting me out of my thoughts like an electric shock. 

“Alright!” 

I left the BADTFL field office with the tapes tucked safely in my coat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well Vel likes to dig herself a hole doesn’t she? 
> 
> That Holotape though. It was both cool, cause it expanded a character’s story without it being a quest, and irritating, because Nick doesn’t react when you find it. Yet another reason why I love Fallout 4. They’ve taken a step in the right direction on companions. 
> 
> Thank you to all of you that have been leaving comments, sometimes they’re the only thing that keeps me posting. I highly encourage all of you to comment, even if you don’t know what to say. I want to hear what you’re thinking. Is Vel a synth? Is she human? Are you enjoying where this is going? Any predictions? Anything I’m forgetting? 
> 
> I love all you guys, write on!


	18. Charity Leads to Poor Decisions

“you’re making some ripples.” 

My eyes drifted up toward Deacon who stood in the doorway. Cross legged on the floor I had my pistol in pieces on a blanket in front of me. He interrupted my cleaning ritual, not a good thing. It occurred to me that I did more to keep my weapons clean than myself. Thus the life of a wastelander I supposed. “what are you talking about?”

He leaned lazily on the doorframe, still wearing those damn sunglasses. He’d opted for a flannel shirt that looked a little too big for him, probably had something hidden under it in that case. “we got a message from Dr. Amari, asking for you personally.”

“yeah?” it took all my willpower not to react. Deacon spied on the railroad agents as much as he spied on the rest of the commonwealth, we all knew it. If he was going to learn my deep dark secrets anyway I wasn’t just going to make it easy on him. He had to work for it. “any idea why?”

“I was about to ask you that.” From behind his glasses his brows shot up though he continued to smirk. “she went through all the trouble of placing the request in a dead drop, used your codename and everything. Now why would she do that?”

“no idea.” And that was mostly true. When I last saw her she had told me she didn’t have any way of identifying whether or not I was a synth. Could that have changed? Maybe she figured out some way to identify manufactured memories. An excited, apprehensive knot formed in my stomach so painful it almost showed on my face. It didn’t. My hands continued to clean my pistol smoothly. “thanks for the update.”

“you’re free to see her.” Deacon replied to my poker face. Knowing him he probably saw past it. “Tinker Tom doesn’t have any needs just yet and Dez says there’s no one in need of retrieval.” 

“thanks for the heads up.” Now please leave so I can clean up and get the hell out of here. 

He shrugged and turned around in a slow circle. As he left I glared at his retreating back. He’d be waiting around to see how I reacted. Probably off in his sniper’s nest, more interested in the camp than possible intruders. I hated it. Every time I visited the Starlight Drive in I couldn’t shake the feeling of being watched. Maybe it had to do with the people at the camp, only a handful of which I knew. Maybe it had to do with Deacon and the other sniper that protected the camp. Or maybe it was how often I found Nick staying here. 

For whatever reason, when I visited the camp last night he was nowhere to be found. A fact I was grateful for. I’d been too tired to return to HQ that night. That morning I’d taken the time to do some much needed maintenance while there were no jobs to be had. I thought it was going to be a lazy morning, apparently I was wrong. 

When Deacon left I took my sweet time to finish cleaning my pistol and put it back together. Didn’t want to tip him off, even if I was about as impatient to leave as I ever got. When I was finished I shoved my pistol back into its place at my side and rose with a small groan. 

The morning sun had risen halfway to noon when I left the metal shack. The starlight drive in camp was busy and loud. Railroad agents rushed back and forth with orders from that person or another. Some of them carted supplies to the back of the concessions stand where Tinker Tom worked feverishly to build the teleporter. It didn’t look like much yet, they barely had the main platform built. They were saying it’d take about a month to finish it. To be honest I wasn’t sure it would be finished by then. It didn’t look like it.

As I dodged through the camp, weaving past other shacks and tents, I caught sight of Macready sitting at the counter. Glory’s words from a week ago drifted back to me. What did the merc know about Charmer? What was he doing hanging around the railroad? My curiosity got the better of me and I smoothly picked my way toward him. He didn’t see me at first which allowed me to spook him a little when I slammed my hand on the counter next to him. “Macready, Macready, Macready, what in god’s name is a guy like you doing here?”

He flinched at my sudden appearance, one hand instinctively darting toward the rifle he had leaned against the counter beside him. His hand remained loose at his side after that once he realized who I was. “O'Malley, what are you doing here?”

“I asked my question first.” I pointed out with a wave of my hand. Not that I expected to get any particular answer out of him. I was about as likely to get a straight answer out of Deacon as I was out of Macready. That didn’t stop me from harassing him a little. “I never knew you were such a bleeding heart. What will the rest of the mercs think when they hear this?”

His blue eyes narrowed at me menacingly, or at least I’m sure they were supposed to be menacing. They only fueled the ever widening grin on my face. “look who’s talking. Last I heard you got yourself caught taking on some slavers.”

That’s the last thing he’d heard about me? Well wasn’t he out of the loop? Which told me that he hadn’t spent much time in Goodneighbor in the last few weeks. Which probably meant he’d been on the same job for that length of time. A little longer than the average job, what was he thinking? “how much is the railroad paying you anyway?”

A flicker of something raced across his eyes, something I couldn’t quite place, before being replaced by a deep scowl. “go take a long walk on a short pier.”

My mouth fell open and my grin extended further. “no way, Macready are you doing this for free?”

“oh shut up.” He turned away from me, his fingers brushing the barrel of his rifle pointedly.

But could I resist? No of course not. After all the weeks of competing for jobs with this guy he goes and takes a job for free? Rumors abounded about his background and it didn’t take a trained eye to see it in his stance. He was a Gunner, at least before he ended up in Goodneighbor he had been. Didn’t need to be a gun for hire to know what they were like. They’d do just about anything for caps, and nothing for no caps. “there must be something pretty special about this job if you’re not asking for money.”

Suddenly he shoved off the counter and grabbed hold of his rifle in a tight fist. The tension in his shoulders, the tightness in his jaw and around his eyes. I’d struck a nerve, go figure. “I don’t have anything to say to you O'Malley, walk away.”

“my, charmer must be special if you’re not charging her.” I probably should have started off by asking about Charmer. All my jabbing was going to get me nothing with Macready but I just couldn’t help myself. I was such an asshole. 

My statement brought him up short. He glanced over his shoulder at me, that emotion from before lingering in a second longer than it had. Then it was gone and it left me more confused than anything else. “you mean the courser killer? Well she’s … she’s one hell of a shot.”

Before I could say anything else he ran off back into the concessions stand to his sniper’s perch at the top. Odd sentiment coming from Macready. Even I had to admit he was one of the best shots with a sniper, better than me. Admitting that made me want to throw up a little. And he knew it. His arrogance outweighed his skill making him the sort of man I loathed to work with. Which was probably why we’d never just teamed up on a job before. If he was willing to say that about Charmer, then she’d probably impressed him. 

But I was more inclined to believe Glory’s assessment than the man I competed for caps with. Or at least, had competed for caps with. I suppose now we were both working for free, likely with equally selfish reasons. Mercs didn’t do anything without motivation, part of me wondered what his was. Fuck that, what did I care? I had my own problems to think about. 

And there was the tiniest glimmer of hope that those problems might be wiped away as soon as I got to Goodneighbor. Without further delay I headed out into the wasteland, rapidly trekking across the frontier to the ruins of the city. Things weren’t quiet. In the far distance I could hear the whir of a Vertibird and decided to double my journey time to get around it. No need to draw any more attention from the brotherhood of steel than I already had. 

It was high noon by the time I finally got to Goodneighbor. By now I’d grown absolutely desperate to reach Dr. Amari. In spite of my best efforts my hopes had been raised. What if she had found a way? I could finally figure out the truth! One way or the other I could finally leave the railroad. If I was a synth well I’d just tip myself into the nearest river and call it good. If I wasn’t then… then I could finally apologize to Nick like I should have. 

Heart heavy and light headed I careened through Goodneighbor to the memory den. It had the usual occupants, Kent in his room and someone else out front. Irma sat lazily on her platform, puffing away at a cigarette. She sat up a little when I entered, brows raised so far up I thought they might disappear into her hair. “haven’t seen you in a while, what are you doing here?”

“nothing.” So excited was I that I even smiled at Irma. Smiled. At Irma. If that was a damn sign of Armageddon I wasn’t sure what was. Then again, Armageddon had basically come and gone already hadn’t it? 

Irma opened her mouth to say something but I was already rushing past her toward the stairs. It took all my willpower not to barge into Amari’s lab like some kind of over excited ten-year-old. Carefully I pulled up short of the door and drew in a few calming breaths. That did about fuck all for my pulse rate. At least it made me look sane. Once I steadied myself I strode into the lab with what I hoped was the air of quiet annoyance. “Amari, you called for me?”

The woman was sitting at her computer when I entered and as I spoke she whirled around. Her usually well-groomed hair was sticking out at odd angles. A look of desperation, the likes of which I’d never seen on her, dominated her features. Her lab coat was crumpled and she had bags under her eyes. This did not look like the bearer of good news. “where have you been?!” she snapped at me immediately. “I’ve been waiting for two weeks!”

Upon being snapped at I’d come to a dead stop, one foot in the room the other waiting to carry me back out. I’d been wrong. My heart hit the pit of my stomach and kept going. The light headedness I’d felt before ebbed away to be replaced by cold deadness. I actually felt the energy leave my limbs and the urge to go get a drink overtake my body. The disappointment had to have infected my face but I didn’t fucking care. The only reason I didn’t walk out now was because in her deranged state, I legitimately worried Amari might knock me out and shove me into her memory pod. Who knew what kind of horrors she could cook up in that thing.

All of this passed through my mind and body in a matter of seconds and when it was over my face went grim and slack. “communication is a bit of a bitch in the railroad. What’s wrong?”

“what’s wrong?!” she cried in exasperation, far more emotion than I’d ever seen on her before. “what’s wrong is that one of my patients was murdered!”

That momentarily shocked me out of my narcissistic despair. My brows drew together and I narrowed my eyes at her. “who? Daisy? Fred? Clair?”

“don’t be stupid, those are clients not my patients.” She waved her hand at the names irritably as if I’d insulted her.

My frown deepened before comprehension donned on me. The synths. The synths the railroad brought to her for memory changes. “you keep track of the … patients you change?”

“only rarely.” Her reluctant tone smacked of her guilt over the issue. Maybe she knew it wasn’t wise or that the railroad would be pissed. Desdemona would never tolerate it and I couldn’t imagine what she’d do if she found out. 

Well that certainly explains why she would contact me. It took a certain level of trust to tell anyone and I was more than a little shocked to discover she afforded it to me. “how do you know they’ve been murdered?”

“because of those.” Dejectedly she tossed a newspaper at me. 

Easily I caught it and quickly opened to the front page. It was the Publick Occurrences, dated to about two and a half weeks ago. The edges were crumpled and the crease down the middle showed obvious signs of being repeatedly smoothed out. I quickly scanned the article, my stomach tightening with every word. 

_At ten o’clock yesterday evening a man was found dead just outside Hardware Town south west of Diamond City. Authorities have identified the man as Jules, a drifter who came through Diamond city with a woman named Jenny. They were staying in Diamond City until yesterday when they set out from the gates in good health._

_Witnesses say that a group of men, ages 30-40, lured the pair off the street and proceeded to beat the man. They accused the pair of being institute synths in spite of their protests. Before help could arrive the men had beaten Jules to death and Jenny fled. No signs of where she fled have been found._

_This should be a lesson to all of the commonwealth. Not all strangers are synths and tragic accidents-_

Piper went into her usual rant about synths and the institute after that to which I just folded up the newspaper. I proceeded across the room to Amari who was staring at the memory pod in silent contemplation. As I handed back the newspaper to her I knelt to her level. “tell me everything you know.”

She took in a deep shuddering breath. Clearly this death shook her, what exactly had this Jules guy meant to her? “Jules, original designation K1-67. He escaped the institute six months ago. When the railroad brought him to me I gave him a choice, like I do for all of them.”

“did he choose to get wiped?” my tone remained professional, monotone. This was delicate and now wasn’t the time to bring up my anxiety over the wipes. Better to deal with that after I’d gotten to the bottom of this. 

“no.” despairingly she shook her head, turning her gaze now to her long-fingered hands. “he decided to keep his memories. The railroad couldn’t protect him at that point so they left him on his own. I couldn’t do that though. I couldn’t just abandon someone. He was so trusting, so bright. He deserved a chance to be himself, to live as himself for a little while.”

Her words reminded me of Sarah, the bright eyed synth from so long ago. The synth I’d never see again. “go on.”

“he came to me a month ago, he told me that he had found another synth, like him, who still remembered the institute.” Amari continued even while her voice shook slightly from the emotion. “that was the last time I saw him…. Then… someone brought in that newspaper and I….” she put a hand to her mouth as tears began to leak from the corners of her eyes.

Awkwardly I put a hand on her shoulder and squeezed. She leaned into my touch no matter how little it was, taking long shaky breaths. “take a minute. I know this must be difficult for you.”

Quiet, barely audible sobs escaped her throat as her shoulders began to shake. How long had she been trying to keep this from getting out in the open? I knew she worked pretty closely with Irma but I couldn’t see those two having a heart to heart about something like this. And Amari really didn’t have anyone else. As awkward as it made me feel I put my arms around her shoulders and squeezed her tightly. She put her face into my shoulder and I felt her wet tears soak into my clothes. My problems were beginning to seem insignificant now. 

After a few short minutes of holding her against my chest while she cried silently into my shoulder she sat up. It was like a switch had been turned on somewhere in that massive brain of hers. The tears quickly dried up and she dabbed her eyes with a handkerchief. That only left me with one important question. Who in the wasteland carried a handkerchief?! 

“I’m fine now, thank you Ms. O'Malley.” She said in a remarkably steady voice.

“sure….” Wasn’t entirely sure what had just happened but I guess it was a scientist thing. Mechanically I removed my arms from around her shoulders and cleared my throat. The awkward sensation still hadn’t entirely left my body yet. “so, what else can you tell me about Jules or Jenny?”

“Jenny is a synth that the railroad has never had contact with.” The clinical tone returned to Amari’s voice as if it had never left. You wouldn’t have known she just cried unless you really examined her eyes at that moment. “Jules discovered her just over two months ago, wondering the wasteland. Someone rescued her from a courser agent and the Gunners. They’d been traveling with each other ever since.”

“do you know where they met? Where they might have been hiding out before they came to you?” My voice became professional again, though a slight waver still underpinned it. That would get super annoying if it didn’t go away soon. 

“he spoke about settling in hangman’s alley. Someone has started a settlement there and was looking for new residents. I don’t know if they talked to them or not.” Her voice broke just slightly at that last part and she turned her gaze from me. 

I put a reassuring hand on her shoulder. At least I hoped it came off as reassuring and less awkward than it felt. This part of the job had never been my strong suit. “is there anything else? Any clue to finding her?”

“I haven’t even asked you to find her yet.” Amari looked at me with deep skepticism, as if she expected I’d turn around and walk away at any moment. “do you expect me to pay you?”

A few weeks ago, hell a few days ago, I may have replied with a pointed expression. Of course, I expect to get paid, I’d say, this isn’t charity. I’d made fun of Macready for his charitable side but the truth was I didn’t have much ground to stand on, not anymore. The railroad didn’t pay me for what I did. I certainly had my reasons for sticking with them. That argument felt a little hollow after all the times I’d put my life on the line for a synth. And the way I saw it, I sort of owed Amari for her help. If it weren’t for her I might have gone literally insane trying to figure out the truth on my own. 

“if someone is out there attacking synths then it’s in the best interest of the railroad to track them down and put a stop to it.” I replied in a surprisingly convicted tone. This case struck a nerve with me apparently. Almost personal. 

My tone, more than my words, took Amari aback. Her eyes strayed away from my gaze as she debated with herself. I couldn’t blame her. If you lived in Goodneighbor you knew my reputation. No matter how hard I tried I’d never be able to shake that reputation and Amari hadn’t forgotten it. She expected I’d ask for money. I didn’t blame her. Eventually she returned her gaze to mine, her expression steady. “thank you Vel. If you find Jenny tell her that she and Jules met near the Concord on the way to the minutemen. Jules told me that before he… left. It may help her trust you.”

I heard the hitch in her voice but I chose to ignore it. The minutemen might be worth looking into if Hanged man’s alley turned out to be a dead end. “thanks for you help Dr. Amari. If you think of anything else send a runner to find me. I don’t want to go through the railroad about this.”

“of course.” That clinical tone returned and she nodded to me. “good luck Ms. O'Malley.”

Luck, now that was something I was in short supply of. If I had any of the damn stuff I wouldn’t be in this situation in the first place. I’d never have taken Piper’s job, I’d never have met the railroad or Glory or the synths. The institute never would have wanted to switch me out and I’d never have been left as confused and torn up as I was now. Yeah if I had luck, I wouldn’t be here. 

But since I was here, and I owed Amari, and I guess I worked for the railroad, this case was my new job. Hopefully it wouldn’t turn out to be a cold case. Two weeks was a long time to be on the run from a group. If Jenny was a synth and new to the wasteland she might not have lasted long enough to reach Hanged man’s alley. It was my best and only lead, at least for now. 

After resupplying myself with a couple of Stimpaks at Daisy’s I left Goodneighbor. In the afternoon sun it felt good to be doing something again. Too much time spent idle wasn’t good for me. This was just the sort of thing I needed. The ruins presented little danger to me as I made my way across them. I past close to Diamond City and made a mental note to talk to Piper about her article on the way back. If things didn’t pan out at the settlement. 

Hanged man’s alley was a short walk from the western pike tunnel entrance. Some idiot had decided building a settlement in a dingy back alley was a good idea. As I approached the gates barring entrance into the settlement I felt a cold hand grip my heart. It wasn’t right, something wasn’t right. My pace slowed then came to a complete stop at the far end of the road. From this vantage point I could easily make out the makeshift gates and walls. 

There were no guards at the guard posts. 

That was the first thing I noticed. As I searched more carefully the little details started showing themselves. Shell casings on the ground, a new dent in the front door the distinctive smell of ozone in the air. Even before I’d seen and smelled all of this my hand went to my gun. Judging by that silence the battle had raged a long time ago. That didn’t mean the place wasn’t still occupied. 

As I approached cautiously, bent low to reduce the target size, I picked up a worse smell. It almost made me gag and I threw a hand up to my mouth as if I might vomit. It brought back bad memories. The smell of burning human flesh. God, what had happened here?

I almost didn’t want the answer. Even while I stepped through the doors and discovered the full carnage inside I wanted to shut my eyes and pretend I’d never seen it. Rickety shacks had been erected between the tall buildings. What was left of them anyway. Someone had taken a torch to this place and left nothing behind. Mattresses, chairs and roofs lay in smoldering heaps. Piles of ash signaled where someone once had kept food stores. Crops lay decimated and beneath one totally collapsed shack I could just make out the remains of a teddy bear. 

Throat dry, eyes burning from the smoke that still lingered, I slowly made my way deeper into the settlement. Beneath the burned wood and soot I could still see signs of the fight. Blood stains on the ground, bullet casings, a few ejected fusion cells. In one corner I spotted an abandoned laser rifle. The tiniest surge of relief ran through me. It wasn’t institute, so at least these people hadn’t been attacked by them. I couldn’t make out any other details beneath the layer of ash, even as I knelt to examine it. One detail did strike me. Where were the bodies? 

The answer lay just around the corner.

The smell of burning flesh became nearly unbearable the deeper I went until at last I found the source. In what remained of the settlement’s farm lay three mounds. At this distance and through the heat haze that still rolled off of them it was hard to see what they were. The longer I stared at them, the more I came to recognize arms, legs, heads and hands. Three people had been killed, not mercifully. Their skin was puckered, red raw and bloody. Cracked and spewing boils littered their bodies in all places. Tiny cauterized holes burned clean through. Death by laser weapons, a firing squad. 

“those fucking….” Out of the corner of my eye I caught sight of movement and I automatically whirled my gun on it. 

Across from me on the other side of the corpses stood Nick. He had his revolver out and pointed at me, face half hidden beneath the rim of his fedora. For a split second a flood of relief and pleasure raced through me. Then his dark expression came into focus and forced my heart back into that cold region I now kept it. 

“tell me you didn’t do this.” I intoned carefully, daring to take no chances when there was a gun pointed at my chest. 

Nick’s eyes darted to the bodies and he shook his head. “does it look like I could have done this?”

Carefully I dropped my pistol at exactly the same rate Nick did. He stared into my face. Those yellow eyes might as well have been fire to my skin. Grimacing I averted my gaze and looked down at the bodies. “what are you doing here?”

“the same reason you’re here I’m guessing.” He shoved his gun back into his holster and stepped up to the bodies. Hard to tell what he was thinking behind that mechanical mask of his. Only a machine could project such little emotion so easily. “Jules and Jenny.”

Of course he’d be working the case. A man is beaten to death just outside Diamond City? As Nick would put it, go get the synth. I was so stupid. Amari had essentially led me into a trap and now there was no way to back out of this. My heart grew heavy in the icebox I kept it in and throbbed for release. “Amari sent me.”

“so they really were Synths?” he looked at me, the barest hint of genuine surprise leaking into his features.

I gave him a sidelong look. The railroad wouldn’t like me discussing synths with a civilian. Not that I cared what they thought of me. If there was anyone in the commonwealth I trusted with that kind of information it was Nick. “yes, both of them. They weren’t under the railroad’s care.”

“then why did they send you?” the venom in his voice stung like a Radscorpion’s tail.

“they didn’t, I told you, Amari did.” I felt the irritation rise in my chest at his reproach but I kept it low. No point turning this into another argument. I didn’t think I had it in me. “she was friends with Jules, she asked me to find Jenny.”

He dropped his gaze back to the bodies and gestured at the middle one. “well… you found her.”

I swallowed hard and tried not to look at him or the bodies, which really didn’t leave me a lot of options. Stiffly I walked passed him to the other side of the farm. The dirt here had been trampled by several pairs of feet. Carefully I knelt among them, examining every set I could find. “I count four… no five pairs. Those laser weapons weren’t the institute. Brotherhood?”

“no power armor prints.” Nick stated firmly behind me. He’d probably already come to the same conclusions. “and this kind of violence isn’t their MO. They wouldn’t have killed civilians like this.”

I wasn’t entirely sure about that but the rest of the evidence correlated with that assumption. That didn’t leave many groups in the commonwealth that were actively hostile toward synths. There were always pockets of people that actively sought after synths but none that identified themselves. “if we can’t figure out who they are… we need to identify their next victims….”

“we?”

Slowly I drew my eyes up to Nick from where I still knelt in the dirt. His back remained mostly turned to me. He stared at me over his shoulder, out of the corner of his eye beneath the shadow of his hat. From this vantage point I couldn’t make out his expression. I doubted there would be anything to see. If his monotone was any indication. 

I shouldn’t do this. I shouldn’t be working with him. Just being close to him was dangerous. The institute hadn’t used me once for these last few months, who’s to say that they wouldn’t start now? But I couldn’t leave this alone, not after seeing what these pieces of shit had done. And there was no way I could convince Nick to step down. “yes we… I need to finish this….”

He continued to stare down at me for several seconds while the bodies oozed steam. It felt like the air itself was buzzing while I waited for his response. I’m sure he had plenty to say, more than plenty, and I wanted him to. Anything was better than this awkward silence. Eventually, he returned his gaze to the bodies and nodded. “let’s go back to the agency, we’ve got work to do.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the lateness, and sorry I need to make this brief. I’ve been down with the stomach flu since Thursday and it’s killing me. Hopefully I’ll be more chatty by Wednesday. Write on guys.


	19. We all Make Assumptions

My heart thudded loudly in my ears and my chest ached. Every breath wracked across my throat and into my burning lungs. The landscape flew by in a blur. Even if I had the mind space to think about my surroundings I wouldn’t have been able to see them. Nick ran alongside me, keeping perfect pace while he didn’t breathe at all. My legs burned and my arms pumped furiously. The rifle on my back bounced painfully against my shoulder blades. I’d have a bruise after this but I didn’t care. We were careening along the railroad tracks, dodging Mole Rats and feral ghouls as we went. We didn’t have time for them. Ahead we could see the outline of a train engine left abandoned on a bridge. 

We were close, but could we be too late?

We’d returned to Diamond City after Hanged man’s alley. It was there that Nick told me about the rest of the murders. “Jules and Jenny aren’t the first.” He said in his gruff tone. “there’ve been half a dozen including them. Beatings, executions, that sort of thing.”

“how do you know they’re connected?” I asked reluctantly, afraid to upset the delicate balance we had attempted to set between us. 

“they all involved laser weapons and eye witnesses all report seeing a man with a series of facial scars….” He paused before finishing his statement, the very thought disgusted him. “tally marks.”

“oh fuck.” I growled, biting down hard on the other many things I had to say about such a man. “any idea who he is?”

“he just goes by killer, a little melodramatic if you ask me.” Nick rolled his eyes and a small chuckle escaped me.

A woman appeared from down the corridor carrying a file in her hands. She smiled brightly at me, a little too friendly for my liking. “it’s good to see you two working together again.”

“that the map, Ellie?” before she could answer he took the folder from her and spread the map out on his desk. Not an easy task when it was a worse mess than a kid’s room. “now look. These marks are where every body was found.” 

I stepped up to his side and leaned over the map. Little white x marks scattered across the map and I frowned. “is it just me or are they moving across the commonwealth?”

“that’s what I was thinking.” He nodded grimly, crossing his arms and narrowing his eyes at it. “but I don’t know where they’ll strike next.”

There came a knock on the door and I could barely suppress the flinch toward my pistol. Ellie either didn’t notice or didn’t care as she quickly went to the door and answered. “ah Piper, Valentine’s in-”

“Piper!” at the sound of her name Nick’s face shot up. “do you have the files?”

“yeah.” The reporter slipped passed Ellie into the agency but came up short when she noticed me standing beside Nick. “what’s she doing here?”

“she’s working with me, leave it alone.” Nick snapped, throwing out a hand to her. “the files.”

I tried to ignore the way his words made my stomach tighten. Had he told Piper about our argument? What must she think of me now? Not that I cared what she thought. It hurt a little to realize that Nick would confide in someone else from now on. 

Reluctantly Piper handed Nick a stack of papers then crossed her arms tightly across her chest. “those are all the people I suspect are synths. No idea if they really are or not but there ya go….”

“you keep track of suspected synths?” a little accusation leaked into my voice. Apparently I’d grown protective of their kind since joining the railroad. Go figure. 

She didn’t meet my eyes but answered in a venomous voice. “yeah, I’m a reporter, I like to keep track of these sort of things.”

“all of the victims were suspected synths.” Nick removed a sheet of paper and handed it to me while he spread the rest out over the map. “if Piper suspected them then you can bet your bottom dollar this gang does their research.”

“they weren’t all actual synths.” I murmured, glowering down at the list of names scrawled in Nick’s jagged handwriting. “I know some of their names, we’ve kept tabs on them, but two of these I don’t recognize.”

“you with the railroad then?” the way Piper asked that question made me doubt it even was a question. So she had talked to Nick. No wonder the hostility. I’d be pretty pissed if I was in her place, too. 

I chose to entirely ignore her. “I’m guessing you haven’t had any luck pinning this group down.”

“none in the slightest.” Nick ground his teeth visibly as he sat up. Yellow eyes looked at a point just over my shoulder. Not the same eye contact Nick was usually so good about giving. “up until now I thought Killer had been mostly rumor.”

“if we can’t track down them, then we track down their next target.” I put the papers down and let them spread out with the others. “set a trap maybe, if we have the time.”

“and how do you expect to figure out their next target?” Nick’s brows shot up, challengingly. My guess he had his own idea in mind but he wanted to see what I’d say first.

As usual. Every case had to be a lesson with him, he couldn’t just solve it. That would never change. And I’m glad it wouldn’t. I pointed at the map. “they’re moving across the Commonwealth from the east. I’m guessing they’re going to hit someone between here and Lake Cochituate. Who’s on the list that lives between here and there?” 

Then the door slammed open, nearly knocking Piper over. A wide eyed terrified boy, of maybe about ten or eleven, collapsed over the desk. “mister! Mister you’ve gotta come!”

“what’s wrong boy?” the barest hint of inpatients leaked into Nick’s otherwise kind voice. I was impressed. That’s not how I’d have responded to someone charging into my house. “deep breaths now.”

After taking a few seconds the boy raised his eyes to us and I felt my muscles tense in anticipation of his next words.

That’s how we ended up here. The boy had spotted the gang headed south along the tracks. There was only one person nearby that Piper had down as a suspected synth. Phyllis Daily, a reclusive old bat that lived at Egret Tours Marina. I didn’t recognize the name from the railroad but that didn’t necessarily mean she wasn’t a synth. At that point Nick and I didn’t hesitate. We left Diamond city with barely a second thought and rushed down the tracks toward the marina. 

We came to a bridge with an abandoned train engine on it and quickly crossed. Once on the other side we veered off the path up a small hill. At the top we could see the marina. A cluster of three buildings built on the water’s edge. A boat house, what must have been a diner with half its roof blown out and a small fuel station on the pier. 

Not a single word passed between us before the battle. As we rounded the top of the hill I swung my rifle from my back and skidded to a stop on my knees. While the dust settled I went down on my stomach and scoped the marina. Next to me Nick continued running, his revolver now gripped firmly in his skeleton hand. I watched his progress through my scope for a split second before scanning the marina. 

My crosshairs found the gang almost immediately. Two of the members were gathered in front of the diner, pounding away furiously at the door. The windows were boarded shut. No telling who was inside. With any luck the old bat would know to stay down. A third thug stood on the roof of the boat house, hefting an automatic laser rifle. No telling where the other two were, if there were five to begin with. I might have been wrong about the count, I hoped I was. 

The one on the roof turned abruptly, his attention drawn by Nick’s rapid unhidden approach. Before he had the chance to raise the alarm I silenced him with a single bullet. His body fell quietly enough the other two didn’t notice. While Nick pressed himself against the wall of the boat house I scanned the rest of the area. Still no sign of the others, maybe I had been wrong. The one time I’d be ok with that. 

Nick’s yellow eyes stared at me across the scrub brush. Silent understanding passed between us and I turned my rifle on the furthest thug. At the very same instant I fired Nick leapt from hiding and fired at the other one. Four shots echoed through the dusty air followed by deafening silence. As I pulled the bolt handle on my rifle it caught and I swore. “damn, not the time for a jam.” 

Although things seemed to be fine. Even without the scope to my eye I could see Nick carefully approach the diner, stepping over the sandbag barriers that lay around it. He knocked on the door and I’m sure he said something that I couldn’t hear. 

My eyes were drawn from him down to the pier. The tiniest flash of light caught my attention from within the fuel station. It could have been nothing, a trick of the light or a puddle of rippling water. Then I saw it again, and the dark shape behind it. Furiously I tossed aside my rifle and scrambled to my feet. The sloping hill beneath my feet almost made me over balance as I took it at a full run. My legs would be jelly after this I just knew it. No time to think much about that though. I pulled my pistol out of its holster as I hurtled toward the marina. Nick saw me coming and instantly went down behind one of the sand bag barriers. 

Not sure how helpful that’d be, especially since his side was still exposed to the damn pier. If I had the breath to swear I probably would have. I ran out into the open between the boat house and the diner. Still running I took aim at the man standing up in the fuel station as he pointed his weapon toward Nick. To my utter shame it took four shots to put him down. Two misses, one in the shoulder and the other in the neck. Total accident. 

The excitement didn’t stop there. At the exact same time I got off my last shot something flashed in the corner of my eye. Instinctively I ducked and rolled, skidding to a halt with my gun raised. Behind me stood a menacing man. His bulging muscles stretched the limits of his armor and leather jacket. Scars ran down the side of his face, short in packets of five. His balled head bore burn scars that were fresh. Looks like Killer was here.

He swung his metal wrapped bat at me and caught my pistol. Painfully it left my grip and flew far out of arm’s reach. Desperately I tried to stand and back up but he swung his bat at me again. “you killed my crew! You fucking bitch!” he screamed at me, spit flying from his lips.

“get the hell away from her!” Nick got between us, catching the bat with his forearm before it connected with my shoulder. I heard the crunch of metal and watched as Nick strained to keep the bat in place. 

“what the hell are you?!” the scarred maniac gaped at the synth as if he’d never seen one like him before. Which was probably true, all things considered. “you’re a gen two, what are you doing with a brain?!”

“at least one of us has one.” Nick quipped with a bitter smirk. 

While they remained locked in a stalemate I pulled my knife from its sheath on my shoulder and darted around Nick. With the knife gripped in both my hands I ran in close quarters with the thug. He didn’t see me coming before I stabbed his side. It wasn’t deep, or life threatening, but it provided Nick with the distraction I wanted. 

The thug hollered in pain and threw his fist toward my head. Nick shoved aside the bat and swung his skeleton hand toward his face. Blood spurted and he went stumbling back with the force of Nick’s strength. I got out of the way just in time before he would have kicked me as he stumbled back. I came to stand at Nick’s side and I couldn’t help but glance down at his clasped fist. Blood drenched the metal phalanges and bits of skin clung to the joints. 

“looks like I messed up your count.” Nick murmured in a voice filled with so much venom it actually made me shudder. 

When Killer, or whatever his name was, looked up there were four fresh gashes on his jaw where Nick had hit him. Judging from the blood also leaking between his lips Nick must have pierced his skin all the way to his mouth. “you fucking machine! You freak! You shouldn’t exist!” 

“neither should you.” I growled in a low menacing tone. My anger flooded my veins and my arms began to shake. I still gripped my knife in a white knuckled fist, just waiting to strike again. 

“I’ll fucking kill you both!” he ran at us, his bat raised high.

I dodged while Nick met the attack head on. He caught the bat against his right arm again and threw a left hook toward the thug’s face. It connected but the thug had fighting experience of his own. He rolled with the punch and used the momentum to bring his bat careening toward Nick’s head. Unfortunately for him, he’d forgotten about me. I latched onto his arm as he twisted around, and drove my knife into his upper arm. He screamed in pain as my knife bit deep. With strength I’d only expect from a Supermutant he tossed me aside. 

While he tossed me he lost his grip on his bat and it went hurtling into the door of the diner while I hit a sandbag barrier. To my satisfaction Nick gave him no time to recover from his injury. He threw a kick into the thug’s stomach then danced away, arms raised defensively by his face. 

Killer swung his fist toward Nick which connected but he rolled with it. He slammed his fist hard into the thug’s right side. Before the breath had left him Nick swung his other fist down on his face. Killer stumbled back, but kept his fists up, now aware of just how serious Nick was being. I watched Nick’s stance shift fluidly from feint to feint, his body twisting accordingly. When Killer tossed another punch Nick ducked it then jabbed him hard in the ribcage. Killer barely avoided it with a side step and attempted to put distance between them.

I got up and ran at Killer’s exposed back. With all the strength I had I kicked him hard in the back of the knee. It forced him down and Nick used the opportunity to knee him hard in the face. Blood spurted from his broken nose as he bucked back. The fight remained in him however and he grabbed Nick by the front of his shirt. He brought a tight balled fist directly into Nick’s temple. I watched as he stumbled from the force of it, hands flying up to protect his face. That left his side’s exposed and Killer knew it. 

But he didn’t get the chance to utilize it. While Nick recovered I stepped in and blocked the punch before it landed on him. With the knife now clutched backwards in my hand I threw my fist into Killer’s teeth. I felt bone crunch and one or two of his front teeth loosen beneath my knuckles. He took hold of me by the shoulder and tossed me out of the way. I let him, knowing full well Nick waited for him behind me.

The generation two synth looked absolutely furious. His fedora lay on the ground next to his foot, where it lay forgotten for now. His yellow eyes burned furiously as he threw his metal fist into Killer’s face one more time. His nose shattered and blood came pouring out of his nostrils. It didn’t stop there. Nick grabbed Killer by the front of his leather jacket and hoisted him around before tossing him to the ground. The human smashed his head against the concrete bellow. 

Momentarily dazed he could do nothing but watch as Nick stood over him, blood dripping from his fist. Now faced with someone that was more than his equal, Killer finally looked scared. I watched the fear seep into his features as the blood flowed from his nose and mouth. “give me one good reason.” Nick’s voice had returned to a weak derivative of its normal tone. The same gruffness with a coldest steel beneath it. “give me one good reason why I shouldn’t shoot you like the dog you are.”

“I’m not gonna beg!” killer spat around a mouth that only half worked. The muscles on the left side of his face had been completely shredded by Nick’s punches. “go fuck yourself machine!”

Nick sighed irritably and ran his complete hand over his head. “you worthless scumbag.”

“I’ll do it.” I offered quietly, staring down at the thug contemptuously.

Nick looked at me with what I guessed was disgust. I knew he couldn’t do it though, not when the man was already beaten. It would never sit right with him. Why else would he hesitate like this? Me on the other hand, well, I’d killed my share of thugs over the years. I knew what had to be done. What was one more black mark on my soul? At least this thing deserved it. 

“you’re both fucking idiots!” he lunged at us, springing to his feet and wrapping his hand around my neck before either of us could react. He pinned me to the ground, his hands bruising as they cut off my windpipe. 

I stabbed him instinctively through the heart, burying my knife to the hilt as it slid through his ribcage. Less than a second later a bang echoed through the air, almost deafening me from its closeness. Killer slumped off of me, a hole in his head. I turned to my side while I gasped for air. 

When my lungs stopped aching I looked up to find Nick offering me his left hand, the one clean of blood. “thanks.” I gasped hoarsely, accepting it. “for both things.”

“you going to be alright?” he asked awkwardly. He remained half turned to me, hiding his right hand from view. Was he ashamed?

“yeah I’ll be fine.” My neck would be bruised but other than that I escaped this mostly unscathed. “you?”

“he got me pretty good with that bat but nothing a little work can’t fix.” For the first time since seeing him again his voice sounded light. His usual ironic tone returned. Tried not to think about how much I missed that. “I’m going to sweep the marina make sure that’s the last of them.”

“want back up?”

“no.” he replied a little too quickly. He seemed to realize what he did because he turned away from me. “you go see if Phyllis Daily is alive. Hopefully this won’t be for nothing.”

“yeah.” Silently I watched him proceed across the street to the boat house. As he went he stooped and picked up his hat. Casually he replaced it but I couldn’t help but notice how he didn’t touch it with his bloody right hand. 

When he disappeared into the boat house I turned around to face the diner. “Phyllis?! Phyllis Daily! You still alive?!” I called up over the walls.

“who the hell do you think you are?!”

“ah good.” Relief surged through my chest and my shoulders relaxed. The adrenaline stuck around at least. I’d have collapsed without it. Casually I walked toward the door, removing a bobby pin from my sleeve. “hey what do you say you let us in? We’re friendly I swear.”

“I don’t care who you say you are! Get the hell away from my place!” Phyllis shouted through the door at me. 

Maybe it was the adrenaline, maybe the fight was still in me or maybe I’m just always this insensitive to people’s requests. Instead of taking her advice I knelt down to the lock and picked at it quietly. “come on we saved your ungrateful ass! Don’t be like that!”

“I said go away!” she shouted back at me.

“not going to happen!”

“I’m warning you!”

“I’m warning you!” what was I saying? Delicate negotiations wasn’t something that would end up on my list of talents. 

The lock came free beneath my hands and it swung inward smoothly. The instant it opened the door frame exploded mere inches from my face and I fell back on my ass. Bits of wood and splinters lodged themselves into the side of my face, forcing me to blink furiously through the pain. When the tears cleared I found the old woman, with short red hair and a newsboy cap stalking out of the diner toward me. More importantly though was the shotgun she had pointed at my chest. 

“I warned you!” she bellowed into my face, spit flying. “get out of here! I’m dangerous you don’t know what you’re doing!”

I had my hands raised, lying flat on my back on the concrete. I didn’t have a single weapon to my name, having left my rifle on the hill, my pistol somewhere on the pier and my knife went flying when I fell back. Totally helpless all I could do was talk. “calm down, it’s ok, we just wanted to make sure you’re alright.”

“didn’t you hear those thugs?!” she gestured with her shotgun which only made me nervous. Sweat began dripping down my temple and my heart thudded in my throat. “I’m a synth! From the institute! I could kill you at any minute! Don’t make me do it! Please!”

“hey, hey it’s ok, the institute can’t make you do anything you don’t want to.” I tried in a weak and shaky voice. Truth was I wasn’t even sure about that statement.

And Phyllis knew it. “you don’t got any idea what you’re talking about! Just leave me be!”

“listen.” It felt like my heart would explode out of my chest or stop working altogether. Despite my fear I tore my gaze from the shotgun and looked Phyllis directly in the eye. “I know what you’re going through, I do.”

“how the hell could you know?!” she brandished her shotgun at me making me flinch. “have you killed your grandson?! Have you murdered your friends because the institute told you to?!”

“no but I could!” it came out as a strangled shout. Tears stung my eyes and I couldn’t tell if it was from pain, fear or terror anymore. 

In the very least it made her hesitate, gradually lowering the end of her shotgun from my face. “what?”

“I could be a synth!” I said more firmly, now looking her directly in the eye. “two months ago I went up against a person that looked, sounded and acted just like me! The things she said, the way she moved… she was me! She attacked me, or I attacked her. She was so sure she was the real me!”

Phyllis’ face went white at my story and her shotgun dipped even more. She took a half step back while I recounted the memory. Over my shoulder I heard footsteps approach then come to an abrupt stop. 

It didn’t matter though. Now that these floodgates had been opened I couldn’t do anything else but bare my soul to the world. “they killed her, and I never found out if she was human or synth. I could be a copy, right now, I could be a walking ticking time bomb just waiting to go off. Phyllis I understand the fear you have! I live with that every day! The terror that at any minute the institute could make me do something that I … I could never ….” It became far too difficult to finish that sentence and my throat clogged with emotion. My nightmares, that same nightmare that seemed to occur over and over again came to mind. The last person to die was always different, but it was always someone I cared about. Nightmares like those haunted Phyllis too.

The standoff remained tense, quietly so. For a second I thought my words hit home, that she understood she wasn’t alone. Had to admit I was a little relieved to have finally told someone. More importantly that there was someone out there in the same position as me. Maybe we both could figure out some way to find out the truth about ourselves. 

Then she raised her shotgun and my heart sank. “then why risk living?”

Before she could pull the trigger three tightly grouped bullets tore through her chest. There was no cry of pain, no anguish, not even fear in her face. She almost looked content, pleased that it was over. She fell backward landing with a hard thud on the concrete outside the diner. 

My body shook and my mind reeled. So many emotions writhed inside my chest. I’d thought I’d locked those away for good. It wasn’t supposed to be like this. Mechanically I tore my gaze away from the rapidly cooling corpse and turned up to look at Nick. 

He stood a pace behind me, gun still raised, eyes set hard on Phyllis who lay slain. Gradually he dropped his weapon to his side, and those yellow eyes shifted down to look at me. The anger and disgust I remembered seeing on his face back at the church was no longer there. He didn’t wear a mask to hide his feelings, he didn’t pretend to have forgotten what happened. Instead he looked at me with such sadness I felt my heart twinge at the sight. 

“I never should have assumed you were alright.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't worry everyone I live. Things weren't looking great on Monday but now I'm well on my way to recovery. As soon as my digestion decides to fix itself. 
> 
> It was about here during my writing that I worried things were getting a bit too long. My original plot would have carried this to 40 chapters and maybe longer. So I shortened it. You'll see that a little in the following chapters, more things happen in a single chapter, there's less down time. 
> 
> I wish I hadn't done this but back then I hadn't even considered that Vel would get the support she has. Every comment, every kudos, every bookmark means the world to me. Thank you all so much for everything. Once Synth is finished I may write some of the deleted scenes I had planned for this before I shortened. 
> 
> I love you guys. And remember, Write On!


	20. Long Walks and Long Talks

I walked in silence, my gaze set firmly on the path in front of me. My mouth felt dry from the lack of use, my limbs were awkwardly numb from the exertion of the day, and I could barely feel the pain of the splinters still buried in my face. My arms swung at my sides like pendulums, counting down the seconds before it happened. 

“gray….”

Don’t talk to me, please just don’t.

“gray stop.”

Just forget it, please just forget what you heard.

“stop walking.”

Please.

“stop!” a hand darted out from behind me and grabbed my arm. It brought me to a dead stop, one foot poised mere inches from the ground. It tugged me back, forcing me to turn around. Quickly I dropped my gaze, hoping to hide the pain and loathing I knew was there. “Gray talk to me.”

“there’s nothing to say.” I murmured around a throat thicker than a pool of radioactive goo. 

“I won’t believe that, not a second time.” Nick took me by the shoulders, holding me in place to keep me from running. As if I’d have the energy to do it. “what you said to Phyllis….”

“was just a lie.” No, that was just a lie. Goddamn it Nick just let me go. Don’t make this any more difficult than it already had been. I couldn’t let you tear open that wound again. “she had a gun pointed at me, I had to say something.”

“that wasn’t a lie.” He murmured softly, more kindness in his voice than I ever deserved. “I never should have assumed you were alright. I shouldn’t have left you alone for so long I’m sorry.”

My head snapped up and my mouth fell open. “Nick! I didn’t ask you to stay! I told you to go! I told you to go for a reason!” furiously I pushed aside his hands and took several steps back from him. It hurt to move like that, more than I wanted to admit. “I’m a danger to you Nick! I’m a danger to you, to Hancock, to Amari to the whole fucking commonwealth! Phyllis was right! Maybe it’s better just to put an end to it.”

“don’t you dare say something like that!” He darted forward and grabbed me around the arms, shaking me. That fire in his eyes returned and he bared his teeth. “you mean more to the damn commonwealth than the people of Diamond City and Goodneighbor combined.”

“I’m a synth!” I was shouting now, when had I begun to shout? This wasn’t how I wanted this to go. I wanted to be sure when I finally told Nick the truth. I wanted to be able to tell him that the institute was dead so it didn’t matter. I wanted to tell him that I was sorry not invoke pity in him. 

“no you’re not.”

“you don’t know that!”

“how many times?!” he shook me again, the tiniest hint of rage leaking out of his body. Good maybe I could make him angry. Make him hate me again. God I hoped so. I couldn’t stand the fear of killing him at the institute’s request. “Vel, listen to me, you haven’t hurt anyone without being aware, you’ve never once blacked out and done something you can’t remember.”

“no, but-”

“you’re part of the railroad now.” he continued over the top of me, refusing to let me say my piece no matter how much I wanted to. “if ever there was a time for the institute to use you that time has come and gone. If you haven’t wiped out the railroad by now, what makes you think you’ll kill your friends?”

And I hadn’t thought of that. It suddenly occurred to me that maybe that was the entire reason the institute had wanted to replace me in the first place. Since that courser I faced off against had survived it’s entirely possible he told his superiors and they decided to take action. So all along I’d only been doing what the institute wanted me to. God that just made me feel even more sick. “I can’t take the risk….”

“that’s not your damn right.” Nick’s hands went from my arms to my face. With all the gentleness of a human he cupped my face in his hands and brought my gaze up to his. I’d never seen that expression on him before, hurt, fear, pain? No none of those seemed right. “I’m your friend Vel, you don’t have to fight alone anymore.”

Miserably I felt the sting in my eyes and quickly buried my face into his chest to hide them. He put his arms around me, I felt the fingers of his metal hand comb through my hair and an ache formed in the pit of my stomach. Tears came but I wasn’t sure they were tears of pain or relief. All of this, being out in the open, having finally told someone even if this wasn’t exactly the way I’d wanted to tell him was a relief. But the pain of admitting my fears stung my already battered emotions. “I’m sorry.”

“damn straight.” He grumbled as his arms tightened around me. Damn what I wouldn’t give right then just to melt into nonexistence in his trench coat. “you should have just told me, from the beginning.”

“I know.”

“don’t lie to me anymore, Vel.”

“I won’t.” the barest hint of irritation leaked into my voice.

“swear it.”

“I swear… I won’t lie to you again….” I didn’t want to anyway. Lying to Nick hurt more than I’d ever expected it would. I couldn’t go through that anymore. With a shaky breath I peeled myself back from him and raised red eyes to him. “but… what if the institute makes me…. What if I turn out like Phyllis?”

He cupped my cheek in his left hand and held me steady. I couldn’t look away from him even if I wanted to. “that’s a risk I’m willing to take. I won’t leave you like that again, I promise.” 

“you swear?” a small smile touched my face and my chest felt just a little lighter. 

He returned the smile in equal parts. “I swear.”

Satisfied I took in a long shaky breath and nodded. I didn’t like it, not really. The risk of hurting someone was still very much real. Nick though wouldn’t take no for an answer and I didn’t have the strength to push him away a second time. 

“if it makes you feel any better I don’t think Phyllis was a synth.”

“what?” furiously I wiped away the tears on my cheeks and frowned at him. 

“I had a look at her personal logs before we left. She was suffering from violent nightmares and she accidently killed someone because of them.” As grim as the subject matter was it brought the barest hint of relief to me. “she became convinced she was a synth, probably to elevate her guilt.”

“oh, great.” Well that sort of made me feel like an idiot. Grumbling inaudibly under my breath I glowered back down the tracks to the marina. “good work with that thug by the way. Where’d you learn to fight like that?”

“it’s kick boxing.” Nick shrugged, stuffing his hands into his pockets. “the old Nick learned a thing or two before the war.”

The old Nick… that’s right. A fresh wave of guilt flooded through me as one of my hands drifted to the inside pocket of my coat. And things had only just gotten better between us. I guess it was best to clear the air entirely, if we were to go on from here. “Nick… I need to…. I’ve got something for you.” 

One of his brows shot up quizzically. “what are you on about?” Quickly I removed the Holotapes from my pocket and offered them to him. The gesture obviously took him aback. He eyed the tapes for a second then took them from me. He read the label on one of them and his face went dark. “Winter….”

“I found those tapes at the BADTFL field office. I thought… well they belong to you don’t they?” 

He nodded slowly and downloaded their contents swiftly. When he finished processing the data he looked at me. “did you listen to them?”

“a little.” I admitted, averting my eyes. “you don’t have to explain if you don’t want to.”

For a few seconds it looked like he might not. Keeping this from him was a mistake in the first place but I hadn’t had the courage to speak to him before now. With bated breath I waited for him to speak, expecting he’d just tell me to forget it. I was wrong. “This one’s straight out of the archives.” He put the tapes into his pocket and returned his gaze to me. “Once upon a time in the land of Boston there lived a king of organized crime. Eddie Winter. He was a bad man, who did a lot of bad things. Hurt a lot of innocent people. But he knew the end was coming. So, he sealed himself inside a personal shelter, located underneath the sub shop he used as a headquarters.”

“he put himself in a vault? What was he hoping to accomplish?” my brows shot up. At least Nick wasn’t trying to dodge the subject. Unlike me. 

An ironic smirk crossed his face and he shook his head. “The arrogant bastard wanted to cheat death. Live forever… so he could come out of that shelter someday into this brave new world. So you know what he did? He invested his money in some sick, crazy radiation experiment.”

My stomach felt hollow. “guess it’s too much to hope that he died from it.”

“that would be too easy wouldn’t it? But nope, Eddie Winter went and turned himself into a ghoul. Two hundred years before it was fashionable. Hell he was probably the first one.” 

“fantastic.”

“And I’m convinced that he’s still locked inside that shelter. Safe and sound ready to come out, and begin his evil reign all over again.” Nick finished in a bitter tone. “Back in the day he recorded ten Holotapes incriminating different criminal associates. On each one he hid a single number. If we got those tapes we’d have the code to get inside his vault. I’ve already found five, well six now I suppose.”

“you’ve been looking for them.” I guess I shouldn’t be surprised. Something like this. There was no way Nick would let it lie. 

He nodded and turned his gaze toward the distance. A far away expression came to his features as he stared over the wasteland. Maybe he was thinking back to a time before the war, before the bombs. Or maybe he was thinking about Winter, how he was probably still locked up in his bunker, hidden away. “I intend to find Winter, and kill him.”

The barest hint of vengeance leaked into his voice no matter how much he tried to hide it. This was more than a case from Nick’s old life. This was personal. What had happened? Who had Jenny been? Instead of asking those questions I reached out and touched his arm. It brought his gaze back to me, the flicker of some foreign emotion racing across his face. “let’s find the rest of those tapes.”

He reached up and put a hand over mine. The warmth of his touch sent a shiver down my spine that I’d never felt before. “I’m not asking you to help me, gray.”

“no you’re not.” I echoed, reusing his words from when we’d taken on the mass pike tunnel. 

That smirk returned to Nick’s face and he nodded, hiding his eyes beneath the brim of his hat. “in that case, I have a pretty good idea where three of the last four are but they’re in dangerous areas.”

“sounds like my neighborhood.” I grinned at him. 

He laughed, the first laugh I’d heard from him in months. Silently I thanked god I hadn’t broken him that much. “if you’re really up for it. What about the railroad?”

“they don’t have anything for me to do right now and anything they give me I can finish while working with you.” Good thing they put me on retrieval, or that may not have been true. “I’m your partner Nick.”

“then lets get to work.”

From that point it took us just over two weeks to find three of the four tapes. They were scattered across the commonwealth in police departments and other field offices. Thankfully prewar cops kept pretty damn good records. At each department, we searched intact terminals for information on the last one. The dangers Nick warned me about were a little exaggerated. We stumbled across a few raiders here and there and a pack of Supermutants but nothing that we couldn’t easily handle.

That was at least until the last tape. 

We discovered that it was in what remained of the Natick police department on the shores of lake Cochituate, in the west. We thought it would be easy, joking together as we made our way around the lake. A couple of ghouls tried to stop us but they went down in a blaze of glory. We skirted past a raider camp down main street to the police station. As we approached Nick’s expression fell.

“how the hell are we supposed to find anything in that?”

Half the building had slid down the slope into the lake, cracked down the center like a giant melon. It perched precariously on the precipice, teetering over a radiation bath. Couldn’t help but chuckle. “well… at least it’s just one tape. We can make nine guesses if we have to.”

“assuming the thing doesn’t seal itself permanently if we get it wrong.” Nick grumbled beside me, arms folded in a disgruntled air. 

“hey, at least he wouldn’t be getting out! Problem solved!” I laughed but I knew how important this was to Nick and I had no intention of backing out now. Sighing heavily I shrugged off my jacket and handed it to him. Winter air washed over my bear arms as I shook them. “alright, you stay here I’ll have a look.”

“you’re going to go climbing around in that thing?” his brows shot up at me as he draped my leather coat over an arm. “maybe I should do it… I’m a little less…. Fleshy.”

“oh haha.” I rolled my eyes at him. “I’m less likely to ruin whatever delicate forces are holding that place together. Just sit tight and if I scream, don’t worry I probably just plummeted to my death.”

“you’re trying to short circuit my chips aren’t you?” he gave me a playfully reproachful look.

“gotta keep you on your toes.” Speaking of being kept on your toes. The police station looked about ready to collapse in on itself. Hate to admit it but the tape may not be in there at all. With a deep breath I stepped inside, picking my way around the broken building as best I could. Every footstep sent a shudder through the building and I tried not to think about the creaking as I moved. I searched the lowest floor first but when I didn’t find anything there I went up to the second floor. Here I found a terminal that by some miracle still had power. Carefully I sat at the desk and searched the drawers. “found it!” I shouted out the window over my shoulder. There was the last tape, marked Winter. Abut damn time.

Then a roar split the air that chilled my blood to ice. I ran to the window just in time to see Nick go flying across the street, tumbling through the air. A massive Deathclaw stood in front of the police station, roaring up at the sky. It almost shook the building with its voice. In the distance I could see Nick lying still on the ground. No, this was not happening.

“fuck you!” I screamed out the window and rained bullets down on the Deathclaw. It flinched at my shots and whirled up to face me. His mistake. I took careful aim and shot out one of his eyes, the only fleshy bit that wasn’t covered in scales. It howled in pain and clawed at its own face. I pulled the pin of a grenade with my thumb and tossed it down at it. It exploded, shredding the Deathclaw’s legs painfully. It fled into the building beneath me, scrambling and scraping its way up to the second floor. I spun around with my more powerful sniper rifle waiting for it to appear around the corner. When it did I took point blank aim and emptied my clip into its chest. The force of the impact and the pain it produced caused him to stumble. A dangerous thing on this crumbling building. 

His foot fell through a hole and he became trapped, flailing with his clawed hands toward me. Without a second thought I buried my sniper in his throat and fired my last bullet. Blood and gore burst out the back of its neck and he went still, his thick tongue hanging loosely out of his teeth. “like I said….” I panted, swinging the rifle back to my back. “fuck you.”

It occurred to me only later that I’d just faced off against a Deathclaw and by some miracle survived it. That’s the kind of thing I’d let myself brag about. In that moment I could only think of Nick though. I raced down to the street and ran to his side. He still lay on the blacktop, shaking as he rose. “Nick! Are you alright! Are you hurt?!”

Sitting up he looked down at himself, frowning just slightly. “well, that took me by surprise. Didn’t know those things could sneak that well.”

“how bad is it?” I still wasn’t fully convinced that everything was fine, in spite of his casual attitude. “you just got thrown by a bloody Deathclaw, you can’t just walk away from that.”

“is it dead?” he asked, voice surprisingly firm for someone who had a brush with death. Or death’s claw as the case may be. 

“yes, it’s dead, would I be here if it wasn’t?” I rolled my eyes exaggeratedly. “now what about you? What got broken?”

“well….” He turned fully to me. 

It took me about a minute to realize exactly what I was supposed to be looking at. He looked alright, he’d even managed to keep his hat on somehow. Then I noticed his right arm. Or rather, where his right arm should have been. “holly shit Nick! Does it hurt? Are you going to be ok?”

He stretched his neck to get a better look at the torn shoulder, brows raised. “it doesn’t hurt, honestly I’m a little surprised. This is the first time I’ve ever lost a whole chunk of me. Where’d it go?” casually he got up, turning in a tight circle searching for his arm. It lay a few feet away, sleeve still attached, bits of metal and wire sticking out of the shoulder end. He strode toward it and picked it up casually.

Somehow seeing him holding the thing just made me more concerned. “can we get it reattached? It’s your gun hand we can’t just leave it. Maybe Tinker Tom can do something. He’s put P.A.M back together half a dozen times or so I’m told. Yeah, we should head right back to the drive in- why the hell are you laughing?!”

He was staring down at the appendage, chuckling somewhere deep in his chest. A grin split his face, giving me a bad feeling. “hey gray… Need a hand?”

“goddamn it!” I threw my arms into the air exasperated. “Nick! This is serious!”

“I am being serious.” He raised his hand up next to his head, still grinning. “scout’s honor.”

“stop.”

“what? I thought that one deserved a thumbs up.”

“I swear to god….” 

“come on, give me a high five at least.”

“if you don’t stop….”

“you’ll take a leg?” 

“Nick!” his awful puns were starting to seep in though. No matter how hard I tried to hide it I was beginning to laugh. 

“you like it admit it.” he leaned over toward me, grinning in spite of the scathing look I shot him. “five out of ten at least.”

Furiously I grabbed his arm and smacked him in the undamaged shoulder with it. “stop hitting yourself.”

“oh, it’s on.”

“its Arm-ageddon.” 

“but I’m unarmed.”

I didn’t know there were so many arm and hand related puns but my god, Nick kept them coming. All the way back. I swung between being disgusted to absolutely enthused by them. Sometimes breathless from laughter other times down right enraged. I added a few of my own but unfortunately Nick took most of the good ones fairly early on. We reached the starlight drive in, absolutely bursting with laugher. Together we begged Tinker Tom to reattach his arm, which took me promising him a bottle of Nuka-Cola. While he fixed Nick’s arm I took his trench coat and sewed the sleeve back on. Yes, I know how to sow. If you live in the commonwealth you learn to repair all of your gear, including your clothes. 

Three or four hours later he appeared, twisting his wrist experimentally. He had his shirt off and I averted my eyes rapidly. “Tinker Tom’s the best mechanic I’ve ever seen. I didn’t expect it to be as good as new when he was finished.” 

“that’s Tom for ya. Here.” I tossed his trench coat at him and he caught it smoothly using his right hand. It certainly looked like all was well. “fixed it as best I could. The sleeve might be a bit shorter now, couldn’t help it.”

“you’ve seen the patches I’ve done.” He replied lightly as he tried his trench coat on for size. When he stretched his arms out in front of him I couldn’t help but notice the length difference. That was going to be irritating. “better than I could have done.”

“so….” My voice felt heavy as I spoke, almost reluctant to have this conversation. “we’ve got all the tapes….”

“so we do.” He held out his hand and I gave him the tape we’d collected before the Deathclaw got the drop on us. He downloaded it in less than a minute and sighed. “as much as I’d like to handle this now, something’s come up.”

“are you sure it can’t wait?” after all the work we’d put into finding the damn things I was more than shocked to discover his willingness to delay what was coming any further. “you’re so close.”

“I know, but this is a favor to a friend.” He pocketed the Holotape and nodded at me. “it won’t take me long. Wait for me at Goodneighbor, I’ll come find you before we take down Winter.”

“are you sure?” this time I didn’t mean the delay, I mean if he’d really come back for me.

He knew it. “of course, I can’t do this without you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Of course she was gonna give him the tapes Hallelujah, what kind of person do you take her for?
> 
> So funny story, I was sitting in quantum mechanics when I was writing this chapter (actually that goes for quite a few chapters) when I tore Nick’s arm off. I made the first pun and my friend reading next to me laughed out loud. We spent the rest of the class period coming up with more puns, only a few of which ended up here. Our professor probably thought we were insane, which what else is new?
> 
> You know, I’ve been a doing a lot of doodles lately, and I wondered if any of you would be interested in seeing them. Some of them are what if scenarios others are illustrations from chapters. I’ve never posted my drawings online but I will if some of you want to see them. 
> 
> The next chapter is one of my favorites, so don't miss that. As usual, thanks for reading with me. Love you guys, write on!


	21. Winter Ends Early This Year

Waiting around for Nick to come get me for two days just about sent me over the edge. I lost count how many times I paced the length of my attic room. At some point someone told me to take it outside and when I did someone told me to take it off the street. I became surprisingly acquainted with the dirty alley in the back of the Rexford. At least Hancock was talking to me again. Not that he did much talking anyway.

Wasn’t entirely sure what I had to be so nervous about. This wasn’t my vendetta, this wasn’t my problem. As far as I was concerned it was just another job, an assassination as it were. But that wasn’t right. It wasn’t just another job. It was Nick. No matter how hard I tried to set aside that fact I couldn’t. To my astonishment I realized it wasn’t fear of what would happen to me, but what would happen to Nick that made me nervous. How would he react when he faced Winter? What would he do? Would he actually be able to kill Winter or would this turn out worse? And after, what then? Just close a chapter of the old Nick’s life? 

I was worried about Nick.

It seemed a little unfounded when he arrived in Goodneighbor on the afternoon of the third day. Whatever he had to do before hadn’t taken him long and now he had thoughts only for Winter. Barely a few words were exchanged between us before we set out from the town headed south. The tense silence that followed us contrasted starkly with the laughter of our last journey. I found myself missing it. Missing the carefree smile, the casual jibes, his robust laughter. At those thoughts a heat rose in my cheeks and I shook my head.

Nick explained in a deep, rough voice that Eddie Winter had operated out of a speak easy under a place called Joe’s Spuckies Sandwich shop. The name didn’t sound familiar but when we arrived on scene I knew where we were. The tiny little diner sat on the water front on a corner, facing a billboard for some brand of cigarettes. Hub flowers grew beneath it and for a moment Nick grew distracted by them. 

When I came to stand at his side, he shook himself from whatever thoughts he was having and turned to face the diner. “last I heard a couple of thugs took up residence in the speak easy. We deal with them first, then Winter.” 

“I’ll follow your lead.” If my voice sounded as apprehensive as I felt Nick didn’t notice or didn’t care. 

He led the way into the diner and around the counter to a trapdoor set into the floor. A basement lay beneath, decked out like any other bar in the commonwealth. As we descended the ladder a man spun around carrying a pipe rifle in his hands. He shouted some kind of warning but Nick didn’t let him get anything else out. With the deadly efficiency of a trained killer he dispatched the first raider and made his way down the stairs. 

As I followed we found two other raiders waiting for us, each running for cover. Nick took aim at one and I shot the other. It was over in less than a second. Dust filled the air of the speak easy. There was still a stage and a bar, some bottles lay scattered across the room. Nick barely looked at any of it. Stiffly he walked to the far wall where a massive hole had been blasted out of the brick. The tunnel led us down, past pipes and stairs, to a dead end with a door and a keypad. 

Here we came to a dead stop. From behind I eyed Nick, waiting for him to make the first move. His hands hung loosely at his sides but his shoulders were tense. Eventually he took in a deep shuddering breath. “this is it….” 

“yeah….” I didn’t know what to say. There were so many questions racing through my mind but none of them were appropriate right then. Instead I stood in silence as I waited for Nick to do what he came here to do. 

With his right hand he slowly reached for the keypad. His metal fingers brushed the buttons, as if it might not be real. “That filthy toad’s right on the other side of this door….” His lips barely moved as he said those words, still transfixed by the blank pad.

I reached and put a reassuring hand on his shoulder. He looked at me, fire burning in his eyes, jaw tight with anger and a cocktail of other emotions I could barely comprehend. “I’m here, Nick….” I whispered hoarsely. “you can do this.”

His expression softened ever so slightly. Gently he put his hand over the top of mine, nodding. Then he snapped his head back to the keypad and punched in the code he had spent so long collecting. The lock beeped, the door swung open, Nick shoved his way inside. I was right behind him.

Not sure what I was expecting. An evil lair, a laboratory, an entire vault tech vault hidden beneath a sandwich shop. What greeted us almost seemed sad. A one room apartment, complete with kitchenet, bed, table and couch, stood on the other side. A man rose abruptly from the couch, wearing a white shirt and lacking a nose. He didn’t look like ghouls I was used to, redder, almost raw looking skin. The whites of his eyes were completely red but the irises retained a tint of blue. He even had hair, as white and wiry as it was.

He spun around to face us, fists clenched at either side as if he expected there to be a fight. “Who the fuck are you?! Just how the fuck did you get- no, no way not after all this time. Don’t tell me you actually cracked my code?”

“Not so clever now are you?” Nick growled in a low tone, a mockery of his usually light-hearted jabbing. We moved into the room and I separated from Nick just slightly as he faced off against Winter. Now that we were in the room I could see just how much hatred Nick bore this man. Just what exactly had he done to draw the ire of an otherwise forgiving man? 

“look, I’m not sure what you thought you’d find, gold jewels the secretes of the universe. But you get me, one guy.” He gestured around the tiny apartment in a grand show, as if he fully intended to reveal those secretes of the universe to us. I half expected balloons to come floating out of the ceiling. “Just living surviving and what I got you can’t have.”

“I only want one thing from you Winter.” Nick’s voice was so quiet I barely heard him say it. And Eddie Winter certainly didn’t.

He plowed on, arrogantly spilling the truth about his plans. “that code, it was a joke, I just wanted to prove how dumb those feds were. Turns out pretty dumb. So take your assess someplace else!”

Nick carefully removed his revolver and turned his head up fully to face Winter. “I’m not going anywhere until I get what I came for.”

“Yeah and what’s that? And who are you huh? You look kinda familiar….” Winter peered more carefully at Nick now, as if finally seeing him for the first time. If I expected this prewar man to be frightened of a synth, I was disappointed. “But what are you some kind of robot? Is that what it’s like out there now? A world of robotic overlords? I knew it.”

“you’re an idiot.” I growled in a low tone, the grip on my pistol tightening. 

“The name’s Valentine. Nick Valentine.” In a loud commanding voice Nick introduced himself to the ghoul. The bitterness in his tone was laced with something else, something deeper than just anger. “Remember me?”

“Valentine? The cop?” confusion then doubt spread over Winter’s face and a smirk stretched his leathery features. “Is that who you’re supposed to be? Sorry pal, but you ain’t Nick Valentine. You’re just some kind of… machine.”

“he’s not just a machine.” I found myself replying, my teeth bared. “you have no idea what you’re fucking talking about.” Winter was lucky I didn’t just shoot him and have done with it. 

Suddenly Nick strode forward, grabbing Winter by the neck and slamming him into the far wall. Their faces were mere inches apart now. That bastard continued to smirk, satisfied by Nick’s outburst. My rage boiled in response to Nick’s but what he said next made my heart go cold. 

“You killed my fiancé, Jennifer Lands.” The words were barely loud enough to make out but they felt like knives to my heart. The bitter taste of guilt flooded my mouth. Why should I feel guilty about that? “There are some crimes even you can’t get away with, Winter!”

“Your fiancé? You mean Valentine’s fiancé?” in spite of the obvious danger Winter continued to run his mouth. His crooked yellow teeth flashed beneath his leathery lips as the hand around his neck shook ever so slightly. “pretty girl. A shame what happened to her.”

An almost inhuman growl escaped Nick’s throat. Furiously he pressed the barrel of his gun against Winter’s temple, finger strained against the trigger. It was taking all his willpower not to be finished with it right then. “don’t talk about her like that….”

“you got no one but yourself, or you know, the real Valentine, to blame.” Winter continued, invigorated by the scene. He no longer seemed like the tired old man we’d stumbled upon. I could finally see the cruelty that had made him so infamous two hundred years ago. “He shoulda backed off when he had the chance. And maybe you should too, looks like you’ve got your own girl to worry about.”

Nick glanced at me quickly over his shoulder, those fiery eyes filled to bursting with so much pain and rage I wondered if anything could put it out. Before he said anything, I responded to Winter’s jabs instead. “I’m not his Jennifer.” 

Winter scoffed, obviously unconvinced by my response and returned his gaze to the synth at his throat. “But what gives robot man? Why do you even care? Some girl gets whacked 200 years ago and you come into my home, acting the hard guy? Christ, look at you. You’re not even alive.”

Take that back you piece of shit! I wanted to shout. My heart thudded loudly in my ears, my wrist burned in anticipation. A headache pounded behind my right eye, egging me on. This piece of shit needed to die. No two ways about it. Not just for Jennifer Lands, or the original Nick Valentine but for my- this Nick too. 

Nick shoved his barrel harder against Winter’s head, forcing him to tilt to the side just slightly. “Then I guess I’m in good company.”

Winter smirked, a spark coming to those red eyes that made me feel sick. “guess you’re right. If you like that bitch.” 

He swung a revolver up toward me, where had he even been hiding that in the first place?! I tried to dodge but my reflexes were hampered by all the emotion raging in my chest. The bullet left its barrel and struck my neck. It only grazed me but white hot pain shot through my whole side and warm blood spurted freely over my shoulder. Desperately I threw a hand to the spurting wound and fell to the ground. 

Out of the corner of my eye I watched Nick blow Eddie Winter’s brains out. The part of me that wasn’t panicking cheered in triumph as that ghoul hit the ground with a gaping hole in his head. The rest of me tried everything she could to stop the blood pouring out of my body. Nick ran to my side and knelt, ripping off his tie and bunching it up against my neck. “damn it, gray, I should have come alone. I’m sorry I got you mixed up in all this. I should have known better.”

“it’ll be… fine.” I groaned out though I could already feel my limbs getting weaker. 

Nick leaned over me, carefully examining the wound on my neck. His expression left no doubt in my mind. The artery had been hit, I would bleed out in mere minutes. There was nothing he could do. 

Lying on the floor of some gangster’s apartment I reached out and grabbed Nick’s arm. “N-Nick I need to-”

“don’t you dare start with that.” He growled, casting around for anything that might stop this. 

But when you’re dying, when your life is pouring out through your neck and there’s nothing you can do the world seems so much clearer. Through the haze of death slowly leaning over me I stared at Nick’s face, my chest swelled painfully. Blood covered his cheek where he’d shot Winter. That didn’t look right. Not on him. “Nick… I’m sorry that I-”

“stop talking.” Those eyes of his wouldn’t look at me. He didn’t want to watch me die not that I could blame him. Then he froze, one of his hands pressed against his side. Whirling thoughts ran through his mind faster than any had ever passed mine. Without warning he swung a leg over my body and straddled me. One of his knees kept my right arm pinned to my side while I held his tie to my neck with the other.

“what are you-” didn’t have enough strength to finish that question. The hell was he planning? What was he going to do to my dead body when this was done? From a pocket he produced a lighter and proceeded to hold the flame against the metal tip of his right thumb. Instantly I knew what he was planning. Fear spread through me like a wild fire and I began to struggle. “Nick! No wait don’t!”

“hold still gray.” He growled as he pressed his weight further down on top of me. 

“no! Don’t do it!” tears leaked out of my eyes. I didn’t want to die but this? This was my alternative?! 

Grimly Nick continued to heat his metal finger until it glowed red hot in the dim light. He tossed aside the lighter and pressed my face flat against the floor with his other hand, exposing my neck. “I’m going to count to three.”

“no! Nick wait! Please!”

“one.”

“stop!” I tried to grab his right hand as it came closer to my exposed neck. The weakness in my fingers could do nothing to stop him as he leaned in. 

“two.”

“please Nick! Don’t! please!”

“three.” He pressed his burning finger against the wound. Searing pain, the likes of which I’d never felt before coursed through my body in a cascade. I arched my back against Nick’s body, trying to buck him off. I clawed at his arm, desperate to get the thing off my wound. Tears streamed down my face, wetting the fingers of the hand he used to hold me down. Screams wracked my body and tore up my throat. I’d be hoarse for days, if I survived this. The pain was so bad I blacked out at some point, unable to stand it any longer. 

Blissful darkness enveloped me. For how long I couldn’t be sure. I slept peacefully, too exhausted to dream. When I finally did wake it was to the quiet slosh of water nearby and the gentle brush of wind. Groaning I forced open my eyes. The broken and cracked ceiling of a diner waited for me. I lay in a booth beneath a window. Gingerly I lifted a hand to touch my neck. I felt a rough tie wrapped around it, pressed firmly into the wound. My fingers were cold and that little bit of movement left me exhausted. 

A breeze drifted over me from the window and it was then I noticed the trench coat draped over my body. The familiar texture, more than the actual coat, sent a wave of warmth through my body. With no small degree of effort I sat up, shaking from the effort. I was alone in the sandwich shop, my rifle on the table beside me, golden rays of twilight leaking through the windows. How much had I slept? 

When I tried to stand my legs were too weak, I collapsed back into the booth. Using my rifle as a crutch I staggered to the exit into the orange rays. Outside I found Nick, kneeling in the middle of the street, staring at the flowers that grew out of cracks in the concrete. My heart throbbed upon seeing him. I came up short, knees shaking from the effort of standing. Why should I hesitate? We weren’t fighting any more. 

“N-Nick.” My voice came out so quiet I was sure he wouldn’t hear me.

He did though. Bolting up he spun around, those yellow eyes momentarily going wide at the sight of me. “gray, you shouldn’t be up.” 

My knees gave out under me just as he reached his arms out. Too weak to do anything else I collapsed into his chest, together we sunk to the ground. “s-sorry.”

A quiet chuckle escaped his chest as he shook his head at me. “don’t be an idiot.”

Weakly I grasped his shirt, my eyes drifting toward the spot he had been kneeling. My throat felt raw making the words difficult to say. Or maybe I didn’t want to ask. “what… happened… to Jenny?”

I felt him stiffen against my body, servos beneath his skin whirring with the stress. His hands tightened ever so slightly on my arms. “In this spot, two hundred years ago…. One of Eddie’s boys put a bullet in Jenny Land’s back.”

“I’m sorry.” That guilt again, it flooded my mouth and throat. Why was I apologizing like I’d been the one to kill her?

“now Eddie’s as dead as Jenny … and Nick.” Pain wracked through the synthesized voice, causing small bursts of tiny static. His voice box was incapable of simulating the grief he felt. “And I…I’m at a loss.”

The crack in his voice at the end tugged painfully at my normally cold heart. I reached down and wrapped my cold fingers around his whole hand. There were so many things to say, about what had happened just now. I’m sure we’d discuss it in detail later but for the time being I only had one question. “are you going to be alright?”

“I don’t know. It’s a lot to take in.” he admitted, the tone of his voice lighter by only a fraction. “Winter was it. The only reminder left of the original Nick Valentine. The last bit of his business settled, I’m not sure how to feel.”

“Nick, don’t you see it?” I lifted my eyes to meet his. Those hard yellow eyes momentarily took the words out of my throat but I swallowed, bringing them back. “you’re free. There is no other Nick anymore. There’s just you….” It’s always just been you.

“I wish it was that easy.” He turned his face from me, to stare back at the hub flowers growing where Jenny Lands had died two hundred years before. Anger and bitterness leaked into his voice now, layers of emotion I hadn’t realized he was capable of. “But it’s not. Because I _was_ Nick Valentine.”

What did he expect me to say? What could I say? My life wasn’t simple but it was a goddamn walk in the park compared to this. All I wanted to tell him was that he was always the only Nick.

“I had his memories. His fears. All that poor bastard’s hope.” He continued to stare toward the flowers but his gaze shook. Those yellow eyes which had always been so steady now looked on the verge of tears. “I remember getting the call to head to some lab in Cambridge to get that neurotrans-whatever. And the next thing I know I’m in a trash heap, my family, my home, my entire life, gone!”

Oh god. My throat swelled impossibly, preventing me from uttering a single word. Instead I gripped his hand as tight as I could, reached up to his face with my other. Even at my touch he didn’t look at me. His mind seemed elsewhere, or else-when. He wasn’t sitting with me on that street in the dwindling light anymore.

He remained in a world of hurt, and pain. “Then I discover all those things, they weren’t even mine. Everything I ever was belonged to Nick.”

“not everything.” I murmured too quietly for him to hear me even if he could in this memory induced stupor. 

“I’d hoped with Winter gone, the last hint of that old world snuffed out, I could finally be free….” The anger seeped out of his voice as he slowly brought his gaze back down to me. My breath caught at the intensity I saw in that expression. Impossible to describe. “but being out here with you, what I finally realized after all this time was that taking down Winter it wasn’t about Nick or Jenny or even you or me.”

I mustered a small smile even if it hurt to do it. My neck burned beneath the makeshift bandage. His eyes filled my vision. Yellow circles on a black backdrop. 

When next he spoke his words came stronger, louder, the confidence returning to them. “It was about justice, about doing what’s right. And that act of goodness, that’s ours. All the good we’ve done. That’s ours and ours alone!” 

“that’s right.” that forced smile remained on my face, small and insignificant. It took all the strength I had.

“And even if that’s the only thing in this world I can ever claim is mine, not Nick’s, not the institutes, but mine then I can die happy.” Once again his voice broke just slightly at that last part. 

It’s not the only thing that belongs to you. Just thinking those words for a split second brought the guilt back into my throat. I turned my gaze away from him and to the street around us. Those flowers swayed ever gently in the evening breeze. Did they remember what happened here? Had they born witness to two hundred years of death and destruction? How in the hell a single flower bloomed in this waste at all was beyond me. 

In a sudden burst of energy I forced myself to my feet. Nick reached out, protests frozen on his agape mouth but I shot him a look. I hobbled toward the flowers, still leaning heavily on my rifle for support. There were boards on the ground beside the flowers. Now I’m not religious, by any stretch of the imagination so I don’t know what possessed me. I took two of the boards, lashed them across one another in a cross shape, and leaned it against the lamp post beside the flowers. 

When I turned back around Nick was gaping at me, too stunned to say anything. In the dwindling light we just stared at each other. Gradually those yellow eyes of his became bright in the darkness, then soft. More tender than he’d ever looked at me.

Eventually my strength gave out and my knees buckled beneath me. Nick caught me in his strong arms, holding me upright, our faces mere inches apart. “Winter almost took you too….” He murmured softly into my face. 

Weakly I grinned. Exhaustion slowly set into my bones. If I didn’t just pass out again it’d be a miracle. “it’ll take more than a two hundred year old ghoul to kill me.”

“that it will.” Pride leaked into his features. He looked down at the pseudo headstone, expression inscrutable. “you’d have liked her… and she’d have liked you…. Nick wouldn’t have stood a chance.”

“you wouldn’t stand a chance either.” I croaked out in a voice I was losing control of rapidly. 

Nick noticed. He picked me up in his arms, carrying me back toward the diner while I dragged the rifle along with us. “you know… I’ll never be able to thank you for what you’ve done. Without you Winter would still be at large….”

“don’t be stupid….” I murmured as my head lolled into his shoulder. Darkness was starting to eat away at my vision and it had nothing to do with the coming night. “we’re friends aren’t we? That’s what friends do.”

He chuckled. “since when did you become so noble?”

Since you broke me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did I earn that? Please tell me I earned that. I hope I did it right. If there’s one scene a romance fic with Nick has to cover it’s this. I spent so much time trying to get it right, there was no way I was going to screw this up. I really hope I didn’t screw it up at any rate. Seriously this is one of three chapters that I worry about showing you guys. 
> 
> Well you guys told me you wanted it so here it is. I’m a physics major not an art major so I hope that you can at least get a laugh out of it. Shallw is ten times better than I am at art. But here it is: [ScorpioDarkMoonArt](https://www.instagram.com/scorpiodarkmoonart/)
> 
> Write on everybody!


	22. I Don’t Recommend Falling….

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Slight spoiler warning for chapter 19 of Shallw's work, if you haven't already go read [Sanctuary](http://archiveofourown.org/works/7238410/chapters/16433362).

The railroad wouldn’t take me back until I’d recovered and I didn’t blame them. A little bed rest would do me some good after everything that happened with Winter. The gushing neck wound was only part of that. Nick returned me to Goodneighbor and set off back to Diamond City. No matter how much I tried to convince myself otherwise, I hated to see him go. An ache formed in my stomach that no amount of food or drink could satisfy. Excluding the drugs Amari stuck me with nothing could get rid of it. Or the guilt that it produced in my mouth.

It took a few weeks for my blood pressure to go back to normal. Whatever normal meant in the wasteland. When I finally did recover I got word from the railroad about what had happened during my recuperation. The teleporter had worked, Charmer got inside the institute. The pleasure I would have felt over the development was dampened by the agent’s disappearance. Charmer, of all people, went missing, without so much as a word to the rest of the railroad. Desdemona wanted to send agents looking for her but she didn’t dare spend man power on it, not when we needed to fortify against the institute. If I had been well I might have gone out looking for the bitch myself. But Deacon and Macready brought her back about a month later. Didn’t hear much about her after that. Someone told me she went back into the institute and I didn’t envy her for it. 

Some time after that Glory came looking for me at Goodneighbor, a fact I couldn’t resist joking about. “just admit it, you missed me.”

“Deacon sent me.” She protested irritably, rolling her eyes. “I couldn’t care less if you ever came back.”

“now you know that isn’t true.” I rubbed my neck pointedly. The bullet graze hadn’t healed well, not since Nick had to cauterize the damn thing. It now looked like an angry puckered, red, welt. “what would you do if I got dead?”

“if you did something stupid or someone killed you?” she raised a brow at me, staring at me through a curtain of white hair. “cause either way, I’ll kick your corpse.”

“then avenge me right?” my brows shot up while my grin widened.

“don’t push your luck.”

We stood on the street of Goodneighbor outside the Rexford. As we made our way out of town a ghoul came rushing up to us in a panic. “Vel! O'Malley!”

“Kent?” the socially awkward reclusive ghoul didn’t usually leave his room in the memory den except to get food. Or if the place was on fire. Actually that might not be true, I’d never tried lighting the place on fire. Amari would kill me. He came to an abrupt stop in front of us, panting heavily. “dude, you ran like five feet.” 

He waved it aside and grabbed me by the front of my jacket. This close I could almost count off the scars on his face. Didn’t like being this close to anyone. Man was damn near lucky I didn’t stab him. “I just got a message for you…. On the radio….”

“been talking to your buddies in the glowing sea again?” my brows shot up quizzically. “are they asking you to send them money again?”

“no!” he looked panicked, more accurately flustered. “it came through on a brotherhood of steel frequency.”

Glory and I exchanged looks. Hers was accusing, her hand gliding smoothly toward her gun. I just gave her an exasperated look. “really?”

“can’t be too safe.”

“do I need to start watching my back?”

“you tell me.” 

Kent shook my coat to force my eyes back down to him. “it said, ‘O'Malley, prototype emergency’ followed by a set of coordinates.”

A brotherhood frequency, prototype? Something cold and heavy hit the pit of my stomach. That scribe from ArcJet. Scribe Ellison, or whatever her name was. What was she doing contacting me? The answer was obvious wasn’t it? Only one reason she would, including the word prototype…. Nick was in trouble. “what were those coordinates?!” 

Kent quickly spouted them off, and I mentally marked the place on a map. It wasn’t far, maybe an hour or two trek from the city. Cold sweat began to drip down the back of my neck. What happened? How had the brotherhood of steel found Nick? What were they planning to do?! He was a synth sure but he’d been thrown out by the institute. They weren’t going to get anything about the institute out of him. And he didn’t associate himself with the railroad, in spite of his presence at the starlight drive in. 

Glory grabbed me by the arm and forced me around to look at her, effectively cutting off my thoughts. Anger and accusation burned in her deep brown eyes, her grip almost painful. “got something you want to tell me Whisper?” 

I didn’t have the presence of mind to really think about my response. Instead I fixed her with a deadly serious expression, fists clenched at my sides. “Nick Valentine is in trouble and I don’t have time to explain.”

“Mr. Valentine?!” Kent squeaked, eyes going wide. “that’s what this is about?!”

I ignored him, boring into Glory’s eyes. “if you want to stop me, you’re going to have to kill me.”

She let out an airy growl and dropped my arm. Scowling, she averted her gaze from mine and glowered at the park bench beside us. “we’ll talk about the BOS frequency later, for now a synth needs our help.”

“our?” my brows shot up quizzically. “I don’t need your help.”

“yeah you do.” 

“Kent.” I swiveled on the ghoul, waiting until he made eye contact with me before continuing. “tell Hancock where I’m going, tell him we may need back up and to send someone after us. Come on Glory.” 

There was barely any time for discussion. No time to talk through a plan or explain what was going on. All I knew was that Nick needed help and I’d be damned if I let him down. My heart thudded painfully in my throat as we ran through the ruins of the city. There were a few raiders in our way, their mistake. Glory and I made short work of anything that got in our way as we ran across the city. Soon we left Goodneighbor far behind, passing alongside an inlet. A thick white, morning, fog rolled off the water, making visibility difficult. It permeated throughout the neighborhood, clogging the streets and alleys. 

We were close to where Nick had finished Winter, the place where Jenny Lands had been killed. The thought tightened the knot in my stomach. The fog meant my sniper rifle would be entirely useless but I didn’t care. I had no intention of taking this cautiously. Who knew how long the brotherhood had Nick for. Who knew what they were doing to him. A cold hand gripped my heart at that thought and my feet almost stumbled on the ground.

The coordinates led us to University Point. Back in the day it had once been a thriving settlement, on track to rival even Diamond City. The diamond had walls though, this place had crumbling buildings and sat precariously on the water’s edge. Up until now I thought it had been taken by institute synths, at least that was the rumor. Now apparently it played host to the brotherhood of steel. 

If any doubt lay in my mind as to the reliability of the message it all washed away as we came up on the walls. A Vertibird stood on the roof of one of the buildings within university point. The brotherhood of steel insignia emblazoned on its side. A mixture of terror and rage shot through my system, bringing with it adrenaline. My hand rested firmly on my pistol as we ran to the gate. 

I fully expected there to be a damn army behind those walls. If they had a Vertibird we were already going up against long odds. As we reached the first door however we discovered there was probably only a single patrol occupying the settlement. I stayed hidden just long enough to make a quick head count. None of the soldiers wore power armor, meaning none of them were in charge. They patrolled around a building on the south side of the settlement. That’s where he’d be, if Nick really had been taken.

Crouched beside the door I looked back at Glory. She carried her shotgun this time, a little disappointing that she didn’t have her minigun. We could work with that though. Her eyes met mine and I saw the determination in them. Damn, since when had she become an actual friend? “you don’t have to go in with me….” I said quietly.

She scowled. “I’m here aren’t I? Deacon’ll kill me if I just leave you behind. So you’re stuck with me.”

“wouldn’t have it any other way.” I surged to my feet and ran out into the settlement, firing at the furthest soldier. Thankfully it took them a split second longer than usual to spot us. The fog served as reasonable cover though it certainly made it difficult to fire accurately. Well for me at least. Glory just had to get within range then pull the trigger. The first two soldiers that ran at us went down in a spray of blood. 

We didn’t have time to wipe the camp, or at least I was too impatient to do it. Furiously I barreled toward the building with the most soldiers swarming on it. Glory followed close behind in, well, in a blaze of glory. Wasn’t sure how she kept firing her shotgun without breaking her arm. We crashed through the door together and found ourselves standing in a storefront on the other side. It might have been a bank at one point, judging by the fixtures, but I didn’t care.

I only had eyes for the armored jackass standing on the other side of the gate. He swung his minigun around to face us. Without a word I grabbed Glory by the armor and tossed her to the ground. We hit the floor together just as the minigun fired up and tore through the barrier separating us. Beneath the thunder of bullets I swore, teeth bared.

Beside me Glory crawled forward toward the barrier on her belly. Before I could ask what the hell she was thinking she put the barrel of her shotgun on the wood paneling and pulled the trigger. The pellets totally shredded the panel, tearing through the leg armor of the power suit. He swore loudly, staggering back. Blood oozed out of the holes in his armor as he staggered a step back. For a precious moment he lost control of his minigun. I took the chance to race out, run around to his back, then stab my knife into chink of his armor. Blood spurted all over my hand as he went down. 

He could be dead, he might not be, didn’t matter. Glory could finish him off. Only one thing remained on my mind. On my right a set of stairs led down into the basement. Throwing caution to the wind I raced down them two at a time, pistol gripped in one hand, knife in the other. As I came around the corner at the bottom I skidded to a stop, my heart leaping up into my throat. 

Through a security gate, inside a vault sat Nick. He was handcuffed to a rickety chair, bent forward, wires sticking out the back of his head. That fedora of his was gone and his trench coat hung loosely on his shoulders. The wires were connected to a terminal beside him. He was totally still, hunched forward. My heart fell to pieces, fear overtook the rage for a few seconds. Not Nick, I wouldn’t let them do this to Nick. He’d already been through too damn much. I wouldn’t lose anyone else.

Standing in the vault was a scribe and another soldier. This soldier wore what could have been a jumpsuit designed for power armor. Blood stained his right shoulder in a blossoming pattern. He didn’t notice me at first, on account of his yelling at the scribe. “dig faster!”

“if we do this too quickly we could risk damaging what we do find.” The scribe replied as he typed furiously on the terminal. 

“you hear the gunfire?! We don’t have time to play it safe! I don’t care if you have to crack its skull open like an egg, get me what I want!”

“get away from that terminal!” I screamed into the room, rushing forward with my gun raised. My eyes were trained on the scribe but the soldier was the bigger threat. 

As I entered he swung a laser rifle up toward me, preparing to take the shot that could end all of this. Glory leapt into the vault a split second later and threw the butt of her shotgun into the soldier’s face. Blood spurted from his broken nose and he went down. “you wanna point that pea shooter somewhere else?” she growled at him, kicking aside his weapon. 

This was why I brought back up. Fury burning in my chest I grabbed the scribe by the front of his uniform and thrust him up against the wall of safes. My gun shook as I placed it to his chin. “you’re going to shut down whatever you’re doing to Nick and unplug him from that thing, do I make myself clear?”

The scribe wasn’t a field agent, that much was clear. His eyes darted between my gun hand to my eyes, fearful. Any other brotherhood of steel member would have spouted off hollow threats, refusing to help. Maybe this one had a few more braincells than your average. “th-this is a machine. Why do you care?”

The answer to that question caught in my throat for a split second. “he’s my- friend. Now put him back together or I’m going to shoot off your kneecaps.” With a forceful thrust I tossed him toward the terminal. “now!”

Feverishly he typed away on the keyboard, shutting down the programs he’d been running. The machine eventually shut down and Nick took in a shuddering breath. 

I forgot about the scribe for a second, rushing to his side while he slowly sat up. “Nick… you with us?”

He blinked blearily, those yellow eyes gradually coming into focus. Confused he looked around before finally looking up to meet my gaze. “Gray… what are you doing here?”

The way he said my name tightened the knot rapidly forming in my stomach. “no time, lets get you out of here.”

“it is you!” the soldier Glory had her shotgun trained on spat. I ignored him, setting to work on the cuffs binding Nick to the chair. “you’re that railroad bitch from ArcJet!”

Nick transferred a dark glare at the knight, jaw set. “Stern wasn’t it?”

The suit from ArcJet. My spine stiffened and my hands momentarily fumbled with Nick’s cuffs. My focus slipped, remembering what the suit had done to us, Bunker, Nick’s arm. “you fucking bastard….” The locks came loose and I stood rapidly. My gun hand shook as I raised it at Stern. Inside my chest I felt my heart banging, like it might explode. “you did this! you’re behind this!”

In spite of the two guns now pointed at him Stern smirked up at me. My blood boiled with rage, my wrist ached so badly it felt like it might fall clean off. “you ruined everything! Because of you I got demoted! You and that damn machine!”

“don’t call him a machine!” I shouted furiously, my finger squeezing the trigger.

Lucky for him my gun didn’t have a hair trigger. “Gray, stop.” Nick’s voice froze me like an icy blast. I looked at him over my shoulder, wide eyed. He leaned over his knees, giving Stern a contemptuous look. “disgrace is worse than death for his type.”

“you synthetic bast-”

Glory didn’t let him finish. With a swift strike of her shotgun she knocked him clean out. As she straightened I stared at her in shock. She shrugged. “your man’s right about one thing, death’s too good for him.”

“we need to go.” Nick finally rose, adjusting his trench coat. With a firm tug he unplugged the wires from the back of his head and tossed them aside. Without them I felt relieved. “they were talking about backup, we don’t have time.”

“here.” Glory tossed her shotgun at him.

He caught it single handedly. “what about you?”

A sadistic grin spread over her face as she pointed over her head. “there’s a minigun with my name on it.” 

“then I’ll take it.” carrying the gun firmly in both hands Nick cocked it, smirking.

Glory and Nick ran for the stairs but I hesitated a beat. My eyes strayed to the scribe, who still stood in fear beside the terminal. That ache in my wrist hadn’t left. It wanted blood. I wanted revenge. they were brotherhood of steel, they deserved this, they deserved a whole hell of a lot more. I raised my gun at the scribe. He coward, eyes wide mouth agape to protest but the words didn’t leave his throat. 

Nick wouldn’t.

I fired a round into the terminal and it exploded in a shower of glass and sparks. The scribe dived aside, crumbling to the ground beside his unconscious superior. Probably should have said something, I’m sure I had a few one liners about murdering machines and the brotherhood. Didn’t have the mind to think about it right then though. 

I rejoined Nick and Glory on the top floor beside the entrance. Glory had already retrieved her new minigun and examined it with a broad smile. Nick gave me a look. I tried not to think about it. “plan?”

“they’re probably waiting for us.” Glory said in a bored tone. So very Glory like. 

“you just rushed in?” Nick questioned cocking a brow at me.

“excuse me if I was impatient to stop your interrogation.” I growled irritably. “Glory, hate to ask….”

“I’ll go first, clear the path, you cover my retreat.” With a small groan she hefted the minigun up, pointing at the door. “don’t make me regret this.”

I had a lot to say but the words died in my throat when she literally ran screaming out the door. For a second me and Nick just watched her go, mouths agape. “and I thought you were fearless.” Nick murmured next to me.

“that’s Glory for you….” Bit of an understatement. 

Without further delay we ran out the door behind Glory. Her minigun burned with fire, bullets followed a wide arc in front of the building. Effectively plowing down anyone stupid enough to be standing in her way. At this rate Glory would be done before we even got out of the camp. Nick grabbed my hand and tugged me to the left. A door in the wall opened up into the wasteland, white fog broiling beckoningly. If we got outside we’d be home free. 

Just as we reached the doors Nick and I turned around, wheeling our guns to face the soldiers. Glory’s gun overheated. The bullets stopped flying. Furiously she tossed it aside and ran toward us. For a few precious seconds the soldiers continue to hide in fear of her death rain. When they did pop back up Nick and I pelted their positions. Glory rushed passed us out the door, followed closely by Nick then me.

Together we ran into the fog, twisting northward as soon as we cleared the walls. The fog wrapped around us, making it impossible to see what was coming ahead or what was chasing. Soon bullets came careening out of the mist from behind. One screamed over the top of my head and I watched another tear through Nick’s abdomen. His synthetic body didn’t feel it though and he kept running. 

Maybe there had been a better way of handling this. We should have killed the guards outside before going in. what had I been thinking? I knew what I was thinking. I was thinking about Nick, and only Nick. Damn it what the hell was wrong with me?!

A grenade soared through the mist and landed in our path. Glory grabbed us both by the backs of the necks and tossed us out of the way. It exploded in a fiery rain of shrapnel. I lost sight of everyone, my ears ringing painfully in my head. Hands reached out from the mist to grab me. Instinctively I threw a punch at the face they were attached to and Glory swore at me. “Goddamn it whisper!”

“sorry.” I replied a little louder than was probably necessary. 

Nick appeared beside us, a few fresh holes in his trench coat. “we can’t outrun them, and we can’t fight.”

I cast around, searching for some way out of this. The fog hung thick around us. Above I could see the shadow of the freeway, some buildings in the distance, a row of generators directly to our right. 

Glory peeled away from us and staggered toward the generators. It was then that I noticed the wires strung down over the side of the freeway. “get on!”

We followed her toward the generators. Between them rested a rickety wire elevator. Glory forced us to climb aboard. Couldn’t help but notice how shaky Nick was, gripping the sides in tight fists. I looked back at Glory, who still stood on the ground, looking up at us. “wait! You’re coming with us.”

“no, I’m not.” She shook her head firmly. 

“don’t be an idiot.”

“I’m not.” Angrily she grabbed her shotgun back from Nick and cocked it once as if she might shoot us. Probably would if I didn’t listen to her. “you need a distraction to get up top. They won’t just stand around waiting for you. I’ll buy you just enough time to get on the freeway.”

“Glory I won’t let you risk your life like this for us!” I reached out to grab her shoulder but she shoved me away with the butt of her shotgun. 

“I’m not doing this for you. I’m part of the railroad! We save synths what did you expect?” 

“damn it Glory.”

“stop wasting time.” She punched the button on the lift and the gate swung up between us. As it began to rise she stepped back to watch us for a few seconds. “don’t make this for nothing whisper you got that?!”

“you’re a damn idiot!” I shouted back down at her, jaw set. 

Gradually the fog engulfed us, hiding the land below so that it felt like we were floating in space. It became eerily quiet. Only the whir of engines somewhere over our heads punctuated the silence. I took a step back from the edge and turned to Nick. He held the railing firmly in one hand, staring down at his feet as if fearful the floor might give out from beneath him.

“Nick… Nick are you alright?” stupid question, of course he wasn’t alright! The brotherhood had been rooting around inside his head. No one could endure that and be the same. It didn’t show, but then Nick was always good at hiding the truth. 

Slowly, deliberately he brought his gaze up to meet mine. “Vel… I need to tell you something.”

At that moment the platform came to a stop and the gate fell down. We quickly left the lift and raced down along the freeway. If I remembered correctly the freeway remained mostly intact between here and Goodneighbor. We could be home in less than an hour. If our luck held. Which it never did.

Hand in hand we raced down the highway. The heavy fog remained below us, completely obscuring our view of what Glory was doing. I hoped to god she’d already fled, having bought us just enough time. If Glory got herself killed because of this, I’d never forgive myself. I didn’t want her blood on my hands. 

“Vel.” Nick spoke shakily, couldn’t decide if it was from the running or from something else.

“we can talk… when we’re safe.” I panted, trying to ignore the knot still tied around my stomach or the way my skin heated at his touch. 

“I’ll talk you just listen.” He intoned forcefully. His hand tightened around mine to ensure I wouldn’t stop running. “when they were digging I felt… something.”

“something?” only word I could get out. Nick was lucky he didn’t have any lungs to compensate for. Couldn’t spare the breath on words when my legs needed more oxygen than my brain. 

“something, I don’t know what.” He nodded, risking a quick glance over his shoulder at me. “it fought back though….”

Before I could ask what he meant, before he could continue, before I regained enough breath to say a damn thing a surge of air rushed up over the freeway. A Vertibird, black and menacing swooped up out of the fog to fly high over our heads. It swung around, exposing its side to us. On board a man wearing power armor stood, swinging the mounted machine gun toward us. No way, what the hell do you do up against a goddamn Vertibird?! 

Nick’s answer, speed up.

His longer legs carried him faster over the cracked concrete, practically dragging me along with him. The Vertibird swung around as the suited brotherhood member let fire rain down on us. The freeway became dust and shrapnel at Nick’s feet. We came up short. He threw his arms around me, effectively protecting me from the worst of the debris. Blinded I didn’t realize the gun had stopped firing until something hit the freeway beside us. 

A title wave tore Nick and I apart. I tumbled head over heels through dusty air. My shoulder banged hard against the ground before suddenly there was no ground. Desperately I clawed at whatever I could find. My fingers found a crack in the concrete. With a jerk my tumble came to an abrupt stop, shoulder burning in pain. Didn’t stop there though. The chunk of road I clung to slipped free. I started falling again.

A metal hand shot out of the dust and wrapped tightly around my wrist. Dangling in midair over nothing but white fog I looked up. “Nick!”

“I’ve got you.” He held onto me with his right hand, his other pressed against the road to hold me in place. 

“drop me! Don’t be an idiot!”

“I’m not dropping you!”

“you have to!” desperately I reached up as if I could pry his mechanical grip from my wrist. No telling what lay at the bottom of the fog. From this height I could only hope the landing wouldn’t be immediate death. But if Nick held onto me he was leaving himself wide open.

“I’m not going to let you go!” he shouted down at me, eyes furious and teeth bared.

His hand cut into the skin around my wrist, blood oozed down my arm but it wasn’t the pain that I felt. Something in my chest felt heavy, making it difficult to breathe. I could only see his yellow eyes, familiar eyes, but it was like seeing them for the first time. For a split second the entire world fell out from under me. Not literally mind, that already happened.

Then a shadow fell over us. Nick tilted to the side in order to see what stood there. Unable to see his eyes I shook myself, following his gaze. Stern stood over us, triumphant rage burned into his features. He pointed a laser pistol directly at Nick’s face. There wasn’t enough time to say anything. So many words but not enough time to voice them. All I could do was dangle there helplessly as Stern fired his pistol. The radiation bullet tore through Nick’s temple and out his eye socket. Burned metal and melted plastic littered my upturned face. 

Before I even had the moment to process what was happening, to come to grips with the hole in my chest the size of a fist, Stern put a foot on Nick’s side. The synth had gone completely still, stiff on the concrete roadway. Stern smirked down at us and shoved Nick over the edge. White engulfed us both.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> These two events were supposed to be split up into two chapters, separated by some filler involving Vel helping Nick with a case. But because I was worried about being too long about it you get this mess. I’m sorry.
> 
> This is one of the chapters I was worried about so thank you guys for stomaching it and getting to this point. I’m really appreciative of the support, beyond appreciative. You guys are amazing! Write on!


	23. I've Never Been More Desperate

“gotta find a place. Gotta get out of the open…. Nick please don’t be….” My body ached, my limbs felt like weights and the hole in my chest burned like fire. The fog seeped through my wet clothes, causing me to shiver almost uncontrollably. My grips on Nick’s wrist and side were almost totally numb. If it weren’t for the weight of him I wouldn’t even be sure that I had him. But I did. Against all the damn odds I did. When we hit the water his grip on my wrist had nearly drowned me. For a few seconds it looked like he might. But once I slipped my hand free and broke the surface I looked up to the highway. That fall should have killed me. Dumb luck that it hadn’t. Even at that distance I could hear the Vertibird’s engines. I dived back beneath the surface and grabbed Nick from the bottom of the river. Didn’t know how I had the strength to drag him out of the water but I did. I god damn did.

All that luck would mean nothing if I didn’t find us a place to hide. Somewhere over our heads in the fog I could hear the Vertibird circling, searching. At any moment it could emerge from the mist, boring down on us and that would be it. I might be able to escape but I wasn’t going to leave Nick behind, not ever. There had to be a place we could hide, just out of sight. 

Dragging Nick through the streets I searched desperately for a door, a window, anything. There was a boat house back on the shore but I couldn’t take the risk with it. Those damn brotherhood of steel soldiers, Stern, could easily find us there. Not on my watch. If he did find us I’d go down fighting. 

A mole rat scurried across my path, small and frail looking. It snarled at me fearfully and quickly retreated through a basement level window. I knelt down to peer inside. A half flooded basement lay on the other side. It could prove dangerous if mole rats made their nest down there but I didn’t have a lot of options left. If ever there was a time when someone could call me desperate now was it.

And I was desperate.

I slipped Nick’s limp body through the window. Couldn’t bear to look at his face. That gaping burned hole where his eye had once been. The bullet must have caused more damage than just that. Nick was totally unconscious and had been since we fell into the river. I didn’t know how synths worked. It was entirely possible that some vital part of his functions was right behind his eye. More likely, the laser had damaged some part of his memory storage. Maybe this shut down was just a precaution. God I hoped so.

After carefully lowering Nick down into the basement I knelt at the window. With a piece of chalk I scrawled the railroad symbol for ally next to the window. If our luck continued to hold we wouldn’t have to wait long. Glory was out there and maybe even Hancock. Unless the brotherhood had gotten to them.

Crippling fear took hold of my limbs and I put a hand to my mouth. Tears poured from my eyes in waves while my chest constricted. What if I’d lost them all? What if this one damn stunt took everyone from me? Glory, Hancock all my friends from Goodneighbor. I didn’t have many. That only made the thought of losing each of them that much harder to bear. Then Nick. What about Nick? He was a machine, there had to be a way to fix him, but what if there wasn’t? Could I really loose everyone right now? 

Was I alone?

Again?

While the tears continued to pour out of my eyes I swallowed hard. Tossing the chalk aside I slipped into the basement and landed beside Nick. As I turned I couldn’t stop my eyes from straying over his face. A long streak of skin had been burned away, starting at his left temple ending at his eye. Nothing remained of that yellow iris, bits of metal stuck out of the hole making it impossible to even close his eyelids. The other one was totally black. 

A snarl in the corner brought me whirling around, gun up in the blink of an eye. The mole rat from before cowered in a far corner. Judging by his unfed frame I could guess he had been separated from his pack. At least that meant there shouldn’t be any more of them down here. Still I couldn’t take the risk. With two bullets I put the rat out of its misery. Satisfied I dropped to Nick’s side. 

In his chest I could hear the a Geiger counter tick nervously. It had been doing that since we hit the river. The radiation had likely already set in. I’d be coughing up blood in no time. Already I could feel the painful itch in my lungs and stomach. I couldn’t afford to let it overtake me yet though. We were hidden from plain sight but anyone hell bent on finding us could easily do it. The important part was hiding Nick. 

As my strength gradually drifted out of my control I grabbed Nick by the shoulders and dragged him into a corner. In the corner a doorway opened up into a collapsed stairwell. Here the mole rat had been making a nest, using bits of cloth and net it had collected. Couldn’t help thinking to myself how much Nick was going to hate it if he found out I did this. I put him down next to the nest then proceeded to dismantle it and spread it over his body. When I was done he was mostly hidden from sight. 

I couldn’t do anymore though. In the next second I began to cough uncontrollably. A mixture of blood and bile rose out of my throat. I only just managed to reach a corner before it came pouring out. For god knows how long I heaved at the wall until my stomach completely emptied itself. Several seconds longer passed as I coughed blood in a thin spray. 

By the time it was over I didn’t have the strength to move. I collapsed next to my pile of sick, facing the room in front of me. Weakly I removed my pistol and laid it in my lap. That wouldn’t do me any good, I could barely see straight anymore. My eyes drifted toward where Nick lay mostly hidden. God that hole in my chest throbbed so painfully. There had to be something we could do for him, something at all.

All thoughts slipped from my grasp and I drifted into an uneasy sleep. 

Voices woke me and the feel of hands on my shoulders. Before I was even fully awake I grabbed whoever it was by the throat and thrust my gun into their face. “it’s me whisper! Stand down.”

“Gl-Glory….” My throat could barely manage that word. 

“good work hiding Valentine.” A second voice drew my attention to where I’d hidden Nick. Hancock was there, leaning over the detective with a drawn expression. “this doesn’t look good….”

“Glory… can Tom fix him?” blood dripped from the corner of my mouth, leaking from my lungs probably. 

“forget him, what about you?” she produced a Stimpak from a pocket. Without a single syllable of warning she stabbed me in the stomach with it. A wash of numb relief surged through my body. It wouldn’t do anything for the radiation poisoning except delay it. “what happened?”

With the strength that Stimpak gave me I forced myself to stand, using the wall for balance. “look at him Glory! Can Tom fix him?”

She scowled at my insistence but looked all the same. She leaned over Nick’s uncovered face, obscuring him from view. Hancock still kneeling beside them glanced my way, those black eyes of his inscrutable. Glory spent a little too long looking at Nick. “I … don’t think he will be able to fix this….”

I was terrified of that. 

But there was another way. There had to be. The gears in my head turned furiously, trying to figure out what to do. I wouldn’t give up on Nick, I refused to. The institute came to mind first. They would certainly be able to repair him but at what cost? They’d take him back, run experiments on him and eventually destroy him. No they weren’t an option and I was furious at myself for even considering it. If Tom couldn’t fix him then that left only the brotherhood of steel. 

The brotherhood of steel…. Scribe Ellison!

“listen, both of you.” Somehow my voice became steady, no matter how little energy I had left in my body. “this is important. Take Nick back to Goodneighbor. Have Kent reply to that broadcast with his own. Tell him… oh fuck I don’t know, tell him to reply with ‘prototype repair’ and the coordinates to Goodneighbor.”

“what are you talking about?” Hancock raised a brow at me, skeptical.

Glory on the other hand looked furious. “the brotherhood?! You want to involve the brotherhood?!”

“I have to.”

“what the hell is wrong with you?!” she grabbed my roughly by the front of my still wet coat. With a painful thrust she shoved me into the wall, effectively pinning me there. “they’ll just kill him! What makes you think they’ll fix this?”

I grabbed her hands tightly in my fists and stared her directly in the eye. No time to explain, not that Glory was one for long winded explanations anyway. Instead I let the pain in my chest leak out through my eyes. “please Glory… just trust me….” 

The fury in her gaze lingered for several seconds. Her fists tightened on my clothes. I half expected her to toss me to the ground and start beating some sense into me. Hell I wouldn’t blame her. What I was proposing and what I was going to do next were insane to say the least. How could I trust a brotherhood of steel scribe with Nick? Eventually though her grip loosened and she dropped me. “fine… but you’ll have to explain what the hell is going on at some point. If not to me then to Deacon.”

The railroad, once they found out about this, would probably kick me out. Fine by me. I was only with them to figure out the truth. The truth paled in comparison to loosing Nick. Satisfied I looked to Hancock. He waited with folded arms for me to continue, almost like I was his boss. “take him to Amari, he’ll be safe at the memory den. Tell the guards to keep an eye out for Scribe Ellison, she’s brotherhood of steel and a bit odd so don’t shoot.”

“she going to fix Valentine?” he asked in a thin voice.

“I hope so.” I nodded uncertainly.

He let out a long breath. “then she’s good in my book. Where are you going?”

“she’s going to need new parts, undamaged.” I murmured, staggering numbly toward the window. Not sure how I was gonna get back to the north church like this but I didn’t have time to stick Radaway in me. “only one place we can get that.”

“you taking a shopping trip to the institute?” Hancock questioned in a light tone. 

“I’m not… but someone else is.” 

Hancock and Glory could take care of transporting Nick. I had no doubts about that. If Ellison was listening for a reply or if she would even show up was still up for debate. This might be for nothing but I had to keep operating under the assumption she would. So I made my way quickly across the ruined city toward the old north church. The guards in the main chamber were startled by my sudden appearance but they didn’t stop me. Not that they could if they tried.

In the catacombs of the church I found our headquarters surprisingly empty. Desdemona wasn’t even anywhere to be seen which was frankly a relief. She couldn’t interfere with this and I knew she would. Standing where she normally stood was Deacon. He had his sunglasses on still, wearing a white shirt but no wig this time. As I approached he glanced up smirking. “you and Glory finally back? We were beginning to wonder if you’d ever come back at this rate.”

“cut the shit Deacon.” I growled menacingly, eyes narrowed at him. “I’d bet my pistol you knew exactly where we were.”

He slowly sat up, crossing his arms loosely over his chest. “lets say that I did. Want to explain the details?”

In that moment I remembered that Deacon was technically my superior. I should probably show him some modicum of respect. Or at least in hindsight I should have. In that moment I didn’t have the patience to stand on ceremony. Even if I knew what that meant. “we have an agent in the institute, Charmer right?”

My forwardness clearly took him aback. His brows shot up from behind his sunglasses as he took a step back. “that’s right…. don’t go spouting that off just anywhere though.” 

“I need to see her.” Definitely not the best way to phrase that. What the hell did I care? All I could think about was Nick with his face blown out. 

Deacon’s face instantly became serious. Ordinarily that would have sent a shiver of fear down my spine. “that’s a serious thing to request, I hope you have a reason to match.”

I ground my teeth together, more than frustrated at having to explain to this bastard. But then Nick’s voice pierced my mind, reminding me that people responded better if you explained yourself. Taking in a deep breath I attempted to steady myself. “our ally Nick Valentine was injured fighting brotherhood of steel. He’s in need of repair.”

“where is he?” at least Deacon was taking me seriously. I doubted I could hold myself in check if he started making jokes about missing parts. 

“I’ve sent him to Goodneighbor with Glory. Tinker Tom won’t be able to fix him but I know someone else who can, given the proper parts.” I know I was leaving a lot out. It’s hard to think in a coherent pattern when the most important person in your life may literally be dead. 

Couldn’t read his expression behind those damn sunglasses, thankfully his body language said it all. He didn’t trust it, he didn’t trust me, and he wanted proof. “Nick Valentine is an ally but I’m not sure we can risk Charmer’s cover for him….”

“he’s done plenty for the railroad, and he’s a synth!” my voice rose, drawing the attention of the agents around us. “isn’t it our damn job to protect them?!”

Deacon appeared totally unmoved by my outburst, unimpressed even. He dropped his arms and shrugged. “we’ve all had to make sacrifices. This is a war Whisper, it’s about time you-”

I punched him, with all the strength I still had in my right arm. The force of it sent him to the ground in a heap, clutching at his jaw. Fists clenched, legs spread apart I stood over him. A single tear leaked out the corner of my eye. “don’t you dare say that….” My voice barely sounded like my own as I spoke around gritted teeth. “you don’t get to decide who lives and who dies. Nick is a better man than you or anyone else in this goddamn wasteland. If you won’t talk to charmer then I’ll flag down the nearest courser and let them rain hell down on this place do you hear me?!”

Maybe I was being childish, maybe I was being selfish. The commonwealth needed the railroad but I didn’t care. Nick was the only thing that mattered and I’d be damned if I let this cheeky spy get in my way. He leaned up from the floor, hand placed against his rapidly bruising jaw. His glasses were nowhere to be seen. For the first time I could see his eyes, read his expression. He was sympathetic. “believe it or not I know where you’re coming from.” He said as he got slowly to his feet. “we don’t know when Charmer will be back, or how long it would take her to return with the parts.”

I nodded, words lost to my rage.

“it could be weeks, it could be months.” He continued.

Again I nodded.

He let out a long sigh, rubbing his jaw. “fine, you’re a good agent and we owe Valentine. Desdemona would never let this slide.”

My fist tightened, ready to strike again at his next words.

They weren’t what I expected. “but we can keep a little secret from our fearless leader can’t we?”

“wait… you mean….” 

That usually irritating smirk crossed his face, eyes sparkling almost mischievously. “no guarantees, depends on the parts your man’s going to need. I’ll follow you back to Goodneighbor. We’ll see exactly what we’re dealing with.”

A rush of elation almost made me throw my arms around his neck. If I had been anyone else I probably even would have. Instead I cleared my throat and unclasped my fists. “thank you…. Sorry for uh….”

He waved my apology away. “don’t thank me yet. Let’s get moving, burning daylight, aren’t we?”

It felt good to have Deacon backing me up. Sure I didn’t trust him. As far as saving a synth was concerned I was pretty sure he wouldn’t let me down. At any rate we’d have to wait and see how he reacted to a brotherhood of steel member. I figured I couldn’t get him to just trust me on this. And if we didn’t have any way to contact Charmer from within the institute then I’d just have to wait. Fuck.

By the time we reached Goodneighbor the sun had gone back down. It occurred to me that I’d been moving since early that morning. Didn’t look like I was about to get a break tonight. Just would have a long day with a period of darkness halfway through. Hancock and Glory had already long arrived at the Memory Den. 

With Deacon at my side I walked into the Memory Den and came face to face with Kent. He wrung his hands nervously, glancing between me and sunglasses. “I … I got a reply…. Your uh friend will be here by midnight.”

“thanks Kent.” I squeezed his shoulder in thanks, at least I thought it was. Hard to tell how much strength I had left when my insides literally burned. Through the main room we walked then down to the basement. Irma was silent as we passed, subdued almost. Apparently she was as worried over Nick as the rest of us. Well, almost.

We went down stairs to find Amari leaning over a table with her back to us. From around her I could just make out Nick’s form lying on the table. Hancock was nowhere to be seen but Glory stood in a corner with her arms crossed. I ignored her and went to Nick’s side. Amari gave a small start when I appeared beside her. “Ms. O'Malley! You look terrible.”

“good to see you too.” I mumbled in a halfhearted attempt at humor. That hole in my chest throbbed with every step I took forward until I stood at Nick’s side. His eyes were still open, completely black. His clothes were torn and damp from our fall. Gingerly I reached out and clasped his motionless right hand in mine. I never thought this would hurt so much.

“please… Vel you don’t look well at all. Let me look at you.” Amari tried, reaching out for me.

I swiped away her gesture. “don’t worry about me….”

“don’t be stubborn.” 

“you won’t get her to do anything like that.” Glory strode across the room and before I knew it she had me by the coat and threw me toward the corner. 

“what the hell?!” recovering I swung around and glowered at her, jaw set tight. “get your hands off me!”

She stood in front of me, fists clenched and face dark. “I get it, he’s lying on his death bed and you don’t know what the hell you’re supposed to do. Well, guess what, there’s not a damn thing you can do!”

Her harsh words brought a fresh wave of pain, followed closely by a fit of coughing. It took hold of me so violently I doubled over, a hand to my mouth. At some point Amari reached my side, gently holding me steady while I coughed up a lung. When finally the coughing stopped I pulled my hand away to discover blood splattered on it. 

“sit down, let me begin your treatment.” Amari commanded in her own way. I was tempted to brush her off again, hard to do when you could barely keep standing. In no time my knees gave out and I sank into a chair. Amari took her opportunity, gently sliding off my wet coat to expose my arm. 

Deacon walked casually to where Nick lay, grimacing. Couldn’t tell if he meant it or if he was putting on airs. “better not tell charmer about this…. she’s got enough on her plate.”

“are we still good?” I coughed out, leaning in a corner while Amari stuck an IV in my arm. 

He didn’t answer, simply looked at me over the top of his sunglasses.

Over the next few hours I slipped in and out of consciousness. My body wanted the rest but pain racked my chest in more ways than one. It didn’t feel like the Radaway was doing anything. At least my lungs weren’t getting any worse. Deacon at some point told Glory to return to HQ and inform Desdemona that he was on a personal mission. She gave me a look before she left, one I couldn’t quite decipher. 

Not long after that Hancock came down stairs followed closely by Scribe Ellison. I got shakily to my feet to greet her but she completely blew past me to Nick’s side. Tried to ignore that twinge of anger that tightened in my stomach. 

“oh no, oh no, what have they done to you?” she cried, shaking her head vigorously as she leaned over him. With a hand she tilted his face to the side to get a better look at the damages. A small growl issued out of my ragged throat. “laser charge…. It damaged his frontal cortex, or the synth equivalent. I’ve theorized the institute built synthetic brains to model humans as much as possible in order to provide an easier stepping stone. You see in humans the frontal cortex, or the frontal lobe, helps control primary voluntary motor functions. Walking, moving that sort of thing. Without it a human could hypothetically continue to breathe though I’ve never seen that experiment before. He’s likely unable to move, he may be able to hear us but-”

“back on track scribe.” I growled, staggering up to her side. Amari followed me, holding the IV bag of Radaway, rolling her eyes. “can you fix him?”

She turned to me, brows raised in genuine surprise. “fix him? Why, O'Malley I wouldn’t know where to begin! To say nothing of understanding how his systems function I don’t have the necessary tools. There is a good reason the institute is the only one that creates synths in the first place. They have technology and recourses we on the wasteland can only dream about. I’m sorry but without the right parts I won’t be able to do anything.”

My fists tightened at my side. “what if you could get your hands on the parts? On the tools? Could you do it then….”

Now I had her attention. She blinked at me then glanced down at Nick. Curiously she leaned over to examine his face in greater detail. I tried not to follow her gaze, instead focusing on her blond hair. As she peered at the damages small murmurs issued out from under her breath of which I understood none. 

Deacon walked across the room and around the table, arms folded. He didn’t look happy, I’d get an ear full about the scribe when this was over, if I was lucky. Behind his sunglasses he watched the scribe patiently, mouth turned down. At least he wasn’t actively trying to sabotage this. “so, what will you need?”

Ellison shot up, momentarily shocked as if she’d forgotten where she was. Which might actually be true, knowing her. With a firm shake of her head she grounded herself. “well, if you can get the parts I need, I think I can do something. Due to the damage to his memory chips from the laser blast there will be gaps in his memory. I can’t do anything for that.”

“I can restore his memory.” Amari added in, looking to me grimly. “I have a scan from when he was here with Ms. Kenner.”

“good.” I nodded, gesturing at Deacon. “go ahead and give him a list of all the parts and pieces you’ll need. Don’t take chances, ask for anything that you’ll need. I’ll make sure you’re rewar-”

Ellison waved her hand at me, effectively cutting me off. “nonsense, the privilege of working on such a wonderful prototype is more than reward enough. Just please take better care with him in the future.”

I resisted the urge to remind her it was her damn brotherhood of steel that did this to Nick. Stern to be specific. Silently I swore if I ever came face to face with that piece of shit I’d make him wish he’d never been born. He didn’t deserve anything less. The entire damn brotherhood did. Well I guess they weren’t all bad, I decided as I glanced at Ellison. 

“very well then, lets get started.” Ellison turned her gaze at Deacon then back down to Nick. “I hope you have something to write with, this is going to be a complicated list.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We’re back to strong chapters people! I’m actually relatively proud of the last third here. All kinds of exciting things happen that I can’t wait to share. 
> 
> Now I’d like to extend an invitation if you don’t mind. Noticed there’s no option for private messaging on Archive. So here’s my email, darkmoonscorpio@gmail.com. Feel free to message me through that if you don’t want to comment below but still got stuff to say. This is an open invitation, past and future readers alike. The email will be going on my bio too. Thanks guys and don’t forget to write on!


	24. No One’s Going to be the Same After This

It took weeks. God damn weeks for Deacon to finally bring the parts back to us out of the institute. Half of me wanted to kill Charmer for taking so long the other half was completely indebted to her. Even if I wanted to thank her I couldn’t, she was never at the headquarters when I was there. Everyone had gone back to their own lives, Deacon even ordered me back on duty which I reluctantly agreed to. Ellison gave me a beacon that I could use to call her when the parts were delivered while she returned to the Prydwen. Amari finished my treatment but went back to work at the memory den. Even Hancock went back to his usual mayoral duties.

The fuck was wrong with them?! Nick needed us, he needed help! How could they just go back to their lives and pretend he wasn’t lying dead in a basement?! They hadn’t watched Nick’s face get blown out. They hadn’t dragged his limp body out of the water. They hadn’t almost killed themselves with radiation to get him to safety. They didn’t feel that fist sized hole in their chest or the empty feeling in their stomachs. 

I couldn’t just sit by and let things happen.

But I had to. Glory was right, there wasn’t a damn thing I could do so until I got the call from Deacon about the parts I let things lie. Those weeks were the worst ones of my life. I’m not sure how much sleep I got or how much I ate. My chest just wouldn’t stop aching. When Deacon finally did contact me it was like a weight had been lifted from my shoulders. After he gave me the parts, assuring me that Desdemona still wasn’t aware of our little operation, I took them back to the memory den. The beacon worked fast. Within a couple of hours Ellison was on sight, eager to begin repairs on the prototype. 

I wanted to stay, to make sure Ellison and Amari didn’t half ass this job. Not that they would. Nick might literally be as good as new when Ellison was done with him. Still, the idea of leaving him alone at their mercy upset me more than I cared to admit. That hole in my chest just wouldn’t heal. I had half a mind to sit in the basement of the memory den for as long as it damn well took for them to finish.

But I had obligations that I couldn’t just ignore.

Glory showed up on the second day of Ellison’s work, almost pale. That terrified but determined look brought me to my feet before she even spoke. “it’s bunker hill, the institute found out about the synths we’re hiding there.”

“what?!” my mouth fell open and my hands flexed beside me. “how the hell did they find out?!”

“we don’t know.” Glory shook her head. “but Desdemona is ordering all hands on deck.”

I grimaced, glancing at the table where Ellison worked feverishly to put Nick back together. His head was tilted toward me, black eye staring at me soullessly. “h-how long?”

At first I thought Ellison didn’t hear me. She continued to solder away inside his head, tiny sparks flying up in little arcs. Hated to think about her literally digging around in his head. “it shouldn’t take much longer.” She replied, glancing up at me. “the hard part is going to be attaching the new eye. There are a lot more sensor wires attached to it than I expected and if I’m not careful his brain won’t be able to process what he sees. Although maybe he will. The human brain is complex, it actually has to flip what our eyes see around in order to make sense of -“

“how long?”

She scowled a little. “not long.”

“you don’t have a choice whisper.” Glory shoved my shoulder forcing me to look around at her. “Desdemona is calling all hands on deck. You’ve already disappeared too many times she thinks you’re up to something.” 

I opened my mouth to reply I didn’t care what Desdemona thought of me. The words didn’t quite make it out of my throat. The selfish part of me reminded me why I joined the railroad in the first place. Then the other half of me, a half that had been growing louder over the last few months, reminded me to do the right thing. Swearing under my breath I dropped my gaze. “fine, let’s move.”

Glory seemed satisfied with that and led me up back through the memory den. 

We made our way quickly across the ruined city toward bunker hill. I knew that we kept synths at bunker hill with old man Stockton until we could do a memory transfer. It was one of our best kept secrets and one of the most important safe house installations we had. If the institute found out about it I wondered what else they could discover. Would they find out about the old north church? 

When we arrived on site I thought for a moment Glory was pulling my chain. Everything seemed in order, there weren’t any battling synths in the streets or dead bodies littering the ground. As we walked up the street along the east side of the settlement I grabbed Glory around the arm. “the hell is this? What kind of joke are you trying to pull?”

She scowled at me over her shoulder and wrenched her arm free. “it hasn’t started yet, we had warning.”

“warning?” 

No explanation was forth coming, not for the moment. We made our way to the back of the settlement then up into a building that overlooked the street. Here, waiting for us, were several more railroad agents. I recognized a handful of them and them me. One in particular ran up to clasp my hand. “V-Whisper! I never got the chance to thank you for… well saving my sorry hide!”

My brows shot up. “Bunker? I thought you left the railroad.” 

The kid didn’t look much different than before, all be it less swollen. He now sported a few scars more than before, and that childish spark in his eye all the new recruits had. Hard to believe he had joined months ago. “I couldn’t just quit.” He grinned pridefully, as if there was anything there to be proud of. “not when those institute bastards are still out there.”

It was then that I wondered if the institute could ever really be eradicated. Sure we could deal with the main hub here, maybe even wipe it out, but there had to be other installations right? Who really knew how far the institute had spread itself over the last two hundred years? With a roll of my eyes I shook my head at him. “you’re a real idiot you know that?”

My words punched his pride, to which his face fell and he scowled at me. “I’m not an idiot…. I’m doing what’s right.”

“don’t lie to yourself.” Roughly I brushed passed him to stand at the window overlooking bunker hill. From this vantage point I could easily see into the settlement itself. There were civilians there, meandering, going about their daily lives. Totally unaware that a battle would soon crash down on top of them. I wondered if Desdemona had thought about evacuating them, then I doubted it. If we wanted to keep the element of surprise here then we couldn’t afford to tip off civilians. Still standing at the window I glanced over my shoulder at Bunker. “we’ve all got our own selfish reasons for being here. It ain’t about doing what’s right.”

“speak for yourself.” Glory pushed me away from the window with the muzzle of her minigun. Somehow seeing her with that thing both relieved and terrified me in no small degree. Everything would be fine as long as I never got in front of her. 

“now will you explain what’s going on?” and why I’d left Nick’s side for this.

Her brown eyes were filled with mild irritation when she looked back at me. Generally she wasn’t any more of a fan of Desdemona’s compartmentalization than I was, which was probably why she didn’t just brush me off. “Charmer came back from the institute with word that they were going to attack bunker hill.”

“alright.” I nodded, sort of impressed that Charmer would go out of her way and risk her cover like this. “any idea what we’re expecting?”

“there’ll be a courser, which she and Deacon will handle, and who knows how many gen twos.” At that last bit I noticed the twitch of disgust on her face. Glory hated the thought of killing generation twos almost as much as killing a generation three like herself. Most generation twos I’d met had practically been nothing more than automatons to me. Hard to see why she was so reluctant. “we’re supposed to annihilate any forces that come in from out here.”

“great.” Purposefully I swung my sniper rifle around from my back. Carefully I knelt at another window across from Glory. I frowned then grinned broadly at the space between us. 

She noticed out of the corner of her eye and glowered at me. “what?”

“you know what this reminds me of?” still grinning I returned my gaze back to the street below. “when we first met. Me and you, lying in wait to take on some institute synths. It’s sort of refreshing to be back to what we do best.”

“what I do best, not so sure about you.” She rolled her eyes at me then returned to her own window.

No one knew exactly when the attack would begin and you could feel it. The room burned with anticipation. Every little movement put us on edge, every sound made the grips on our guns a little tighter. Any time someone tried to speak it was in a quiet voice almost too small to hear. My muscles were tense as I leaned against the window frame, waiting. Why couldn’t these institute bastards be more timely? I had more important things to do than stand here waiting for-

Waiting for flashes of a blue light apparently. 

The first wave of synths teleported in from thin air. A dozen of them, spread evenly up and down the street. More around the corners judging by the flashes that lit up the vacant buildings. Before I could begin firing Glory called in a hoarse whisper to the group. “wait until they’re on top of Bunker hill then let them have it.”

“they’re already on bunker hill!” I hissed back, throwing fiery eyes at her. “if we don’t start firing they’re going to kill the civilians inside!”

“wait.” She repeated though her voice was strained. She didn’t like her orders any more than we did. Damn it Desdemona, we didn’t have to let there be casualties.

Furiously I transferred my gaze back to the ground where I followed a synth with my crosshairs. He had on a mask which made it impossible to see exactly where he was looking. My instinct was to kill him before he found us. My finger squeezed ever so slightly on the trigger. Gradually the generation two synths with their laser weapons surrounded Bunker hill, preparing for the assault.

Then came the first screams.

As if that was what they were waiting for the synths began firing indiscriminately into the walls of the settlement. Wood caught fire, metal became scorched and supports buckled. Not only did they mean to invade they meant to ensure no one else could live here when they were done. 

“go, go, go!” Glory shouted a split second before I started firing.

The first synth went down before it knew what happened followed closely by a second. The rest of the railroad agents around me fled out onto the street, drawing the attention of the synths. I covered their assault, spotting and killing anything that came up on their exposed sides. Glory plowed down everything in front of them, making exceptionally short work of the synths that had ported in. In not time the street was clear, our small section of bunker hill successfully defended. The group below began to relax, dropping weapons and glancing around. The fighting continued elsewhere but we could breathe. 

For a moment.

A dozen synths suddenly teleported in with flashes of blue light. We were momentarily blinded, I drew my face from my scope to blink the dots out of my eyes. When I returned I discovered the rest of our team completely surrounded by institute soldiers. Swearing under my breath I fired into the attackers indiscriminately. It helped little, there were just too many of them. Glory couldn’t fire in a full circle and those behind her pressed against the agents. I watched one woman go down, a massive hole burned through her skull. A second got pinched between two synths. They didn’t waste charges on him and simply beat him to death with the butt of their guns. 

Glory forged a way out of the trap and led our remaining team down the street. It provided little reprieve. Everywhere, on the street, in some buildings down the alley were synths. They poured out of flashes of light like a plague, swarming any railroad agents unlucky enough to be caught in their sights. I did my best to support those on the ground. I’m not sure I’d ever fired so many bullets in such a short amount of time. 

Then the bullets ran out. 

My gun clicked uselessly in my hands. A deafening silence in the middle of the chaos. “do not resist.” A mechanical voice spoke behind me forcing me to turn. A synth had somehow managed to sneak up on me. He marched toward me with all the intent of making this a personal encounter. 

I let my rifle fall and went for my pistol instead. No need to wait for him. I tackled him to the ground and we went rolling across the dirty floorboards. His superior strength gave him the upper hand, of course that didn’t do much good when he didn’t have a weapon. His helmet went flying off. I shoved the barrel of my pistol up under his chin and pulled the trigger. As my bullet tore through his face I felt my stomach lurch and flip over on itself. That familiar face blew to pieces, shattered by my own gun. Yellow eyes went black.

Mortified I stumbled back from the synth, my heart hammering so hard in my chest it might actually tear open my ribs. My limbs shook, my eyes were wide, and my breathing was shallow. It wasn’t Nick, I knew that, but it looked like Nick. 

I probably would have sat there in shock for a good hour if it weren’t for the rush of air that surged through the streets. A blast of dust and debris blew through the windows. It shattered what glass was left and tore apart the wood frames. I dropped to the ground, hands on my head as bits of glass cut at my exposed skin. Blood slicked my hands as I shoved myself to my feet and raced to the window. 

What I saw on the street made my heart go even colder than before. 

A Vertibird had landed on the corner below and brotherhood of steel soldiers came pouring out. They quickly engaged anyone and anything that they came into contact with. How in the hell had they found out about this?! My instinct was to blame Ellison, then again she was probably too wrapped up in her work to even think of betraying us. 

A grenade soared through the air into the room next to me. Quickly I leapt from the level as it exploded over my head. Landing hard I just managed to roll, hand still wrapped around my pistol. On the ground it was nothing but dust, smoke and carnage. In the confusion it was almost impossible to see which darting shadow was friend or foe. At least the laser weapons were color coded, blue for the institute red for the brotherhood.

Rage filled me. Where in the hell had Glory gone? Where were the rest of the railroad? Were things going this badly everywhere else? How had we not been prepared for this? How had we let this happen?! All questions best saved for later, at least when there weren’t people trying to kill me. 

The Vertibird rose high into the sky, having dropped off its load of passengers. It circled Bunker hill menacingly. The on board machine gun rained death on anyone unlucky enough to be caught beneath its spray. I darted into the thick of the battle, dodging exploding synths and angry brotherhood of steel members. I reached the door just in time to run into a fleeing civilian. She ran into me and hit the ground in a heap. “don’t hurt me! Please!” she squeaked, throwing her arms to her face. 

“I’m not going to hurt you!” I shouted over the minigun firing in the distance. With a firm grip I grabbed her by the arm and hauled her to her feet. There was no clear path through the chaos. The civilians were effectively trapped between a rock and a hard place. At the edge of the battle I spotted Glory, pouring bullets into an armored knight at the mouth of an alley. I pulled the civilian along with me, firing at anyone, or thing, that got in our way. 

Glory noticed me and shouted something that I couldn’t hear over the fighting. 

The next thing I knew the ground directly behind me exploded in a cloud of dust and rock. I tossed the woman ahead of me and twisted around to meet whatever was firing. The Vertibird loomed over my head menacing, the gunner onboard transfixed on me. For a split second the dust cleared just enough for me to make out details. “Stern you bastard!” I shouted so badly I actually felt my throat tear a little. Furiously I threw up my pistol to fire but the Vertibird swung away before I could.

Swearing I grabbed the dazed civilian and continued pulling her toward Glory’s alley. My minigun happy friend stopped firing just long enough to let us pass. When we did I shoved the civilian down the alley. “get out of here! Find others! You’ll know when it’s safe to return!”

“what about the others?!” she shouted over the chaos, face pale eyes frantic.

Damn it. “we’ll get them out.” Couldn’t decide if that was a flat lie or wishful thinking. “just get out of here!”

“what are you thinking?!” Glory shouted to me as the civilian turned tail and ran. “I assume you’ve got some kind of plan in that head. You always do!”

Well yeah, more often than not I had a plan. At that moment though, there wasn’t much on my mind. Except that Vertibird. “if we don’t take that damn flying death machine down it’ll reduce all of us to a thin paste!” 

“any suggestions?!” 

My eyes strayed toward the obelisk at the center of the settlement. “yeah… not gonna like it.”

“who’s not gonna like it?”

“me.” I tore back across the battle field, ignoring anyone that tried to stop me. If they were foolish enough to actually step in my way they got a bullet to the knee. At some point a suited knight stomped into my path but I easily swerved around him. Inside the walls the fighting was worse. All three sides fought furiously for the upper hand but no one looked like they had it. There were as many dead railroad agents as there were synths and brotherhood of steel. Bloody faces and dead eyes littered the ground around me. 

Blocking out the carnage was the only thing that kept me moving. I’d seen a lot of death but nothing on this scale. It left a cold feeling in the pit of my stomach. I ran up the inside of the obelisk, arms and legs pumping furiously. Outside the gunfire became dim by mere fractions. The whir of the Vertibird’s engines came closer. I stopped half way up the tower, a hole in the wall looked out over the battle, giving me a brilliant view. Wouldn’t be surprised if Deacon was somewhere further up using it to his advantage. 

The Vertibird swung in the distance around the back of the settlement. Had to draw it in, as stupid as that sounded. I tore my sniper from my back and quickly reloaded the magazine. In the clarity of the battle my fingers worked fast. In no time I had the scope back to my eye aiming at the Vertibird’s cockpit. My bullets didn’t do much damage to the glass but it got the pilot’s attention. He swung the machine around and raced toward my position. At the last second he twisted his craft around to expose his side to me. There was Stern, firing down at the people below him with no remorse or thought. Who knew how many of his own men he was killing.

Not another one.

I abandoned my sniper rifle in the tower and leapt through the air. It was a bigger gap than I initially thought. I grabbed the edge of the Vertibird and it swung wildly from the added momentum. Groaning I pulled myself up and inside. Stern was waiting for me, weaponless but fists clenched. He took the first swing mere moments before I recovered my feet. His fist connected with the side of my face and I fell into the wall of the Vertibird. Through a door I saw the pilot and decided I had better targets. Before he could do anything except shout I pointed my pistol directly at his head.

He jerked to the side then fell limply over the controls. The Vertibird began losing control, whirling in sickeningly tight circles as it descended. Out the window I watched us clear the walls of Bunker hill, plummeting toward the streets. I span around, discovering Stern standing in my face, bellowing something incoherent. 

Winking I ducked his fist then leapt from the Vertibird. The drop almost killed me. I hit the ground hard, a shock of pain racing up my right leg. The roll brought me into a pile of rubble and I cracked my head against a jagged brick. Dazed I fell onto my back, staring toward the sky while bullets and lasers whizzed over my head. The Vertibird hit the street and almost instantly tore itself apart. I felt a wave of heat wash over me followed closely by a surge of debris. I quickly rolled to my stomach and threw my hands over my head. I expected to get shredded into ribbons from the shrapnel. There’d be a lot of blood after that.

But there wasn’t. Something landed over the top of me, effectively shielding me from the worst of the attack. When the heat dissipated and all I could hear was the crackling of fire, I sat up. As I stood my eyes strayed to who had been lying on top of me. “Nick?!”

The synth gave me a crooked smile. The left side of his face had been completely repaired, some of the skin replaced so that he looked like his old self. That eye now looked a little brighter than the other but he looked at me with the same expression he always did. A surge of relief flooded my chest, that hole filled and the ache in my stomach finally left. For a few seconds the battle faded around us, reducing to mere buzzing in the background. Sitting on that street, adrenaline pumping through my veins, relief in my heart, why wouldn’t I do this?

Without thinking I threw my arms around his neck and pressed my lips against his. All the uncertainty of the last few weeks disappeared with the feel of his body against mine. Indescribable emotion poured through my body, replacing the battle haze that hung over me before. All I could focus on for that instant was the utter pleasure at seeing him alive and well. The tingle that emanated from wherever our bodies touched. How lightheaded this moment made me feel.

Then a single name crossed my mind. 

Jennifer Lands.

Abruptly I tore myself away from Nick and put as much distance between us as I could. When I looked I discovered those yellow eyes were filled with confusion, astonishment and hurt? “I’m sorry!” I blurted, eyes wide. Was now really the time to have this discussion? “I’m sorry I didn’t mean! It’s just….” It’s just what? What the hell was I supposed to say after that?!

Nick remained still for several beats before he blinked. That crooked smile returned though the corner of his mouth didn’t lift quite as high as before. “gray, well I didn’t expect that-”

He never got the chance to finish. Someone grabbed me by the back of neck and hauled me to my feet. Whoever had me by the clothes was an idiot. Angrily I tossed my elbow into the face beside me. Blood spurted as the nose shattered beneath my elbow pad. He dropped me and I staggered away, limping slightly from my fall. Nick stepped in front of me, a new laser pistol held up. When I turned, I discovered Stern standing before us. 

For a moment he gaped astonished at Nick, who smirked right back at him satisfied. There were burns and cuts all along his uniform, some bleeding freely. Why hadn’t he just gone up with the Vertibird? Save us the trouble. “I shot you! You should be dead!” he spluttered. 

Nick chuckled, a surprisingly menacing sound. “you know how many times I’ve heard that before?”

In the near distance a terrible whale went up in the crowd. I swung around, half expecting something worse to come barreling around the corner. Instead I watched brotherhood of steel soldiers turning tail. With railroad agents still pursuing them they ran into the city, scattering. They were retreating! I spun back to Stern, triumphantly. “you hear that bastard?! You’ve lost!”

A snarl escaped his throat and he took a step toward me, while I continued to grin. 

Nick side stepped to put me even more behind him. “get the hell out of here, dignity in defeat and all that.”

Stern’s fists clenched and unclenched at his sides. He looked ready to take the chance of Nick shooting him just to get a little pay back. And how I wanted him to. It’d be a pleasure to beat him into a bloody pulp with my bare hands. Nick’s recovery hadn’t taken the edge off that rage yet. Eventually he took several steps back, bowing his head slightly. “you win, for now.”

“look forward to the next one.” Nick answered in equal tone. 

I don’t really know why I let Stern just walk away. He’d never have given Nick or I the courtesy. Yet we stood there silently as he and the rest of the brotherhood of steel retreated into the ruins. With their Vertibird down apparently they didn’t want to take the risk of fighting any more. As the last few shots were fired the battle came to an end. Hard to tell who had won, standing there among bodies and broken machines. 

Slowly I turned around to walk back toward the settlement. 

Nick’s hand darted out and grabbed my wrist gently. “Vel, wait.”

Shit. Not this, not now. The adrenaline hadn’t even left my system yet. I was barely coherent in my own head and he wanted to have this discussion now?! “I’m sorry… I didn’t mean to do that. I just got… swept up in the moment.” That recently filled hole ached slightly at those words. This couldn’t be happening. 

“Vel you don’t-”

“I know you still care about Jenny Lands.” Just saying the name aloud brought that guilt back into my mouth. The taste made me want to gag and the throbbing ache in my chest just made it worse. “I’m sorry… it won’t happen again.” 

“that’s not-”

Shouting came from inside the walls of the settlement, drawing our attention. I took the opportunity, and the excuse, to run off the street. Tiny tears leaked out of the corners of my eyes as I ran. Furiously I wiped them away, trying desperately to ignore everything my body was trying to tell me. Somewhere inside the settlement someone was screaming for a Stimpak. I fully intended to go to them but once I was inside the walls my legs finally gave out. Pathetically I crumpled just inside the gate, out of sight of the rest of the railroad agents still rushing around. 

What have I done?!

He’d be looking for me in all this chaos, I knew that. He wouldn’t let this lie. He’d have to get everything out in the open because that was the kind of man he was. But I didn’t know if I could stand it. I had no idea what it was like to lose a fiancé, but I did understand the pain from losing a lover. Though in my case it had been entirely my fault. Nick had tried to separate himself from the old Nick but he’d gone out of his way to avenge Jenny Lands against Winter. If that didn’t mean he still held a torch for her I didn’t what did. He still loved her, and that wouldn’t change. His heart belonged to her still, it would never…

It would never belong to someone like me.

Those words hurt so much more than I thought they would. I realized then how selfish I’d been. These damn feelings had come from nowhere and put the friendship I held so dear with Nick into jeopardy. He was my best friend, he had been for years, so when the hell had I started to….

I couldn’t even finish that thought without wanting to throw up. Where was a brotherhood of steel soldier or an institute courser when you needed one? A friendlier equivalent came trotting up to me. Glory had escaped the battle in reasonable condition, she’d abandoned her minigun at some point. “you alright whisper?” there was genuine concern there, which shocked me.

Defiantly I got to my feet and dusted off my clothes, trying to ignore how warm my face felt. “yeah I’m fine, what’s up?”

“Desdemona wants us to transfer the synths to a safer location while the heat dies down.” at least Glory respected my boundaries, if not physically then emotionally.

With a long breath I nodded. “alright, let me go get my sniper from the tower and I’ll meet you down here. Are we going to take them to Jamaica plains?” 

Glory nodded. “that’s the plan.”

Rapidly I climbed the tower back to the spot where I’d made the insane leap into the Vertibird. Some part of me wondered what had possessed me to pull such a stupid stunt. If anyone had seen that they’d be telling stories of how crazy I was in no time. My rifle remained where I’d left it, almost reproachful at having been abandoned. Casually I picked it up and slung it over my shoulder. My eyes strayed over the battlefield. At this height I could see everything and everyone in perfect detail. Nick stood just inside the settlement, head on a swivel. After a few seconds he ran back onto the street, stopping anyone that was in any condition to answer questions. 

We weren’t going to be the same after this….

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So uh, yeah if you guys hate me right now I don’t blame you. I’m not entirely pleased with the way this chapter ended myself. This is sort of a relic of when I had a longer plot in mind, before I condensed it. But this is what Vel did and the plot sort of needs it. Don’t worry she’ll pull her head out in the next chapter. 
> 
> I beg you to stay with me a little longer. I’m so excited for these last chapters, they were some of my favorite ones to write and I like to think it shows. Next one is probably one of the more intense chapters. I’ll see you on Wednesday! 
> 
> Write on!


	25. My Body Can't Take Much More

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Graphic depictions of torture. 
> 
> It’s one of the more grittier things I’ve written so I felt like it was necessary to give you a warning. I am sorry.

I couldn’t face Nick again. It was good enough for me that he had been fixed and that he was walking around. That hole in my chest had been repaired though it continued to ache for the weeks following bunker hill. From time to time I’d catch myself staring into a corner, lost in thought, a hand over my mouth. The ghostly reminder of the way his lips felt on mine just wouldn’t go away.

Thank god for the railroad and their missions. Or I would have if there were many. After we dealt with the aftermath of Bunker hill, putting synths in new safe houses and tending to our wounded, Desdemona ordered us to lay low. That was fine. A few days of hiding out in the headquarters then we’d be back out in the wide world, helping synths. Or at least I hoped it would be. A few days turned into a full two weeks in which I could do nothing but hide in HQ with a rapidly darkening mood. 

I could have left, I know. Lying low didn’t mean that I had to stay at the headquarters. I figured it was the safest place to hide though. Nick couldn’t find me here, if he was even thinking of looking for the headquarters of the railroad. Being cooped up for this long took its toll. First on me, then through me on the people around me. Glory almost killed me twice when I snapped at her, Carrington got into a heated argument with me and I’m pretty sure even P.A.M wanted to kick me on my ass. 

Soon I found myself alone at a desk, cleaning my pistol for what must have been the second time that morning. It helped me ignore the people around me, including Desdemona who had been giving me the cold shoulder since Bunker hill. I was back, what more did she want from me?

A hand slamming on the desk beside me made me jump out of my skin. Angrily I turned up to find Deacon leaning over beside me. Behind those sunglasses I couldn’t read his expression, making his sudden appearance all the more irritating. “you trying to terrorize the railroad?” 

“is it working?” I grumbled, returning to my weapon. Carefully I started to put the pieces back together. If only it was so easy to fix everything. 

He let out an airy, ironic chuckle. “don’t you think it’s about time you got over yourself and put your head back in the fight?”

“you don’t know what you’re talking about.” Or maybe he did. Wouldn’t put it past Deacon to be fully aware of what was going on. I guess I had punched him in the jaw for Nick. If that didn’t say something was up I wasn’t sure what did. Was it then that I’d started developing feelings for him? 

Deacon sat on the desk, shoving a few pieces of my gun aside to do it, drawing a growl out of my throat. “look, I got no idea what’s going on with you, alls I know is that whatever it is you’ve got to figure it out.”

“I know.”

“we’re in the final stretch here Whisper, it’s gonna be all hands on deck soon. Desdemona is prepping the entire railroad to assault the institute.”

“I know.”

“we can’t afford any hesitation here.”

“I know….” My irritation leaked through my gritted teeth.

“so whatever you’ve got going on either resolve it now or wait till after the institute is a hole in the ground.” Deacon continued, completely ignoring the death glare I was giving him. 

“it’s not going to be a problem.”

“I find that incredibly hard to believe.” He put a hand on the desk and leaned in. Over the top of his sunglasses he looked at me, giving me the distinct impression of a school teacher chastising me. “let me give you a piece of advice, do what you want with it.”

“fine.”

“you could die tomorrow, or the next day or the day after that.” Oh yeah that’s how you open up a little sage advice. Of course he was more right than if he’d started any other way. “hell, you’ll probably die in the institute, a lot of us will. So don’t go leaving unfinished business behind.”

That ache in my chest throbbed and I swallowed hard. What was I supposed to do? Yeah I might die, we might all die, but was that any excuse to ruin a friendship like this? Then again, wasn’t that exactly what I was doing by hiding? Nick was a good man but even he had his limits. If I kept hiding away without facing this it may ruin what remained of our friendship. I couldn’t risk that could I? 

Instead of saying any of this aloud I glared at Deacon. “you’re a dick.” 

“I get that daily.” He stood with a shrug, smirking. “go take care of it, don’t come back till the air is clear.” 

As if he fully expected me to get up and run for the door right then he left, self-satisfied. I didn’t get up right away. Instead I focused more intently on my gun than before. My fingers brushed each piece before I picked it up and slid it back into place. My thoughts drifted away no matter how much control I tried to exert. 

It had just been one kiss, one kiss. Nick could understand that. He could understand that I was full of adrenaline and that I’d almost been killed. He could understand that I didn’t mean to make things uncomfortable between us. He and I were best friends. That kiss didn’t mean anything. 

But it had meant something, at least to me.

That was irrelevant though. It hadn’t meant anything to Nick. It was just a slip up in an otherwise good relationship. He and I were friends and I didn’t want to put that on the line just because I couldn’t control a few urges. I needed to set this aside and I needed to let him know that the kiss was just that a kiss. No matter how much it may suck to say it and pretend, that’s what I had to do to save this.

The last part clicked into place and with a jerk I shoved my magazine back into my gun. Abruptly I rose and swept out of headquarters before anyone had the chance to make me second guess myself. It was a beautiful morning when I left the old north church. The sun stood high in the sky, bathing the ruins in a surprisingly warm light. On this sort of day you could almost forget that life had once been better than this. With the sun beaming down on you, the breeze blowing cool crisp air, the radiation seeping out of every source of water.

The niceness of the day didn’t exactly occur to me at that moment. To prevent myself from rethinking my decisions I sped across the ruined city toward the Diamond. This early there weren’t many things to get in my way. I walked into Diamond city about an hour later and marched purposefully toward Valentine’s detective agency. It wasn’t until I stood in that alcove, with the doorknob in my hand, that I hesitated. 

It felt like a hive of blood flies had been let loose in my stomach. My mind raced with possibilities, planning every possible scenario. I tried to plan out how I would start talking, because I sure as hell couldn’t trust him to start it. After a few minutes of deliberation I drew in a long breath and pushed my way inside. 

“Nick we need to-” the barrel of a gun pointed at my face brought the words to a dead stop in my throat. It filled my vision, making it impossible to see who was holding it.

It only took a few words to recognize the voice though. “it’s the bitch.” 

I blinked once and felt the rage surge through my limbs like a wave. With a furious snarl I slapped the gun aside and launched myself at the man standing in Nick’s office. He grabbed me by the arms and tossed me over the desk. With a crash I landed in a heap on the floor, momentarily dazed. What I found when I recovered, made my heart go cold.

Stern stood in front of the door, face triumphant, suit still burned and stained as it had been at Bunker Hill. His nose was now crooked, awkwardly tilted to the side. He had an arm wrapped tightly around Ellie’s neck, holding her against his chest. She sported a black eye and her clothes were torn. In spite of that she looked more angry than scared. Good old Ellie. “I came here looking for the machine but it looks like I found something better.” Stern’s laugh sounded more like a bark than anything else. 

My shoulders tensed, my fingers drifting toward the pistol on my hip.

“don’t think about it.” fiercely Stern shoved his weapon into Ellie’s face, producing a small cry of fright from her.

Instantly I threw my hands up into the air, but kept my eyes locked firmly with his. “I’m going to kill you. I hope you realize that.”

“I doubt it.” he chuckled nodding. “take off your gear, you won’t be needing that anymore. And no sudden moves, my trigger finger is itchy.”

I gritted my teeth and searched Ellie’s face for direction. Her determined expression told me to take the chance, to just shoot Stern even if she got dead in the process. It would be easy to kill him, he wouldn’t have the time to shoot me but he could easily kill her. As much as I wanted him dead, I’d never forgive myself for letting her die. 

Where in the hell did this noble side come from, I wondered irritably to myself as I stripped off my gear. Not too long ago revenge would have been the only thing on my mind. Yet looking at Ellie’s face I knew I couldn’t just let her die. Not only would the guilt haunt me but the lose might crush Nick. 

“toss it into the corner.” Stern ordered, gesturing with his gun at the corner beside him.

Glaring at him I threw first my rifle aside, then my pistol followed closely by my armor. 

“coat too.”

“fuck you.” I growled.

In response he pressed his gun tighter against Ellie’s chin.

I swallowed dryly and shrugged the leather jacket from my arms. Without the weight of it I felt even more vulnerable than before. With nothing but a tank and pants on under it I might as well have been. My kit completely stripped off I stood in the middle of the office, waiting for Stern to do what he came here to do. 

“this is how it’s going to work.” he spoke in a low tone, shoving Ellie aside so hard her head cracked on the wall. I took a small step forward but Stern brought his gun up to my chest once again. “you and I are leaving diamond city together. If you say anything, if you resist me, or if you call for help I’ll shoot you in the chest with this thing. And you don’t want to die from a laser to the heart believe me.”

Didn’t have to tell me that. I’d seen what a laser weapon was capable of, no one died quick from one of those. If you were lucky they shot you in the head and your brain boiled before it could process what was happening to you. Taking one to the chest would be a slow way to go. So I nodded stiffly, rage making my muscles tense and my jaw set. 

Ellie glanced between us from where she sat on the floor. I saw the decision pass behind her eyes a split second before I could do anything. She grabbed my pistol that lay beside her and swung it up toward Stern. She wasn’t good with a gun, having rarely left the walls of Diamond City. So when she fired she was about two inches off her target. 

Infuriated Stern slammed the butt of his gun into her face, effectively knocking her out. He swung his arm up to make a second strike but I ran between them, arms outstretched to protect Ellie. “leave her the fuck alone. You came here for me didn’t you?! So take me!” 

Stern’s face contorted into an expression somewhere between triumph and total anger. His hand darted out and grabbed a chunk of my hair. He brought our faces so close together I could smell the mole rat meat on his breath. “one wrong move and you’re dead.”

“I get it.” I spat.

“then I’ll come back here and finish off this bitch.” 

He sure knew how to make me obey didn’t he? Damn it, why couldn’t this be happening months ago? I wouldn’t have given a damn what happened to Ellie back then, I could have taken my chances killing Stern and be done with it. No, instead, I let him twist my arm behind my back and lead me out of town. I suppose I could have screamed for help, made the guards turn their heads. Something in me doubted they’d do anything to begin with. I wasn’t one of them after all, and Stern had a damn laser pistol pressed against my side.

We slipped out of Diamond City and all hope of escape disappeared. About ten minutes away from the gates he shoved me into an alley where another brotherhood of steel soldier was waiting for us. They shoved me against the wall and tied my hands tightly behind my back. “where are we going to take her sir?” the other one asked, head bowed slightly. 

“the national guard training yard north of the city.” Stern replied, grinning at me like I was a prized Brahmin. “we’re going to need privacy for this.”

“it doesn’t matter what you do to me.” I murmured in a tone deathly quiet. “I’m not going to tell you anything.”

He put a hand beside my head against the wall and leaned in. I could count the hairs on his face this close. “we’ll have to see about that, wont we?”

His foreboding words echoed around inside my head as they put me on a forced march across the city. I could have tried to run, I suppose I should have, but when there’s a laser gun pointed at your back you’d hesitate too. Against my better judgement I remained in line all the way across the wasteland. They took me to a guard post three hours out from Diamond City. The march made me exhausted but they didn’t let up in the slightest. The sun beat down on me, no longer a warm reminder of better times. 

With a hand clasped in my hair they forced me to the back of the building and into a bunker set aside from the main buildings. It had clearly been acting as a raider hide out until they moved in. There were weapons benches, armor tables, even a power armor wrack. Blood stains signaled where the previous residents had been slain. And in the back room was a tub of water. 

“now then.” Stern shoved me to my knees before the tub. Didn’t have to have a Geiger counter to know that was dirty water. He rolled up his sleeves as he circled me. The other soldier stood at the door, holding his laser rifle loosely between his hands. Stern put a hand on my shoulder and leaned down to my level, grinning. “tell me where the railroad’s headquarters are.”

For a moment I stared down at the tub, the knot in my stomach tightening. I knew what he intended but I couldn’t quite wrap my head around it. Eventually I tore my eyes from it and looked up into his face. A grin split my mouth, this might be the last words I ever said. “screw you.”

An almost inhuman growl escaped his chest and he shoved my head deep under the water. It was shockingly cold and before long I lost all feeling in my face and neck. The depths were dark before my eyes. I tried not struggle, tried to conserve oxygen, but it didn’t work for long. My lungs began to burn, my mind reeled and I tried to pull my head out. Panic clogged my throat while my heart pounded in my ears. Darkness began eating away at the edges of my vision. He was really going to kill me, wasn’t he? This was it!

Then the hand in my hair lifted me free of the water. Once my face broke the water I took in mouthfuls of air as quickly as I possibly could. Spluttering I blinked through wet strands of hair. Stern was there, smirking at me. Our faces inches apart he whispered, almost seductively. “not so tough now are you? You going to talk?”

I should, I should just give up the railroad. He intended to do this to me for as long as it took to get what he wanted why not just spill the beans now? Save myself the trouble and pain. But what kind of person would that make me? Grinning weakly I looked him in the eye. “screw you.” 

He shoved my head back beneath the water before I had the chance to take a breath. 

I’m not sure how much time passed, or how many times I went under. Once or twice I totally lost consciousness only to wake up beside the tub, wet and shivering. Stern went from asking quietly to shouting in my face every time I came back up. Sometimes even shouting at me while I was under, my lungs burning for oxygen, my mind fuzzy. Each time I went under I was sure I was going to die. Once or twice I thought my heart stopped. He always pulled me up just before I took in a lung full of water though. Each session lasted just longer than the last. He soon discovered a sweet spot, when he should pull me out so I didn’t totally pass out. 

Once I accidently took a breath in while I was under and he let me cough up blood and bile on the floor while I tried to recover. It was around then that I gave serious thought to telling him. I’d told him to screw himself every time before now but I wasn’t sure how much more I could take of this. I’m sure if it weren’t for the water I’d feel desperate tears on my face. But there wasn’t any escaping this. Deacon and the railroad wouldn’t go looking for me, not for a week at least. Hancock had probably long stopped worrying about me. Glory would get suspicious after a few days, by then it would be too late. And Nick….

My chest ached at the thought of him almost breaking me to pieces. I’d fucked up so hard, and now I wouldn’t even get to make things right with him. Deacon had been right. I should have gone earlier. 

Stern took hold of my shoulders and propped me up against the tub. My head lolled uselessly on my chest, staring into the murky depths. A little blood had leaked into the water from my throat. It was definitely dirty water, I’d be crying tears of blood next. “aren’t you getting tired of this?” the ex-knight growled directly into my ear. “no one’s coming for you, no one knows where you are, all your friends have left you. All you’ve got is me. So tell me what I want to know and I’ll put an end to this.”

My eyes strayed from the tub to the squire sitting on a stool in the corner. He seemed almost bored, like he didn’t care what Stern would do to me next. What was I saying? Of course he didn’t care. I was the enemy after all. And they were my enemy. Panting I spat, “screw…. You.”

“you just don’t know when to quit do you?” he wrapped his fist in my hair and shoved me back under up to the shoulders this time. The edge of the tub dug painfully into my chest. I was sure that I’d have a bar shaped bruise there. No holding still this time, I struggled against his hand, thrashing in the water, forcing some of it over the edge. 

Then suddenly he drew me back out, several seconds earlier than he usually did. Blinking blearily I tried to clear my vision. Stern had my head pulled back to expose my neck. I heard him shout over the top of my head in a furious voice. “how the hell did you find me?!”

“I’m a detective, remember?”

That voice… Nick?!

I threw my eyes wide, ignoring the sting of water and looked. There standing in the doorway, wearing his signature trench coat and a new fedora was Nick. He held a revolver in both his hands, training it carefully on Stern’s chest just over my right shoulder. Our eyes met and I watched rage contort his usually calm face. 

Stern shook me, tearing a small chunk of my hair out. “come any closer and I’ll kill her!”

“put her down….” Nick growled, his aim steady.

Beside us the squire took a step forward, laser rifle pointed at Nick. He was outnumbered. Sure he could cap one of them but the other would cap him just as quickly. God, don’t make me watch you die again Nick, please. 

Beside me Stern chuckled. “maybe this is good, your bitch wont tell me anything.” 

Nick’s face went slack, a mask to hide the inner rage he had displayed before. “just let her go.”

“no.” 

Suddenly I was on my feet, my entire torso plunged into the tub. My feet barely touched the floor. There was no way to brace myself, not with my hands still bound. I struggled against them while Stern held me suspended under water. The rope on my wrists bit deep, warm blood leaked down my arms into the water. 

Then I was above water again, coughing and spluttering. Beside me Stern yelled, “if she wont tell me where the railroad is, then you will!”

“don’t! Nick don’t tell-” before I could finish Stern shoved me back down again. I got a mouth full of water which I forced myself to swallow, screwing my eyes shut. I fought his grip harder than I ever had before. My lungs burned. All the torture up till this point had taken its toll. My muscles were weak my brain slipped toward darkness. 

He brought me back up one more time, holding me suspended just inches above the water. My knees banged on the floor painfully. I coughed so hard it felt like my lungs might tear out of my throat. “well?”

“don’t tell him.” I said again, breathlessly. Eventually I regained control of my eyes and I focused on Nick.

He still stood in the doorway but now his gun had dropped several inches. His face contorted, caught between rage and pain. Eventually he spoke around lips that barely moved. “the old north church, the catacombs….”

“Nick… no….” I dropped my head miserably, staring at the water beneath my face. 

“take that to elder Maxson, double time!” Stern ordered. 

I watched the squire scurry out of the room, skirting around Nick as he left in a rush. This couldn’t be happening. God this couldn’t be happening. 

With the squire gone Nick brought his gun back up to point at Stern, expression colder than ice. “you’re not leaving this bunker alive.”

Another chuckle escaped Stern. What he found amusing was beyond me. Then again I guess he had won. “neither is your girlfriend.”

He grabbed me with both his hands and hoisted me into the tub. By this time I was so weak I barely had enough control over my body to turn. For a brief terrifying moment I thought I might drown simply from lack of strength. I heard two muffled shots echo against the metal sides of the tub. A second later hands took hold of my shoulders and pulled me into a sitting position. My head broke the surface and I gulped in grateful gasps of breath. 

“gray, I’m sorry, talk to me, what did he do to you?” Nick’s voice was right beside me, shaking just a little. 

“j-just this….” I managed around my panting. “Nick… why did you… you shouldn’t have told him….”

Gently Nick took hold of me under the arms and pulled me out of the water. Totally drenched I began to shiver. As he untied my hands he spoke, in a quiet almost urgent tone. “he was going to kill you, what more did you want me to do?”

“tell him to screw himself!” with my hands free I wrapped my arms around my chest, trying to keep myself from shaking. Eyes wide I looked at Nick, mentally willing my heart to calm down. “you should have let him kill me.”

He avoided my gaze, hiding his eyes beneath the rim of his fedora. He stripped off his trench coat and put it around me. His hands stopped on my arms, shaking ever so slightly. “don’t ever do that again…. Do you hear me don’t ever do this to me again.”

“to you?!” I blurted, my voice rising an octave. I’m confused, were you the one that had almost drowned two dozen times in recent memory? “why did you come here in the first place?! I thought you were on a case or some shit. How’d you even find me?”

“when Ellie told me what happened I contacted Ellison.” He replied, still not looking directly at me. “she helped me track Stern down.”

“is Ellie alright?”

“stop thinking about other people for one damn minute and worry about yourself!” his voice rose abruptly, startling me. He brought his face up and I saw the fire in his eyes for the first time. Fear, real, true fear lay etched in his features. I’d never seen that on him before. The rage must have been hiding it or something because there was no way that simply came out of nowhere. He grasped me tightly by the arms and made me look him directly in the eye. His jaw was set and his eyes shook. “are you alright? How much did he hurt you? What did he do to you? Did he touch you?”

My heart leapt up into my throat and stayed there. I could feel it throbbing so hard it made it difficult to reply. “he didn’t touch me…. He only did this. Nick I’m sorry that I….”

He pulled me into a tight hug, trapping me against his chest. The feel of his arms around my shoulders brought with it a surge of heat and comfort. Tears stung my eyes that had nothing to do with pain or hurt. “thank god, if something happened to you…. I’d never forgive myself.”

“Nick… stop please….” The tears were coming harder and faster. My fingers gripped weakly at his white shirt, caught between pushing him away and drawing him closer. “don’t do this…. I can’t….”

But he wouldn’t let go, in fact his grip grew tighter. Crushed against his chest my breath came in short bursts while my heart hammered at my ribcage. “I won’t leave your side again. I’m sorry I wasn’t there when you needed me. I should have been.”

“no… it’s not your fault. Nick stop.” Weakly I tried to push away from him but either he ignored me or didn’t feel my feeble attempts to put distance between us. 

“Jennifer Lands belonged to the other Nick, I never loved her gray.”

His words took the breath out of my chest. I stopped struggling, hands going limp at my sides while my mind grappled with the statement. Did he mean that, or was he just saying it? but why would he just say it, this was Nick for god’s sake. “it’s… fine if you still love her Nick. You have the old Nick’s memories no one could-”

“I’m not Nick.” He answered in a firm tone. At last he pulled himself away from me and our eyes met. God my chest felt so heavy when I looked at his eyes. “I’m me. You helped me throw off the last of the old Nick with Winter. Nick is dead and gone but I’m still here. Jenny belonged to him, not me. Do you understand me?”

Not really. I felt lightheaded, wrapped in his arms, pressed against his chest. My stomach churned with anticipation and my cheeks burned. “I love you Nick!” the words just came out like a title wave. The moment I uttered them I slammed a hand over my mouth and dropped my gaze. There it was, that was it. I’d ruined everything because I couldn’t keep my damn mouth shut. Hancock always said my mouth would get me into trouble I just hadn’t realized this is what he meant. 

Nick cupped his hands on either side of my face, bringing me up to look him in the eye. I was sure there were tears on my cheeks but at least the water hid that from him. Didn’t matter though. By now I was so vulnerable he could ask anything and I’d have no choice but to be honest. I waited with held breath for the rejection. 

Then he drew me in and pressed our lips together. I was momentarily caught off guard. My hands hung loosely at my sides while my mind raced to catch up. When it finally did I couldn’t stop myself from wrapping my arms around his chest and clamping our bodies together. He put a hand behind my neck and sat up, effectively deepening the kiss. Unlike the last time, when his lips were motionless, they moved roughly against mine. I mimicked him, throwing a hand up to his cheek. 

Soon I grew breathless, a little too soon. Panting I forced us to part, resting my head against his collar. “Nick… I….” I gasped out, too stunned to form coherent words or sentences. My thoughts refused to be brought in line either, meandering in so many different directions. 

He kept his arms around my shoulders, his chin resting on the top of my head. Without breath or a heartbeat I couldn’t tell what he was feeling. If he was as confused and warm as me or just disappointed. “you don’t need to say anything.” He murmured trance like. 

I guess not. I guess everything had already been said. Still wasn’t entirely sure what that kiss just now meant to him. I knew what it meant to me though. When my breathing returned to normal I looked back up to him and discovered his eyes locked with mine. Together we closed the gap, this kiss softer, less urgent than the one before. He leaned in, his hands going from my shoulders to my waist. The feel of his hands made parts of my body ache that hadn’t in months. When he pulled me closer to him my breath hitched and I broke the kiss. 

“I’m sorry….” He murmured sympathetically against my mouth.

“don’t be….” 

Instead of returning to the kiss like I wanted, Nick gently eased us apart. An incredibly pathetic moaning protest escaped my throat. He turned his gaze away, not hurt just quiet, contemplative. “there’s a lot to talk about but not here. Let’s get you out of here.” 

“right….” god I wasn’t sure I’d be able to move again. My legs felt so weak and my heart continued to pound in my ears. All I could think about was the heat on my lips and the ache at the pit of my stomach. With shaky hands I gripped the side of the tub and tried to stand.

When my legs gave out beneath me Nick caught me and swept me up into his arms. I didn’t protest like before, I only allowed my head to fall against his chest. Contentment flooded me. I never thought I’d feel so safe in my life but in that moment the world seemed so much kinder. 

Nick carried me toward the exit, sweeping past the dead body of Stern. Bitterly I spat at it. “you piece of shit….”

“I’d like to have made it slow for what he did to you but he didn’t leave me a lot of options.” Nick grumbled as we stepped out into the wasteland. A cold wind blew right through me, drawing out a shiver. Nick’s arms tightened. “can you make it to Goodneighbor?”

“I don’t know…. We have to warn the railroad….” 

“you won’t make it.” he shook his head. 

“it doesn’t matter….” To be honest I could feel my eyelids drifting closed already. My body was just so damn exhausted. And held in Nick’s arms I felt safe enough to just fall unconscious. 

I’m sure he knew it too. He let out an airy groan at my stubborn words. “lets find a place to camp for now. You need time to recover.”

“but the railroad….” Those slurred words escaped my lips mere seconds before unconsciousness took hold of me. God it felt good to sleep. Carried in Nick’s arms I slept better than I ever had before. Certainly better than I had in the last month and a half. There were things to be said, conversations to have, I knew that. But for now I could lie contentedly in his arms. That was a problem for future Vel to deal with. 

Not sure how many hours passed before I woke up. Wasn’t even sure exactly what had woken me at first. Nick’s arms remained wrapped around me but we sat on the ground. A fire crackled two feet away, warming my otherwise frozen frame. Stirring I glanced up at Nick’s face. He wasn’t looking at me. 

Then I heard another explosion. 

I whipped my head around. From where we sat on a hill we had a clear view of the bay, right up to the airport. That big flying machine of the brotherhood’s that had darkened the commonwealth for so long burned. It slowly plummeted toward the earth, streaking the sky with black smoke and yellow flames. My jaw fell open, my eyes went wide. The burning Prydwen plummeted exploding on impact. Even from this distance we could feel the shockwave. My hands gripped Nick’s arms tightly while my heart hammered painfully on my chest. 

Sitting there I heard him give a dry, humorless chuckle. “bet the kid did that.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me apologize again for the waterboarding. I hope you enjoyed the chapter in spite of it. 
> 
> In true Vel fashion, an incredibly awkward confession of love. Poor thing. I’ve described her as an emotional grenade before but sometimes she surprises even me. I love her and forgive her, but you guys decide if she’s still quirky or annoying now.
> 
> Wish I’d had the time to give Stern what he deserved. Maybe slowly turned into a feral ghoul or something? That would be a nightmare for him. He didn’t give me a chance of course. So we’re gonna have to settle for Nick shooting him.
> 
> Next chapter is an interesting one, not gonna spoil anything but some of you may be able to figure out why I say that before it gets posted. Put your theories in the comments below. 
> 
> And as always guys, write on!


	26. V3-27 Epsilon 78 Cirrus

I snuck away from camp early the next morning, without waking Nick. I wasn’t cruel enough to leave him without a word though. I wrote a quick note on a piece of newspaper with a pen I found in his pocket. It told him that I’d left for the railroad, not to follow me, and to give me time to finish what I’d started. My guess was that Desdemona was now on the war path. If she ordered the Prydwen destroyed she was probably a literal hairs breadth away from ordering us on the institute. 

I had to be there for that. Nick would insist on coming with me, or tell me not to go. I’m not sure I could have said no to him in the former case. Let alone stop him. In order to keep him safe I had to do this alone.

Almost every decision I’d made in the last few months had been leading up to this moment. I could still see my dead face staring at me like it was yesterday. The vividness of that memory had not faded even the slightest. I had to know. I had to know if it had been the synth or if I was. No matter how much the truth may kill me, or not, I couldn’t live my life not knowing. At least I thought. Indecision plagued me as I made my way toward the old north church in the early morning light. The cool wind made me wish I’d stolen Nick’s trench coat too but I’d left that with him back at camp. I only hoped he’d be ok without me. 

When I reached the cobbled quart yard in front of the church I found the first signs of the brotherhood of steel. Laser scorch marks riddled the ground. Blood and bits of armor were everywhere. A few craters marked where someone had been stupid enough to throw a grenade. It was worse inside. They hadn’t been as careful with the bodies here. Bits of people still lay scattered among the pews. On the far wall was pinned a dangling hand. didn’t dare ask how that happened. 

The carnage continued all the way down into the catacombs. Blood stained every available space, but there were no bodies. With every step I took my stomach grew heavier with guilt. This was my fault, all of this. all the death, all the destruction, this was because of me. God damn it.

When I reached the headquarters the place was practically buzzing with activity. People were running left and right, stocking up on ammo, weapons and Stimpaks. It was as if they were just preparing for the invasion. At the center of it stood Deacon, directing people with a voice I’d never heard him use before. Easy to forget he was one of the leaders of the railroad. 

As I approached he glanced my way. Something between rage and relief flooded his visible features. He’d abandoned his usually casual clothes in favor of a full set of armor. He had a laser weapon on his side, stolen from a brotherhood of steel soldier. “where’ve you been?!” he demanded angrily, picking his way toward me.

My heart pounded in my ears, making it hard to hear. “I … reporting in….”

His brows drew together and his lips turned down into a reproachful grimace. “save it for later. Where’s your kit? We’re on the move.”

“I told the brotherhood of steel where we were.” The words just came flooding out, as elegant as ever. 

Deacon went totally still, one hand slightly raised mid gesture. Behind those sunglasses I couldn’t tell if he was staring at me or if he’d lost all interest. Slowly he dropped his hand and squared his shoulders. “what happened?”

So I told him, in vague detail, what had happened with Stern. Recounting it wasn’t easy, let alone reliving it in my own head. By the end of it sweat was dripping down the back of my neck and down my temple. 

When I stopped to take in several shaky breaths Deacon shook his head, letting out a groan. “Dez is gonna want to hear about this but we don’t have time. So keep your mouth shut until we’re done with the institute.”

Swallowing hard I put the pain down where it belonged. Fists clenched I gave him a firm nod. “alright, where do you want me?”

“you’re in the first wave. You’ll be coming with Desdemona and me. There’s extra gear over there. Take what you need, it’s going to be a fight to remember.” With that Deacon tore out of the catacombs back the way I’d come. Probably rushing out to grab more agents that were still straggling in the waste.

I rushed to the weapons locker and quickly tossed on the first set of armor I could find. There wasn’t much, as most of it had been distributed to the rest of the agents, but I didn’t have time to go back to Diamond city. As I strapped on some armor it reminded me of Glory and I turned to the nearest agent I could see. “yo! Where’s Glory at?”

She stopped, arms full of Stimpaks and chems, eyes going wide. The color drained from her face. Even before she spoke I knew what she would say. “Glory was killed when the brotherhood invaded.”

Something inside me snapped. My head went blank my arms fell to my sides and I’m sure my face went totally slack. It felt like someone had pulled the rug out from under me. That wasn’t right. Glory? No way, she couldn’t have been. That generation three synth was damn near indestructible. I’d joked once that she was supposed to be a courser. She couldn’t have been killed. Not by the brotherhood. Not when the institute was still around. She was supposed to see the end of the road, she was supposed to be there when we finished the institute. She was supposed to celebrate with me while we watched the institute burn. 

Glory couldn’t be gone.

But she was, she was gone and it was my fault.

Her blood was on my hands, just another to add to the fucking list.

Silently I cursed the brotherhood’s ashes, and thanked the person that had blown their base to all hell. Wish I could have been there for that. If only I had been able to set aside my selfishness for one damn minute. Glory would still be alive, Nick and I’s relationship wouldn’t be in the air and I’d be … well I don’t know what I’d be. In truth it was hard to imagine myself anywhere else except at this very moment.

I’d avenge Glory. I’d kill every institute scientist I could find. I’d destroy the damn machine that had created her, and Ria, and Jules, and Jenny and me. They’d pay for what they did to us in kind. Blood for blood. Eye for an eye. And if a few innocent people got caught in the crossfire then that wasn’t my concern. The railroad may have been going into the institute to free the synths but I was going in for myself. 

Once geared up I placed myself close to Desdemona. She looked tense, even while she smoked on a cigarette. Judging by the casual nod she gave me Deacon hadn’t told her yet what I’d done. I’m sure there would be consequences coming but for now I had to focus on the coming battle. On the other side of her I noticed Macready standing with a drawn expression. The hell was he doing here? No one had told me he was an agent of the railroad, though I’d seen him enough times he might as well be. The look in his eye didn’t speak to being an agent. Whatever he was doing here, it was personal. Not revenge like me but something else.

Blue light engulfed us, utterly blinding me. The sensation of being burned alive and frozen to death sent my mind into a tail spin. For a moment I couldn’t even feel my body. I was just a stream of consciousness racing along waves through the air. Then all at once the sensations disappeared and my feet landed on solid ground. 

Blinking rapidly, doing a mental check that all my limbs were still there, I looked around. We were in a round room with strange machines sticking out of the walls. Directly ahead of us was a door that led into what looked like a control room. Desdemona went through first, followed closely by Deacon. I followed them next, glancing around the control room with sharp eyes. In the corner sat a group of institute scientists. Or at least I assumed they were scientists. They didn’t wear any armor and they looked more frightened than angry.

Their hands were bound, with their backs to one another. Who the hell had decided to spare them? They should be dead. Gradually my eyes came to rest on the woman standing next to the control panel, talking to Desdemona and Tinker Tom. 

That must be Charmer.

To be honest I wasn’t entirely sure what I’d been expecting. Be lying if I didn’t say that I’d developed something of a hero complex about her. In my mind she was some battle hardened warrior, scars on her face, a dark light in her eye. You know, someone you might want to stand behind in the middle of a fight. That’s not what I saw.

She had silky red hair tied back in a ponytail. There was a wicked scar on the side of her face and few others on her exposed skin. I’d heard all about that. Glory had been right, that hair stuck out like a sore thumb in the commonwealth. Then there was what she wore. No one in their right mind would wear a vault suit around the commonwealth. Didn’t matter if you were from one or not it painted a target on your back. As if that wasn’t strange enough there was something in the look of her eye. She was scared but more than that she was apprehensive, nervously so. 

So she had spared the scientists. Whatever, her call. I turned my gaze away from her, glowering back at the captives with loathing. There’d be more to kill, I was sure. My right wrist ached so badly. If I didn’t put a bullet in a few things soon it might catch fire or something. 

More agents appeared in the teleporter and soon Desdemona was leading us through a door off to the side. It led us into what I could only assume were maintenance tunnels attached to the institute. Rust and broken bits of machinery littered the walls and floor. It felt oddly familiar, like walking along the street in Diamond City. 

Ahead of me Desdemona voiced the same thoughts I was having. “is this really it? I somehow thought the technology here would be more… impressive.”

Directly behind her Charmer answered in a low tone. “trust me, it is-”

The sound of laser rifles powering up brought the words to a dead stop. Blue light beams exploded against the wall behind us. We all dropped low, I swore under my breath. Carefully I picked my way to the front of the group and leaned out of the doorway. Two turrets and one Synth. Easy enough. 

“you must die now human.” The synth said to me, raising his laser rifle toward my face.

I stepped out from behind cover just enough, throwing up a laser pistol I’d barrowed from the armory. With revenge came focus, with the battle came brutality. I didn’t waste my time trying to be fancy. The synth’s chest exploded in a shower of sparks. He went tumbling backward down the stairs where he had come. Overhead I heard one of the turrets explode and the other power down. 

Resistance was light as we made our way deeper into the heart of the institute. Synths and drones got in our way but it didn’t take us much to destroy them. That didn’t satisfy my wrist one bit. At last we came to a door and poured through it like a wave of rats. We stepped into a brightly lit room and for a moment I had to blink the dots out of my eyes. I’m not sure I’d ever seen a cleaner room than this. The air smelled metallic, recycled, and literally everything was white. 

As we emerged I heard Desdemona bark at us, “only dispose of the guards. There’s no need to kill unarmed scientists.” 

Yeah, unless they got in my way. Sweeping the lab I spotted several scientists backing up in fear. Eyes wide, mouths agape. Beside them were synth guards. I suppose I had more important things to concern myself with. I shot down the first two synths that came my way and dodged the third. It swung around but it’s head exploded a split second later. 

Didn’t have much time to question who had done that before a furry fist the size of my head slammed into my side and sent me flying. I landed with a hard crash on the tiled floor several feet away. When I turned I wasn’t entirely sure what I was looking at. It was as big as a Supermutant, on all fours, with massive black hairy arms and a face that was far too human for comfort. It reared up and pounded its fists on its chest. With a howl it charged me, far faster than I expected a thing like that to be. 

I found my feet just in time to side dodge the charge. The idiot animal slammed into the counter directly behind me. Blood spurted from a crack in its skull and it bellowed in rage. Staggering back I threw up my laser pistol and sunk several charges into its matted fur. For a second it didn’t do anything, then its fur burst into flames. It howled in pain, swinging its arms frantically around like that might put it out of its misery. Before it could do anything else I strode forward, slammed my pistol into its head, and fired. Melted brains and half dried blood spurted out the side of its head. The creature instantly fell limp, the smell of burning fur filling the room.

Breathing heavily I stood straight and glanced around. Near the exit I spotted an old man with a laser rifle in his hands. His eyes were transfixed on Charmer, who stood on a knee, her gun down. “Clayton, wait!” she screamed, a hand raised.

I threw up my weapon and fired a single shot at the old man. His chest exploded as his insides boiled and tore apart the bits keeping him together. As he slumped uselessly against the door I watched Charmer race to his side. The hell was she doing? He was the god damn enemy! He was going to kill her if I hadn’t stepped in. 

An irritated sigh escaped me as I turned to scan the rest of the room. Things were going well. All of the synth guards had been killed, their weapons collected in a corner. On the far side of the room several agents had the scientists held at gun point. I still couldn’t quite believe we were just going to let them live. As far as I was concerned every damn one of them was guilty. They all deserved a bullet.

Desdemona walked passed me toward the door where Charmer sat with Macready. Apparently those two were a thing. “alright, time to join the others!” 

Hefting my laser weapon in one hand I followed the surge of agents toward the door. We left the lab behind and stepped out into a massive room. it’s hard to describe what I was seeing, especially since I literally had nothing to compare it to. First of all there was all the green stuff. The only green I’d seen was on the walls of Diamond city. Here there was green grass and trees that bore green leaves. Practically urban legends as far as I was concerned. The walls were white and clean, unbroken glass dominated the architecture and the technology was clearly more advanced than anything in the commonwealth.

None of that kept my attention. It was the water. They had literal rivers of clean, drinkable water everywhere. Actual fountains of the stuff beneath the walk ways. The institute had to be sitting pretty if they felt comfortable enough to waste water like that. Those fuckers deserved to die for that alone.

The railroad agents spread out around me, engaging any and all security guards around us. I hesitated. The battle had already begun here. The synths on the inside must have started fighting mere seconds after we arrived. Over the intercom I heard Tinker Tom say something but I didn’t listen. There was only one thing on my mind.

I found Charmer standing off to the side with Macready. I strode toward her and grabbed her by the shoulder, forcing her to look at me. Macready gave me a warning look. “O'Malley.”

I totally ignored him. “where do they make the synths?” 

My abrupt appearance clearly set her aback. We’d never met face to face and as much as I’d like to chit chat I didn’t have the patience to. Eventually she answered my question, clearly confused. “oh, uh, just follow the red lines.”

I looked at the paths around us. There were multi colored lines painted on the floor. I suppose it was a round room too so it wouldn’t be too difficult to find where I wanted to go. Mumbling a quiet thank you, which I was pretty sure she didn’t hear, I ran off down the path. The fighting had spread throughout the building, raging between generation two synths and generation three synths. Most of the scientists had fled to safety, leaving their slaves to defend them. What pieces of shit.

I found the red line and followed it up a ramp onto another platform. Here it seemed the fighting raged even harder than elsewhere. More bodies and synths lay scattered across the floor. Coursers wearing black coats defended a door marked robotics. Mercilessly they shot down anyone that came close. Generation three synths fell in waves, risking everything to destroy what had created them.

Sure as hell wasn’t just going to leave them to defend themselves. Besides those coursers were in my way. I pulled the pin of a grenade with a thumb and tossed it into the space behind the coursers. They didn’t have enough time to react. It exploded, effectively shredding their legs to pieces. The pain didn’t appear to register, even while they collapsed to broken bloody knees they kept firing. Encouraged by the explosion the rest of the synths pressed them harder, releasing a volley of laser fire so thick I wasn’t sure anyone could survive it. 

The coursers became masses of puckered flesh and steam in black coats. The smell would haunt my nightmares for the weeks after but in that moment I could only smirk. That was for Glory. The attackers surged forward, banging hands and weapons against the doors to get inside. At least one of them was smart enough to go for the control panel beside the door. 

Turns out they shouldn’t have bothered. A sad whale issued throughout the facility. A deep mechanical voice spoke over the intercom. “evacuation protocol E-001. This is not a drill. Please proceed to your designated areas.” 

The doors hissed open and I, along with everyone else outside, surged in. For a split second I came to a dead stop, dumbstruck by what I found. The room was round, with a giant mechanical arm suspended from the ceiling. Three stations sat around a bubbling pool of some kind of red liquid. On a round pallet directly across from me was a half-finished man. He lay with his arms splayed out to either side, muscles and tissue half formed on a premade skeleton. Empty eye sockets stared at me from across the room, piercingly. 

Bile surged up my throat into my mouth. Grasping my stomach I staggered out of the entrance to the side, dry heaving. Around me the institute synths tore apart the machine that had simultaneously given them life and taken it away. There were a few generation two synths but they put up little resistance. Leaning heavily on the wall I did my best to hold myself in check. My heart pounded furiously in my ears and every fiber of my being was filled with electricity. 

After a few minutes I regained control of my stomach and sat up. They’d already taken the half finished synth down from his palate. Thank god, I wasn’t sure I could see that again. The rebel synths swarmed around the lab, tearing apart any machine they could with their bare hands. They were making short work of the lab and I hadn’t even gotten the answers I was looking for.

While they demolished the room around me I ran to a terminal sitting up against the wall. After a few failed tries I broke through its security. Something inside me became smug. A wastelander had cracked institute security, maybe they weren’t as smart as they thought. 

A long manifest of names and designations scrolled over the screen. My heart felt heavy scanning them individually. The institute had created so many synths. They’d destroyed so many lives. How many of them had died during this fight? How many of them had lived their entire lives as slaves to the people that created them? How many had the railroad actually saved? Most of the entries only had designations, Z1-36 and so on. A few had names attached to them. Synths that had been specifically created to replace wastelanders.

Then there it was.

My blood went cold, staring at the name printed in green light. O'Malley, Vel. Beside it was the designation, V3-27. Just reading it brought the bile back to my throat. I shouldn’t be surprised. I mean I knew they had made a synth, the real question wasn’t if they had. The question was which of us had been the real one. 

Fingers shook on the keyboard as I opened the file. It didn’t contain much. There was a brief explanation of the synth’s creation. Something about a brain scan successfully transferred, synth implementation complete. Status unknown. So they didn’t know if the synth was dead or standing right here reading her own file. I swallowed dryly, scrolling a tiny bit further until a single line stood at the center of the screen. 

Recall code:

Epsilon 78 cirrus

Just reading the words made my heart stop beating. I didn’t dare speak them aloud, too scared by what they might do to me. The railroad knew what a recall code was. It was a code phrase institute agents used to pacify runaway synths. Effectively it rendered them unconscious. No one knew how long it lasted or what actually happened to the synth. And there was mine, or at least, the synth’s that had my face.

There was nothing else. No indication if I had killed the synth or if the synth had successfully changed places with me. No reports, no status, just that one line. The recall code. My shoulders began to shake as I stared at it, the world fading out around me. Inadvertently I committed it to memory. It was the only thing that would tell me. It was the only way to figure out the truth. 

But now, faced with the option, a literal choice, I was terrified. Did I really want to know?

Angrily I shot the screen. Shards of glass and bits of metal flew apart, some of it scratched at my face, drawing tiny bloody tracks. For a few seconds I stood there, frozen, face contorted by rage and pain. My gun hand shook violently. The muzzle wavered on its target while my finger strained against the trigger. Everything just hurt.

Then gentle a hand reached out and took me under the arm. It was metal and so very familiar. Slowly I tore my gaze from the terminal up to a synthetic face that I’d recognize anywhere. Nick’s yellow eyes stared into mine, filled with concern and grim. “gray….”

“Nick….” I murmured, barely loud enough to hear. “what are you doing here? How’d you even get here?”

“Deacon asked me to come.” He replied, easing my hand down and placing his other on my shoulder. 

“of course he did.” I dropped my gaze to the floor. I felt light headed and all I wanted in that moment was to burry my face in Nick’s shoulder. His hands slid up and down my arms in a soothing gesture. 

“what happened? Did you find what you-” he couldn’t finish that, there was almost as much emotion in his throat as there was in my chest. 

I refused to look at him, averting my eyes to the synth lab. Some generation three synths were still hard at work dismantling the machines, most had already left others still were crumpled on the floor, hiding tears behind hands. This must have been more to take in than they could handle. It wasn’t every day that an entire army marched in guns blazing to rescue you. At last I looked back at Nick, hoping my eyes were determined not pained. “we’ll talk later, for now we have to help evacuate everyone.”

He clearly wanted to argue. His jaw drew tight and he dropped his hands from my arms. Please don’t, just hold me. He nodded firmly. “I’ll follow your lead.”

Together we corralled synths out of the labs and led them back to the relay room. As we ran through the institute we gathered a small army behind us. Some of them looked terrified, others practically beside themselves with triumphant rage. Others still were just too stunned to really understand what was happening. Back in the relay room Tinker Tom was working feverishly to teleport whole groups of synths to safety. I noticed a few scientists mixed in among them. The hell was wrong with Desdemona? 

Eventually it came our turn. Nick and I stepped into the teleporter together. I held tightly to his hand, desperate to keep him close to my side. The blue light engulfed us for a split second before we emerged out into cool outside air. I took in a grateful breath, savoring how clean it tasted compared to the metal tang of the institute. A breeze blew over us, drawing a small shiver from me. Nick put his hands on my shoulders, squeezing them.

We stood on a tower somewhere on the east side of the city. No idea where we were but I could see the old CIT ruins sprawled out a short distance from us. One by one more railroad agents appeared with flashes of blue light. Charmer and Macready appeared on the other side of the roof from us. They were followed by Desdemona and Deacon who both looked grim. They didn’t look nearly as triumphant as they should have been. We’d won after all. 

The reason became clear when Charmer’s gaze drew my attention to a big red button next to her. Oh. Well, I suppose I shouldn’t have been surprised. The railroad wanted all traces of the institute erased from the face of the earth. Of course we were going to blow it up. I watched Charmer hesitate, her eyes transfixed on the button. I couldn’t blame her. It wasn’t an easy decision to make. This would effectively change the face of the commonwealth forever. But it had to be done.

I wouldn’t have hesitated.

With a tight fist she slammed the button down. For a split second it seemed like nothing had happened. The sun sunk toward the horizon, bathing the sky in deep oranges. Had it really taken us so long to take down the institute? It didn’t feel that way. 

Then the air went still and a giant fireball exploded at the center of the city. The shockwave raced toward us, rocking the building we stood on. I grabbed hold of Nick and he wrapped his arms around me. I couldn’t tear my gaze away from the spectacular light show as it lit up the twilight sky. I became momentarily blind by the light of the blast. That reactor of theirs must have been powerful. Bit of a shame we had to destroy it.

The light faded, leaving the city a little darker than it had been. Dust and debris floated through the streets, drifting down from buildings. Where the CIT had once been there was now a massive crater. Water from the river flooded into its depths, effectively burying what little remained of the institute. Doubted there was anything left to begin with. 

It was over.

Then Charmer screamed. The sound of it shocked me so badly I went for my weapon again. She was on her knees, screaming miserably into her hands. Macready rushed forward and folded his arms around her, murmuring small comforts into her ear. 

Couldn’t stop my mouth falling open. No one moved or said anything. They were all still transfixed by the utter devastation we’d just rained on the institute. Nick’s hands tightened around me, drawing me against his chest. He let out a long shuddering breath, relieved. For the first time in his long life, he was free. 

I twisted around in his arms to face him fully. The movement drew his attention to my face. I put my hands on his trench coat, giving him a crooked half smile. “it’s over Nick….”

“yes it is.” He nodded, clasping his hands at the small of my back.

Grasping his lapels I forced him to close the gap between us. We crushed our lips together, both of us consenting, both eager. I wanted this. I wanted this so badly. And I could feel in the movement of his lips that he wanted this too. Understanding passed between us, drawn between our lips and bodies. 

I had to break the kiss as I ran out of breath. Panting I put my head on his collar and he placed his chin over the top of my head. He kept me in his arms. One of his hands traced down my spine, drawing out a shiver. “did you find what you were looking for?” he asked in a subdued tone.

Carefully I pulled my head away from his chest and looked up. Those yellow eyes were soft, gently encouraging. He wasn’t demanding answers, he waited for me to give them. Whether I would or not he didn’t care. his patience was inhuman. The man he was in the mechanical shell. Swallowing hard I broke us apart and reached into his trench coat to find the pen I’d used just that morning. Taking his left hand in mine I scrawled quickly in his palm.

V3-27 Epsilon 78 cirrus.

My hands shook violently as I wrote it but it still came out perfectly clear on his white skin. He could read it. He would understand. Or at least I hoped he would understand.

He took his hand back and read the code. His face went from gentle to disgusted then right back to sympathetic. His yellow eyes strayed back to me, heavy with emotion. “this is….”

I nodded. I didn’t trust myself to speak.

Nick’s fist tightened around the code and he dropped it to his side. With his other he cupped my face, drawing me up to look at him. In that expression, I knew he knew what to do, that he knew what I wanted. I didn’t even have to say it aloud. Damn it Nick, how did you know me so well? “when you’re ready.” He whispered, not loud enough for anyone else to hear us. “I’ll be there. Just say the word, I’ll help you through it.”

Tears formed on the corners of my eyes. Swallowing hard I wrapped a hand around the back of his neck and kissed him a second time. I could feel his clasped fist as he put his arms back around me. He was the only one I’d ever trust with that. He was the only one that knew I what I might be. He was the only one that could make me feel things I’d never thought I would. 

When we parted he smiled at me, face so tender it actually made my heart ache. “should we go home?”

I glanced at Charmer who still sat crumpled on the roof of the tower. Macready had her in his arms while her grief wracked her body. The show of emotion was somewhat more than I could personally handle. I returned my gaze to Nick. “yeah, let’s go.”

He clasped me by the hand and led me to the elevator. Together we returned to Goodneighbor. We returned home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here’s a fun fact, this chapter corresponds one to one with chapter 30 of Shallw3run’s Sanctuary. So reading these two chapters next to each other is actually kinda neat. 
> 
> You might think the institute would be my climax like it was with Shallw but it’s not. We’ve still got five more chapters left and it’s one hell of a ride. Thank you for sticking with me guys. Your support for these last few months has meant everything to me. Not that I’m an expert or anything but if any of you wanted an opinion about a work or just looking for some advice on writing my email is still on my bio. I want to give you as much support as you've given me.
> 
> And as always guys, write on!


	27. What Could Possibly Go Wrong?

Desdemona let out a long groan, slowly lighting a cigarette and placing it in her mouth. I waited with my hands clasped behind my back, standing stalk still. Next to her Deacon leaned up against the wall of the catacombs, arms folded, staring at the floor. He’d heard the story once, but somehow he looked even more disappointed than before. Maybe because last time we had been about to go to war. 

After what felt like a decade Desdemona took in a long drag and let the smoke out in one smooth motion. “so it was your fault.”

My hands tightened behind my back. My heart felt heavy. God I wished I’d taken Nick’s offer to come with me. Facing them alone seemed like the right thing to do but now that I was here I could barely stand under the weight of the guilt. So many lives had been lost because of me. It didn’t matter to me that Nick had been the one to actually speak the words, he did it to protect me. Not that I’d told Desdemona or Deacon about his involvement. 

“well….” Desdemona continued in a voice too calm. That usually meant the rage was so hot she actually wanted to keep it in check. Her eyes remained on a point somewhere in the middle of my forehead, not quite looking at me. If I walked away alive I’d be lucky. “your actions resulted in the death of a dozen agents, not including Glory. Are you trying to make excuses?”

“no ma’am.” If I was using the term ma’am things were serious. God why couldn’t she just take it out of my flesh and be done with it? “it was my fault, I don’t have any excuses. I’m not requesting leniency.” 

The barest hint of sympathy crossed her face before anger swooped in to replace it. she turned her back on me and took a few steps away, holding her cigarette out casually in one hand. Judging by the tightness of her shoulders she was struggling to keep her temper in check. Wished she wouldn’t. “you’ve been a good soldier but this… this can’t be ignored.”

Deacon shoved off the wall and stood at her shoulder, giving me a look out of the corner of his eye. “the circumstances were extraordinary Dez, I’m not sure any of our agents would hold out against that kind of interrogation.”

“that doesn’t excuse what happened.” I muttered in a low tone, glaring at him. 

He raised a brow as Desdemona half turned to look at me. “what would you do if you were in my place?”

The sweat trickled down the back of my neck. This was the part I’d been dreading. After all there was only one possible answer. Only one way I’d consider in her position. “I’d execute me.”

Clearly my response startled them both. They exchanged looks, mixtures of surprise and agreement. A silent debate passed between them. Deacon shook his head ever so slightly, face grim. Desdemona fought him for a few seconds before finally she released a breath. “we won’t execute you.”

“but?”

“but.” She brought her gaze back to mine. There was regret there. Glad to see I’d made such a good impression with her. “you’re not welcome with the railroad anymore.”

My chest inflated and I let out a breath I hadn’t realized I’d been holding. I’m not sure this could have worked out any better. I bowed my head, jaw set. Gotta put on a show. “of course….”

“you were one of our best agents and Glory would resurrect herself to kill me if I had you executed.” Desdemona shook her head irritably. 

“besides.” Deacon gave me a wink, half grinning. “we owe you a thing or two.”

Wasn’t sure they owed me the equivalent of thirteen lives but I was thankful they didn’t want me to pay in kind. In truth I’d been hoping they would let me go. Having said all that needed to be said I gave them a small bow then left the catacombs. There weren’t many agents in headquarters as I left, most were in the church above. word hadn’t reached them yet of my betrayal. They waved at me casually. Some I knew, pretty well actually. In spite of my efforts I’d grown to care about the railroad. They weren’t my family but they were pretty close to it. I was a little sad to be leaving them behind. 

But it was time. 

Besides, I had someone waiting for me.

A smile touched my lips thinking about Nick, as I left the old north church into the bright midday sun. it had been about a week since we destroyed the institute. I’d held off telling Desdemona the truth until now because I knew one way or the other I’d leave the railroad. I wanted to help the synths. For the last week I had helped ferry groups of synths to the edge of the commonwealth. Without the ever-present threat of the institute it no longer was necessary to erase their memories. Some of them wanted to forget it though and I couldn’t blame them.

Most just wanted to leave the commonwealth for good. Instead of transporting them one at a time the railroad had chosen to do it in bulk. By this time most of them had left already. Some of the scientists we’d saved also went, and I knew there were some that remained within the commonwealth. I was still itching to kill some of them, but most still seemed genuinely repentant. We’d left behind those that refused to surrender. 

While I wasn’t working with the railroad I spent every waking hour I had with Nick, and most of my sleeping hours too. We’d decided to let things take its course, to see where things would go from here. As it turned out where things were going was right where I’d always hoped they would. Still wasn’t entirely sure when these feelings had begun to take root but they were here. And they were here to stay.

Walking across the ruins back to Diamond city a stupid smile took hold of my face that not even a pack of ghouls could erase. By the time I got to the gates of the city I was practically jogging to get back to the detective agency. I’d finally be able to tell Nick that my time with the railroad was over. The last bit of tension between us would be gone and we could finally focus on us. 

And there was an us.

It was still a little hard to wrap my mind around that. Going from best friends to lovers just seemed so strange yet I found myself beyond excited to be at his side. Hence why I made my way quickly through the streets of the city to his office. Everything just seemed bright. For the first time in months there wasn’t a shadow over my head. Even if I still wasn’t sure if I was a synth I could now find out at any time. Nick would be there, like he promised and he’d help me through it. with him at my side I could face anything. 

What could possibly go wrong?

“hey Nick!” I called in as I walked through the door into his office. “I was thinking, don’t you have a case over in Salem? I was wondering if you’d want to stop by the slog an-” my words died in my throat.

Lying on the floor behind the desk was Ellie. She was unmoving, face down on the rough carpet, hands splayed out around her face, hair spread out. I ran forward and gently eased her over. There was a big purple bruise on her jaw and a smear of blood at her temple. “Ellie… Ellie wake up.” I shook her gently, fearing serious injury.

Her eyes fluttered opened. I watched her pupils roll around before they came to rest unevenly on me. “Vel?”

“I’m here, what happened?” I cradled her in my arms, helping her sit fully up. 

Wincing she put a hand to her head and leaned against the wall. “I don’t… it’s all a blur….”

“sit tight I’ll get you a Stimpak.” Leaving her on the floor I got up and rushed into Nick’s room. He couldn’t use Stimpaks but he kept a stash for clients. I found the box under his bed and rushed back with a stim clutched in my hand. 

Ellie was on her feet, leaning heavily on the desk, a shaking hand to her head. 

“whoa there girl, sit down.” I took her under the elbow and guided her to a chair. She sat heavily, cradling her head in her hands. Before she could stop me I stabbed her in the arm with the Stimpak.

She flinched as the chemicals flooded her system. Shaking her head she looked up at me. Judging by the pupils she likely had a concussion. I should bring her to the doctor but I wasn’t sure I could get her to move. “Vel, you’ve got to find Nick.”

“where is Nick?” I glanced around the tiny room, as if expecting to see him pop out from under the desk. Why wasn’t he here? What was he doing while Ellie was getting her face beat in? 

Suddenly Ellie grabbed onto my sleeve. The movement sent my hand to my pistol but I didn’t draw it. the stark fear on her face left me cold. Nothing scared Ellie. I remembered how she had stood up against Stern even when he almost killed her. What exactly happened? “it’s Nick! He’s-He’s…. well I don’t know!”

“whoa, slow down.” I clasped her by the arms and eased her away from me. The closeness made me more than uncomfortable. Gently I put her back down in the chair and knelt to her level. “what are you talking about? What’s happened to Nick?”

“he was fine. He said he was going to head out to Salem as soon as you got back but…. Then something changed.” She gripped my arms tightly, almost painfully. Her eyes held mine, shaking slightly with terror. “he started talking in a different voice… it wasn’t his! He went stiff then he looked at me. I’ve never seen Nick look like that before!” 

My frown grew deeper. “what did he say? Where did he go?”

She swallowed hard, her hands shaking as they gripped my sleeves. “he said he had unfinished business… he called himself Kellogg.”

Those words stopped my heart cold. Kellogg. Anyone worth their bullets knew that name and knew to stay the hell away from him. He was one of the most brutal mercenaries to ever walk the commonwealth. Rumor had it he’d been working for the institute. Come to think of it I hadn’t heard anything about him for months leading up to the institute’s destruction. Where had he been? And more importantly why was Nick calling himself Kellogg?

Ellie shook me to draw my attention back to her. The cut on her eyebrow bled gradually into her eye. “you have to go after him. I think he went to Kellogg’s house. Whatever he’s going to do, you’ve got to stop him.”

“I will.” I nodded firmly and pulled myself away from her. “go get a doctor. I’ll see to Nick.” See to Nick? Usually when I’d used that phrase it was code for kill. It wouldn’t come to that, I wouldn’t let it. but I was nowhere near prepared for this. what had gotten into Nick? Why had he done this? Nick would never strike Ellie. Something was seriously wrong. 

Kellogg had lived in a house on the edge of Diamond City. The mayor had for some reason decided to sell him a house which seemed a little insane to me. Still, at least it made my journey quick. I left the agency and ran up the ramp toward Kellogg’s door. Without knocking I crashed through to the other side. 

There was Nick, standing in the middle of the room, his back to me. He’d abandoned his fedora and trench coat. I couldn’t explain why but seeing him without those made me even more scared than otherwise. When I entered he didn’t even turn, his hands held in front of him. “didn’t anyone teach you to knock?”

That voice. It didn’t sound like Nick’s but it wasn’t unfamiliar. I’d heard him mutter in that same voice before. Dread took tight hold of my heart as I carefully stepped inside and closed the door behind me. “Nick? What’s going on…. What happened with Ellie?”

“generally I don’t like hitting women but she wouldn’t just shut up.” He growled in a voice that sounded like gravel on stone. He dropped his hands to his sides. It was then that I noticed he was holding a gun. Not his usual revolver, but a wickedly large Magnum. 

“but it’s Ellie….” I protested feebly. My body felt the danger in the room even if my mind didn’t want to accept it. this was Nick! Nick would never hurt me. This was all some kind of misunderstanding. It had to be. “that’s sort of what she does….”

A chuckle escaped him. Not Nick’s chuckle. “guess so.”

Swallowing hard I took a small step forward. He looked at me out of the corner of his eye. At least those were still familiar, yellow. “Nick… what’s wrong? You can tell me. I’m here for you ok?”

He scoffed at me, smirking cruelly. “well look at that, the bot got himself a broad. Never would have guessed.”

My hands felt clammy, my right hand inching toward my pistol on instinct. When I noticed, I clasped my fist. I would not draw on Nick. “maybe we should get out of here…. This place is….”

He reached out and put a hand around the back of my neck. The gesture startled me but I was too dumbfounded to react like I ordinarily would have. how the hell was I supposed to react to that anyway? Nick’s features became soft, too soft, like he was trying so hard to convince me of his emotions. “I’m sorry doll, I don’t mean to frighten you.”

“I….” it was all so wrong. I knew it. my body shook, my knees felt like they might give out. This wasn’t Nick but why couldn’t I react? Why couldn’t I shove his hand away and draw on him?

The answer lay in those eyes. So familiar yet foreign now. Like seeing a face in a crowd where it didn’t belong. Those eyes belonged to my Nick but he wasn’t the one behind them now.

He smiled, a sinister clone of the kinds of smiles Nick always gave me. “hey, don’t be scared. Listen I could use a hand here.”

Sweat dripped down the back of my neck over his fingers. I became acutely aware of the feel of his thumb trailing over my throat. 

With a small step he closed the gap between us and ran his other hand along my face. Nick had never touched me like this. it felt possessive, wrong. Nick was gentle, careful. Always thinking of what would make me feel loved not captive. “I’ve got a little… case. Yeah, a murder case. Think you can help me with that?”

My mind was blank. I just couldn’t believe what was happening. Mechanically I nodded.

That smile turned into a smirk, teeth flashing beneath his lips. That was so wrong it made my stomach churn. “ya see. There was this mercenary. He’d been put on a job a few years back to kidnap a baby and kill its father. Wasn’t the worst thing he’d ever done believe me.”

The story triggered something inside my memory. Had Nick actually told me this story before? Had I heard it somewhere else? 

Slowly Nick dropped his hand to my arm. Those metal fingers wrapped around me almost painfully. “the problem was the kid had a mother. Years went by, he thought he was safe. Then one day she shows up. Kenner.”

That name. Violet Kenner. Nick always called her kid. She was his friend and client. What did any of that have to do with Kellogg?

His next words filled in those gaps. “she hired herself a detective and together they tracked the mercenary down. it was one hell of a fight and when it was all over the mercenary was dead. Well not totally.”

I tried to swipe away his hands, to free myself from his touch but he brushed my attempt aside and gripped my throat tightly with his left hand. 

He rolled his eyes, hoisting me a few inches into the air. His grip was bruising, making it almost impossible to breath. “I’m looking for Kenner. Now I’m willing to bet you’ve got an idea where I can start looking.”

Gripping his hand I glared at him. The trance that had held me before was gone. What replaced it was a gaping hole in my chest. This was worse than watching Nick die. “I’m not telling you a fucking thing!” I shouted at him, using what little breath I had to do it.

He sighed heavily and tossed me. The strength of the throw sent my flying into a wall. I cracked my head against the metal and crumbled to the floor. Stars danced on my vision while I sat up. Nick, or rather Kellogg, casually turned in a circle, admiring his hand. “ya know, I’ve got to say I didn’t expect this body to feel so good.” 

Sitting on the floor I watched him with my eyes, my hand carefully inching toward my pistol. Not sure what I actually planned. Shooting Nick was out of the question but maybe there was a way to shut him off just long enough to figure out what the hell was going on.

“I’ve never been stronger. This guy’s got all kinds of sensors and I bet he doesn’t even know it.” Kellogg continued as if casually talking about the merits of a suit of power armor. He stood before me, feet shoulder width apart, still admiring his hand as he flexed. “I can hear things too, better than I ever could as a human. For instance, I can hear your heart beat.”

My heart skipped a beat and I threw my gun up toward his face.

He caught it in a grip stronger than a Supermutant’s. he crushed my fingers against the metal forcing me to let go with a cry of pain. Satisfied he tossed it away into a corner and took hold of the front of my shirt. He brought our faces together, mere inches apart. “you’ve really got a thing for this synth don’t you?”

My usually witty remarks died in my throat, staring into Nick’s face that Kellogg hid behind. I couldn’t understand how this had happened. How had Kellogg’s personality got into Nick’s body? Was this what he had been talking about back on the freeway? Had the brotherhood done this to him somehow? 

“I’ll make you a deal.” Kellogg hissed, still grinning evilly. My heart ached seeing Nick’s face drawn like that. “if you help me track down Kenner I’ll return this guy back to you. Totally unscathed, completely unharmed. What do you say? You want Valentine back?”

Yes, oh god yes I wanted him back. I half opened my mouth to say just that. To tell Kellogg that I’d do any damn thing he wanted if he’d just give Nick back to me. The price would never be too high. Then I looked into those eyes. Nick’s voice echoed around in my head. 

“no….” I said through a thick throat. “no deal….” Nick would never forgive me if I gave up Kenner like that, so selfishly. 

Kellogg dropped his hand from my front. He straightened, running a hand over the top of his head. He grimaced toward the far wall, contemplative. For a brief moment I hoped that he’d give up. Maybe even just give Nick back to me. It was only a hope. “well… if that’s how it’s gonna be….” His eyes strayed back toward me. Fire flashed there, rage and malice. Without warning he swung his left hand, the metal skeleton hand. 

Blood spurted from where the metal cut my face. I fell to the side, clutching miserably at my jaw while blood leaked out from between my fingers. The pain was unimaginable. He hadn’t held back much, throwing almost all of the robotic arm’s full force into the blow. For a few seconds I lay there, fighting back cries of pain and tears.

Kellogg took hold of my shirt again and hoisted me back to a sitting position. He raised his now bloody fist to my face, brows raised. God why did I have to see Nick there? “the institute put some mechanical parts in me. Never let them do a full mind switch though. I’m starting regret that.” He threw another punch.

It connected and several more gashes opened up along my face. blood poured down the side of my neck onto my clothes. The force of the blow would have sent me back to the floor but his other hand kept me firmly in place. 

“now, enough of being polite.” He muttered in a dark tone, lifting me a couple inches off the ground. “you’re going to tell me where to find Kenner and I’m going to kill her. I don’t really want to hurt you. I just want revenge on the woman that killed me. You can understand that can’t you?”

Blood leaked into my mouth. Couldn’t decide if it was from being punched or if that metal had cut through my cheek. Miserably I gripped the hand holding me upright. “Nick… please… come back to me.” It hurt to say even that little bit. 

He sighed and rolled his eyes. his hand shifted from my collar to my neck. With a vice grip he lifted me back into the air. Pressed against the wall, choking I could only look at him. Tears were beginning to fall down my cheeks, stinging the cuts on my face. “look broad, Nick ain’t coming back. it’s just me. So if you don’t want to end up dead you’ll tell me what I want to know.”

“please Nick….” My voice broke, filled to bursting with pain. It was like a nightmare and all I wanted to do was wake up. Wake up to Nick’s arms wrapped around me. His gentle smile waiting for me. Those wonderful eyes filled with love, not this cold dead anger. 

Kellogg punched me again, this time aiming for the temple. Blood leaked into my eye, blinding me. Blinking blearily I tried to clear my vision. There was no use. The surrealism of this moment wouldn’t go away. “stop stalling, tell me where Kenner is.”

“I don’t know!” I cried miserably, tears coming hard and fast now. “just give him back to me! Please! Just give Nick back!”

“then you’re no use to me are you?” Kellogg wrapped Nick’s hands around my neck. 

His thumbs pressed tightly into my carotid arteries, effectively cutting off the blood flow to my brain. I clawed at his grip, desperately trying to pry his fingers away. Darkness ate away at the edges of my vision before long. Lightheadedness surged in to take hold. I fought unconsciousness for as long as I could, staring into Nick’s eyes. 

I just wanted him back.

Then suddenly his grip loosened and I hit the metal floor with a painful thud. Coughing violently I gingerly touched my rapidly bruising throat. blood slicked my neck and poured down the side of my face. the darkness quickly receded from my vision.

Kellogg dropped to his knees in front of me. A hand over his face, leaning over on the floor. “Gray….”

“Nick?!” my eyes went wide, tears continued to flood my face. I reached for him but came up short when his head shot up to look at me.

His eyes shook violently, darting back and forth between my own. His entire body shook, hands flat on the floor, arms weak. Pain and anguish filled his expression, tugging painfully on my heart strings. “I can’t… hold him back for long….”

“Nick, please….” I took his face in my hands, trying to hold him steady. Not that I was any steadier than him. “you can fight him, I know you can. Stay with me please!”

He put a soft hand over mine, trying to muster that wonderfully crooked smile for my benefit. “I’m sorry gray…. I don’t have the strength.”

“no….”

He gripped my hand tightly, eyes coming into focus. “listen…. You’ve got to warn Violet…. He won’t stop until he-” a cry of pain issued out of him and he doubled over, gripping his chest.

“Nick!” I clasped his shoulders, heart thudding in my chest. What the hell was I supposed to do?! How could I help him when what was hurting him was already inside? God damn it! if I ever found out who did this to him!

“warn Violet.” He repeated in a strained voice. His shoulders shook beneath my hands so much I thought he might literally fall apart. “don’t let Kellogg find her… promise me.”

Who the hell was Violet and why was she so damn important to him?! I knew they were friends but for god’s sake think about yourself for one damn minute! “We can help you…. There has to be a way to get him out.”

Nick looked up at me, face contorted with pain while he continued to fight Kellogg. “there’s no time…. Promise me you’ll protect her from me…. Kellogg will use my face to lure her out…. Don’t let me kill her.”

“Nick, I can’t just-”

“promise me!”

My heart leapt up into my throat where it stayed. Choking on it and my emotions I nodded, tears still falling like rivers. “yes…. Nick I promise…. But-”

A scream tore out of his throat and he collapsed in on himself again. His shoulders heaved while he lost the battle he’d been raging against Kellogg. I put my hands back on him, my fists wrapping in his white shirt. “stay with me Nick! Please don’t give in to him! We can figure something out! Just stay with me!”

“I love you Vel.” He choked out.

Words died in my throat. 

In a split second he shot up and threw a back handed slap into my face. the force of it sent me flying hard into the opposite wall. My head smashed against the wall so hard I lost consciousness. Blackness took hold of me entirely, I fell limp. 

I honestly didn’t expect I’d wake up, I’m not sure I wanted to. All I wanted was to hear Nick’s voice again, to know he was beside me. For this all to be a bad dream. When I did wake, it was to someone gently shaking me, and a throbbing pain throughout my face. 

“get up! O'Malley wake the hell up!”

That voice, I didn’t recognize it at first. When I opened my eyes I found Piper leaning over me, eyes wide with fear. “Piper… what?”

She had a hand on my shoulder while the other tried to wipe at the blood on my face with a rag. “good god O'Malley, did he do this to you? We’ve got to get you to a doctor quick!”

Was that concern? For me? Where in the hell had she been hiding that the last few months? Groaning I brushed her hand away and sat up. Most of the blood had dried on my face, giving me a crimson powdery mask. The cuts still bled though, all be it not as vigorously as before. They could be pouring blood for all I cared. “Piper! Do you know where Violet Kenner is?!”

My abrupt question put her aback. She sat back on her haunches, taking the rag with her. “yeah, she lives over at Sanctuary Hills, north west of the city. Why?”

With gritted teeth I forced myself to my feet. the blood loss that I had suffered gave me a throbbing headache and my limbs felt irritatingly weak. I didn’t care about that, we had to work fast. “you have to warn her. Tell her that Kellogg isn’t dead and that he’s on his way to her right now.”

“Kellogg?” Piper blurted in disbelief, rising in tandem with me. “what’s Kellogg got to do with Nick going mad?”

Word certainly traveled fast. I guess Ellie told her. “there’s no time to explain.” I shoved past her, staggering stiffly to where my pistol still lay on the ground. “you’ve got to go now! he already has a head start but I don’t think he knows where she is!”

“what are you going to do?”

I wracked the slide of my pistol and shoved it back into the holster at my side. “Ellison, she’s the only one smart enough to figure out how to shut a synth down without killing it. she’ll have a way I know she will.”

“who the hell is Ellison?! And what the fuck is going on?!” she shouted at me, hands splayed out to either side of her. “what’s happened to Nick?!”

Exasperatedly I rolled my eyes, which sent a surge of pain through the left side of my face. “just go! I don’t have time to explain! Violet is counting on you to get there before Nick! Now get going!” 

I tore out the door, a plan rapidly forming in my head. Hopefully Ellison was listening for the beacon. I knew she survived the Prydwen, but the question remained. Would she help me get Nick back?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is where I’ve been headed from the beginning.
> 
> One of my biggest disappointments with fallout 4 was that the whole thing with Kellogg never went anywhere. I mean when I heard Nick talk in Kellogg’s voice I honestly thought that was going to lead to his companion quest. When nothing came of it the gears started turning. This was the first scene I imagined before I did anything else, even before Vel was conceived as anything more than my player character. It’s one of the most gut-wrenching things I’ve ever written and I hope that shows. 
> 
> Can’t say anything else without giving anything away so I’ll leave it here, see you guys on Sunday and write on!


	28. Laser Guns and Punches

“fascinating. I didn’t think his architecture would be capable of maintaining more than one personality. I was more than certain that the institute struggled to implement one full human consciousness. This Kellogg person must have figured out a way to compress himself in order to reduce the taxation on his systems. Or perhaps it wasn’t a full transfer. Maybe there’s only a-”

“focus Ellison!” I cut her off irritably, throwing a hand out.

She blinked rapidly, momentarily shocked by my outburst. “oh right… sorry I was rambling again wasn’t I? you said you want a way to incapacitate him without damaging him?”

“yes.” 

She put a finger to her chin and dropped her gaze to the ground. We were standing just outside of Goodneighbor, having arrived nearly at the same time. Ellison must have been nearby if she got my message that fast. Her blond hair fell in her face, hiding her eyes from my view. That tiny grimace turned into a smile. “it is possible…. An electromagnetic pulse should be capable of stopping him but we run serious risk of damaging his memory cortex. That could completely erase both of them from the body which I doubt we want. We need a way to focus the pulse….”

Impatiently I shifted from foot to foot, glancing around the ruined street. We didn’t have time for this. right then Kellogg was on his way to sanctuary. He may not have known where to look for Violet Kenner but it wouldn’t take him long to figure it out. We had limited time to get there first. If Kellogg got there before we did …. No I wasn’t going to think like that. I was going to stop him, I was going to keep my promise to Nick. 

Beside me Ellison continued to ramble on rather incoherently. I was fairly certain she forgot I was there for a split second. Then she snapped her fingers and her head shot up. “that’s it! I can modify a laser rifle.”

“I don’t want to kill him.” I answered exasperatedly.

She looked at me, eyes bright with excitement. Didn’t she get what was going on? Or was she just that excited to have a new project in mind? “laser rifles function in such a way that it releases a concentrated beam of electromagnetic radiation. If you are so inclined you can modify it to release any form of radiation you wish, it’s all the same as far the photons are concerned. It already focusses the wave we just have to modify it to create a-”

“can you stop him?” again I cut her off, growing a little too impatient to let her ramble. She could ramble all she wanted on the way to sanctuary.

A small scowl crossed her face at my interruption but she nodded. “I have a laser rifle, I can modify it fairly quickly. The modifications will likely burn it out. You’ll only have one shot.”

“one shot is all I need.” Or at least I hoped. So long as the damn thing worked the first time that’s all I really would need. I grabbed her by the shoulder, staring her directly in the eye. My face was still bloody and I’m sure that set her aback. I wondered mildly how deranged I looked right then. “how long?”

“not long.” She shook her head. “I’ll come with you, there may be something more I can do once you’ve subdued him.”

Subdued, incapacitate, using those words with respect to Nick put a hollow feeling in my gut. I tried not to think of him as Nick. This was Kellogg, not Nick. He was the one rampaging across the commonwealth to kill Kenner. If it weren’t for the promise I made Nick I might have let him. But I couldn’t just leave him, I had to do something.

I led Ellison through Goodneighbor up into the attic where my room still waited for me. I had a few tools and supplies that she could use to modify her laser rifle. She seemed pleased enough with my selection, though she did complain how I neglected my tools. It took her about a half hour to make the modifications. Far quicker than I honestly expected she’d be capable of. laser rifle in hand we left Goodneighbor at breakneck speed.

Hated to admit it but Ellison was probably in better shape than I was. I set the pace but she kept up better than I expected. I guess even the scribes had to stay in shape with the brotherhood of steel. As we ran across the commonwealth, headed north toward sanctuary hills, a thought crossed my mind. I asked it, hoping to take my mind off of what we were running toward. “hey Ellison! How’d you survive the Prydwen anyway?!”

She glanced at me, brows raised. “I wasn’t at the Prydwen. A few of us were on a mission elsewhere when the railroad business happened. Glad I missed it to be honest.”

“and you’re not…. Well angry for it?” 

Mid run she shrugged, which looked a little awkward. “should I be? I didn’t know everyone in the brotherhood, most of them were hot headed apes that couldn’t care less about the work that goes into the technology they use. I am a little sad to see the Prydwen go. I’d been working on that for the past three years of my life. Oh and liberty prime too. Wonder if it’s still there.”

Didn’t know who or what liberty prime was but I didn’t have the chance to ask. We came up on a ridge overlooking Concord. A red rocket gas station sat dilapidated on the side of the road. Off to the right was a small river across which stood a cluster of buildings. There were a few defenses put up at the perimeter, some guard posts too. They were empty.

Sweat formed on the back of my neck as we careened along the road and across the bridge. Ellison’s modified laser rifle was clutched tightly in both my hands. I couldn’t miss. God I only hoped we’d gotten here before Kellogg, or Nick. Kellogg would use Nick’s face to draw out Violet, no doubts about that. If she was killed, even if I got Nick back, he’d never forgive himself. That guilt would eat away at him. I didn’t dare think what would happen then.

With a firm shake of my head I refocused on the road ahead. The neighborhood might have been a pretty place before the bombs went off. There was still remnants of what sort of place it used to be. The houses were small but comfortable, gardens splayed out in front and back, cars in every drive way. I didn’t see any of it though, my eyes snapped up ahead of us. There they were.

Nick, or Kellogg, stood with his back to me, a gun in his hand, pointed down at a red haired woman in the road. That was Charmer! Wait Charmer and Violet was the same person?! How the hell hadn’t I known this?! 

Didn’t matter. She stared up at Kellogg pleadingly, eyes wide, mouth slightly agape. As we came closer I could hear the words they exchanged. “I’m impressed you blew up the institute, I didn’t expect you to get nearly that far.”

“you can kill me just don’t hurt anyone else.” Even at this distance I could see glinting tears on her cheeks. At least she didn’t look too hurt. 

“oh, don’t worry your pretty little head.” Kellogg growled, taking a step to the side so that he was only half facing Violet. “that brat of yours is next.”

In grim silence I swung the rifle up and took careful aim down the sights. I aimed for Kellogg’s chest. As I pulled the trigger I thought nothing happened. There was no recoil in a laser weapon, no red light beam spurted out to strike him. There wasn’t even a blast of heat from the weapon like I expected. 

But the instant I pulled the trigger Kellogg stopped moving entirely. Tiny sparks of electricity arched over his skin. A growl escaped his throat, teeth bared. “who the fuck….”

I tossed aside the useless laser rifle. It sizzled dangerously as it hit the concrete. Rushing forward I grabbed at Kellogg’s outstretched gun and wrenched it free from his grasp. With it held loosely in my hand I turned to face him. Kellogg, behind Nick’s face, scowled with enough hatred it might actually burn me alive. “you, why’d I leave you alive?”

Swallowing hard I turned my back on him, looking down at Violet Kenner, Charmer, who stared up at me. “you alright?”

She was shaking, eyes still wide with fear, but she nodded all the same. “th-thanks…. Whisper wasn’t it?”

I offered her a hand and helped her to her feet. “not anymore, the names Vel O'Malley.”

“what the hell did you do to me?!” Kellogg barked at us.

Violet glanced at him over my shoulder but returned her gaze to mine. “my name’s Violet Flynn….”

“dropped Kenner?” one of my brows shot up, trying to make jokes even at a time like this. 

She shrugged, grimacing. 

“any consolation I like Flynn better.” 

A quiet half hearted giggle escaped her. 

From within one of the houses Macready appeared, rushing to Violet’s side with outstretched hands. “Vi! Are you alright?”

“I’m fine Mac.” They exchanged quick pecks which forced me to look away. The ache in my chest became almost unbearable.

Looking at Kellogg as he strained to get his body moving again didn’t help much. You wouldn’t notice anything but his contorted face if you didn’t know what else had happened. “don’t strain yourself.” I muttered in a clipped voice.

“fuck you.” He spat, baring his teeth at me.

God it hurt so much to see Nick’s face like that. It still felt like a bad dream. When the hell would this shit end? Letting out a long sigh I shook my head, dropping my gaze. The side of my face still throbbed slightly. A distinct reminder how this had begun. With a hand I reached up and touched the cuts gingerly. 

“are you alright?” Violet’s sudden appearance at my side almost made me throw up Kellogg’s magnum still clutched in my hand. 

I gave her a quick smile which was totally lopsided with the swelling in the left side of my face. “I’ll be fine.”

“did he do this?”

Instead of replying right away I glanced around, searching for anything else to look at. “any idea how this happened?” I asked aloud to no one in particular. My eyes eventually found their way back to Violet. What I saw there made my shoulders tense. 

Guilt filled her expression, the kind of soul rending guilt I knew all too well. “I….”

“she hasn’t told you?” Kellogg barked out a laugh, grinning widely at us. 

I turned a sharp eye on him, fists clenched at my sides. “shut up.”

But he just kept laughing, his glee amplified by my rage. “you didn’t let me finish my story O'Malley.”

“shut your mouth.” I snarled, swinging my back to him. This brought me face to face with Violet who now stared directly at me. Her guilt was directed at me. Why would she feel guilty? And what did I have to do with it? 

“ya see.” Kellogg continued in that same tone he’d used back at his house. The same voice that sent a disgusted shiver down my spine. “this woman, Flynn, she was still looking for her son. The boy the mercenary kidnapped. Well the mercenary was dead but not totally gone. He had a brain implant the institute gave him.”

“shut up.” I repeated, my shoulders beginning to shake. The magnum in my hand felt so heavy, my knuckles white on it. all I could see was Violet’s stricken face as the truth unfolded. 

“so she took it. only problem was she couldn’t use it. so guess what she did.”

“he offered….” Violet murmured taking a step toward me, hands out pleadingly. “he offered to do it, I’m sorry….”

This couldn’t be going where I thought it was. The rage started building somewhere inside my chest. It replaced the hollow feeling in the pit of my stomach. Filling it with cold stone. What was I going to do? Not even I really knew. I felt the gun slip from my hand. at least some part of me was smart enough to do that.

Kellogg chuckled sinisterly behind me. The cold unfeeling joy he gained from the story made my stomach tighten. “she got a synthetic friend, and had him stick what was left of the mercenary’s brain in his.”

“I said shut up.” The words came out around gritted teeth. I could barely control my own voice as the rage turned into a blaze. 

“that’s right.” he laughed while Violet’s face twisted with grief and guilt. “it’s because of her I’m in here.

A snarl tore out of my throat like nothing I’d ever uttered before. I pulled back my fist and threw it at Violet’s face. She didn’t even move, or try to block it. Her face twitched ever so slightly but that was it. my fist hit her square in the jaw sending her to the ground in a heap. I couldn’t speak, the rage filled every part of my body, and my mind became astonishingly blank.

All I could hear was Kellogg’s laughter echoing around inside my head. “It’s because of her that your precious detective is trapped somewhere inside this metal skull!”

“O'Malley!” someone else yelled at me but I could barely hear them.

My eyes were locked on Violet who picked herself off the ground, hand to her jaw. Blood leaked out the corner of her mouth. That wasn’t enough. Not for what she did to Nick! This was her fault! Why had I saved her?! Why had I protected her back at the institute?! How had I looked up to this damn woman for so long?! Someone tried to get in my way but I shoved them aside, stalking toward Violet.

“she’s the reason you’re never going to get Valentine back!” Kellogg continued to laugh, his damn voice burning through my ears. 

“leave her Mac! I deserve this.” Violet murmured, barely loud enough for any of us to hear her.

My eyes widened with even greater rage. “don’t you dare!” I screamed, pulling back my fist to punch her again. Someone grabbed my arm and held me back. like a wild animal I struggled against them, pulling on my arm with all the strength I had. “don’t you dare play the guilt ridden martyr! Justify it! tell me you got your son back! that risking Nick’s very identity was worth it!”

Her tears began to fall anew. If I had been any less angry the pain there would have given me pause. In my state though all I saw was the face of the woman that might have killed the man I loved. “I found him…. But I ….”

I screamed, fighting against the arms that held me in place. Whoever was behind me put his arms under my shoulders. Leaning forward I tried to tear myself free but it was no use. I had never been physically strong. That said I knew I should have smashed my head into his face, that’s what I usually did. Part of me then must not have wanted to be freed. 

“don’t listen to him O'Malley!” he yelled in my ear.

I screwed my eyes shut, teeth bared while I fought the most intense rage I had ever felt in my life. “this is your fault!”

“I know….” Violet’s voice shook, drawing a little of my rage out of me. Only a little.

“I’ll never forgive you for this!”

“just let me kill her.” Kellogg added in, gleefully. If that monster could feel anything remotely resembling glee. “it’s what we both want after all.” 

My eyes flung open and I looked at him. He was smiling at me, as if honestly expecting me to take his offer. There was a part of me that wanted to. The rage inside me continued to burn hotter than a reactor core. Then I looked at those eyes. They were shining with vengeance but the color was still the same. They still belonged to Nick. 

The fight left me while the rage became buried in a mountain of pain, grief and guilt. I fell limp, still trapped by the arms around my shoulders. My head dropped and tiny tears leaked over my face. they stung the cuts that still bled. “I’m going to dig you out. I’ll tear you out of him kicking and screaming do you hear me Kellogg?”

His laughter died, leaving behind deafening silence. Staring down at the cracked concrete beneath my feet I could only hear the thud of my heart. Everything hurt so much. “you’re sure as hell welcome to try. But I’m not getting cut out of here that easy.” 

“we’ll just have to see about that.” Ellison spoke for the first time. 

Macready released me, apparently satisfied that I wasn’t going to kill his girlfriend. That was still up in the air to be honest. Free, I staggered away, my arms swinging unnaturally at my sides as I turned to face the scribe. “Ellison?”

She stood beside Kellogg, chin in her hand, examining his face curiously. That glint returned to her eye. I wondered once again if she was even fully aware of what the hell was actually going on. Probably not. She probably just saw him as a prototype. Why had I let her anywhere near him? “there must be a way. If Kellogg was downloaded then there must be a way to delete him. We’re not talking about a human mind after all, this is a machine.”

Kellogg smirked at her. The only part of his body he could move was his face, everything else was still frozen. The laser gun had worked perfectly then. Sort of wish it had shut him up too. “it’s not going to be that easy girly.”

“so what? You hack him like a terminal and delete some unwanted files?” my voice sounded hollow even to my own ears. Like listening to a recording. 

“like he so helpfully pointed out it won’t be that easy.” She took a step back and glanced at me, blond hair whipping into her eye. “but I have a few theories. That wonderful Dr. Amari may be able to help us. Am I to assume that you used the memory den to attach the memory fragments to detective Valentine?” her question was directed at Violet who still sat on the ground.

I had no desire to look at her. If I did I may start throwing punches again. Judging by the shuffling she got up. “yes….”

“then the memory den is the key.” Ellison folded her arms and smiled triumphantly. “we simply have to get him to the memory den, after which point Amari and I can devise a way to extract Kellogg without damaging any of detective Valentine.”

He barked out a laugh, smirking at her all the while. “you put a lot of stock in the doc. Let me make something real clear to all of you.” 

I didn’t want to listen but I couldn’t stop my eyes from straying toward him. That hole that had been momentarily filled by anger came back. It would never be the same after this. 

Kellogg waited until we were all looking at him. Like some kind of damn stage performer. What a piece of shit. “I’m here to stay. There’s not a single thing that any of you can do to pull me out of here. I’d sooner tear this body apart than let you gouge me out like some kind of maggot.”

“maggot.” I murmured, stalking toward him. All the rage and pain and guilt that I felt disappeared from my features. it still rolled around inside my chest like a ball of iron hotter than the center of the sun. My expression remained cold as I got into Kellogg’s face, trying to ignore the way it made me feel to be growling at Nick like this. “that’s a good word for you isn’t it?”

He continued to smirk, totally unfazed by my attempt at intimidation. “yeah, I’m a maggot. But I’m a maggot that’s got a few years on him. You think you’ve got what it takes to finish me?”

No, I didn’t. 

Swallowing dryly I turned away from him and walked back down the street from where I’d come. My fists were clasped tightly at my sides, my heart hammering against my chest, my head throbbing. 

Ellison’s voice nearby brought me up short. “O'Malley! There is a way I’m sure of it!”

Slowly I came to a stop, a fair distance from where Kellogg stood frozen. When I turned I found Ellison following me and a pace behind her Violet. Macready stood beside Kellogg, watching us carefully with crossed arms. “well?”

Ellison came to a stop. For the first time that glint of excitement left her eyes. good, it was about time she realized how serious this was. “I can go back to the memory den and warn Dr. Amari what is going on. She and I can work on a solution to removing Kellogg from the detective’s mind.”

Miserably I shook my head. “no go. We won’t be able to get him back to Goodneighbor, not without drawing attention. We’ll be lucky if we make it out of Concord without getting attacked.”

“we can’t bring one of the memory machines here.” Ellison protested, glowering at my own reasons. “the power requirements for one is too large. To say nothing of transporting one of the pods here. There will be scavengers on us long before we reach the edge of the ruins.”

“so we can’t move him and we can’t move a pod.” I ran a hand through my hair, glowering exasperatedly at a rusted out mailbox. I thought the biggest problem we’d face would be stopping him without damaging him. Apparently I’d been wrong. “there’s got to be a way.”

“the railroad has a Vertibird now.” Violet finally spoke, in a voice that quivered just a little. 

I turned my eyes up to her and felt them narrow of their own accord. “do they?”

She swallowed hard, clearly intimidated by the rage I could hardly control myself. “yes, we stole it from the brotherhood of steel. We used it to get on the Prydwen so we could destroy it.”

“so that was you.” Ellison’s brows shot up. “I’m impressed you could destroy it so efficiently. You’ll have to tell me how you managed it.”

“I um….” Violet looked sheepish. Probably surprised that Ellison wasn’t more upset about an entire chunk of her order being wiped out. 

“they won’t help me.” I replied in a rough tone, crossing my arms defensively. “I’m not an agent anymore. Deacon already helped me once to fix Nick, he won’t do it again.”

“if I ask he’ll do it.” Violet’s voice became a little stronger and she finally met my gaze. For a split second I saw something there, something familiar. There was an out of place look there. The spark of a long ago time. I remembered Piper’s article. She was from before the war. She was over two hundred years old. 

Just like Nick.

I dropped my gaze, swallowing dryly. “then do it.”

“I’ll go speak with them.” Ellison interjected.

“you know where the railroad is?” Violet questioned, somewhat defensively. 

“of course I do.” Ellison shrugged, waving at me. “thanks to O'Malley, the entire brotherhood does.”

“just get moving.” I growled, turning my back on them both. With fists tight at my side I stalked toward the bridge. I couldn’t go back. I couldn’t see Nick. I couldn’t watch the way his face twisted into something he never would have shown otherwise. I couldn’t stand by while that voice was coming out of his mouth. Kellogg would pay for this. I’d make sure of it. wasn’t sure how I’d manage that just yet. But he would. My face throbbed painfully. There’d be swelling and if I didn’t take care of those cuts they’d scar badly. I didn’t care though. The pain helped keep me focused.

Kellogg wasn’t the only guilty party in all of this. Amari was guilty for doing it. Nick was guilty for volunteering himself. And Violet for asking him. they were all to blame. I hated them all for this. I hoped to god it was worth it to Violet, I hoped Nick’s sacrifice meant something to her and she hadn’t just thrown it away. 

I hoped that she had gotten her son back if nothing else.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m sure most of you were hoping that when Vel and Violet finally came face to face they’d be on better terms. Heck I was hoping they would be. Unfortunately, all things considered, Vel is more inclined to killing Violet than making friends at the moment. That attitude isn’t likely to change anytime soon. 
> 
> As usual thank you to everyone that’s been reading my absurd story for the last few months. It’s a project that’s near and dear to my heart and it makes me feel incredible to know that there are people enjoying it. Your time, your comments and everything means a great deal to me. So thank you all so much! I’ll see you on Wednesday!


	29. Can't Say He didn't Warn Us

I watched a mole rat’s head explode through my scope. It blossomed like a bloody flower, bits of skull and brain scattering in every direction. It bucked once before it stumbled mid stride. Miserably it skidded to a stop in the dust, coming to rest on the other side of the road. It was a waste. I wasn’t hungry, I didn’t need to feed anyone. The hollow feeling in my chest had completely sapped my desire for food. It had died for no reason. I’d used a bullet for no reason.

Other than to feel the excited surge of adrenaline that came from the kickback of a weapon. The rush of nostalgia that surged over me when the bullet left my barrel. The satisfaction at a perfect shot. 

Or at least I hoped I’d feel those things.

As the mole rat bled freely into the dust I could only think of how Nick would reproach me for wasting the ammunition. His quiet praise for my sharp eyes. The feel of his hands on my shoulders as he eased the gun out of my hands. His warm body pressed against mine.

A sound from the other side of the fill station drew me out of my thoughts. I dropped the scope from my eye and glanced to my left. Sitting on the top of the red rocket fill station outside of Sanctuary hills I had a fairly good view of the surrounding area. Across the road, over the river I could see the houses that belonged to sanctuary. It was as far as I dared go. 

Scrambling came from the far side of the building. With a heavy sigh I returned my gaze to the horizon, leaning up against the sign post on the top of the awning. Silently I waited until whoever it was finally made it up onto the roof. It shouldn’t have been that difficult. Footsteps made their way across the roof toward me. Judging by their hesitation I didn’t have to look to know who it was. “you’re pretty brave, coming to talk to me alone.” I murmured coolly, hiding the anger that still burned in the pit of my stomach. 

Her footsteps came to a stop for a brief moment before she continued forward. Violet spoke carefully, obviously choosing her words deliberately. “I wanted to.”

“should I assume then that Macready’s got me in his crosshairs?”

“no!”

I scoffed aloud and drew my sniper up to my eye. Sure enough, after a little scanning, I spotted the glint of his scope just behind the playground, trained on me. Casually I waved at him, then threw up my middle finger. Rolling my eyes I dropped my rifle back across my legs. “he shouldn’t worry. Nick asked me to protect you, I’m not going to kill you.”

Again I heard Violet hesitated a few feet away. Slowly she closed the gap. I expected her to put her hand on my shoulder, to start apologizing, begging for my forgiveness. Maybe even kneel in front of me. There would be crying and god knows I couldn’t deal with that. 

But then she didn’t. Silently she sat down on the roof beside me, her back to the same support. Our shoulders touched, forcing me to acknowledge her presence. “words can’t describe how sorry I am.” 

My throat swelled painfully. Grimacing I dropped my gaze to the rifle lying across my lap. How much shit had it seen with me? Nothing even remotely resembling this. “help me understand.” I murmured in an uncharacteristically soft tone. Maybe I was overcompensating for the rage I still felt. Hard not to blame Violet but I hoped hearing her side of the story would take the edge off.

Her shoulder tensed next to mine and she took in a short breath. Was what she had to say that painful? What exactly had she done? “me… my husband and my son, Shaun, were put into cryogenic sleep within vault 111.”

I nodded silently, with no desire to interrupt her. I’d read that much in the newspaper. 

“Kellogg broke into the vault. He took my son and killed my husband.” Her voice grew thick with pain, a pain that I was rapidly becoming familiar with. 

“I’m sorry.” 

Violet took in a shuddering breath. I could practically hear the tears forming in her eyes. “I woke up almost a year ago, and set out to find Shaun. Nick helped me find Kellogg and together we killed him.”

“color me impressed.” Muttering dryly I turned to look at her out of the corner of my eye. Didn’t help, I could only see her wavy red hair as it draped over her shoulder. “Kellogg was… is one hell of a bastard. If even half the stories they tell about him are true he’s not someone you want to cross lightly.”

She dropped her head, her red hair sliding down to hang in front of her face. “it was… not something I want to relive.” 

I bet. Sighing I returned my gaze to the river ahead of us. The setting sun bathed the wasteland in a deep orange glow. I wondered if Ellison had successfully convinced the railroad to send the Vertibird. Equipped with Violet’s codename and identity I doubted Deacon would give her much trouble. 

“after we killed him we still needed information he had.” Violet continued without prompt. “Nick had an idea…. He found some sort of implant in Kellogg’s head. We took it to the Memory Den where he volunteered to let Dr. Amari connect the implant to his head. I went in to find out where my son was.”

“Amari warned you I’m guessing.”

She nodded.

“And I assume Nick ignored her.” 

“yeah….”

Casually I leaned my rifle up against my shoulder and draped a hand over it. This conversation wasn’t helping my attitude in the slightest. “so, did you find your son?”

Violet cleared her throat, shifting awkwardly beside me. I expected a different answer than the one she gave. “I did.”

“and?”

A beat of hesitation followed my question before she took in a long breath. “he was running the institute.”

“holly shit.” I whipped my head around to look at her, mouth hanging open in astonishment. “your son was running the institute? How old was he when Kellogg took him from you?”

She hunched her shoulders, pressing the back of her hand to her face. The tears were coming. Fantastic. Maybe I shouldn’t have brought this up. I needed to know though. I needed to know that Nick wasn’t in danger for no reason. “he uh… he was an infant when we were frozen but Kellogg took him sixty years ago.”

The shaking had returned to her voice. I should let up, I know but I didn’t. I leaned forward, elbows on my knees, hoping to get a view of her face. Wanted to make sure she wasn’t feeding me a bunch of bullshit. “so your son was an old man when you found him. And he was running the institute. Was he inside when we blew it to hell?”

A strangled cry escaped her throat. She put a hand over her mouth and leaned in, fighting tears as they began to stream over her cheeks. Miserably she nodded.

“you’ve got to be fucking kidding me.” That single gesture rekindled my anger and I surged to my feet abruptly. Standing with my back to Sanctuary I imagined Macready was tense as all hell right then. Violet didn’t look at me which just made saying what I had to say that much easier. “you’re telling me that you risked Nick’s life, not to mention everyone else along the way, just to kill your son in the end?!”

She had an arm around her stomach now while her shoulders shook with sobs. It disgusted me. How could a woman that had done the things Charmer did act like this? Sure it was her son but it was a son she hadn’t seen for sixty years. Family wasn’t all about blood, anyone in the commonwealth could tell you that. She shouldn’t be this torn up over his death. 

But then I reminded myself she’d lost more than just her son. My fists unclenched and I turned away from her. “stop crying, would your husband want you crying like that?”

“I’m just so sorry.” She moaned into her hands. “I never meant for this to happen. I care about Nick! He’s like a father to me! I’m just so sorry....”

Letting out a breath I ran a hand through my hair and averted my gaze. Why was she making it so difficult to be angry with her? Her crying just was unabashed, free. I’d never seen anyone like her in the commonwealth. Well of course I hadn’t. She came from Nick’s time. Who knew what kind of woman she had been before she joined the railroad. “stop apologizing. They’re just empty words. Until Nick recovers I’m not going to forgive you.”

She drew her arm across her eyes. With new found strength she looked up at me, even while small tears continued to fall. “I’ll help fix this, I swear. It’s my responsibility.”

“I appreciate it.” I murmured airily. She had already started making things right I supposed, asking the railroad to send their Vertibird. In spite of everything I could see that. It took the edge off of my anger but it remained, simmering in the center of my chest. “but if things don’t work….”

“they will.”

My eyes hardened and I took a step toward her, fists tightening at my sides. She retreated just a little. Macready was probably sweating pretty hard right about now. “if Ellison and Amari can’t do anything to tear Kellogg out of Nick’s head, there’s only one thing we can do.”

For a moment she just looked confused at me, eyes wide and sorrowful. A year’s worth of hardship, pain and fear had left its mark on her. I could see the beginnings of that rough edge every wastelander lived with. Just the beginning though. Deep down she was still a soft prewar woman. Which is why she didn’t understand my meaning.

In the distance the sound of beating blades could be heard. My eyes darted up just in time to see the black flying machine gliding toward us. It passed mere feet over our heads, circled once, then set down at the entrance to sanctuary, just across the bridge. Slowly I turned to face it but didn’t walk away just yet. “if we can’t save Nick… he won’t want to live like that. He’d want us to kill him, and take Kellogg with him.”

Shocked silence followed my statement. I imagined Violet’s mouth hung open in astonishment, grappling mentally and emotionally with that idea. In the distance I could see a figure get down from the Vertibird as it powered down. Hard to tell who it was at this distance but there was only one man I knew dumb enough to wear a white shirt around the commonwealth. “we can’t….” Violet finally said in a strained voice.

“we have to.” My fists tightened. Mechanically I swung my sniper onto my back, the strap scrapped against my still bloody face. I really should clean those. “I’ll do it…. I owe him that much…. But.”

Violet’s steps came toward me, almost as hesitant as they had been earlier. “but?”

Half turning I looked at her over my shoulder. All the rage and loathing I felt came back to my face. In spite of the tearful expression she gave me I managed to hang onto that just long enough to speak my mind. “if I have to kill him, because of you, I’ll kill you too.”

Her entire body stiffened. For the first time I saw real fear cross her face. Maybe she’d forgotten that unlike her, I’d grown up in the wasteland. I didn’t have any of the soft edges she did, they’d all been ground away by years of struggle. No maybe that wasn’t right. Nick had certainly found the parts of me that were still soft. He was the only one that ever would. 

Several seconds passed while we stared at each other. Her expression went from mortified, then to sad and finally landed on resigned. “I understand.”

Stop being like that, be angry, justify yourself. Disgusted I turned away from her then leapt down from the awning of the building. Heavily I landed then began the short walk back toward sanctuary. As I crossed the bridge I met Macready on the other side. He stared at me with dark eyes, watching my every move carefully. I gave him a mocking grin. “enjoy the show?”

“what did you say to her?”

“only what had to be.” I tried to walk past him but he stood in my way, hand held out. Stopped I slowly looked up at him. “be careful boy, remember the last time you got in my way?” a little odd to be calling someone boy who was taller than me but I knew for a fact he was four years younger than me. 

My words didn’t do much to intimidate him. He dropped his hand while his eyes narrowed into mine. “she’s been through hell and back O'Malley. I know you’ve gotta be hurting but don’t take it out on her.”

“she’s to blame for all of this you know that right?” one of my brows shot up. “Nick’s like this because of her.”

“Valentine’s like this cause he wanted to help a friend. He knew the risks, he took the chance anyway.” Macready’s words struck a nerve.

My jaw tightened and I bared my teeth at him. “don’t talk about Nick like you know him.”

“I know his type.” He replied firmly, gesturing back toward the red rocket. “they don’t belong in the commonwealth. They’re too good hearted for it. She didn’t mean to do this, and he didn’t care what would happen to him.”

“I care….” I growled, shoving him aside. With my gaze set firmly on the concrete underfoot I stalked up the road to where Kellogg still stood unmoving. “You’ve got Violet, and I’m happy for you. So do yourself the favor, protect her from herself.”

“and if we can’t fix Valentine?”

Macready and I understood what had to be done better than Violet ever would. I could appreciate that about him. My pace slowed just a fraction as I replied to his question over my shoulder. “then prey you’re faster on the draw than I am.”

“I am.”

That could very well be true. We hadn’t tested our gun skills against each other. At this rate, we might not get the chance. What the hell was I talking about? I couldn’t think like that, as easy it might be. It was always easy to give up instead of holding onto hope. Nick would be furious with me if I gave up now.

I could hear Kellogg spewing bile long before I got close to him. He still stood in the middle of the street, gun hand outstretched gripping thin air. At first people had been afraid of him but since they realized how harmless he was he’d gained something of a following. “you fucking assholes! When I get out of this I’m going to kill all of you, do you hear me?! Starting with that brat!”

Beside him Deacon stood, a finger to his chin, examining Kellogg’s contorted expression with a grin. “is that any kind of language to have? You’re in the presence of children Kellogg, set an example.”

“get the fuck away from me you-” he strung several swears together in combinations I’d never heard before with some words I didn’t know the meanings of.

“stop antagonizing him.” I grumbled, walking up to Deacon’s side.

He glanced at me then did a double take, jaw falling open. “what the hell happened to you?”

“got acquainted with a chain link fence.” I dodged the question as best I could but Kellogg had other ideas.

He laughed out loud, grinning at me out of the corner of his eye. “back O'Malley? Want me to give you a matching set on the other side? I’m sure I could figure it out.”

“shut up.” Doing my best to ignore him I looked at Deacon. “thanks for coming.”

“gotta tell ya.” He raised his hands, shrugging and shaking his head. “Desdemona just about filled your scribe friend with bullets when she showed up at the church. If it weren’t for Carrington pretty sure we wouldn’t be having this conversation.”

“that would be unfortunate.” Not in the least because Ellison was the single best hope for fixing Nick. With a gesture I lead Deacon off to the side, across the street from where Kellogg continued to insult and berate anyone that got too close. Once out of ear shot of him I spoke in an undertone. “so? I assume Ellison told you everything.”

“she told me that Charmer, AKA Violet Flynn, needed the Vertibird.” The light tone of his voice contrasted with the seriousness of the situation. Maybe he was just that numb to the world now. Those eyes had probably seen more than their share. Probably why he wore sunglasses. “she didn’t mention anything about you though.”

“I didn’t think you’d come if you thought I was involved.” The barest hint of guilt leaked into my voice. 

He crossed his arms, mouth turning down in a grim frown. “Look, I let you tell Desdemona what you wanted but I know what actually happened.”

My eyes shot up with a sharp look. “what are you talking about?”

He gestured back toward Kellogg, face sympathetic and serious, near as I could tell. “Valentine told me what actually happened when I picked him up for the raid. He told me that it had been him that spilled the beans.”

“you knew?” well, couldn’t accuse Deacon of lacking a poker face, that was for sure. Still. It didn’t matter that Nick had said the words, he wouldn’t have had to if I hadn’t been an idiot. 

He scoffed. “of course I knew. Your story didn’t add up in the first place, Valentine filled in the gaps. Don’t know why you chose to tell Dez what you did though.”

I dropped my gaze, swallowing hard. “I didn’t know what she’d do if she knew about Nick’s involvement.”

“who cares?” with a broad shrug he shook his head, as if it was a stupid thought. “look, no one can blame you for what happened, I know your gonna blame yourself, but it wasn’t you. Frankly, I wouldn’t have been able to hold out myself. Valentine did what he thought was right, the blood is on his hands not yours.”

The words were kind, and coming from Deacon probably sincere. He’d never come across as the type to just pat you on the head and tell you it’s alright. Especially where the Railroad was concerned. It helped bring the edge off of the guilt. There was still guilt there, mostly over Glory. And if I was being honest, it helped to know that someone else knew the full story. “thanks Deacon.”

“I mean it.” he folded his arms, lips turned down in a frown. “you should tell Dez too, I’ll leave it up to you. She’d welcome you back with open arms if ya did.” 

I scoffed, smirking. “you’re assuming I want back into the railroad.”

“one of these days you’re gonna have to tell me why you wanted in in the first place.” Deacon looked up sharply just over my shoulder. 

I glanced in that direction to discover Macready and Violet walking toward us. The latter couldn’t quite meet my eyes, my words from earlier had done what I intended. They approached us. When they came close enough to listen I continued. “do you want me to explain Deacon?”

He gave me a shrug. “nah, you can fill me in on the way. Where are we going?”

“Goodneighbor.” I replied firmly. “we need to get Kellogg to the memory den. Ellison thinks she may be able to come up with a way to remove him from Nick’s head.”

Deacon let out a low whistle. “is there anything that girl can’t do? She’s like an all in one plot device.”

“how’s that?” Macready questioned in an almost board tone. 

“a month or so back she helped put Valentine back together. Come to think of it, Whisper you really should thank Charmer for getting those parts for you.” Deacon jabbed a finger at Violet who went from self-conscious to sheepish. “if it weren’t for her Valentine wouldn’t be up and around.”

My chest tightened and I turned my gaze back to the ground. Damn it, why did he enjoy throwing me under the behemoth like that? Serves me right I suppose. Violet had saved Nick’s life before, even if she didn’t know it. I guess that made them even. Maybe. Grimacing I looked back at her and nodded. “thank you.”

“those parts were for Nick?!” she blurted, eyes going wide once again. That woman really just wore her heart on her sleeve didn’t she? Angrily she jabbed a finger at Deacon. “why didn’t you tell me that?!”

“would it have helped matters?” he cocked a brow at her. 

“you just decided not to mention it?!” 

Something about watching these two fight, brought a crooked smile to my face. Crooked because half my face had already begun swelling badly. It was becoming harder to see out of my left eye. “look we can all fight later.” I waved a hand between them, in a half hearted attempt to bring the conversation to a close. “Deacon we’re going to need a hand getting Kellogg into the-”

A scream split the air like a sword.

We all froze and spun around at the exact same time. I felt my heart hit the pit of my stomach as my eyes alighted on Kellogg. He had moved, and stood over the prone form of a boy wearing a white and blue striped shirt and jeans. My body reacted before my mind caught up. Before Violet’s cries registered, even before I reminded myself who Kellogg was inside of. I lunged at the mercenary, catching him in the middle. We went tumbling across the concrete, up onto the lawn of the nearest house. 

Around us people scattered in all directions. Settlers dashed away out of the line of fire while Deacon and Violet ran forward. “Shaun! Shaun are you alright?!” she yelled, reaching for the boy.

I struggled with Kellogg. The mechanical body was far stronger than I ever would be, that didn’t mean I didn’t have a few tricks up my sleeve. It was difficult to ignore the face attached to the body but I focused all my attention on the fight. Kellogg swung his left fist into my side. I rolled as it connected, effectively cutting the force in half. Rolling in the dirt I regained my feet, spinning to face Kellogg.

He was on his feet before me, fists raised, grinning toothily. “told you, you couldn’t hold me for long. I was just waiting for the moment when I could kill that brat.”

My eyes darted toward Violet who held the boy gently in her arms. She glared at Kellogg with all the hatred of a woman whose child had nearly been killed. “he’s alive you asshole!”

“well damn….” Kellogg smirked. “I’ll have to try harder next time won’t I?”

Macready ran forward, swinging the butt of his sniper rifle into Kellogg’s face. “there won’t be a next time!”

Deftly Kellogg took the blow, then reached up and grabbed Macready by the front of the shirt. With a loud crack he slammed his head into Macready’s. Blood spurted and he staggered back. just as he lost his footing Kellogg pulled back his fist again. 

I ran in and blocked the punch with the body of my rifle. The plastic and metal creaked in protest as I caught Kellogg’s arm. By some damn miracle I held my ground against his strength, grinding my teeth. “leave the kid alone! Your problem is with Violet and me leave him out of it!”

While we remained in deadlock Kellogg’s grin grew wider. “you don’t get it do ya? That boy’s a synth! Not just that he’s a synth based off the old man himself!”

A synth? Whether he realized it or not those words made me hesitate. So in the end Violet had found her kid. Well that certainly put things into perspective. I mildly regretted what I had said to her before. A synth. Poor kid. 

Kellogg took full advantage of my distraction. He shoved aside my rifle then grabbed me by the shoulder. He forced me forward and threw his knee up into my stomach. The breath left me all at once and I collapsed, gasping. “I wanted to kill the old man too, but he was paying me. Now I get to do just that.” He stalked toward Violet.

She gripped Shaun tightly against her chest, unmoving. What was she thinking? Defend yourself! “I won’t let you kill him.”

“you don’t get a choice.” 

Deacon appeared, at last throwing himself into the fight. He landed on Kellogg’s back, arms wrapped up from under his arms. “Whisper! The power unit!” he shouted while Kellogg attempted to buck him off.

“got it!” my stomach hurt, in more ways than one, but I forced myself to my feet. 

I was too late though. Kellogg grabbed Deacon by the arm and flung him away. He swung around to face me but that left him wide open for both Violet and Macready. They grabbed an arm each and dragged him to the ground. Howling in rage he fought them, struggling like a wild dog. 

While they held him I leapt on top, tearing open Nick’s shirt. There was only one way to finish this quickly before anyone else got hurt and I hated it. The synthetic chest gleamed white in the dwindling light of sunset. I stuck my knife into a seam near the collar and popped a section of skin free. Inside, beneath metal scaffolding, were a series of contraptions all designed to simulate human bodily function. My eyes were drawn to one part in particular, a heart shaped one that had been the figure of my nightmares so many times before. 

I was reliving my worst dream all over again. When would this damn nightmare end?

Before I could hesitate I reached into Nick’s chest and wrapped my hand around a small box attached to the side. Kellogg glowered furiously up into my face, teeth bared. “you’re never getting him back!” he shouted while he continued to struggle pointlessly. “I’ll make sure of it! You won’t ever see Valentine again!”

“shut up.” All four of us said at the same time, with a fierce tug I pulled the part free.

For a few seconds nothing happened. Kellogg continued to struggle against the combined weight of Macready, Violet and me. Then, in small increments, his strength failed him. His eyes grew dim, his limbs went limp and his face relaxed. At last Kellogg was no longer a threat. 

A relieved sigh issued out from all three of us. We exchanged looks before one by one we stood up, getting off of the body. Deacon staggered toward us, clutching his arm with a grimly satisfied look. “well done you three. Thought we were all going to die for a second there.”

“maybe you would.” Smirking at him as best I could I handed him the part I’d pulled out. “that’s the battery right? Wasn’t sure what I should pull.”

“you got the right one.” He nodded, examining it. “shouldn’t be too hard for your scribe to reattach it.”

“Shaun? Shaun can you move?”

“I’m fine mom.” 

My eyes drifted to where Violet was helping her son to his feet. He looked a little roughed up but other than that unscathed. Something in me doubted even Kellogg could kill a kid. Then again, maybe he really was that much of a monster. 

Violet wrapped her arms tightly around Shaun, practically crushing him against her chest. “what were you thinking Shaun? I told you to stay in the house!”

He sheepishly returned the embrace, arms going around his mother awkwardly. “is… is he going to be alright?”

Frowning Violet parted from him, holding him at arm’s length. She followed his gaze down to where Kellogg lay. She swallowed hard. “I don’t know….”

“he’ll be fine.” Deacon protested, waving the kids concerns aside. “trust me. Come on Macready, lets get him in the Vertibird. Tom’s flying, hope you have a strong stomach.”

“not a fan of flying.” He admitted, crouching down to pick Nick’s body up by the legs, with Deacon on his shoulders. 

I watched silently as they lifted him up and trudged down toward the waiting Vertibird. With my arms folded loosely a frown came to my expression. The adrenaline in my system depressed the hollow feeling in my chest just slightly. Barely enough to make a difference.

A hand at my elbow drew my gaze around to find Violet standing next to me. The tears were gone now, her eyes were almost hard. Filled with determination that it took me a moment to understand. “we’ll get him back Vel. Don’t doubt it.”

“yeah.” My voice sounded far away even to my own ears. Slowly I looked back at the pair carrying Nick toward the Vertibird. “but at what cost?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As much as it pained me to let that go the way it did Vel was the one that decided how it would go, not me. If you’re hip deep in your own writing you’ll understand what I mean. I like Violet, I do, and I want Vel and her to be friends but that’s just not in the cards at the moment. Hate her for this or don’t. Only one thing on Vel’s mind at the moment.
> 
> We’re coming up on the end soon, just one week left. Don’t worry I’ve got another story lined up and ready to post that follows directly after this. On that subject though you’ll notice that I haven’t made a series, and that’s because I haaaate naming things. Seriously it took me weeks to come up with Synth as a title. So here’s a job for you guys! Help me come up with a name for the series. You’ve been introduced to Vel, you know Nick, and you know the kind of struggles they’re going through, (at least some of them) so give me some ideas. No idea is too stupid. Believe me I have none to begin with. Put them in the comments below or email me your ideas. 
> 
> Write on guys!


	30. Look After Him Violet

“can you give me the condensed version doc?” Deacon voiced all our thoughts aloud as we sat in the basement of the memory den.

Ellison rolled her eyes at his lack of understanding and returned to the memory pod. Nick already laid inside, his hands and legs bound to the chair. If Kellogg woke up he wouldn’t be going anywhere. Hopefully it wasn’t Kellogg when he did wake up.

Amari spoke over the top of her terminal as she typed away at the speed of light. “in order to remove Kellogg from Mr. Valentine’s mind Scribe Ellison and I have developed something of an anti-virus.”

“so why can’t you just put it in and be done with it?” Macready questioned from where he stood with folded arms in the doorway. 

Amari shot him an annoyed look. “because at the moment we can’t identify which brain waves belong to Mr. Valentine and which to Kellogg.”

“which is why someone has to go in.” Hancock finished. He had seen us approach in the Vertibird just outside his town. He’d arrived with a full contingent of militia expecting a fight. When he discovered who we were and what we were doing here he’d ordered his men to help us carry Nick to the Memory Den. I wondered mildly what Nick would have said if he’d seen the parade. 

“exactly.” Amari nodded, looking up from her terminal to scan the group gathered in her lab. Her grim look reflected our own. “someone needs to enter Mr. Valentine’s mind, find him and help separate Kellogg from him. It’s far more complicated than that but that’s all any of you need to know.”

“if you’re uneducated apes.” Ellison grumbled under her breath beside Nick. She reattached the battery I’d torn out and waited for a few beats. When Nick didn’t stir or speak she slipped out of the pod. “everything is prepared. He’s now hooked into the machine. He won’t wake up until we let him.”

“It’s impossible to discern where Mr. Valentine begins and Kellogg ends” Amari peered at a screen in her bank of controls. A graph of a hundred waves laid on top of one another wavered up and down on the display. “He has likely attempted to isolate his core functions from Kellogg, or Kellogg has isolated him. The system appears to be stable for now but Mr. Valentine’s body was never meant for this kind of stress.”

“how long?” Violet asked quietly, her hands clasped in front of her.

Ellison shrugged, glancing at the same graph. “not long. If we don’t get one of them out the circuits will fry. We may be able to buy them some time by connecting them to a human mind but not much.” 

“then what are we standing around here for?!” Hancock barked in his gravelly voice. He strode forward, hands splayed out to either side of him. “send one of us in!”

“we can’t send just anyone in.” Amari protested irritably. Her eyes strayed toward me.

One by one each set of eyes in the room followed her gaze until they came to rest on me. I stood in the far corner, my back to the wall. Not a single word had passed my lips since we left Sanctuary. I hadn’t dared speak, not even when Hancock had pulled me aside to ask how I was holding up. No one else had talked to me since we arrived, too wrapped up in Ellison and Amari’s explanation of what had to be done. Now they all stared at me, expectantly. What the hell did they want me to say? 

“Violet should go.” My eyes darted to the red head standing nearly on the exact opposite side of the room from me. Wasn’t sure which of us maintained that gap. “she’s already done this. She’s got the experience.”

Amari stepped out from around her terminal, face apologetic and grim. “that won’t work. If Mr. Valentine has isolated himself then it won’t be easy to get into his mind. If we are to stand the best chance it has to be someone that he trusts above anyone else.”

It all sounded like a bunch of bullshit to me, but hell, what did I know? Amari was the expert here, if there was such a thing. “what makes you think he trusts me that much?” I questioned in a dry tone.

“pull your head out of your ass.” Hancock barked. He strode forward before any of us could react and grabbed hold of me by the jacket. Our faces came mere inches apart. I could just see the outline of his pupils in that sea of black. “stop wallowing in self-pity! We’re trying to fix this. So get your head in the game and sit your ass down.”

It shouldn’t have taken Hancock’s words to spur me into action. Everything just felt so numb. An instinctive reaction to everything that had been going on. Facing him though, that hole in my chest tore open once again, releasing a fresh wave of pain. My eyes dropped. “ok… I’ll do it just…. Tell me what to do Amari.”

“take a seat in the other pod.”

Hancock’s face softened a little, as much as any ghoul’s face could soften. Gently he let go and put a hand on my shoulder, squeezing it. “you can do this.”

“sure.” Ordinarily I’d act cocky, boast that of course I could handle this. Of course I only ever felt so confident when Nick was at my side. Freed from Hancock’s grasp I glided toward the memory pod half in a trance. As I sat on the plush chair inside the pod I felt the butterflies in my stomach surge up toward my throat.

“just relax Ms. O'Malley.” Amari instructed as the canopy came down. It sealed with a hiss, effectively muffling anyone outside. “you’ve used the pods before, you know what to expect.”

“relatively speaking.” I’d been in my own memories. What would it be like to intrude on someone else’s? “what should I be expecting?”

Behind me the machine came to life, whirring with electricity. The screen in front of me turned on, displaying a standby message while Amari worked. “we’ll get you as close as we can reasonably guess. You have to find Mr. Valentine, convince him to follow you. Once you’ve found each other we can follow your signature to him and start isolating Kellogg.”

“so what is that going to look like on the inside?” I questioned, trying to make my shoulders relax. Wasn’t working.

“I don’t know.” Amari’s voice drifted in so muffled I could barely hear her over the machines behind my head. “in theory he’ll be in a memory but I don’t know for sure. Mr. Valentine will likely be manifest as himself. It may take convincing to remind him he’s in his own mind. Be gentle. If he rejects you then we’ll lose our one chance to save him.”

“how am I supposed to convince him it’s just a memory?!” I shouted over the whine of the memory pod. It vibrated beneath my fingers, like it might come to life and carry me away. 

“I leave that up to you.” Came Amari’s unhelpful reply.

Before I could quip that that was the best advice I’d ever received, my mind went black. The screen in front of me sparked to life and I felt my mind slip out of my body. It happened almost instantaneously. Some people might say that using a memory machine felt like going to sleep but I’d say it felt more like getting knocked out. My body disappeared, my vision faded and all I could hear was silence. Floating in black space I couldn’t feel my own body. It’s hard to explain what that sensation actually feels like, when you’re just consciousness streaming along wires. Suffice it to say by the time I could feel my body again I wanted to throw up.

For a few minutes, or maybe it was only a few seconds, the darkness just held me. There was no indication of movement, no frame of reference to ground me in sanity. Just everlasting darkness. The passage of time meant nothing. Amari had once told me that a minute in the real world could last for hours when you were inside your own head. Wasn’t sure how much I believed her.

The tiniest pinprick of light appeared in the distance. Desperate to see anything else besides darkness I walked toward it. Or maybe I floated toward it. Or maybe it floated toward me. With no other reference point it could have been either way. It grew larger and larger until soon it took the shape of a door, light flooding into the darkness. I stepped through it, squinting my eyes, or at least I would be if I had eyes.

As I stepped over the threshold a rush of warm air wafted over me. I screwed my eyes shut. When next I opened them I was standing in a warm bright office. The building looked practically new, the paint on the walls wasn’t peeling or water stained. The light overhead didn’t flicker, the furniture was totally intact, a fan in the far corner oscillated back and forth. A warm gentle breeze fluttered in from an open window behind a desk that sat in the middle of the room. Out the window I couldn’t see anything, just bright sunlight that filled the room. 

Sitting at the desk, his shoes propped up on the corner, his fedora pulled down over his eyes was Nick. His trench coat lacked the patches and stains of years in the commonwealth and his fedora looked practically new but it was him. I’d know him anywhere. Relief flooded through me as I strode across the small office and leaned over on the desk. “Nick! Is it really you?”

He looked up from under his fedora. For a split second my mind went blank with confusion. The first thing I saw were the eyes. They weren’t yellow. They were an electric blue, like an institute laser. Dark brows shot up and a smirk drew up the corner of his mouth. His skin was slightly tan and whole. There weren’t any patches revealing mechanical parts beneath. When he sat up and uncrossed his arms I noticed that his right hand was human. Totally and completely human. He leaned over on his desk, grinning at me crookedly from beneath the brim of his hat. “that’s right doll, it’s really Nick Valentine.”

Words utterly died in my throat, standing there, staring at him. I felt the palms of my hands begin to sweat. My mouth hung, opening and closing dumbly for several seconds. I watched as he took off his hat and set it over the top of terminal beside us. His thick dark brown hair was slicked back out of his face. The tiniest whisper of gray dusted his temples. It made him look even more handsome. 

While I stood in silence Nick’s face went from friendly to serious. He frowned at me then rose, offering me a hand. “are you alright doll?”

With a shake of my head I centered myself. It was then that I felt the hair on my shoulders. Confused I took a step back from the desk and looked down at myself. What was I wearing?! I had on a long sleeved shirt, a brownish, striped skirt and a brown belt strapped across my middle. Strangest of all was the hair. My usually unkempt, short hair hung in perfect waves to my shoulders. I’m not sure I’d ever had hair as clean, or as long, as this. 

My continued astonished silence didn’t help me look any less insane to Nick, still standing around waiting for me. His brows slowly knitted together as his hand fell. “can I call someone for you? Do you have a place to stay miss?”

I blinked, forcing myself out of my shock. There wasn’t enough time for that. With my hands on his desk I leaned in, looking him in the eye. “Nick, you’ve got to wake up! Kellogg is in your head, this isn’t real, you have to wake up!”

For a split second it looked like he was taking me seriously. His eyes narrowed on mine, leaning over his desk until our faces were mere inches apart. Then a laugh burst from him and he sat up. “did John put you up to this? Are you some kind of performer you almost had me there! How much will it cost for me to send you back with my own joke?”

“this isn’t a joke.” My mouth fell open, watching him sit back down in his chair and recline casually with his hands behind his head.

Nick gave me a skeptical brow, smirking up at me. “you had me for a minute there, gotta admit. Where’d the name Kellogg come from? One of those annoying Silver Shroud episodes?”

Silver shroud? John? What the fuck was he talking about?! Swallowing hard I took a step back and reexamined him. “Nick… do you recognize me?”

His brows shot up. “should I? I’m usually pretty damn good with faces. Especially with ones as pretty as yours.”

I might have blushed if his first words didn’t leave me feeling hollow inside. How could Nick not remember me? Had Kellogg erased his memories of me somehow? Was that what he’d been talking about before? Somehow, I doubted he was capable of doing that, otherwise he’d have been on top of sanctuary before I even realized what was happening. No Kellogg wasn’t to blame. But why then did Nick not see me?

He cleared his throat, drawing me out of those spiraling thoughts. “I’m sorry doll, but if you don’t have a case for me then I’m afraid I’m going to have to ask you to leave.”

“wait!” one of my hands went out to touch him before I rethought the action and retracted it. With my hands clasped in front of me I swallowed hard. “I … do have a case for you.”

A sort of half smile crossed his expression then, trying to be encouraging but clearly skeptical. Casually he leaned back in his chair and gestured to the one across his desk. “then have a seat. Tell me everything. Believe me I’ve heard it all.”

I doubted that.

Stiffly I sat, hands clasped in my lap. Amari had warned me to be gentle. I wasn’t sure I knew how to be. So long as he didn’t toss me out of his office I guess it didn’t matter. Nick would hear me, I had to trust that. 

He leaned forward on his desk, hands clasped in front of his mouth. His eyes were sharp, watchful. Under that scrutiny I doubted it’d be possible to lie to him convincingly. When the silence between us had stretched on a little too long he spoke the first words. “is it a man?”

My hands tightened in my lap as I averted my gaze to a point just over his right shoulder. “yeah….”

“he run out on you?”

“sort of….”

“did he take anything? The car, the dog, jewelry, money?”

“no, nothing like that….”

His brows drew together once again. “and he just up and left? There wasn’t any sign that he’d be leaving? No indication that there was something wrong?”

Had there been? Had there been warning signs that this might happen? A few instances stood out. When I’d first heard Kellogg’s voice issue out of him at the dugout inn. When he killed that raider for me at the pike mass tunnel. When we were running for our lives on the freeway to get away from the brotherhood of steel. Nick had known something was wrong but I hadn’t listened. Maybe I was as much to blame as Violet then. Out loud I finally spoke. “there were a few signs…. He uh… he got mixed up with a bad person.” 

Nick dropped his hands, reaching across the desk. It took all my willpower not to grasp onto him tightly. “breathe, I know this must be difficult. Now tell me about the men your, husband? Boyfriend?”

“boyfriend.” I guess. Nick and I hadn’t exactly settled on titles yet. It was a little too early for that. 

He seemed to lose a little interest at that but he nodded all the same. “tell me what kind of men he was mixed up with.”

“there’s only one guy.” I answered tensely. “he’s a mercenary.”

“a gun for hire?”

“exactly.” Nodding I brought my gaze back around to Valentine. He may have been human, he may have had different eyes but I could still see my Nick in there. I just had to get him to remember. “he’s a real bastard from what I’ve heard. His name is Conrad Kellogg.”

His face instantly darkened. He drew back though his hands remained on the desk. “is this still a joke? You got me before but this is going too far woman.”

“this isn’t a joke.” I kept my voice even, by some miracle. Leaning forward on the desk I reached out and grabbed his hands. “please Mr. Valentine, I need your help. He needs your help. You’re the only one that can find him.”

“I don’t know your boyfriend.” Nick’s voice became rough and hard, steely. But his hands remained beneath mine, unmoving. 

“I think you do.” I leaned in, my fingers tightening around his hand. Maybe I was getting through to him. “you remember don’t you? Look at me, you know who I am.”

“listen doll I don’t know who you are.” But his hands still lay beneath mine. He made no move to take them back or put distance between us. “and I don’t know what kind of scam you’re playing here but I’m not buying what you’re selling. I’m going to-”

“Nick?”

A new voice brought our attention around to the doorway that I’d walked through. A woman stood in the office beside us. She had long black hair that went down almost to her waist. A floral print dress accentuated her curves while makeup made her warm honey colored eyes stand out. She had a sweet cheerful smile on, looking between Nick and I. 

“I’m sorry I didn’t realize you’d be with a client.” She looked sheepish as she pivoted to leave.

Nick took his hands back with a jerk and stood. “we’re just finishing up. Besides you know you can interrupt me anytime you want Jenny.”

Simultaneously guilt flooded my mouth while that hole in my chest opened up. It took all the self-control that was left in me not to react outwardly. Inside a storm of confused emotions broiled. My limbs felt numb, my mind slipped away from me. For a brief moment I thought I might become nothing but consciousness again. 

Out of the corner of my eye I watched them embrace and kiss. They smiled at each other tenderly. The smile on Nick’s face… I thought I was the only one that would ever see that again. “I don’t want to interrupt you.” Jenny protested while her arms remained wrapped around his neck.

“like I said we were finished.” He gave me a pointed look. A warning really. 

Stiffly I rose, my eyes straying toward Jenny. She was everything I wasn’t. Happy, beautiful, tender, sweet, charming. The kind of woman that came from before the war. The kind of woman Nick would have fallen in love with now if they existed. But she was dead. They were all dead. “Nick please listen to me.”

“you can leave now.” he spoke in a cold tone, sending a shiver through my chest.

Before I could say anything Jenny pulled herself away from him and gave him a reproachful expression. “don’t be rude Nick, she’s a client isn’t she?”

“not really.” He grumbled but she didn’t seem to hear him.

She reached out to me, taking hold of my hands with fingers so soft I doubted she had ever held a gun in her life. “don’t worry, whatever troubles you’re having I’m sure Nick can help you. He’s being humble when he says he may not be able to do anything.”

The feel of her hands wrapped around mine was so surreal. I stared her directly in the eye, half expecting the image of her face to waver in and out of focus. Like some sort of thirst induced hallucination. Eventually I whispered in a hoarse voice. “you’re dead….”

“what was that?!” Nick took hold of Jenny and pulled her back from me. Our hands tore apart and somehow the gap left me feeling even colder than before. “what the hell did you just say?!”

I swung my eyes to look at him, my jaw set though my eyes shook. “she’s dead Nick! You know that! Eddie W-”

Before I could finish, Nick had me by the front of the shirt. With both his hands balled into my collar he thrust me up against a filing cabinet on the far wall. Pinned there his face was literally an inch away from mine. “are you threatening my fiancé?! Do you work for one of the families?! Who the hell are you?”

“Nick!” Jenny reached out but hesitated about a foot away, stricken with fear. 

“you remember I know you do!” I wasn’t sure if I was shouting or just talking really loudly. I clasped his hands. Where our skin touched, I felt electricity race through me. This wasn’t how it was supposed to go. “Eddie Winter had her killed! She’s not real Nick!”

His face twisted into such rage and pain my heart burned with guilt. His fists began to shake as he held me, baring his teeth at me in utter hatred. “you’re wrong! They put Eddie Winter away months ago! That bastard is rotting in jail right now.”

“no.” my voice didn’t sound like my own anymore. I tried to hold back the emotions raging in my chest but that only made me sound monotone. “he was working with the feds. Your task force, it wasn’t real. Winter had Jenny Lands killed. Nick you’ve got to remember!”

“stop saying that!” he bellowed into my face. With rage fueled strength he threw me away from him. I stumbled and ran into a shelf, using it to keep me on my feet while my knees shook. “get out! I’m not going to listen to this! Get the hell out of my office!”

That all too familiar sting came to my eyes as I sat up and looked at him. That loathing, that hatred, I never thought I would see that directed at me. What was I doing? I was trying to save his life but at what cost? He seemed happy here. Jenny could probably make him happier than I ever could. But Nick wouldn’t really want to live here, would he? 

“please Nick!” my throat rebelled against speech, making my words rough and thick. “come back to me! Wake up! I need you! I can’t do this alone anymore!”

My pleas made him stiffen. His arms went rigid at his sides, fists clenched into tight balls. The tiniest flicker of recognition flashed through his eyes for a split second. In the next instant it was gone and he was glowering at me. “I don’t know who you are! Get out of my office! I don’t want to see you here again understand?!”

“please.” The tears were coming hot and fast now. I reached out for him with a hand which he batted away angrily. The blow hurt more than any bullet wound. “I need you Nick, don’t leave me like this. I can’t fight alone anymore.”

“stop talking like that!” but his voice was beginning to waver. Was I getting to him or was it just my imagination? He remained in place, still glaring at me. “I don’t know you! Jenny isn’t dead! She’s right here! Eddie Winter is in jail! The bombs haven’t fallen!”

My heart skipped a beat and my stomach flipped over on itself. “I didn’t say anything about bombs….”

Nick hesitated, his face momentarily going slack with confusion. He took a step back, as if afraid of me for the first time. One fist remained clenched while the other, his right hand, flexed. Gradually he looked down at it, holding it with palm up. Several minutes of silence passed while he stood there. What could he be seeing? 

When at last he spoke it was through a voice filled to bursting with emotions that no one would ever be able to give a name to. “get out….”

“I love you Nick!” I pleaded, throwing my arms out. “I can’t just leave you like this, please!”

“I said get out.”

“don’t do this….”

“get out!” he threw a hand toward the door, pointing with a shaking finger. 

A pair of soft hands touched his shoulder and he dropped his arm. Jenny stood beside him, giving him a sad but sweet smile. Those eyes of hers weren’t accusing or angry or hurt. Just sad. “Nick….”

He reached up and took her hand with his, eyes shaking. “no….”

Gently she put her hands on his chest while he wrapped his arms around her. The most tender of emotions filled her expression, the kind that could put anyone else to shame. “I know love… but she’s right. I’m dead.”

Swallowing hard he buried his face in her hair, pressing her tightly against his chest. “I know….”

She hugged him back. Gradually she turned that smile to me. “take care of him for me. He’ll never admit it when he needs help but I know I can trust you.”

“Jenny….” 

With a shake of her head she cut me off, easing herself away from Nick. When they parted there were tiny tear tracks on his face. “I’m sorry that I couldn’t protect you….” He whispered.

“don’t worry my love.” She held his face between her hands, holding him steady while loss washed over him all over again. This would be the second time he’d lost her and it was my fault. “you have someone else to protect now. Let me go.”

Gradually he drew his gaze up to meet hers. That crooked smile returned, as weighed down by grief as it was. “goodbye, Jennifer Lands.”

“goodbye, Nick Valentine.” 

With those final words the woman, the room and the world faded into light. Nick and I stood alone in an empty room. The walls around us wavered, like rippling water. Like his mind couldn’t quite decide what it should settle on. My heart thudded loudly in my ears, my mouth felt dry, words clogged my throat. What was I supposed to say? What could I say? There was nothing to say. 

The white room gradually faded into dark colors. Broken buildings, cracked pavement and the gleam of the morning sky replaced it. We stood on the corner outside of Joe Spuckies sandwich shop. A cool breeze drifted over us, causing the flowers that lay beneath the billboard to sway gently. The makeshift cross I’d made when last we were here lay against the metal support beam. Why had we come here?

In front of me Nick’s appearance changed. Like shedding a skin his hair disappeared, the color drained from his skin and parts of it disappeared altogether. The signature patches stitched themselves back to his trench coat and his hand became the metal one. Nick went from human to machine before my eyes in a matter of seconds. 

And he was staring at me.

With those yellow eyes.

I wanted to say so many things. Apologize not being the least among them. The words just stayed trapped in my throat. Thick silence filled the space between us, making it feel like we were miles apart. Did he blame me? I wouldn’t blame him if he did.

He was the first to speak, taking a small step toward me. “I’m-”

“you fucking piece of shit!” the rough voice brought us whirling around. From out of the sandwich shop appeared Kellogg. Or at least I assumed it was Kellogg. He was balled, with a wicked scar along his face, wearing a black leather jacket and carrying a magnum at his side. He stepped out into the light of the sun, glowering first at Nick then at me. “should have known you’d cause me more trouble. I warned you, you weren’t getting Valentine back.”

“that’s not up to you.” Nick growled in a tone so low with rage it made my shoulders tense and I wasn’t even the one it was directed at. 

Kellogg on the other hand seemed totally unaffected by it. “you should have stayed where you were. That fantasy you made yourself was pretty good. Why give that up?”

“because it wasn’t real.” He reached into his trench coat and removed that old revolver from inside. The wonderfully familiar sight of his metal skeleton hand clasped around it brought with it a wash of confidence. We could beat Kellogg.

I focused all my attention on the mercenary standing before us. The events leading up to this moment were pushed aside. I couldn’t think about Jenny right now. I didn’t want to. Actions had consequences and that decision would surely have dire ones. Nick would never be able to speak to me again but I could live with that. So long as we put Kellogg down. 

Reaching for my pistol I discovered, to my astonishment, that it was actually there. A quick glance at myself confirmed my suspicions. I was indeed wearing my full kit again, knife and all. Maybe since Nick had woken up his perception of me had changed too. Hopefully these weapons were as effective in here as they were outside. “it’s over Kellogg.” I growled as I swung my gun up.

He sneered at my weapon, hefting his own to point at me. “it ain’t going to be that easy to dig this maggot out.”

“we’ll see about that.” Nick fell to the side, firing at Kellogg as he did. He got off two rounds, one of them lodged in Kellogg’s shoulder. Before Kellogg could swing his own weapon up Nick took cover behind a pile of rubble. 

While he was distracted I took my chance, firing three bullets toward the mercenary. He span around much faster than I expected and shot toward my body. The bullet careened past my shoulder, grazing it. For a split second I was astonished to find that it actually hurt. I’m not sure what I was expecting. We were inside someone’s mind, why should we feel pain? It wasn’t real. But there was no denying that my shoulder felt like it was on fire as I staggered back behind cover. 

Kellogg ran around the corner to chase me which I was waiting and eager for. I threw up my gun, expecting him to stop just within sight to shoot me. Instead he continued to rush me, ignoring the bullet I sank into his side. He knocked aside my gun and went for my throat, wrapping huge fingers around me. “I wonder how many times I get to kill you in here. All your friends outside won’t know what’s happening. I’ll toy with you and Valentine for as long as his body lasts.”

As I unsheathed my knife I slashed at his upper arm. With a cry of pain he released me, allowing me to scramble to my feet and retreat to where Nick stood. The synthetic detective stepped between us, emptying his cylinder into Kellogg’s position. A cluster of three bullets pierced Kellogg’s heart directly. Nick’s gun clicked uselessly. Empty. 

And Kellogg just kept coming. He looked down at his chest, smirking. “that’s all you’ve got? Don’t you remember how hard it was to kill me the first time? Now we’re inside your mind. This is my territory.”

“It’s my head Kellogg.” Nick spat, tossing aside his gun. “and there’s only room enough for one of us.”

More true than he probably realized. 

Without a gun Kellogg leapt at us, throwing his fist toward Nick’s face. How he kept moving was beyond me. Didn’t he feel those bullets in his heart? Maybe he’d figured out a way to block out pain, or maybe he realized better than we did that we were inside someone’s head. Any pain that we felt wasn’t real. But I still felt the burn of the bullet graze on my shoulder.

Nick caught Kellogg’s punch with his upper arm and snapped his left hand into his side. I heard ribs snap beneath his blow. The sheer force sent Kellogg staggering back over ruble and cracked concrete. I refused to give him a chance to recover. Knife in hand, I darted around to his exposed side and stabbed him as deep as I could. He howled in pain and swung his arm at my head. I ducked and darted away, carrying my now bloody knife with me. 

While I put distance between us, Nick punched Kellogg directly in the bullet wounds in his chest. He grabbed his hand and twisted. Splayed out Nick couldn’t defend as Kellogg threw his other fist into his stomach. Nick doubled over with a huff. Kellogg raised his elbow to strike him in the back of the head. 

I returned to the fight at that moment, grabbing his arm in one fist and stabbing my knife up into his armpit. He staggered back. I wrenched my knife free and attempted to put distance back between us. He was faster though. Angrily he grabbed me by the hair and wrenched me to the side. His eyes were on fire as he smashed my head into the side of the sub shop. Stars danced on my eyes, I swear I heard something crack next to my ear. Hopefully it was the wall and not my skull.

I sank to the ground, gripping my bloody knife loosely in my hand. Kellogg towered over me, reaching down to grab me once again by the throat. I never knew anyone more inclined to throttle me. Nick appeared from nowhere, grabbing Kellogg’s outstretched hand and flinging him around into the side of the building beside me. With brutality I’d never seen him use before he slammed punch after punch into Kellogg’s body. Some punches landed on his sides, others his face. Kellogg couldn’t defend. He threw his arms up to his face to protect that but it didn’t do much. 

Shakily I got to my feet, blood oozed freely from beneath my hairline into my eye. Leaning on the wall for support I watched Nick beat Kellogg to within an inch of his life. Blood flowed, bones snapped and Kellogg slowly collapsed to the ground. At last he hit the dust, defeated, little more than a bloody mass of agony on the concrete. Nick breathed shallowly, taking a full step back from the quivering human being lying before him. 

Had to admit, it was strange to see Kellogg like this. All the stories, all the havoc he’d wrecked on the commonwealth. It didn’t seem like a man like this could have committed any of those acts. He whimpered in the dust, clutching his broken jaw. Apparently he could feel pain now.

My eyes strayed from the broken man to Nick, who stood with tense rigid arms and a blank expressionless face. Blood covered his knuckles. The joints on his skeleton hand held tiny chunks of flesh that had been torn out of Kellogg’s face. The whisper of pain drifted over my face, and I put a hand to it. My own wounds weren’t there, maybe because Nick didn’t realize they were there. 

At last Nick took in a long breath and turned his gaze up toward me. The sun was finally setting, gradually bathing us in darkness. It drifted over the water, closing in like a thick shadow. Was this it? Neither of us moved as the darkness inched toward us. Words were lost in my throat. Nothing I could ever say would make this right. Eventually that wonderfully crooked smile came to his expression. “gray, I-”

But then the darkness swallowed us whole. With a jolt I found myself lying in my own body again staring at a blank screen in front of my face. Gasping I threw a hand up to my shoulder, only to find it unscathed. My face felt wet and the cuts had begun to bleed again. The canopy came open with a hiss. A rush of cool air filled the space around me, drawing goosebumps up and down my arms. I sat forward, cradling my head in my hands. A headache had followed me out of the fight with Kellogg. 

When I looked up I discovered that nearly everyone was crowded around Nick’s memory machine. They obscured him entirely from my view, making it impossible for me to see if it had worked. Groaning I pulled myself out of the pod, gulping in grateful breaths of cool air as I stood. My limbs felt so shaky I could barely stand.

Ellison typed at the terminal beside me, smiling triumphantly at the screen.

“did it work?” I croaked.

“it did indeed.” She ejected a Holotape and presented it to me like a trophy. “we deleted every trace of that Kellogg ape from Valentine’s mind and stored the rest on this tape. I thought you might want to-”

Before she even finished her words I dropped it to the ground and smashed the tape beneath my boot.

The barest hint of a pout crossed her face at my distinct lack of appreciation. With folded arms she gave the crowd around Nick a sidelong look. “he should wake momentarily. I’m sure he’ll want to thank you for saving his life. You must tell me about your experience in detail later. You’ll likely need rest after such an ordeal.”

“yeah, later.” I murmured thickly, dropping my gaze to the ground. 

Taken aback by my response Ellison returned to her terminal, giving a small shrug.

Standing alone I stared wistfully at the group, trying to see past them into the pod. I only hoped that he would be alright after all this. Who knew what kind of damage Kellogg had inflicted. Nick would be fine though, I had to believe that. In the very least I’d already done more than enough harm. Nick may never forgive me.

A fact I could live with so long as he could live a normal life once again.

That hollow feeling in my chest returned as I strode toward the stairs. Without a word to anyone I left the memory den, striding by Irma in stony silence. The cool taste of evening air filled my lungs as I stepped outside. The broken buildings, the ragged people, the desperate faces. It was all such a stark contrast to the world Nick had made for himself. And I’d taken that away from him. 

“Vel! Wait!” 

Violet’s voice brought me up short half way across the street. Slowly I turned, face slack. I refused to let her see any of the emotions now raging in my chest. 

She ran up to me and came to a stop about three feet away. Her face was bright, a smile stretched over her features that I’d never seen on another human being before. It reminded me of Jenny a little. “he’s awake! He’s fine! There’s no more Kellogg!”

“good.” I murmured, more to myself than to her. My eyes slid down from her expression to the concrete beside her.

“he’s asking for you.” Violet continued uncertainly, a frown taking her lips. 

My fists clenched at my sides while my heart throbbed against my ribcage. “I know….”

“you’re not leaving are you?” there seemed to be genuine concern in her voice. Even after all the things I’d said to her, even after threatening to kill her, Violet was still treating me like a human being. Damn, people like her and Nick really didn’t belong in the commonwealth. 

Carefully I swung my back to her, trying not to think about the tug on my stomach that wanted me to turn back around. “do me a favor….”

“anything.”

I smirked slightly to myself, shaking my head. Then I said the hardest words I’d ever said in my life. “look after him, Violet.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A lot happened in this chapter that I’d like to comment on but I don’t want to bore you guys so lets just bullet point it. Sorry for the way it ended. Writing a human Nick was uncomfortable because to me, he’s iconically the synth. Jenny Lands, yeah just gonna say that. And I guess I could have done the memory part like the in game style but that just didn’t feel dramatic enough.
> 
> Thanks so much for sticking with me guys. One last chapter then you’ll have a new story to read. I hope you end up enjoying it as much as you’ve enjoyed Synth. We’re not quite at the end of the journey yet so I’ll save my monologue for Wednesday. 
> 
> Oh and don't forget to help me name this series. I've got lots of ideas but if anyone can come up with one better i'd love to hear it. Comment or message me.
> 
> In the mean time, write on!


	31. I follow in My Old Man’s Footsteps and get Unexpected Company

“Vel! Just stop for a few minutes and drink something!” 

“ok, ok, fine.” Irritably I groaned, popping my neck with a quick jerk. Dirt caked my hands and knees. Sweat plastered my hair to my forehead and the back of my neck. I’m not sure I had ever ached this much in my life. The earth was so hot under foot, with the June sun beating down over our heads. Turning I found a woman standing over me, offering a can of water. Speaking of June. “thanks June.”

She shook her head at me, rolling her eyes. “you’re not going to be much use to us if you catch heat stroke.”

“at least you wouldn’t have to worry about me after that.” I winked at her over the top of the can. A gesture that hurt more than I cared to admit. The cuts were still tender though they were mostly healed. The ones on my eye hadn’t healed as well the ones on my cheek. That’s what I wanted. Let them serve as a reminder of what I’d done. 

“you know.” June spoke, still standing before me with folded arms. “I bet the Atom Cats have someone that could get rid of those for you. Could always head over to their garage to check.”

Firmly I shook my head and offered the can back to her. “nah way, can’t leave you guys. Who’d protect this little farm if I wasn’t around?”

“well make sure you can protect the farm.” 

“sure thing.” Leaning back on my haunches I grinned at her. She just rolled her eyes at me again and walked away. As soon as her back was turned the smile slid from my face and I turned my gaze to the soil beneath me. Three weeks. It had been just over three weeks since what happened. Since Kellogg had taken control of Nick, since I’d been forced to tear open Nick’s body to stop him. Since I’d had to rip Nick away from Jenny Lands just to return his body to normal. The guilt had not ebbed in the slightest. 

That night I’d run, as far and as fast as I could force my body to go. Right through the night into the next day. By that time exhaustion, hunger and pain nearly made me delirious. Lucky for me these people had found me. I’m pretty sure I’d looked like a deranged lunatic when they discovered me. Wondering around the wasteland near their farm, half out of my mind with grief. Yet they still took me in, nursed me back to health. Roger Warwick, the leader of the farm, had wanted me gone when I was recovered but when that time came they were attacked. I stayed to defend them, after which point they decided that I should stay. 

Not sure why I stuck around to be honest. Farming had never been a hobby of mine. The sewage plant where they made their home smelled pungently, especially during the day. My entire body ached like never before, my hands were covered in callouses and my aim grew rusty. But it was safe. No one could find me here. No one would think to look for me. At least for the time being I could put my past behind me, pretend that it didn’t exist. Pretend the scars on my body were from another life that had happened to someone else. 

And that’s all I wanted.

At least I tried to convince myself that’s all I wanted.

The hole in my chest ached every day. Making it almost impossible to get up in the mornings, and fall asleep at night. If it weren’t for the farm I might have gone insane going over and over it in my head. Was there something else I could have done? Did I really have to betray Nick like that? Had I been too hard on Violet? Would she protect him like I asked? Could I trust her? 

“Vel!” a child’s voice brought me out of those spiraling thoughts. I swung my head up to find Wally, Roger’s son, trotting toward me. He was practically as dirty as me but looked in far better spirits. He carried in both hands a brown paper sack, carefully as if it were fragile. “are you drinking water? Muma says you’ve got to drink lots of water in the summer.”

A dry humorless chuckle issued out of my chest as I suppressed a roll of my eyes. “yes Wally, I’m staying hydrated. What are you doing out here? I thought you were supposed to be inside studying.”

Sheepishly he averted his eyes to the package he held in his hands. Indecision plagued his little face for a few seconds, his hands tightened on it. “I … heard you … crying in your sleep.”

My heart sank to the pit of my stomach and kept going. Swallowing hard I let my arms fall limp to my sides. That attempt at a smile came to my face though I couldn’t be sure it worked. “I’m sorry Wally, did I wake you up last night? I didn’t think I’d disturb anyone staying in the shed.” 

He flung his eyes up to me and shook his head. “no! I got up to go to the bathroom, when I past your room I heard…. Are you having nightmares?”

Nightmares implied that they weren’t real, that they didn’t actually happen. I nodded all the same, unable to simply shrug this off. Wally wouldn’t let me, knew that. “yeah, just a bit. Don’t worry about me Wally, I’m fine.” 

My smile probably didn’t work how I intended it to. Or maybe this was one of those times when a kid could just sense something was wrong. That was a thing right? Kids do that right? He stepped up to me and thrust his little brown package into my dirty hands. “maybe this will help!”

Frowning with confusion, I opened the sack and peered inside. A slightly singed teddy bear sat at the bottom of the bag. It looked up at me with one large brown eye, almost smug. Pretty sure I’d known a mercenary once that looked like that thing, just as singed and scraggily. “Wally I can’t take this from you.” 

When I tried to hand it back to him he threw up his hands furiously, pouting ever so slightly. “his name is Desmond! He fights nightmares. He’ll protect you at night.”

Blinking rapidly I just stared at him in astonishment. First off, a teddy bear was the last thing that could stave off nightmares. Unless it hid a flask in its stuffing which I doubted this one did. Second, I’d never been given a gift like this. When I was a kid Goodneighbor’s idea of a birthday gift had been a bag of bullets. I already owned a gun by that time. All that said, it took me a few minutes to figure out how I was supposed to react. “don’t worry Wally, it’s my job to protect you and Desmond.”

“but what about your nightmares?” 

I smiled through the pain, reaching up and squeezing his thin shoulder. “they’ll go away, I’ll be fine.”

“but Desmond can help!” he protested with such conviction you might think he was offering me a nightmare gun or something. 

“do you care about Desmond?” my voice dropped low, suddenly serious. 

Wally blinked at me, his hands going around the sack subconsciously. “yeah but….”

“then don’t give him up.” Forcefully I put Desmond back in Wally’s hands and leaned back in the dirt. I gave him a half grin but my voice remained low and steely. “don’t let him go, do you understand me? When you find something you care about don’t ever just give that person away. You’ll only regret it.”

My words obviously made no sense to the kid. He scowled at me and shoved the teddy bear back into my chest. I was forced to catch it in my arms, more than a little surprised. “he’s just a stuffed animal! I can get another one.”

Dumbfounded, my arms wrapped around the bag without my permission, holding it against my chest. Wally continued to stand in front of me, feet planted firmly apart, arms crossed over his chest. Were kids supposed to act like this? At last an airy chuckle escaped me and I nodded. “ok, ok, thank you Wally, I’ll cherish him.”

Wally’s face instantly brightened at my acceptance. Grinning toothily he planted his hands firmly on his sides and nodded, satisfied. “don’t worry, you won’t have any more nightmares when he’s with you.”

Doubted that. Like he said, it was just a stuffed animal. But then the gesture was sweet. Tenderly I wrapped an arm around his shoulders and pulled him into a hug. We were both hot and sweating which made the hug disgusting. 

He struggled against me, protesting loudly to anyone nearby. “ew! Let me go! Dad! She’s being weird again!”

“weird am I?” I questioned with a cocked brow. I set aside the bag with the bear and proceeded to clamp Wally to my side. While he struggled against my firm grip I knuckled his head. 

“owe! Stop that! Dad!” he tried to shove my hand away but the kid wasn’t nearly as strong as I was.

From somewhere in the distance I heard boisterous laughter echo over the fields. “can’t help you there boy, that’s the mouth of the lion.”

“Mom! Sis!” Wally continued to scream for help even while he giggled.

His laughter was infectious and I found myself chuckling right alongside him. it got so bad I actually dropped him in the dirt where he splayed out still giggling. “call me weird again and I’ll tickle you to death.” I threatened still grinning.

“no!” with a squeal he launched himself to his feet and started running away. “you’ll have to catch me firs- oof.”

I stood just in time to see him collide with a man standing on the other side of the field. Wally fell back and landed on his butt in the dirt. He swung his gaze up to the man he’d run into and quickly scrambled back toward me. “Vel! It’s a raider!” 

The breath left my lungs, my chest tightened and my stomach surged toward my throat. I couldn’t move, could barely think. Wally ran and hid behind me, clasping at my shirt but I barely felt him. My heart thudded painfully in my ears. The world faded out around me like tunnel vision. There was only one thing I could see.

Nick Valentine stood in the fields. His hands planted firmly in his trench coat pockets. That fedora shaded his eyes from the midday sun. His eyes glowed in the shadow, and they stared directly at me. 

All the sounds faded out. The slosh of the water, the wind drifting through the hollow buildings, the sounds of people around us. As much as it hurt to do it, I met his gaze. It filled me with so many emotions, some good, some bad. I was caught between running forward and throwing my arms around him, and running the exact opposite direction. 

So instead I stood stalk still, my arms shaking, my mind reeling. “Wally….” I murmured out of the corner of my mouth. “go inside….”

“but.”

“go inside.” I repeated with a little more steel. He didn’t need to see this. 

Reluctantly he peeled himself from my side and ran around the farm back toward the building he shared with his family. I watched him go with my eyes before returning my gaze back to Nick. He still hadn’t said anything, he hadn’t moved. He just stood there, shoulders relaxed, face inscrutable. 

“well?” I risked to break the silence, the knots in my stomach tightening so painfully I had to resist the urge to double over. “you found me. I’m right here!”

His eyes scanned me slowly before coming to rest on my face again. He still didn’t say anything. 

The moments ticked by, my fists tightened at my sides. What the hell did he want?! What did he want me to say? Was he hoping that I’d fling myself at his feet and beg for forgiveness? Why had he even come looking for me?! What could he possibly gain from this?! Furiously I flung my arms out to either side of me, presenting him with a full view of my sweaty body. “it’s me see?! You found me so well done to you! Now what do you want?!” 

Still no reaction. He continued to stare at me silently, eyes set firmly on mine. That synthetic face was totally blank, as only a machine could make it. There was nothing to read. No indication what he was thinking. I hated it.

While the minutes ticked by I felt my heart clench tighter and tighter in my chest. Eventually it became too much for me. “say something! God damn it! Don’t just stand there! Say something!”

He strode toward me. I threw my eyes shut, bracing myself. 

Then warm arms came around my shoulders. “I’m sorry I hurt you.”

Shock, confusion and astonishment froze me with my hands at my sides. Wide eyed I stared past his hat toward the sky. This wasn’t what I’d been expecting. Be lying if I said I wasn’t pleasantly surprised but it wasn’t right. Furiously I shoved at his chest, trying to pull us apart. “Nick no! Don’t do this, I don’t deserve this. Please.”

The more I struggled the tighter his embrace became. He crushed me against his chest, holding me in place with such strength as I’d never seen him use before. One of his hands pressed to the back of my head, forcing me to loss myself in his shoulder. His wonderfully familiar scent filled my senses. “you deserve more than I could ever offer.” He murmured into my ear softly.

“but… I took her away….” I moaned into his coat. Tears stung my eyes, I ignored them. I deserved it. “I killed Jenny…. I’m responsible for-”

“that wasn’t real.” He growled forcefully in my ear, his grip tightening a little more. “this, this is real gray, this is what I want.”

Those words filled the void inside my chest and I flung my arms around him. I literally balled into his shoulder. All the pain I’d been trying to hide for the last weeks came flooding out like a waterfall. Mixed with utter and pure relief. Even if this was a dream it felt so good to finally let it all out. My shoulders shook, my voice quivered as I spoke. “even if you don’t mean it… thank you for saying it.”

“I do mean it.” he reached up and cupped my face in both his hands. The cold metal hand felt good against my flushed skin while tears poured over his fingers. Nick’s expression became impossibly soft, those warm yellow eyes shone like stars. Hard to look at that expression without letting every wall I’d ever put up fall. “you saved me, gray. If it weren’t for you Kellogg would still be in this bucket of bolts. I’d have done unspeakable things. You stopped that.”

“but at what cost?” no matter how hard I tried the tears just kept coming. The floodgates had been opened and it didn’t matter who was in front of me. “you loved her, I know you did, you can’t deny that.”

He hesitated for a split second, his eyes darting up to the right then back to my gaze. With determination in his voice he nodded. “I did, I loved her because Nick loved her. But she was never mine. Like everything else I am she belonged to him.”

Miserably I dropped my gaze, still crying. “I’m sorry.”

“but do you know what is mine?” his arms tightened around my waist, forcing me to look back up at him. That tender smile, the one I’d seen him use with Jenny, met my eyes. My chest felt heavy. “you’re mine. Not Nick’s, not the institute’s, you’re nobody’s but mine. And I can live with that. Even if I can claim nothing else as mine and mine alone, that will be enough for me.”

“Nick.” I moaned his name as a fresh wave of tears poured out of my eyes. I closed the gap between us and planted a wet and desperate kiss on him. It was pathetic really, sloppy, but he accepted it all the same. One of his hands slid up to the back of my head to hold me steady as his lips moved against mine. We clasped on to each other tightly. I tasted loneliness in his kiss as much as it laced mine. I wish I hadn’t left him. I wish I’d stayed and talked to him. It would have spread us both the pain. When I ran out of breath I forced us apart. With my forehead rested on his collar I closed my eyes. “I’m sorry I left you….”

“When you left I thought I’d… hurt you too much. I thought you left because of what I said.” His throat didn’t quite want to speak the words. There was as much pain and fear there as there had been in me. “I spent days trying to decide if I should go looking for you.”

“what made you decide?”

An ironic half smile crossed his face. “would you believe it was Hancock?”

Astonished, I blinked. “no, I don’t think I’d believe that.”

An airy chuckle left him. Then he dropped his gaze, expression miserable again. “I’m sorry for the way I treated you Vel. I was out of my mind, I didn’t mean any of it. you’ve got to believe me.”

I hesitated, not because I didn’t believe him, but because remembering what had happened in the memory pods was almost too much. “I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t hurt…. I thought for sure that you hated me….”

“I’d never hate you.” He ran his thumb over my cheek, a small gesture that meant the world to me. “you saved my life. That was just a fantasy. I’d never want to live that way.”

“it was a good fantasy though.”

“stop.” He grabbed my face in his hands and forced me to look him directly in the eye. “it wasn’t your fault, none of it was. Don’t blame yourself. I sure as hell don’t.”

A few more tears leaked out, little bastards. Grasping his hands in mine I swallowed hard. “you really don’t blame me?”

“of course not.” He hugged me again, warm strong arms on my shoulders. It felt so damn good. “there’s only one person I blame, and it ain’t you.”

Breathing a long sigh I put my forehead back to his chest. “I never want to let go of you.”

“then don’t.”

Wasn’t entirely sure anyone could force us apart now anyway. My hands tangled themselves in his trench coat, like claws. “but… are you sure that… well are you sure that we’re ok?”

He shook his head, the gesture felt strange against the top of my head. “I’m sure. Unless….” Gently he pulled us apart. His gaze went from my eyes to rest on the left side of my face. The scars gave a twinge that made my face twitch. Sad, he reached up, brushing his fingers along my neck and up my jaw. “are you ok? What he made me do to you….”

I threw up a hand and caught his gently. I forced him to pressed his palm flat against my cheek, covering the scars that had healed badly. My brows came together with determination and I made my eyes hard. “that wasn’t you, that was him. I don’t blame you for this. I could never blame you for this.”

He smiled, though it was muted this time. Gently he drew his thumb across my cheek bone, a faraway look taking his expression. Slowly he brought his eyes back to mine. “you’re still as beautiful as ever.”

Pretty sure I blushed at that but it’s hard to tell when your body is already pretty warm. Sheepishly I smiled and shook my head. “yeah right.”

“I mean it.” He brought my face back around to him. I’d never get used to seeing that tender expression. “no woman has eyes like you.”

I blinked my apparently unique eyes and smiled. “I think you might be a bit love sick.”

“maybe a little.” He chuckled and pressed our lips back together. The desperation of before had disappeared. Subconsciously I realized that I didn’t need to be urgent. Nick and I were alright, or at least as alright as a couple like us could be. We didn’t have to take our moments where we could get them, we’d have moments enough to last us a lifetime. That knowledge inflated my chest with pleasure and I leaned in against him. He took my weight and gladly deepened the kiss in response. His hands sat at the small of my back, warm and comforting. Hard to imagine I’d let this go. 

When we parted it was mutual. Silently, for a few minutes, we stared into each other’s eyes. The fear, the pain, the guilt, it all disappeared, wrapped in his warm arms. I could feel his servos against my skin, could hear the coolant pumping through his body. My heart thudded against his chest. “a robot and a human, what will people say?” I chuckled quietly. 

Smirking he pressed his lips to my temple. “it’s not like it’s illegal or anything. I heard Miss Edna and Zwicky tied the knot.”

“you don’t say?” 

Slowly Nick let his hands fall from my body, taking my hand in his. I squeezed his hands tightly, unwilling to let him put any more distance between us. It would be too soon after such a long separation. “don’t you think it’s about time you came home?” he asked a little accusingly.

A relieved breath slipped through my lips and I nodded. “yeah, I think you’re right.”

“good.” He turned to lead the way out of the farm, still holding my hand gently in his. 

Before we went on our way though I hesitated and picked the teddy bear, Desmond, back up off the dirt. “one second.” Holding Nick in my hand I led the way toward the building near the entrance of the farm. At the door stood Roger, June and Willy. The others were inside probably. 

They stood silently, Roger giving me a raised brow as I approached. “you finally off?”

“we wondered how long you’d be with us.” June commented with the barest hint of disappointment. 

I gave them a smile, the first genuine smile I’d given them. “yeah…it’s time I get back home.”

“well, it was good knowing ya.” Roger pronounced, in his usual standoffish kind of way. It still amazed me that he’d let me stick around for so long. 

Nick approached and held out his hand to the farmer. “thanks for taking care of her. Hope she wasn’t too much trouble.”

“define trouble.” June chuckled, smirking at me. 

Wally stepped up to the edge of the stairs and crossed his arms. Was he trying to guilt trip me? Or was he genuinely all sad to see me leave? Not sure how I was supposed to handle that. “Keep Desmond.” 

“don’t you want him back?” my brows shot up even while I offered the teddy bear over to him.

He shook his head firmly. “you keep him, I don’t have nightmares anymore.”

I highly doubted that, but I dropped my hand all the same. “well if you’re sure.” 

With his hands on his sides he nodded firmly at me. “I’m sure.”

“thank you, all of you, for everything you’ve done for me.” I straightened and looked at them each one by one. “you did more than I’ve ever come to expect. I’ll be back to check on you.”

“stay out of trouble.” June ordered in her mom voice.

Nick laughed, drawing me into his side. With his arm wrapped around me we started walking away. “you obviously haven’t known gray for that long. Trouble is attracted to her like a magnet.”

“what does that make you?” I muttered at him as we left the farm behind, held in each other’s arms. 

Chuckling he kissed the side of my head. “the worst kind of trouble.”

As we left Warwick homestead heading north back toward Diamond City, my hand found his. It was his metal one. Anyone might have expected it to represent, as much as the scars on my face, what had happened. That didn’t matter to me anymore. This was Nick, and that’s all that I cared about. Hand in hand with him I decided that I didn’t really need to go home. “Nick.”

“mm?”

“it doesn’t matter where we are. I’m home with you.”

He came to an abrupt stop in the middle of the path, bringing me up short. With a tug he pulled me in wrapping his arms back around my shoulders. God nothing felt as good as that. Entangled with one another he buried his face in the side of my neck, whispering against my warm skin. “I love you.”

“I love you too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That was an awkward scene. I really should have rewritten it from the ground up but I’ve been so busy with moving and work that I haven’t had the time. So you get this awkward meandering mess. Sorry. 
> 
> Well here we are, I hope that you’ve enjoyed this long journey. I’m not very good at writing anything meaningful, I certainly don’t have anything meaningful to say. I just want to say how much I appreciate your support. All your time, your comments it means everything to me. I never really understood why getting hits or views was a big deal to people on the internet but as a creator I finally understand it. Every hit, every comment represents someone that my work has touched one way or another. And that feels incredible. It makes me want to keep writing and sharing. So thank you all so much!
> 
> Now then. Synth is finished, I hope I earned their relationship in the end. And I hope it ended the way you were all hoping. But their adventures aren’t done yet! Join them in the next installment, The Crooked Woman, part 2 of Blood Alloy. Credit goes to DurrBurr for coming up with the name. You’ll be getting bi weekly updates until August 27th when I’ll be posting only on Sundays. 
> 
> Chapter one is up right now! So you get a two for one deal today. Enjoy! And write on!


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